by Rachel Quinn
He took a step forward but quickly felt the hand of Mr Sweeney holding him back, and then pushing him away toward the road. Mr Sweeney shut the door and didn’t shout, but spoke loudly. ‘I’ll not tell ye again. Stay away from my daughter. She doesn’t want to know you.’
‘If I could just speak to her for a few moments? Please.’
‘No, you can’t. Go away.’ He stood firm, his ruddy face trembling and his nostrils twitching.
Niall took a few deep breaths and stood equally firm, hands poised at his sides, fingers twitching, trying to control his own temper, trying to hold his tongue. ‘So, what if we were to talk? You and me. Man to man.’
Mr Sweeney shook his head.
Niall huffed a few times and gave a shout out to the skies. This was too much. He cursed loudly. ‘Do you have any idea what I’ve been through?’ he said.
‘No. And I don’t care. You’re a traitor, so y’are. You’re a deserter. That’s a fact, a fact ye can’t deny.’
‘Please, Mr Sweeney . . .’
Before Niall got another word out, the raging figure stepped forward and pushed him in the chest again. ‘You and your damn British suit. You think you look so good. Well, you don’t. The likes of you should be in prison. So our government has gone all soft and decided not to do that. All right. But while I have breath in me, you will not see my daughter and you will not be welcome in my house. Do you understand?’
‘But don’t—’
‘Do you understand that?’
He grabbed Niall by the throat, but Niall stood his ground. Whether he could have fought the man off wasn’t the point here, but the hand around his throat clearly belonged to a labourer. A few seconds later Mr Sweeney let go, but not before he’d shoved Niall even further away. ‘Let me go one step further, just to be sure your thick head gets the message. I don’t care whether you’re a soldier or even Joe Louis himself – if you’re not out of my sight in ten seconds, I’ll kill ye with me bare hands. And the same goes if I ever see you in this village again.’
‘I’m not giving up, Mr Sweeney.’
‘And I’m counting. Eight seconds.’
Niall took a few steps back, for the first time giving the man a glare of defiance. ‘I won’t give up,’ he said quietly. He turned and started walking toward the railway station. As he passed Cready’s, he stopped still for a few moments and turned around.
Perhaps he should go back right now, to sort the matter out once and for all.
But no. The man was over twice his age and a fight wouldn’t help – whoever won. No. The time wasn’t right. With a heavy and still thumping heart, he trudged to the station and caught a train back to Dublin. He wasn’t sure when the right time might be, but he knew he would be back some day.
By the time Aileen awoke the next morning everyone else had got up and eaten breakfast. Only Briana spoke to her – to ask her how she was and whether she was hungry. She didn’t answer, but nevertheless Briana brought her a small bowl of porridge, which she ate in silence.
Aileen hadn’t spoken to anyone since the altercation the day before. And that only seemed reasonable. She’d been physically stopped from going outside to see Niall, it had all been too much, and she’d gone to bed while the others had talked, eaten, and – in Fergus and Gerard’s case – spent a couple of hours playing cards.
After breakfast, the whole family except for Mrs Sweeney were due to help a local farmer harvest his potatoes and carrots in return for a share of the spoils.
Aileen, however, now sitting on the floor in front of the fire, showed no signs of getting ready to leave. Even when the others were putting their coats and boots on she hardly moved, looking into the fire, trying to blot out the previous day.
Aileen’s mother, as always, was in charge of provisions for the family, and as she put the package in the sack she made a point of saying she’d included enough buttered barmbrack and apples for six. At this announcement a few faces glanced in Aileen’s direction, but nobody spoke.
The three men and young Frank had their coats on and were about to leave. There was still an atmosphere, only now the atmosphere said someone needs to talk to Aileen. None of the men had spoken to her, so it was again left to Aileen’s mother.
‘Briana, Aileen, will the two of yez be getting ready and helping with the harvest?’
Aileen was motionless, and Briana looked as though she couldn’t think what to say.
