Up until now, she had been very careful not to cross the line with Cord, not to let him think for even a second, that there would ever be anything between the two of them. Okay, there had been a kiss or two, but kisses happened all the time. Chaste kisses. Experimental kisses. Even the kind of breath-stealing kisses she’d shared with Cord didn’t have to foreshadow a relationship.
She owed it to herself and to him not to muddy the waters now, just because she was exhausted and desperately in need of a hug. If she intended to spend the rest of her life single, she couldn’t start leaning on someone else the minute things got a little rough.
“I think I’ll pass,” she said eventually, but even she could hear that her voice sounded choked and thick with longing.
“You sure about that, darlin’?”
“Oh, yes,” she whispered fervently.
“You wouldn’t be scared now, would you? We were just talking about a little old hug, maybe an innocent little massage to get rid of the tension in those shoulders.” His gaze was as innocent as a lamb’s. “What’s the harm in that?”
There was absolutely nothing wrong with a hug—if it came from a friend and not a man whose touches were beginning to worry her. She couldn’t pinpoint precisely when the effect of a casual caress had turned alarmingly dangerous, but it had happened, all right. Her pulse was zinging around right now like an Indy 500 leader in the final lap.
There was certainly nothing inappropriate about a massage, either—especially one administered by a professional and not by a man whose intentions were not entirely honorable, if that gleam in his eyes was anything to judge by.
“No harm,” she told him finally. “But I’ll pass just the same.”
He gave the baby a sorrowful look. “Angel pie, I don’t know what we’re going to do about her,” he lamented. “She’s a very uptight lady.”
Sharon Lynn didn’t especially like the label. “Well, you’d be uptight, too, if you were worried night and day that Ashley was going to be snatched away from you.”
His expression sobered at once. “Now that’s where you’re wrong,” he said, clearly insulted by the criticism. “I am worried half to death about what the future holds when it comes to this baby girl. She means as much to me as she does to you. I don’t want you ever thinking otherwise.”
She winced at his tone, which was a mix of anger and hurt. “I’m sorry. I know you care about her. I just figured it wouldn’t be the same for you.”
“Well, it is,” he retorted. “Why the hell do you think Harlan Patrick and I went poking around over in Garden City? I don’t want this baby to wind up in the custody of the wrong person any more than you do.”
“I’m sorry,” she said again.
As if she sensed the tension suddenly brewing in the air between the adults, the baby began to whimper. At once, Cord’s expression softened. “Shh, sweetie. It’s okay. We’re just having a little discussion. Sometimes grown-ups don’t agree about things. It’s a fact of life.”
Sharon Lynn couldn’t help smiling as the baby stared at him quizzically. “You talk to her as if she can understand every word.”
“Maybe she does,” he countered. “Ashley’s a smart one. After all, who knows better than she does that all it really takes to be happy is a full tummy and someone to love her? Maybe we’d all be better off if we were wise enough to stick with those priorities.”
She sensed yet another implied criticism in his words. “And I’m not wise enough to take you up on your offer, is that it? Do you honestly think you can make everything all right by taking me to dinner and giving me a shoulder to lean on?”
He shrugged. “Seems to me it’s worth a try.”
Maybe he was right. Maybe she was being uptight and skittish over nothing. Maybe he only intended kindness and she was reading way too much into it.
“Okay, okay, I’ll go to dinner.”
“Now there’s a gracious acceptance, if ever I’ve heard one.”
“Take it or leave it.”
“Oh, I’ll take it,” he said, then inquired innocently, “Want the hug before or after?”
“We’ll discuss it after,” she said. Maybe in a couple of months, she thought. Better yet, a couple of years, when she could get a sharper grip on this tug of longing that kept sneaking up on her when she was around him.
“Your friend here is not very spontaneous,” he told the baby, then regarded Sharon Lynn with amusement. “But I can work with that.”
That was exactly what she was afraid of. If she let her guard down with Cord Branson for even an instant, things were going to get so spontaneous, so deliciously wicked, she might be thrown permanently off-kilter. She might even start to care. And that, she had vowed on the night Kyle was killed, was never going to happen again. She reminded herself that it was essential that no one—not that precious little baby and certainly not Cord—ever mean that much to her again.
She gazed at Ashley then, felt a lump forming in her throat and realized yet again that it was too late. The vow was already broken. Ashley had breached all of her defenses and Cord was very much on the verge of doing the same.
The realization left her feeling shaken. Though Cord did his best to cheer her up over a spaghetti dinner, she barely touched her food. Only because the baby was content in her carrier on the seat beside her did she manage to resist the urge to sweep her up and cling to her.
“You’re a tough audience,” Cord grumbled when yet another of his attempts to coax a smile from her fell flat.
“Sorry,” she apologized halfheartedly. “I’m not very good company.”
“Maybe I’m just not enough of a distraction.”
