by Matt Haig
She tore off a leaf from the plant on her desk and went over to give it to the sloth, who was waking up.
‘Oh . . .
a . . .
leaf . . .
lovely . . .
yum,’ said Ah.
‘Look closely,’ the professor said. ‘Can you see that slight green tinge in her fur?’
Evie and her dad nodded.
‘Is that bad?’ asked Evie, worried.
‘It’s algae,’ the professor explained, shaking her head. ‘Algae grows on a sloth’s fur. It evolved as a kind of camouflage. The sad thing is, no amount of camouflage can help a sloth nowadays. And sloths are homebodies. They like staying around the same trees. Peeing and pooping in the same place. They’re not good at moving house. Or even moving toilet.’ Professor García stroked the animal, and gently pulled it away from Evie.
‘Oh . . .
this . . .
is . . .
new . . .
What . . .
is . . .
happening . . . ?’
‘It’s okay, Ah. The professor can help you.’
‘I will take her back into the jungle. I will try to find the right home for her. But I can’t promise she will be safe. I can’t promise any animal will be safe from now on . . . You see, we have been trying to buy a piece of Amazon land near here. It is known as “the Monkey Lands” because of all the monkeys there. But there are sloths too. And jaguars.’
‘Jaguars!’ said Evie, excited.
‘But the loggers have raised the price and we just can’t afford it. We have no money.’
Evie nodded.
She wished she could do something to help the professor and the International Centre for Rainforest Protection.
But then she felt a small tingle of an idea.
She didn’t know what the idea was yet, but the tingle was growing.
She looked down at her own face on the magazine.
She saw the headline.
‘EVIE AND THE ANIMALS: HOW ONE BRITISH GIRL OFFERS THE KEY TO UNDERSTANDING THE NATURAL WORLD.’
She remembered what Professor García had said only a few moments before. About the website not being interesting enough.
‘Right,’ her dad was saying. ‘We’ll be on our way then. Back to England. I’m sorry there’s nothing we can do to help.’
Evie was thinking really, really hard to work out what the tingle meant and then she had it. Just as they were walking out.
‘Wait!’ said Evie. ‘There is! I mean, there might be. I’ve got an idea. And it just might work!’
The idea was simple. But also, genius.
That’s what Professor García said.
‘Genius.’
She actually used that word. Which made Evie blush.
‘So, you are saying you would go into the jungle to do this?’ she said.
‘Yes. I would need you – or someone – to take me into the rainforest and then I would interview different animals. About what it feels like to be them. And we could hear about rainforest destruction from their perspectives. They could tell me what they think about humans. And then we could write up the interviews and put them on your website and people would have to donate some money to read them.’
Professor García nodded, thinking. ‘Yes. Just a donation. As large or small as they want. And I think it would be best if it was one animal at a time. But—’
‘But what?’ Evie wondered.
‘But we would need to start with something good. Something exciting . . .’ Professor García was pacing the room. She reached for her hipflask and raised it to her lips. She shook her head and threw it across the room, straight into the bin.
‘Something safe,’ Evie’s dad volunteered. ‘Like an otter?’
But then Evie gazed at the picture of the jaguar again. ‘Him! I want to interview him!’
And Professor García smiled. ‘I’ve always wanted to know what he’s thinking.’
Evie was hot. And sweaty. And had been bitten by a hundred mosquitoes.
The mosquitoes were still around her. ‘Blood,’ said one. ‘Give me blood.’
‘Over here,’ said another. ‘This girl here. The best blood around.’
‘Oh yes, this is exquisite blood,’ said a third, biting into Evie’s arm. ‘So many flavours. I’m getting hints of blackberry and juniper.’
‘Give me some of that,’ said yet another, as Evie tried to swat it away. ‘Oh no! Quick! She is fast with her hands. Mayday, mayday! Abort mission! Repeat – ABORT MISSION! Get out of here, guys . . .’
