by W. W. Jacobs
XII
O'BRIEN'S NARRATIVE
"I met him on the Boardwalk, and asked him where he was stopping.
"'Oh, a nice, home-like place--right over there,' indicating itsposition by a careless wave of the hand; 'nice place, quiet, no music atmeals, or that sort of thing. Good cooking, no dogs or children. I camedown here to rest. None of the glare and glitter of the Boardwalk hotelsfor me; no, sir!'
"'What's the name of your place?' I asked.
"'Hasn't any name--just a private cottage; old Southern family, one ortwo paying guests, you know. They have been coming here for years; nevertook boarders before, but the head of the house was caught in theKnicknack Trust affair last fall. Funny how many were hurt by thatbust-up. Nearly all the boys down in Washington say they were stung. AsI remarked, old man Montgomery is rather hard up just now; but proud,dev'lish proud, sir. I consider it a privilege to be taken in. They haverented the cottage next door for their guests. Every convenience.'
"All very fine, but the Judge avoided my direct gaze. Seaward he turneda shifty eye, and I knew that he was lying. He looked depressed and downat the heel, and bore the signs of recent illness. I led him,unresisting to the nearest cafe, and properly stimulated, he told methat the Washington summer had proven too much for him, that the boyshad kindly advanced the wherewithal for a two weeks' stay at the shore,and that he had been very sick, but already felt like a new man.
"I ordered another.
"'While I am very snugly fixed down here, Patsy,' said heconfidentially, 'I must confess I was a little disappointed in thelocation of the cottage. From the picture on the letter-head the wavesseemed to be curling under the Boardwalk onto the lower steps of thefront porch. Every room with a sea view, and no mosquitos, the circularsaid. But the printer evidently got hold of the wrong form. We are adurn sight nearer Atlantic Avenue than the Atlantic Ocean!'
"'Regularly buncoed, eh?' I ventured.
"'As a matter of proximity to the sea, yes. But I am sure theMontgomerys are not a party to the deceit. They took the printed matteralong with the new cottage, I reckon. How long will you be down, Patsy?'
"'Just the week-end, sir. My, but look over there!' Our eyes were gluedon the entrance. Framed in the doorway, with the glare of the whitestreet as a background, stood one of the finest examples of the earlyGothic I have ever seen. She gazed haughtily about the room, and at thewaiters who rushed to her side. She selected the table next to ours, anddropped into a seat, her attenuated form sharply at right angles, like ahalf-closed jack-knife. With long bony fingers glistening with rings sheraised her veil, and opening a chatelaine bag, pulled out ahandkerchief, smelling salts, and a gold-meshed purse. Then, with amurmured order to the waiter, she settled herself comfortably, and withan imperial uplift of the pointed chin the foxy face swung slowly aroundto us and settled with a grimace of recognition upon the Judge. My oldfriend reddened, and moved about uneasily.
"Framed in the doorway ... stood one of the finestexamples of the early Gothic I have ever seen."]
"'Pardon me a moment,' said he, rising and starting over to her.
"'Why, Judge Waddington, what a delightful thurprise,' shrilled the ladyof peroxide in a voice that carried all over the room and back as far asthe bar.
"'When did you come down? Thith ith thertainly fine.' The judge mumbledsomething which I did not catch--it sounded like 'Oh, hell!'
"'Here, Patrick,' he said, without enthusiasm, 'I want you to meet afriend of mine.'
"An introduction to Miss Clarice de Dear, who had appeared in theoriginal Black Crook company with Lydia Thompson, was no every-dayoccurrence in my hum-drum existence, and I was perhaps visibly affected.She overlooked it, and greeted me with girlish enthusiasm.
"'Tho glad,' she lisped, 'to meet any friend of the dear Judge's, andethpethially you. I have heard tho much about you.' I wondered what inthe devil she had heard. 'I've known Judge Waddington ever since I was alittle tot.'
"'And not so long, either,' said the Judge gallantly--and grimly. Thefair one shot a curious glance at him, and smiled a smile, sour in itsexceeding sweetness.
"'I have often heard the Judge mention your name. 'Twath only the othernight he thaid----What will I have? nothing, thanks, I have justordered.' But she joined us later, and still later, when theconversation became general; that is, we all tried to talk at once.
"From the Judge's attitude I gathered that he was commencing tocelebrate the birthday of some famous man or the anniversary of a greatbattle. He never drank otherwise. To-day, he informed me, he was tankingup in honor of Bolivar, the great South American Liberator.
"'Ah, Bolivar! Great man, Bolivar! Waiter!'
"'Yes, sir!'
"'The same!'
