What You Own

by A. M. Arthur

  I yanked him into my arms and hugged him. I didn’t know what else to do, but I must have picked right, because he hugged me back. Hugged me and let me hold him while the enormity of what he’d done hit him.

  “Come home with me?” I whispered.

  I felt him nod. “Yeah.”

  Adam

  I hadn’t thought Dad would actually accept my invitation to see the dress rehearsal. He brushed it off this afternoon when I suggested it, telling him he’d have an idea of the performances and could chat them up with authority during the preshow, glad-handing tomorrow night. When he hadn’t shown up by intermission, I’d given up. Oh, I’d still planned to sing “Without You” with Ellie. I’d groveled for her participation, and she agreed it was a great way to apologize for being such a selfish dickhead to Ryan.

  And then Dad did show up, and I never once got cold feet. Even while I talked to him to keep him from leaving too soon, I didn’t consider backing out of the second song. Seeing me onstage singing with Ryan would piss him off, yes, that was going to happen no matter what. Seeing me singing to Ryan would tell him everything I hadn’t been able to say.

  Don’t come home tonight.

  Expected, but the texted words still cut me like a blade, deep and damaging. I couldn’t take any of this back—would not take it back—and we could only go forward.

  Ryan stayed close for the rest of the night, which I spent in a bit of a daze. Lou gave some kind of rah-rah speech, told everyone to be back here by five o’clock tomorrow, and then we dispersed. Ryan and I walked out to the parking lot together. We stopped next to my car.

  “I still can’t believe you did that, hoss,” Ryan said. “And in public.”

  “I had to make sure you knew this was for real, that I wasn’t making another empty promise. I’m not stuffing you into my back pocket. I’m not asking you to wait. All I’m asking is for you to love me and to be honest with me.”

  “I can do that. I want to do that. But what about the money?”

  “I’ll still get my inheritance when I turn twenty-one.” January felt like a long way off when it was only July. “I already called the financial aid office about tuition. I applied for grants, and I can get a part-time job on campus to pay the rest.”

  Ryan blinked owlishly. “You did all that already?”

  “Yes. I needed a few backup plans in place before I blew up my life.”

  “You always did like bein’ prepared.”

  “And I was never even a Boy Scout.”

  He chuckled. “At least you blew it up with style.”

  “And show tunes.”

  “Yeah. You’re comin’ to my place, right?”

  “Yes. I’ll follow you over.” I exhaled hard through my nose. “Good thing I packed my stuff up.”

  “You did that too?” Ryan’s eyes looked like they might fall out of his skull.

  I tapped my trunk. “Yep. I told you, I needed things in place.”

  “You knew he’d kick you out.”

  “I knew.” My chest ached with it—a dull pain that even Ryan’s love couldn’t wipe away completely.

  “I still can’t believe you did all this for me.”

  I clasped his hand tight. “I did it for me too, babe.”

  A car door slammed. Ryan jumped, and his hand jerked away from mine. He glanced around, a little embarrassed. I hated how anxious he got over small things because of a violent act in a dark parking lot, so many years ago. I hated how that night had ripped our lives apart. But I loved him, and I loved that we were finally together. Really and truly together, and out.

  “So how cliché is it that I came out by singing a show tune?” I asked.

  Ryan laughed—a genuine belly laugh that chased those phantoms out of his eyes and brightened his face. I vowed to make him laugh like that as often as possible. “Come on, hoss,” he said once he’d gotten control of himself. “Let’s go home.”

  Chapter Sixteen

  Ryan

  The warm, human blanket curled up around me from behind shifted, and that dragged me out of dozing and into fully awake. I blinked at my bedroom wall, surprised that it looked different this morning. Shouldn’t look any different, because I hadn’t changed a thing. Everything else had changed, so maybe that was it.

  Like Adam sleeping behind me, his arm around my waist, forehead pressing between my shoulders. Hot breath puffing against bare skin. He’d never stayed over before, and now he was here to stay for as long as he needed. I kinda wished I was the big spoon so I could hug him tight and pretend it was enough. But I didn’t wanna move and wake him. He wasn’t thrashing around, wasn’t mumbling things like he’d done hours ago.