The humans had walked for miles. Deep into what was now most definitely jungle. The Monkey Lands. Evie, her dad, Professor García and two local trackers, who led the way armed with infinite knowledge and machetes they used to cut through the undergrowth.
Evie gazed up at the sky but could hardly see it, as it was lost beneath a thick canopy of trees. She looked at the ground and saw beautiful star-shaped white Amazon lilies.
‘This is one of the very deadliest parts of the jungle,’ said Pihlo, the tracker in front, smiling as if the deadliest part of the jungle was kind of fun. ‘Look! Right there!’
He pointed at a bright yellow frog sitting quietly on a leaf.
Evie knew exactly what type of frog this was. She’d had a memory dream about a similar frog many times. When she had been a little child with her parents living in the Amazon, she had apparently seen many of them.
It was a poison dart frog. It had enough poison on its skin to kill twenty men. But Evie also knew that it wasn’t venomous. Meaning it didn’t go out of its way to bite you and transmit poison that way, like a snake. It just killed you if you licked it or touched it or tried to eat it.
‘Stay away,’ the creature – a female – thought.
‘Don’t worry. We’re not going to hurt you.’
‘Oh, that’s good. For you, I mean.’
‘I know. You’re poisonous.’
‘Yep,’ said the frog, laughing. ‘I am the deadliest. I am a mean green killing machine.’
‘You’re not green,’ said Evie, with her mind.
‘I know. But it rhymes. I mean, what rhymes with yellow? Mellow? Come on!’
‘I understand,’ said Evie.
Evie asked everyone to stop so she could do a little interview, for later use. Professor García agreed, although Evie’s dad thought it a bad idea. ‘Evie, that frog is literally the most poisonous animal in the world.’
‘Can it be a quick interview?’
And it was.
Evie discovered that the poison dart frog was actually quite a sad creature who felt bad most of the time for killing anything that it touched.
‘It’s a lot of guilt. It’s terrible. It haunts my dreams. All the bodies.’
Evie learned that the frog sang sad songs to itself all day long. One of the songs was called ‘Beautiful Poison’. (‘It’s a masterpiece. If I do say so myself.’)
Shortly after the encounter with a frog, they saw a tree snake. The snake definitely wasn’t in the mood for an interview – ‘Not today, ssssssssssstay away’ – so they carried on, continually checking the ground for any potentially deadly spiders. They saw lots of monkeys (these were the Monkey Lands, after all). And the monkeys told the rudest jokes Evie had ever heard. Far too rude to repeat on Professor García’s website.
And then, suddenly, they saw it.
Lurking near a small clearing between the trees.
A jaguar.
Maybe the exact same jaguar from the photo hanging in Professor García’s office.
Large and sleek.
Golden coat with black spots.
(The spots weren’t really spots. More like little roses. In fact, as Evie knew, they were actually called ‘rosettes’, these markings. And they helped make the jaguar one of the most formidable-looking creatures on the planet.)
‘Okay,’ Evie said to the others. ‘You all stay back. I will go and talk to it.’
‘I think this
is a bad idea,’ said Evie’s dad, shaking his head.
‘It will be fine. Honestly, Dad, it will be fine.’ She hugged him.
Her dad shrugged in defeat. ‘Why didn’t we just go to Cornwall?’ he wondered. ‘It’s nice in Cornwall. We could be having an ice cream on the beach . . .’
‘Dad, trust me. I’ve got this.’
Evie stepped forward, past the professor and the guides, towards the jaguar.
‘Don’t come any closer,’ the jaguar said.
‘Or I’ll kill you.’
Evie didn’t take long to think about this. ‘Okay. I’ll stay right here. Look, I’m not moving any further.’
The jaguar tilted his head to one side, like a curious kitten. ‘How are you doing that? None of the others can do that.’
‘Doing what?’
‘Getting inside my head. It’s strange. Kind of tickles.’
‘It’s just a skill I have.’