"From Miss de Dear, 'midst smiles and tears, I gleaned that she had onceadorned the stage, pursued always by the jealousy of her less-talentedsisters. Heaven knows she couldn't help the gifts of Nature which hadcome to her through no effort of her own--her birthright. The de Dearswere all that way, as far back as Sir Something-or-the-other de Dear whocame over with the Conqueror--and her mother's first cousin went to thePhiladelphia Assembly--how could she help it? _Noblesse Oblige!_ All thegirls were jealous--the cats! Anyhow, she had quit the scene of herearly triumphs, lured by the attractive offer of a vaudeville manager.In this new field she appeared for a short time; but when on the roofthey put her on the programme sandwiched between a troup of performingdogs and a bunch of bum acrobats--she kicked! Any self-respectingartiste would have done the same! I agreed with her. She, too, like theMontgomerys, and other noble families, had been caught in the Knicknackdisaster, and her savings swept away; and rather than be dependent uponthe bounty of an immensely wealthy English aunt, she had consented torepresent a great New York publishing house.
"'The World's Famous Fat Men,' twenty volumes; cloth, levant, orhalf-calf; ten dollars down, and a dollar a month far into the hazyfuture. Of course this was hardly the place to talk business, she said,but I had her card and knew where to find her. Every one should have thework. All the best people in New York, Philadelphia, Sioux City, andother places were putting it into their libraries, and so on, and so on.
"This flotsam and jetsam of her talk came to me from time to time asconfidential asides from the main flow of palaver which rolled alongsteadily toward the Judge. The Judge, poor fellow, showed plainly theeffects of the struggle; so much so, that I suggested a stroll up theBoardwalk.
"We arose with an effort, and went out to meet the bracing air.
"'Ah, the thea, the thea; the dear, dear thea! Always tho--er--wet andrethleth. I inherit a love for the water from my father's great unclewho was an Admiral in the British Navy.' As this was the firstintimation Miss de Dear had given as to a fondness for water, except onthe side, I felt that living and learning were synonymous terms. So,perhaps, did the Judge, who said, apropos of nothing in particular,'When I was in California in fifty-nine, I saw a snake over forty-sevenfeet long. The onery rascal wouldn't coil up, and they had to carry himfrom place to place on flat cars. Now what do you think of _that_?' Missde Dear gazed dreamily out at the tossing waves, and said nothing, whileI caught hold of the Judge's elbow to steady him. Plainly thecelebration was on.
"'My dear, dear Patsy,' he said affectionately.
"'Oh, I tell you what let'h do,' said the maiden impulsively; 'let'h goand have our fortunes told. I am dying to have mine told. Last night Idreamt for the third time that Aunt Genevieve had died and left me allher money. Maybe there is something in it. The palm of my left hand hasbeen itching all day.'
"So to the fortune-teller's we went.
Professor Habib.]
"Professor Habib was a Parsee, with features Irish in their intensity.As I gazed at him I thought of the far-reaching kinship of man. Here wasa Fire-worshipper out of Persia, who for all the world looked like mybrother Mick; and God knows Mick's no Parsee! Habib wore his nativecostume with a little red fez on top.
"'Be seated,' he said courteously; again reminding
me of Mick.
"'Which one first?' he asked, pointing to a little inner room curtainedfrom view. The Judge suggested genially that we all go in together, butthe professor explained that one at a time was his invariable rule.
"'Oh, all right, all right,' said the judge, somewhat miffed; 'far be itfrom me to--to----'
"'Ladies first,' said I.
"''Tis well,' said the professor, with a salaam; and the pairdisappeared behind the draperies.
"'I wonder how long they are going to stay,' said the Judge, after wehad waited some fifteen minutes. The conversation behind the arras, atfirst low and murmuring, was becoming animated. I distinctly heard theParsee say, 'Who are the blaggards ye've brought here wid ye?' followedby an unintelligible reply.
"'What did he say?' queried the Judge, looking up sharply.
"'I don't understand Parsee, sir,' said I.
"'That was no foreign tongue; that was American--with a brogue. I don'tlike that. Let's hurry them up. I say, what time is it?'
"We reached for our watches. They were gone! Instinctively I felt for mywallet. Gone! My scarf-pin. Gone!
"We made a wild rush for the little inner room.
"Miss de Dear? Gone! And the Parsee? Gone!
* * * * *
"Later, when we had made our report to the police, and I was guiding theJudge home, I asked:
"Who is this de Dear? Where did you know her?"
"'Never laid eyes on her before!' growled the Judge."
* * * * *
"Another 'Jewel'!" said Colonel Manysnifters. "You find themeverywhere."