The rueful comment did exactly as he’d apparently intended. Her gaze met his for the first time all evening. As their gazes clashed, she realized that Cord could be a very fine distraction if only she’d let him. There was an unmistakable sizzle between them, though she’d done everything in her power to ignore it.
“Don’t sell yourself short,” she muttered. “You could distract a saint.”
He grinned. “Now that’s a promising remark. Are you actually flirting with me, Sharon Lynn?”
“Absolutely not,” she insisted as if horrified, though she had to swallow a laugh at his blatant enthusiasm for the idea. There were some things about which Cord Branson was totally transparent...and others about which he was totally inscrutable.
He looked disappointed now. “I wish you would do a little flirting now and again. It might be good for you.”
“For me?” She all but hooted at that, then asked, “What’s the matter. Can’t you take being resistible?”
“I can take it. I’m just not crazy about it.” His expression sobered. “At least not where you’re concerned.”
“Don’t,” she protested, when it seemed the conversation had taken too serious a turn.
“Don’t what?”
“Don’t go there,” she scolded. “And don’t pretend you don’t know what I mean.”
He seemed duly chastened by that. “Okay, then, no more teasing, even if it does make you smile.”
“Other things can make me smile.”
“Name one. I’ve been telling jokes all evening and nothing.”
She grinned. “Maybe that should tell you something about the quality of your jokes.”
He shook his head. “Now you’re resorting to insults. I’m crushed.”
“It would take a bulldozer to crush your ego.”
He reached across the table and took her hand in his. Before she could blink, he’d lifted it to his lips and brushed a kiss across her knuckles. Her knees actually went weak at that. She’d always thought that was just a romantic notion that never actually happened. Now she knew better.
“You’re wrong about that,” he insisted. “You can do it with a word.”
Something in h
is voice told Sharon Lynn he was telling the raw, unvarnished truth, that she had the power to shatter him with nothing more than a word. It was a power she didn’t want and yet, on some level, somewhere deep inside, the knowledge filled her with a kind of satisfaction.
“Cord...” she began, but didn’t know how to go on.
“It’s okay, darlin’. There’s nothing to be said about the truth. It just is.”
The only thing he might have said that would have troubled her more was that he loved her. Gazing into his eyes, she had to wonder if that admission might not be right around the corner. What worried her even more was the awareness that a part of her yearned for the moment when he’d say it.
* * *
Over the next few days Cord did his best to keep Sharon Lynn distracted while they waited for the blood test results or the appearance of Hazel Murdock. He wasn’t sure which he dreaded more. The blood test could confirm the woman’s claim to the baby, but her appearance in Los Piños would mean that she was serious about taking Ashley home with her. How would he be able to bear it? How would Sharon Lynn?
She would be devastated. She was already as jittery as the proverbial cat on a hot tin roof. He’d seen her startled expression every time a female stranger had walked into Dolan’s. There was no mistaking the flare of panic in her eyes when a middle-aged woman she didn’t know offered to hold the baby while Sharon Lynn prepared her meal.
“She’s fine in her crib,” Cord overheard Sharon Lynn saying emphatically as he walked in.
“Oh, but I don’t mind at all,” the woman insisted, starting around the counter to pick up the baby.
“No!”
Sharon Lynn’s voice was so harsh that the woman instantly looked affronted and Ashley began to wail. Cord stepped in to smooth things over. He scooped the baby up and was rewarded with a dazzling smile. He turned and winked at the woman.
“Don’t mind Sharon Lynn. You know how protective new mamas are.” He figured it was a stretch of the truth that was called for under the circumstances.
“Yes, I’m sorry,” Sharon Lynn apologized at once, apparently somewhat reassured by Cord’s friendly intervention that this woman wasn’t Hazel Murdock.
“Of course,” the woman said. “I shouldn’t have pushed. It’s just that I miss my own grandchildren so much. I’m on the way home after visiting with my sons and their families and all of a sudden I’m aching to hold a baby again. After your own kids are grown, you forget what it’s like. Then when you’re reminded of it, you miss it.”
Cord shot a quick look at Sharon Lynn, judged her expression to be one of understanding and compassion, then turned and offered the baby to the woman. “Here you go. I’ll take her back as soon as your meal’s ready.”
Cord watched with amusement as Sharon Lynn prepared the woman’s dinner with lightning quick speed. She served it with a warm smile, but there was no mistaking the relief on her face when Cord took the baby back and settled her on his lap. He had a feeling if more customers hadn’t come in just then, Sharon Lynn would have insisted on taking the baby herself.
After everyone had left, he regarded her worriedly. “This can’t go on,” he said quietly. “You can’t be in such a state that you’re a wreck every time a stranger walks through the door. If you keep on snapping at the customers, it won’t be long before you don’t have any.”
“Can you blame me? I never know when this Murdock woman will show up.”
“Or if she will,” he reminded her gently. “Maybe she’s waiting for an official confirmation from Justin. When are the blood test results due?”