‘Ah, skills. Skills. I also have skills,’ said the jaguar. ‘Like I could jump from here and land on you with my jaws wide open and kill you, just like that. I wouldn’t even break into a sweat. And it would be beautiful.’
Evie’s mouth felt suddenly dry. She turned back and saw her dad’s worried face shadowed by trees. ‘That’s, um, really good to know.’
The jaguar licked his paw.
‘I don’t like your kind,’ said the jaguar. ‘I have seen what you are doing to this place. Destroying it. I have seen the fires. I have seen the machines. I have seen my home disappear. Your kind destroys. That’s what you do.’
Evie nodded. She doubted jaguars understood nodding but she nodded anyway. ‘Yes. I know. Humans are destroying this place. This is why I am here. This is why I want to talk to you. You see, there are humans who don’t care about the rainforest but there are also a lot of humans who do. And that number is growing. All the time.’
‘That is a very interesting story,’ said the jaguar sarcastically, with a yawn that revealed his long teeth.
Evie scratched a mosquito bite on her arm. ‘No, it really is. You see, some humans now understand that saving the jungle and all the creatures who live here is good for everybody in the world. This rainforest not only helps make rain, which is good for everything, but it captures a lot of carbon dioxide. And it produces oxygen. Which helps everyone and everything alive on this planet.’
The jaguar scratched his ear with a rear paw. ‘That’s a lot of very long words. Could you explain it more simply? I’ve had a long day. I have done a LOT of prowling. It takes it out of you.’
‘Um, well – we want you to be able to have a home. And more people will want to protect your home if we know more about you. And as I have the ability to “talk” with you, it seemed like a good idea that I do that, and tell people about the world from a jaguar’s perspective. So then they would understand you, and like you, and be more likely to protect your home. Do you see?’
The jaguar stopped scratching his ear. Placed his paw on the ground. ‘Hmmm. Interesting. Will you be talking to any other animals too?’
‘Yes.’
The jaguar looked a little upset by this, and turned to walk away through the dense undergrowth.
‘But you’re the main one. The first interview. The most important.’
The jaguar stopped. ‘Most important, you say?’
‘Absolutely. The first. For the website . . .’ She was going to explain what a website was but realised it was impossible. ‘It’s quite a big deal. And humans will get to understand you more. And give money – a very important human thing.’
‘That’s good. Because I am a big deal.’
‘Exactly.’
The jaguar turned and started walking back. Towards Evie. Evie tried to stay calm and ignore the fact that he was licking his lips. She stayed totally still.
The spotted creature sat down right in front of her. ‘All right then. Ask me a question.’
Evie was now talking out loud as well as thinking. Talking was a way for her to think clearly, when she was nervous. ‘Right, right, okay . . .’
She pulled a notepad out of her bag.
‘Is that a gun?’ snarled the jaguar.
‘No. It’s paper. You scratch things on it with this thing, called a pen. The things are called words. They mean things to humans. I am going to write down what you are thinking.’
‘Hmmm. Okay. So, ask me something.’
‘Do you have a name?’
‘No. Our kind doesn’t have names. We are part of the world around us. We are not separate. There is no divide between things. Names are foolish. You are foolish. Next question.’
‘Um, okay. Well, what is it like to be you? What does it feel like?’
The jaguar considered. ‘Great. Yeah. Great. It feels great.’
‘Why?’
‘Because I am in charge. Look at me, I’m the biggest animal in the world.’
Evie grimaced. She looked at the power of his jaw. His taut muscles and the energy in his body. She really didn’t want to disagree with him. But, well, facts were facts. ‘Actually, that’s the blue whale.’
‘The blue what?’
‘It’s a sea creature. Far away from here. Under the water, mostly. That is the biggest animal in the world.’
The jaguar huffed. And then growled. ‘How DARE you?’
‘I mean you are exactly as big as you need to be. And blue whales are totally overrated.’
‘You don’t believe that,’ said the jaguar.