‘Farmer O’Hara needs all the help he can get,’ their mother added. ‘And the more we help, the more he’ll give us in return.’
Still, Aileen didn’t drag her gaze away from the glowing peat bricks.
‘What about you, Briana? This is important; this is about food. Can you not be helping out?’
Briana looked over toward her father and brothers, and then at Aileen. ‘I’ll stay with Aileen,’ she said.
‘Don’t stay on my account,’ Aileen replied.
Briana thought for a few moments, then said, ‘No. I’ll stay here. I’m sorry, Daddy.’
Their father and three brothers said nothing, but left the cottage, leaving Mrs Sweeney washing up the breakfast utensils.
‘At least we know you can still speak,’ Briana said a few minutes later.
Aileen turned and peered at her with heavy, red-rimmed eyes, then turned back to the fire.
‘C’mon,’ Briana said, ‘let’s get you out of here for a walk.’
Aileen gave her head the subtlest of shakes.
Briana knelt down next to her. ‘We can walk up to Bevanstown if you like – get some fresh air in your head.’
‘No.’
‘Ah, it’ll do you good. You know it will.’
Aileen looked at her for some time, then glanced over to their mother and murmured, ‘Well, all right.’
Briana smiled in encouragement, but Aileen’s face was still veiled in sadness.
Ten minutes later they were walking along the sand and shingle shoreline, halfway between the two villages.
‘You’ll have to be speaking to everyone at some stage, you know,’ Briana said. ‘If you keep all those thoughts inside your head, you’ll be sending yourself crazy. Tis like having a bad dose of wind.’
The corners of Aileen’s lips started to twitch upward.
‘Aha, I saw that,’ Briana pointed to her jaw. ‘Twas a smile and no mistake.’
‘Make the most of it. You’ll not be seeing many more from me.’
‘I know you’re upset, but you have to recover, get over it.’
Aileen stopped walking and put her fists into her hips. ‘Get over it? Get over it, did ye say? I cried my damned eyes out yesterday, Briana.’
‘I know. We all know. We heard you.’
‘And do you blame me? I haven’t seen Niall for two whole years now, but I’ve thought of him absolutely every day and we’ve sent each other letters. I’ve dreamed of nothing else but the day I meet him again. And when he finally comes here, Daddy does his dictator routine and doesn’t even let me see him.’
‘All the more reason why you have to pull yourself together. You have to plan your next step.’
‘My next step?’
‘Unless you want to give up on him. Do you want to give up on him?’
Aileen went to answer but stalled.
‘Ah, c’mon,’ Briana said. ‘You’re not serious?’
Aileen said nothing, but started walking on, and Briana followed.
‘I’m confused is what I am,’ Aileen said after a few paces.
‘Confused? Confused about what?’
‘It’s been two years, Briana. I’m just worried.’
‘Worried about what?’
‘Well, y’know, worried he might have changed.’
Briana’s face soured a little. ‘Ah, no. People don’t change that much. He can’t be like a different man, sure he can’t.’
‘But I’ve been working in Belfast, I’ve had my eyes opened to a few things, so I have. I feel different. Do you think I’m different?’<
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‘Mmm . . . You’re my little sister, and you always will be. You’ve just grown up a bit more, that’s all.’
‘But that’s the point. If I’ve changed, I wonder what’s happened to Niall. He was away longer than me and he’s been at war, not working in a factory. Y’see, I saw some footage in the picture house in Belfast, about what’s been happening in those countries beyond.’
Briana pulled a face. ‘You mean, they’ve filmed people killing each other?’
‘Not exactly, but . . . aach, I can’t talk about it, Briana. It upset me just to look at it, but God only knows how it affected people who were actually there.’
‘But he’s a soldier. Surely he should be able to cope with that sort of thing?’
‘Says a woman who never—’
‘Aileen. It’s simple. You have a decision to make. Yes, Niall might have changed a little, I admit that. But if you do as Mammy and Daddy want and you never see him again, you’ll never know. You won’t find out if he’s still the same man you fell in love with and whether you still love each other. So, you have to decide. Do you want to know?’