“I called Lizzy earlier. She checked with the lab. They should be back any day now.” She gave Cord a haunted look. “I don’t know if I want to know the results or not.”
“Of course you do,” he said at once. “We have to know, darlin’, one way or another. The sooner the better, if you ask me.”
“I didn’t ask you,” she snapped, slapping her dishrag onto the counter and walking away.
Cord waited right where he was, knowing that pretty soon she would collect herself and come back filled with regret. He also knew that she was as close as anyone could be to the breaking point.
Maybe he should consider taking Sharon Lynn to Garden City so she could see Hazel Murdock for herself. At least that would stop these panicky moments around the customers. She would have a face to go with the name of the woman she obviously considered to be her mortal enemy.
Or maybe it was time he put in a call to Lizzy himself and pleaded with her to put a rush on getting those results. That, at least, was something he could do right now.
He was about to reach for the phone when Sharon Lynn came back, picked up the dishcloth and began methodically wiping the counter again. For several minutes she avoided his gaze and he let her.
“Your quarrel’s not with me,” he reminded her finally.
She lifted her chin and regarded him with tear-filled eyes. “I know,” she whispered. “I’m just so scared.”
He beckoned to her. “Come here.”
She came to stand directly in front of him, with the counter still squarely between them. He held back the urge to grin at the obvious distancing. Instead he shook his head and beckoned again.
“Around here.”
She hesitated, then finally circled the end of the counter and came closer. He tucked the baby securely on one side and opened his other arm. “Come on, darlin’.”
A smile quivered on her lips. “Another hug?”
He nodded. “That’s right. Grin and bear it.”
She stepped into his embrace eagerly enough then and rested her head on his shoulder. He felt a sigh shudder through her, felt tears dampen his shirt. He had to force himself not to think beyond that. He couldn’t allow the awareness of her scent, of her warmth, of her curves to sweep him beyond giving comfort and on to wanting.
Even though holding her was sheer torture, he knew that not holding her, seeing her suffering all alone would be worse torment. Whether she knew it or not, she needed him, and for now that had to be enough.
When she was calmer, when her tears had dried and her shoulders were resolutely squared again, she stepped back and gave him a wobbly smile.
“I seem to be doing that a lot lately.”
“What?”
“Crying on your shoulder.”
“I offered.”
“But it’s not fair. I need to handle things on my own, not be relying on you.”
“You are handling things on your own,” he commented. “You’ve taken on the care of a new baby without even having a moment to prepare for it. You’ve fit her in with your life with no promise that she’ll stay and the very real danger that she’ll go. That’s an enormous amount of stress to be under. Seems to me it only makes good sense to share a little of it with whoever’s handy and willing.”
She regarded him with curiosity. “You really don’t mind, do you?”
He decided on a little dose of straightforward honesty. “To tell you the truth, it feels good to be needed. Being an independent loner has its merits, of course, but it’s always seemed to me that the good Lord put us on this earth to go through life two-by-two so there’d be someone to count on when times got tough.”
“I can’t let that happen,” she protested. “I can’t count on you.”
“Why not? I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”
“You can’t guarantee that. No one can.”
She was thinking of Kyle Mason, of course, the man who’d promised to love, honor and cherish her all the days of their lives, only to leave her in fewer than twenty-four hours. How could any woman allow herself to have faith in the future after that?
“No,” he agreed at last. “I can’t guarantee that, but I can swear that as long as it’s in my power to be here for you, I will be. No human being can do more.”
“That’s just it,” she said wearily. “It’s not you I don’t trust. It’s fate.”
Her bleak, worn-down expression was almost more than Cord could bear, but she was right. He didn’t have an argument to counter that. Only time would prove to her that he meant what he said and even a dozen tomorrows or a thousand wouldn’t be enough, when the day after that remained uncertain. That required a huge leap of faith and she wasn’t yet ready to take it.
It was possible, he admitted with regret, that she would never be able to take such a leap. But he would wait, he promised himself and her, just in case the time came when she could.
Chapter Thirteen
Sharon Lynn had fallen asleep the instant she got home from work on Friday. She was awakened by the sound of raised voices on her front porch. Familiar voices. Lizzy’s, Justin’s, Dani’s and then Cord’s. There could only be one topic that would have stirred them all to such a frenzy. Panic whipped through her, followed by a whispered cry of denial. Finally she forced herself to cross the room and fling open the front door.
“If this has anything to do with me, don’t you think you should bring it inside?” she inquired politely.
Four startled, guilt-stricken faces turned her way.
“I thought you were going to take a nap when you got home from work,” Cord muttered, coming to stand beside her in what struck her as an almost symbolic show of unity.
“I did, but all the chattering out here woke me up.”
“Sorry,” Justin said. “We’ll come back.” He looked all too eager to make a break for it.
She latched on to his arm. “Oh, no. You’re not getting away that easily. Inside, now! All of you,” she added when it looked as if Dani might creep right on back to her veterinary clinic via the entrance on the opposite side of the house.
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