by Rachel Quinn
‘What is it, Daddy?’
‘Just . . .’ He nodded to the door, and a few seconds later they were alone together in the backyard.
‘I need to talk to you,’ he said.
‘What’s wrong?’ Aileen replied.
He spoke softly, quickly wiping a tear from his eye. ‘Ah, nothing’s wrong, sweetheart.’
Aileen thought otherwise. It was the first time she’d ever seen her father shed a tear except in anger.
He took a few breaths. ‘It’s about this Niall fellow.’
‘What about him?’
He laughed nervously. ‘Well, do you like him?’
‘I do.’
‘I mean, do you really like him?’
She started breathing heavily, could feel her chest tightening. ‘I do, Daddy. Sure, you must know that.’
‘Good.’ He smiled again and seemed reluctant to continue. ‘Tis good. But . . . listen to me, Aileen. He’s meeting you at the bridge.’
‘What? But . . . when?’
‘Now.’
‘This minute?’
‘Aye.’
‘What does he want?’
Her father hesitated. Then he pointed to the road. ‘Just go, Aileen. Go now.’
‘Oh.’ She stood, not quite knowing what to say. ‘So . . .’
‘Go on,’ he said.
The smile took some time to spread across her face, but then she stepped forward and kissed her father on the cheek. ‘Thank you, Daddy.’ Then she turned and started running.
She darted around the corner on to the road, across it and along the sandy grasses lining the top of the beach. She ran past the red shopfront of Cready’s, past the last few cottages in the village, then across the junction with Station Road.
There she stopped for a second. An army truck was parked up on the verge next to the railway bridge, but she hardly saw it, being more interested in the figure leaning against the handrail of the wooden bridge, just where he’d been a few weeks before. On spotting Aileen, he stepped away from the handrail and waved to her.
A rush hit Aileen – a rush of something she’d never known before. She took a few steps forward. Briana had told her to play it calm, not to let a man know how keen you were. Yes, that was it. Take it easy, walk over to him calmly and ask him why he’d turned up out of the blue like this.
The rush had other ideas. Whatever Briana had said, the rush was going to ignore it. The rush was either going to make her faint or make her run.
She broke into a gallop, down the road, along the footpath, toward the man in the army uniform fidgeting with his cap, and didn’t stop until she reached him. She jumped up and threw her arms around his neck, kissing him full and strong on the lips as she sensed the fairground thrill of her body being swung around. She felt the firm hold of his hands on her hips, guiding her to a gentle halt, and soon her feet were once more planted on the wooden planks of the bridge.
‘That’s what I call a welcome,’ he said, grinning.
‘Oh, Jesus, I’ve missed you, Niall.’ She leaned up on tiptoe and kissed him again, this time grabbing his head and not letting go until she felt the need for another breath. Then she saw him blink a few times, saw a sadness overwhelm his hazel eyes. ‘What is it?’ she said. ‘Daddy told me to come here and meet you.’
‘Come on,’ he said. ‘Let’s take a walk.’ He held her hand and started walking across the bridge.
She resisted. ‘No, Niall. Tell me, tell me now. What’s this all about?’
He swallowed. ‘I’ll tell you, but let’s go for a walk first. I need a walk.’
She didn’t move, but he said, ‘Please,’ and reluctantly she let herself be led over the bridge and down to the sandy area of beach where they’d first met. They walked down to the shore, to where the receding tide had left the sand rippled but firm.
They walked on, the only sound the breaking of the waves, Niall looking straight ahead, Aileen glancing up at him every so often.
‘So?’ she said.
He pointed ahead. ‘Let’s walk on a little more.’
She leapt in front of him and planted her feet as solidly as she could manage. ‘Niall O’Rourke,’ she said, her voice raised above the crash of the breaking tide. ‘Tell me right now what this is all about, d’you hear me?’
He let out a long breath, then nervously brought a hand up to wipe his chin. He pointed a few yards up the beach, to a section of tree branch that the tide had brought in, and they sat together, looking out to sea.