Evie nodded. She knew she couldn’t hide her thoughts. ‘You are totally right. Blue whales are EPIC. Did you know that they are related to hippos and evolved from land animals? Isn’t that great! And their tongue alone can weigh as much as an elephant! And yes, I know you don’t know what an elephant or a hippo is and you probably don’t have a clue what “evolved” means but, trust me, these are AMAZING FACTS. And a blue whale’s mouth can fit a hundred humans inside. A hundred.’
‘I could do that,’ said the jaguar. ‘Not all at once. But over time. It would be a fun challenge.’ He thought of something. ‘All right, then I am not the size of a blue whale but at least I am the biggest cat in the world.’
Evie shook her head. ‘Actually, that would be the tiger. The Siberian tiger to be specific.’
‘The what?’
‘I’ll show you.’
And Evie closed her eyes and thought really hard and pictured a tiger.
‘Ah, I see it,’ said the jaguar, admiring the clever telepathic mind trick. ‘What an ugly beast. Whoever thought stripes would be a good look?’
‘And then after the tigers it’s the lion. That’s number two.’
Evie imagined a male lion for him to see.
‘That’s funny. All that hair around its face.’
‘It’s a mane.’
‘It’s ridiculous. That’s what it is. He looks like a furry sun.’
‘Okay. Well, humans talk a lot about lions. But if you give me a great interview maybe they will talk more about jaguars.’
‘Hmmm. Okay. What do you want me to tell you?’
Evie smiled. And the interview got underway.
There was noise everywhere. Buzzing insects. Chirping frogs. The deep distant roar of howler monkeys. But right there in the clearing her focus was on nothing but the jaguar’s thoughts entering her head. And she began to communicate with the creature at a deep level.
The jaguar revealed its dreams. It revealed its nightmares too. Like the one in which he relived the day his sister was shot by a human.
He told Evie he liked swimming. And that it was only during swimming and hunting that he felt truly free, truly alive. His favourite food was armadillo. (‘You should try it. Salty and delicious.’) But he also liked the taste of anteaters. (‘So good.’) He had never attacked a human and sensed they wouldn’t be tasty. He liked to sleep a lot during the day and to feel awake during the ‘comfort of night’. And he loved to be alone.
His advice for humans was simple. Ta
ke from the world only what you need. Because only then can you be happy with what you have.
‘Life becomes heavy, otherwise. Tread as lightly as air and stay in tune with nature, because that’s the only song we really have.’
And she was writing it all down as fast as she could. And then Evie’s dad said, nervously, from the trees, ‘Evie, it’s going to get dark soon. We had better get back.’
It was, Evie had to admit, a great interview.
‘I agree,’ thought the jaguar. ‘And I don’t even know what an interview is.’
The jaguar came close. Evie stroked his head. ‘If you had one request for humans, what would it be?’
‘You are destroying my home and you don’t need to. Please stop.’
‘Thank you,’ she said.
‘Will this stop humans trying to destroy our home?’
Evie smiled. ‘Well, it will be a start.’
The interview was put on the internet.
And the story was in newspapers around the world.
From the Peru Tribune to the Lofting Evening Post.
And so Evie was even more famous than ever.
‘Wow! You’re bigger than Ed Sheeran,’ her friend Ramesh texted. ‘You should make a song! I could play guitar. You could be a star. You could be Ed Sheeran.’
‘Ramesh!’ she texted back from her bed at Professor García’s house. ‘You are forgetting one thing. I don’t want to be Ed Sheeran.’
But the truth was, this time Evie didn’t mind being famous.
If being a bit famous could help save the Amazon rainforest and Professor García’s charity it was worth it.
And within a week they had raised enough money to stop the loggers buying the Monkey Lands. Which meant the jaguar was safe.
And within a month they had raised ten million sol. Sol was the type of money in Peru. And ten million was a lot of it.
Professor García made them tacu tacu every night.
‘You know you came into my office and said I was your hero? Well, you are my hero. You are the greatest hero of all time. You have saved the charity. You have saved parts of the jungle. You are a jungle saviour!’