  Adam had nightmares too.

  Probably not the same nightmares as me, because I had a couple of ugly memories he didn’t. But he’d done something last night that might have cost him his daddy, and I wasn’t gonna minimize his pain. Not ever. We both had our fair share of pain to live with.

  He’d been so brave last night. Time for me to man up and do the same. I had one last thing to tell him. One final secret before everything was out on the table. I’d do it after the fundraiser, though. No sense in adding more ugly to what was likely to be a crazy stressful day already.

  Adam made a soft, strangled noise and pressed closer. I tensed, waiting for another cue. To see if this required me waking him up. Only it might not have been a distressed noise, because he shifted again, and hot morning wood slid against my backside. Oh, I liked that a lot. We’d gone to bed naked last night because Adam asked for it, but we hadn’t made love because we were both too wrung out.

  I relaxed and rubbed back against him. The arm around my waist tightened, then loosened. I knew the moment he woke up. A big breath blew across my spine, followed by a kiss. I shivered.

  “Morning, Rye.”

  “Mornin’ yourself.” Then I asked a dumb question. “How’d you sleep?”

  “Better than I would have without you.” He moved his hips, angling his cock to slide down the crease of my ass, right toward my balls.

  Oh hell yes. My own dick took notice finally, and blood flow changed direction. Adam’s hand snaked down and stroked me, tender but firm, until I was hard and thrusting—forward into his hand and backward against his cock. Pleasure rushed through me, along with a blast of nervous anticipation. This wasn’t something we’d done before, and in all the weeks we spent in this bed, he’d never asked to switch things up.

  “You want to?” I asked.

  Adam stilled, and I realized too late he wasn’t in on my internal conversation. But he seemed to understand. He worked his free hand down between us. Slid a finger into my crease. “Can I?” He was breathless, happy, a voice I had no chance of denying.

  “Yeah. Anything you want.”

  He rolled me onto my back and attacked my mouth, tongue sliding inside, chasing mine. Our breath wasn’t so great, but I didn’t care, and he didn’t seem to either. Our cocks slid together between our bellies. I reached down to grab them, holding them together to dance while we kissed, and my whole body buzzed with excitement. Awareness. Adam usually liked it when I got aggressive in bed, but I wasn’t gonna do that today. Today he got to lead.

  We kissed until my lips felt puffy, swollen, and our cocks were slick with pre-come, and I thought maybe we were gonna go this way. Then Adam pulled off so fast I was sucking on air where his mouth had been a second ago. He grabbed supplies out of the side table, and then he was back, ripping open the condom. Rolling it down his shaft. I waited to be arranged, unsure how he’d want to do this. Adam loved taking it on his hands and knees, me slamming into him from behind.

  He settled between my legs, and I figured on this being his plan. I lifted my legs up, holding them with my hands behind my knees. I shivered at how exposed I felt, all open for him. Him looking at me while he poured lube on his fingers. My belly trembled. Something skittered down my spine and settled in my balls. Anticipation. Fear. Need.

  I stopped analyzing m
y feelings the instant a slick finger pressed inside me, because clear thought fled my brain. All I could do was feel. Feel that finger sliding in and out, side to side, working me. Feel the stretch, then the burn when he used two. My hips jerked when he scissored them, and I might have even yelped.

  Adam bent his neck and sucked the head of my dick, and that time I did yell out. Pleasure exploded all over, a twister of it that engulfed me and carried me off. I had fingers in my ass, a mouth on my cock, and a hand on my balls, and goddamn. I whined when he stopped sucking me, only to figure out he’d worked in three fingers when I wasn’t paying attention, and I almost came from the look in his eyes.

  Possession. Love. Pure want.

  Lord.

  He pulled his fingers out, and my belly clenched up, knowing what was next. He hitched my legs over his shoulders, scooted closer, and pressed. Blunt pressure and heat. I took him in, a slow, aching glide, until Adam was balls deep inside me.

  “Oh fuck,” he said on a gust of air. His face was flushed, his eyes shining, and he’d never been more beautiful. “Not going to last long, babe.”