‘I’ve known a couple of girls,’ he said. ‘I’ve told you that. I’ve not made a secret of it. But you’re something special – that’s no secret either.’
Aileen said nothing, just kept her lips tightly sealed to make sure she stayed silent, to let him say whatever it was that was so important.
‘Aileen, I love you, but I’ve had to make the hardest decision of my life. And as long as I live I don’t think I’ll make a harder one.’
Aileen opened her eyes fully to let the breeze dry the wetness gathering there.
It didn’t work. She wiped a tear away and sniffed.
‘It’s something Kevan and myself have been talking about for a while – a year or so.’ He turned to the side, held her head, one hand behind her neck, touching the hairs, making her tingle. He kissed her slowly, the wetness making her taste the saltiness of the air. ‘As God is my witness, I’ll never know if I’m right or not, and I only hope you can forgive me.’
Now she saw tears drop down his face. She pressed her face against his shoulder, hugged him, but stayed silent.
‘Kevan and myself and a couple of others, we’re . . . we’re joining the British Army.’
She pulled away and looked up to him. ‘You’re what ?’ She checked herself and placed a finger on his lips. ‘No. Please. Don’t speak. Just hold me.’
Aileen put her head back on his shoulder, holding on to him as he held her, wishing they could stay there until the sea was dry. They rocked gently, as one, and watched the tide for a few minutes.
‘Nothing will change, you know,’ he said. ‘I’ll still feel the same about you.’
‘How do you know that?’
‘Because I do.’
‘But how d’you know you’ll still want me when you get back?’
‘Ah, well. That brings me to the other thing.’
‘Oh, Niall. I can’t take any more.’ She pulled away and took a handkerchief out to wipe her tears away.
‘There’s something else I have to tell you,’ he said. ‘No, I mean, ask you.’
‘What?’
He fumbled in his jacket pocket. ‘I want to know – no, I need to know.’
‘Know what?’
‘I need to know whether you’ll wait for me.’
‘But—’
Now it was his turn to place a finger on her lips, silencing her.
He knelt beside her in the sand, opened the tiny box and showed her the contents. ‘Will you wait for me, and do me the honour of becoming my wife when I return? I give you my word that when I come back I’ll make you happier than any other man ever could, happier than you could be even in your best dreams. Aileen Sweeney, will you marry me?’
A couple of raindrops hit his face.
She swallowed, then said quietly, ‘Can I speak now?’
‘I’d like that.’ He waited, open-mouthed, staring at her.
As more raindrops fell on them both, she held his head with both hands and kissed him on the lips, feeling his arms pull her in. ‘Yes,’ she said, ‘I’ll wait for you. I’ll wait for you however long this damn war lasts – forever if I need to. I’ll be here, and I promise we’ll be married when you get back.’
‘Really?’ He grinned, his eyes now alive, his tears mingling with the rain, and he threw his head back and laughed to the skies. He plucked the ring from the box and placed it on her finger. She lifted her hand up so the struggling sunlight caught the brilliant green stone, dazzling them both for a second. Then Niall grabbed h
er and lifted her up, twirling her around as he shouted for joy, as she shouted for joy.
The rain started to get heavier, now soaking their hair and shoulders.
‘The bridge,’ Aileen said.
They held hands and ran back to the railway bridge, soon reaching the sheltered section of riverbank where he’d carried her the first time they’d met.
They collapsed on to the grass. Niall took out a handkerchief and wiped her face dry, not once taking his eyes off hers.
‘I know tisn’t perfect, but I meant everything I said. As God is my witness I’ll make you happy, Aileen. I really will.’
He went to kiss her again, but she resisted, and they lay together, their faces inches apart.
‘I want to marry you, Niall,’ she whispered, curling a tuft of his dark hair with her forefinger. ‘And I’ll want to marry you whatever you do, but . . .’
‘But what?’
‘Don’t go to war, Niall. Please. Stay here.’