Aileen took a few seconds to think, then said, ‘Well . . .’
‘The thing is, is it still there?’
‘Is what still where?’
‘Oh, for heaven’s sake, Aileen. You know what I mean. Does your chest go all light and fluttery when you think of his face? Does your heart still ache for him like it did two years ago? Is it still there?’
‘Oh yes,’ Aileen said. ‘Oh, by God, all of that and so much more. I find it hard to think of anything else. I’m going out of my mind thinking of him and I’m not sure how much I can take.’
‘Well, that means it’s still there.’ Briana grabbed her hand and pulled. ‘C’mon, let’s lie down behind the dunes again. I’ll race you.’
She ran, Aileen ran after her, and within a few minutes they were lying on their backs behind the grassy sandbanks, squinting at the sun.
‘So, you think I’ll be doing the right thing?’ Aileen asked. ‘I mean, if I go against Mammy and Daddy and see him again?’
Briana lifted her head and torso off the sand and leaned on one arm, facing her. ‘Remember, my little sister, I’ve seen the two of you together. You’re very annoying and very irritating and you both get up my nose more than anything I’ve ever known, so you do. But the two of you have something between you that I can’t put into words and I don’t think you can either. You belong together, Aileen.’
‘But what can I do? Daddy says I’m not to meet him, I’m sure Fergus and Gerard will both fall into line behind him, and Mammy and Frank won’t say anything to upset anyone.’
‘I’ll tell you what you’re going to do,’ Briana said. ‘You’re going to do whatever you need to do.’
Aileen sighed wearily, drew a hand across her forehead and sat up in the sand. ‘And will you be helping me?’ she said.
‘Ah, no. Sure, you’re on your own there, Aileen.’ Briana’s eyes scanned the skies. Then she started giggling and shoved Aileen’s shoulder. ‘Well, what d’you think, ye big eejit? You’re my little sister. Of course I’ll be helping you.’
Aileen joined in the laughter, and pulled her sister’s supporting arm away so she fell back on to the sand.
Briana shrieked and took a few moments to shake the sand from her hair. ‘Tis awful grand to see you happy,’ she said.
‘Sure, I’ve a long way to go before I can be that.’
But as soon as the words left Aileen’s lips she knew that wasn’t quite true. A little hope was keeping her warm inside.
Chapter 21
It was now just over a week since the fracas of Niall’s visit. The fighting in Europe and the Far East might have been over, but the Sweeneys were still a family at war. Aileen and Briana were on one side, their father and two older brothers on the other, and very few words were tossed over the barricades. Little Frank was now taller than the women of the household but was still a boy inside and in danger from the crossfire. For this reason as much as any other, Mrs Sweeney pained herself to keep a delicate truce.
Aileen had been trying to keep herself as busy as possible, and was sweeping the side yard clear when a squeal of bicycle brakes from the roadside made her and the nearby chickens jump. She looked just in time to see the front of a bicycle wheel poke itself around the corner, then she heard a knock on the door followed by a cordial exchange of greetings. Moments later the bicycle and the postman came into full view, wobbling past the cottage and along the coast road. Aileen carried on sweeping.
A minute later the door was flung open, cracking against the wall, and the chickens once again squawked and jumped up into aborted flight. Briana strode out, heading straight for Aileen, and Aileen opened her mouth to ask what was happening. The sight of white paper clasped in Briana’s hand made the words jam in Aileen’s throat. She gulped and let the broom fall from her hands. Neither of them spoke, but both instinctively headed across the road toward the beach.
‘What did he say?’ Aileen said as soon as their feet hit sand.
‘This time the letter really is to me, but you have a right to read it.’ Briana glanced back to the cottage. ‘Wait till we get to the dunes.’
‘Ah, please, Briana. I’m not sure I can wait.’
‘C’mon.’ Briana broke into a run.
Aileen caught up and stopped at the very first hollow they came to, pulling Briana down with her on to the sand, and snatched the letter. Watched only by Briana and a few inquisitive seagulls, she read it.