  “Me either.”

  His first withdrawal stung a little, the second less, and then it didn’t hurt anymore. He must have seen the change in my face, because he sped up his thrusts. Harder, shallower. I dropped my legs to cinch at the ankle around his waist, and he leaned down to kiss me. Chest to chest, my cock riding our abs. Everything melted into us moving, fucking, making love. Lightning ripped through me when I came, and I shouted into his mouth. Sucked on his tongue while he thrust a few more times, hard, then plunged deep. Screamed.

  He went limp on top of me, and I held him tight, arms around his waist. Panting. Aftershocks ran down my limbs, and I think he felt them too. I didn’t wanna move, wanted him to stay inside me, but he was getting soft and the condom was gonna slip. He grabbed hold and eased out. I clenched my stretched hole, suddenly curious what it would be like to feel his come leaking out of me.

  The thought of it, going bare with him, buzzed in my balls. Lord, I wanted that.

  Adam didn’t get rid of the condom right away. He pressed up close beside me, and I turned so I could yank him into a hug. We didn’t talk. Just laid there a while, until we made a silently mutual decision that it was time for a shower. We took turns washing each other, worshipping the other’s body, memorizing every inch.

  Ellie’s door was open, but she wasn’t in the apartment, so we helped ourselves to the box of pancake mix and cooked breakfast. Adam got silly and made pancake letters of our initials. Mine for him and vice versa.

  Watching him lick syrup off his lips did funny things to my insides. He noticed and kept doing it, way more exaggerated. I got my revenge by dragging him back into my room and fucking him senseless.

  A while later, Adam’s phone rang. He dove off the bed to find it so fast I got whiplash watching him. He rummaged around on the floor, then answered with a breathless, “Dad?”

  The way his face fell made my heart hurt for him.

  “Hey, Lucinda… yes, I’m fine. I’m staying with Ryan… no, he hasn’t. I doubt he will…. I promise. Thanks.”

  At least his housekeeper cared enough to call him.

  Adam picked at some lint on the carpet, silent a while with his thoughts. I watched him, giving him time. He finally put the phone down and came back to bed. He plastered himself all over me, and I held him. We dozed and chatted about nonsense, and we spent the day in bed together until it was absolutely time to get ready for tonight’s event.

  After the fundraiser, Adam and I would have no secrets left between us.

  Adam

  Ryan cleaned up well, and he wore a suit like a runway model. Maybe my opinion was slightly skewed, but he was tall and sculpted and handsome, and he turned a few teenage girls’ heads when we walked into the center. Invitations to the fundraiser said six o’clock, with the show beginning at seven, so the performers and volunteers had an hour to settle in.

  I checked with the caterer right away. We’d worked out simple, non-messy finger foods, set up nicely on a table near the classroom hallway. The food would be available all night, light stuff first and moving into heavier food during intermission to help soak up alcohol. The portable bar was next to the food, lightly stocked with basic spirits and bottled beer from a local brewery that was all too happy to donate it. We weren’t charging for drinks. Everyone’s ticket came with three poker chips, which could be traded for drinks. It kept people from getting too hammered or taking advantage of the alcohol.

  Soda and bottled water were unlimited.

  The silent auction baskets were artfully arranged on tables on the opposite side of the lobby. Two of our non-singing teenager volunteers would be monitoring the table, helping people with the bidding process, and they were good to go with their instructions.

  Everything in the lobby seemed in order. All volunteers were briefed on their jobs tonight, so I went into the auditorium to find Ryan. He was hovering over the light board, testing everything with Lou and Susan. Ryan glanced over and gave me a thumbs-up. I smiled and winked.

  Ellie materialized by my side, dolled up in a pretty white dress, her long hair curled. “Hey, Adam.”

  “Hi.” I braced for a reproach about having inserted myself into her living situation.

  “I wanted to tell you I thought you were really brave last night.”

  Well, I’ll be damned. “Thank you. For all of it.”

  “I’ll do anything for Ryan. You know that.”

  “Yes, I do. Even put up with me.”