He motioned for her to come closer, and held her in his arms, squeezing the breath out of her. ‘I’m so sorry,’ he said. ‘But tis done. I’ve agreed and I can’t go back on my word.’
She drew back and looked up to him. ‘And . . . was it all done and agreed before you met me?’
There was no answer.
‘Was it, Niall?’
He shook his head. ‘When we pulled up to the strand dance that evening, twas only an idea between us. But we’ve all talked about it a lot, and I had to make a decision a few days ago. I suppose the truth is that I could see it coming and I . . . I’m sorry, I should have told you earlier.’
‘And if you could choose again? If you had to make that choice right now?’
He sighed. ‘It’s hard, Aileen. We’ve all been following the war, what’s been going on in Europe and the Far East – Africa too. The whole thing’s a mess. And in all fairness to me and the rest of the lads, we’re . . . well, we’re fighters. I don’t expect you to understand, but you see, we joined the army to see battle, to fight, not to spend twenty years doing drills and exercises.’
‘And what about fighting here, defending our own country?’
He sighed. ‘We all know the facts, Aileen. Everybody in the army knows. If Hitler can overrun all those countries so easily, and if he takes Britain . . . Well, there’ll be no battle in our country to speak of – we’ll stand no chance.’ He gave his head a sad shake. ‘No, the best way of defending our country is to join the Brits. None of us likes it. It’s just a fact of war. What the Germans do, they call it “blitzkrieg”, faster and more brutal than any army that’s gone before. And really, only a fool would think Ireland could defend itself against that. We’ve all thought it through. Even the money’s better than what the Irish Army are paying us.’
‘The money?’ She looked away, at the rain dancing on the river. ‘You’re doing this for the money?’
‘Look at me, Aileen.’
‘No.’
‘Please.’
‘I’m in love with you, Niall. That doesn’t mean I’m a fool.’
‘And I won’t treat you like one. I won’t lie. For some of the men the extra money’s important, for some it isn’t. Some have got families to feed. And we all know the risks. In the end, what’s common to us all is that we’re soldiers. Fighting is what we do for a living, what we choose to do. And me? I’ll be able to save more up for us – for when we’re married.’
‘Does Daddy know you’re doing this?’
‘He doesn’t.’ A shaft of pain hit Niall’s face. ‘I was back there just now asking him if I could marry you, but I know how he feels about the Brits, and I didn’t want to do anything to upset him. How do you think he’ll take it?’
She shrugged. ‘Aach, I daren’t think about that. But I do know he needs to be told at some point. He’ll be asking when the wedding is, so he will.’
‘Aye, I know. But I was hoping he might be persuaded – persuaded that me joining the Brits is the right thing to do.’
‘Let me talk to him first.’
‘Ah, no. Sure, that’s not right. I can’t—’
‘Niall, I’ll talk to him. I’ll explain it to him. I can tell when he’s in a good mood.’
Niall thought about it for a moment and shook his head. ‘No, I can’t let you be doing that. I have to tell him myself. Perhaps I can take him for a drink, to celebrate, and to thank him.’
‘Well . . .’
‘I need to do it myself, Aileen. If I’m off to fight on the front line, there’s no way I should be running away from your da.’
Reluctantly, she nodded. ‘So, that’s it?’
‘I’m afraid it is.’
‘So, when will you be going?’
‘We’re catching the train up to the North the Saturday after next.’
‘What?’ She shot him another worried glance.
‘I’m sorry. It’s sudden, I know. But there’s no point in waiting now we’ve all decided.’
‘Will I . . . will I see you before you go?’
‘Well, you will if . . . if you want to.’
‘Of course I do.’
‘Grand.’ He nodded uncertainly. ‘I wanted to see you on Saturday. Would you like that?’
She closed her eyes and nodded.
‘Grand. I’ll take you out on Saturday whether I can get leave or not, and when I bring you back I’ll break the news to your da. I swear I will. And if he doesn’t like it . . . well, we’ll sort out that mess when it rears its head.’
‘Ah, that’ll be a relaxing evening, so it will.’