15 September 1945
Hello, Briana,
First of all, I have to thank you for passing my letters on to Aileen these last couple of years. But this one is for you, because I know how much you care for your sister and I need you to talk to her for me.
I’m assuming you know what happened when I tried to see Aileen yesterday, and I’ve had a long, hard think about my future and Aileen’s future. Out on the battlefield, sometimes it’s only the thoughts of women back home that keep the men going. I’ve lost count of the number of times I saw men almost give up and give in, only to get a letter from a wife or girlfriend and realize what they were doing it all for.
So, whatever Aileen’s thoughts of me are, I want to thank her for those letters that made me carry on. Please tell her how grateful I am.
Of course, once a soldier returns home there’s a different kind of reality to deal with. Concerns that seem petty compared to battlefield problems take on more importance, and family loyalties have to be respected. Whatever my situation is, I know Aileen’s family mean everything to her, and I have never wanted to cause any falling out. And so I want you to find out whether Aileen still wants to marry me, or even wants to see me again. Please tell her that I’ll understand if she doesn’t want anything to do with me. If that is so, please don’t tell her that I think of her every hour of every day, or that my heart aches for her company, or that I long to hear her warming laugh and look into those magical eyes and touch her wavy auburn hair.
I’m in Dublin, but I haven’t what you might call an address just yet so she can’t write back, but if she wants to see me again tell her I’ll be at Tara Street Station at noon on the last two Saturdays of September, and will watch out for her on every afternoon train coming up from Wicklow. If she doesn’t turn up I’ll have my answer, and although I’ll be as sorry as any man could ever be, I’ll wish her and you all the best. May God bless you both.
Once again, Briana, thank you for being the go-between for the last couple of years.
Niall.
Aileen clutched the letter to her chest and breathed deeply, her eyes closed and a lazy smile on her face. The smile gradually contorted as she tried to keep her emotions inside, but she failed and sobbed in Briana’s arms for a few minutes.
‘I know it’s a mess, Aileen,’ Briana said, ‘but he does want to see you again.’
‘I know,’ Aileen replied, pulsing the words out between gulps.
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sp; Briana held her until the tears subsided. She dried her eyes and took a few deep breaths to compose herself.
Then a look of fear took over Aileen’s face. ‘What date is it?’ she said.
Briana thought for a moment, scanning the letter again. ‘Oh heck, Aileen. You’re right. There’s only one Saturday left.’
‘And how am I going to get out there?’
‘We can sort something out, Aileen. I’m sure we can.’
‘You know Mammy and Daddy are awful suspicious of everything I do and everywhere I go?’
Briana was deep in thought.
‘It’s like being a prisoner, Briana. You know that. Oh heck, what am I going to do?’
The question went unanswered, so Aileen shook her sister by the shoulder. ‘Briana?’
‘Aren’t I always telling you to calm down. I know how much this means to you. We’ll work out a way to get there, sure we will. You just have to be patient.’
‘I can be patient, all right, but what am I going to do? How am I going to get there? Tell me, Briana, tell me.’
Briana rolled her eyes. ‘I don’t know. I’m thinking. For the moment let’s get back home before they send out a search party.’
Aileen took more calming breaths. ‘But you’ll tell me as soon as you’ve thought of something?’
‘Of course I will.’ Briana stood up. ‘C’mon. Now wipe your face dry and hide that letter.’
By the time they reached home the whole family was in the living room, their mother peeling potatoes, and their father and the boys playing cards at the table. But all eyes then turned to the sisters. Their father held a gaze with their mother. Aileen knew this game – all the children did. He hadn’t the nerve to do the interrogation himself.
‘Where have you been?’ their mother asked.
‘For a walk,’ Aileen said.
‘Along the strand,’ Briana added.
Aileen’s parents locked eyes again. Her father shrugged. More stony-faced looks were exchanged, then the card game and the potato peeling resumed. Whether they guessed something was afoot Aileen didn’t know, but there were no more questions.