  “Now that I know how far you’re willing to go for him, I might start liking you better.”

  I laughed, and so did she. She glanced past me. Her smile dimmed. My stomach wobbled, and I steeled my spine before I turned around.

  Dad and Joe stood inside the auditorium, dressed up in their best suits, each looking like they were worth every single penny they had and then some. Heads turned—a few my way, because of last night. Joe gave me a nod and a sad smile before he followed Dad over to Lou.

  Ryan saw them coming. He glanced at me, but he didn’t move away from the light board.

  They spoke to Lou, who seemed polite enough. Ryan told me he’d fill Lou in on the behind-the-scenes drama and explain last night, so Lou didn’t get blindsided by anything today. Susan and Larry were all polite smiles, too, when they were introduced. Lou introduced Ryan to Joe, and I wished I knew what Joe was thinking right now.

  The big clock on the wall inched its way closer to six. Lou, Joe, and Dad went into the lobby to begin greeting folks. I busied myself with adjusting the rows of chairs to mind-numbing perfection, until Ryan sidled up next to me and put his hand on the small of my back.

  “Relax a little, hoss,” he whispered. “You’re gonna sprain somethin’ if you get wound up any tighter.”

  “Sorry, it’s just… I know he won’t make a scene, but I can’t help feeling like….”

  “That other shoe’s gonna drop?”

  “Exactly.”

  “If it does, we’ll deal with it. ‘Kay?”

  “Okay.”

  At six, we joined the rest of the committee members in the lobby, where a line of people were waiting to come inside. My heart gave an extra beat. Ryan squeezed my hand, and I wanted to hold it tight while we got through the meet-and-greet part of the night, but I didn’t dare. We needed deep pockets, and sometimes donations shrank with the force of someone’s personal prejudice.

  I lost track of how many people I spoke with. The number coming in the door, filling the lobby, and spilling into the auditorium surprised me. We’d advertised the hell out of this, thanks to my account at LQF, but I hadn’t expected this attendance. Most folks had bought tickets in advance, but we had a limited number available at the door, and those seemed to be selling, as well.

  A spindly boy with a mop of blond hair emerged from the crowd and bounced in front of Ryan. “It’s almost time, right?” he asked.

  “Very soo
n, Tommy,” Ryan said. “I want you to meet someone special to me. This is Adam Langley.”

  “Hi, Tommy,” I said, loving the way Ryan said someone special to me.

  “Hi, Adam.” Tommy’s eyes went wide. “Are you boyfriends now?”

  Now? Apparently Tommy had asked Ryan this question once before. No sense in lying to the kid, since the center was probably buzzing about last night’s impromptu performance. “Um, yes?”

  “Cool!”

  “Was your mom able to make it?” Ryan said, thankfully dragging the subject away from us.

  “No, but Uncle William and Uncle Bobby brought me. Over there!”

  Tommy pointed. I got a look at two men through the crowd, one tall and muscular, and the other shorter, blond like Tommy. The taller of the two turned, maybe looking for Tommy, and something familiar made me pause. Stare.

  Bobby.

  Ryan’s arm jerked in the same moment I said, “Fuck.”

  Bobby Chandler had been one of the football players with Chad Phillips that night. The night my head was smashed in with a brick. And he was walking straight toward us.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Ryan

  My whole body coiled up tight, every muscle on the defense, furious at Bobby for being in the same room as us, much less walking in our direction. I moved forward and to the side, getting in front of Adam, protecting him like I’d tried to do that night.

  The blond with him—William—was all smiles as Tommy introduced him. His mom’s brother. But he’d called Bobby “uncle” too, and Bobby didn’t look a thing like the gangly blonds he was with.

  “It’s nice to meet you both,” William said. “This is my partner, Bobby Chandler.”

  My vision grayed out a minute as the world tilted. Partner. Bobby was gay? For real?

  Bobby blushed. “Actually, we all went to high school together,” he said.

  “You did?” William’s mouth moved, like he’d started to ask and realized something. His smile dimmed a little, and I had to wonder what all Bobby had told him about his reckless youth.