Niall laughed softly, forcing Aileen to smile, and he wiped a few tears from her face. ‘You’ll be fine because you’ve got spirit. And we’ll be fine.’ He cupped her chin in his thumb and forefinger, holding her still while he kissed her once more.
They waited, lying together, until the rain stopped.
‘I have to go,’ Niall said. ‘They’ll be sending a search party out for me if I’m here much longer. I don’t want to rock the boat just yet.’
They walked slowly over the bridge back to the coast road, and at the other side they embraced once more. Aileen almost asked him again – considered pleading with him not to join the army, to carry on the way things were. But something told her the words would be wasted, so instead they shared a final kiss, and she watched him climb into the truck and drive away, one hand waving out of the side window.
And when the truck disappeared over the brow of the hill she was alone.
She started walking along the grass between road and beach, but couldn’t quite face going home yet, so sat awhile on the sand, letting the sun’s gentle evening rays dry off her hair and the shoulders of her cardigan, and thinking.
Briana had egged her on to see Niall. But she’d only seen him a few times, so could she really be sure he was the man she wanted to marry? Briana had her heart in the right place, there was no doubt about that. But was Briana somehow trying to deal with her own missed opportunities? And how would Daddy react to the news about Niall joining the British Army? Most importantly, what if he didn’t come back from the war?
That last thought made her burst into tears.
Briana didn’t matter. Daddy and his stupid politics didn’t matter. Nothing else mattered. She knew only that she missed Niall, that when she was with him she felt alive – happy and woozy like a drunk but somehow with her senses heightened, not dampened. So yes, she’d only seen him a few times, but that didn’t matter. She felt like she’d known him forever, that somehow they were long-lost friends, and he clearly felt the same. Briana had said on a few occasions what a good double act they were, and that felt good. When Niall wasn’t there she felt half a person, and spent most of her waking moments looking forward to the next time she saw him.
No, whether she liked it or not she had to admit that she was in love or obsessed or infatuated – or whatever those Hollywood films called it.
She wanted to be with him, and nothing less would do.
So she would cope – how, she didn’t know – but she would cope with life while he was away fighting. She would wait as long as was needed – three months, six months, perhaps even a whole year. She would wait, she would marry him, they would find a cottage of their own in Leetown or somewhere nearby, and that would be that.
She dried her eyes, took a few deep breaths, and went home.
‘Are y’all right?’ Aileen’s father said, turning the wireless down as she entered a few minutes later.
‘I just want to go to bed.’
Her mother stepped over and made a point of looking at Aileen’s left hand, then at her husband, then at Aileen’s hand again. She pointed to the wireless. ‘Turn that thing off, Dan.’
He did and faced Aileen. ‘Are you sure there isn’t . . . ah . . . something you’re wanting to tell us?’
Aileen shook her head and said, ‘I don’t feel well,’ then headed straight for the bedroom.
‘But, Aileen,’ her mother said, ‘you’ve had no tea.’
Aileen said she wasn’t hungry and went into her bedroom. At least she was on her own: that was a small relief. She didn’t know or care where the others were – although she felt horrible for even thinking such a thing. She got into bed and pulled the covers over her head.
Then she heard the creak of the door opening. It closed gently and she felt a weight settle itself on the bed. She took the cover off her head.
‘Oh, Aileen,’ her mother said. ‘What’s wrong? What happened?’
Aileen felt her face tighten again, and more tears came.
Her mother grabbed her hand again and took a closer look at the engagement ring with its tiny flash of green. ‘Your daddy told me about Niall, and here’s the ring. I . . . I don’t understand. You should be happy.’
She pulled her hand away. ‘Mammy, please. Just leave me alone.’
‘But . . . did he do something?’
‘I want to be alone, Mammy.’
‘Oh, Aileen.’ Her mother said nothing more for a few moments, just gave Aileen pitying looks. Eventually she said, ‘Are you sure?’
Aileen nodded, and heard her mother slowly get up and walk out of the room, closing the door quietly behind her.