by Rachel Quinn
The horn sounded. That gap to the quayside might as well have been a whole ocean now, and the anxiety was filling his head.
‘Are y’all right, m’lad?’
Niall turned away from the salt breeze, and was met with an old man’s face, crooked pegs for teeth, a pitted bulbous nose, carved cheeks.
‘Only, you’re looking fair queasy there if you don’t mind me saying.’
Niall gulped, almost glad someone had stopped to talk to him, to break him away from his nightmare. ‘Actually, I do feel a little ill.’
The old man winked. ‘You’ll get used to it, so you will. Tis easy for me. I’ve been back and forth more times than I can count on my hands. I’ll wager tis your first time?’
‘Tis.’
The man looked toward the foredeck, where Niall had been sitting half an hour before. He casually nodded in that direction. ‘Try a seat on the front. Sit down there and keep your eyes on the horizon. Twill help.’
‘I’ll try that, thank you.’ He held his hand out to the man. ‘My name’s Niall, by the way. Niall O’Rourke.’
The man gave Niall’s hand a strong shake – he was clearly in good health for his age. ‘I’m Ed Mahoney,’ he said. ‘Well, twas O’Mahoney. Life in America’s been a little simpler since I dropped the “O”.’
‘But tell me, Mr Mahoney, has life been good for you over there?’
‘Ah, it has.’ He nodded gravely. ‘Tis very much, as they say, a land of opportunity.’
‘You found what you went there for?’
‘I found a good job and a grand wife. The rest seemed to slot into place.’
Niall nodded. ‘Good for you, sir.’ His knees almost buckled as the ship dipped and rose with the ocean swell.
The man eyed the seats on the foredeck. ‘Niall, I think you should go and sit yourself down over there.’
‘I will. Thank you. And I might see you again.’
‘Please God, you will,’ the man said as Niall walked away.
So, perhaps he could cope on his own after all. There were other people besides Aileen. Life would go on without her. The thought made him weak, and he clung on to railings. He let go and tried to will strength into his body as he rounded the corner leading to the foredeck and scanned the area for a spare seat. A woman and her husband moved up slightly to give him room to sit. Yes, there were other people. He sat down and tried to calm himself.
But no. Heck, no. He didn’t want ‘other people’. He didn’t want to cope on his own. And he definitely didn’t want to find a wife in America. It was clear in his own mind what he wanted. He wanted Aileen, dammit.
It was then that he heard his name being called.
The first time he heard it he thought it must be the old man – the only person there who knew his name.
The second time he realized it was a female voice, and he felt a power strike through him.
The third time he felt faint and tears pooled in his eyes.
She was two rows away. That joyful smile, the welcoming emerald eyes framed by that set of auburn locks.
He gulped, unable to speak.
Then she was there, standing in front of him.
And then they were standing together, locked as one, words irrelevant and unnecessary. He lifted her off her feet and swung her around. They kissed, then leaned back to look into each other’s eyes.
‘I’ve been looking for you everywhere,’ Aileen said. ‘I’m sorry for being unsure, Niall. I’m so sorry.’
‘That’s all right,’ he replied. ‘It’s grand. All I care about is that you’re here – that in the end you believed in yourself and you believed in me.’
‘But I always believed in you, Niall – always. Twas only myself I wasn’t so sure of, and I’m sorry I didn’t have the confidence. I can’t promise you I’ll be the best wife in the world, but I’ll try.’
‘No apology needed, Aileen – my Aileen.’
Aileen went to speak but stopped herself. She frowned and ran a finger over the redness on his cheeks. ‘Have you been crying?’
He shook his head and laughed. ‘No!’
‘I got on half an hour ago. I had to take my suitcase to my cabin but then I came right here, where you said to meet, but you weren’t here.’
He shrugged. ‘Sure, I was about, I just had to stretch my legs for a while.’
‘So you knew I’d come?’
‘Twas never in doubt in my mind,’ he said.
She frowned and gave him a sideways glare.
The corners of his lips were twitching. She carried on glaring, his face reddened, and seconds later he broke into a laugh and said, ‘Well, twill teach me to take you for granted, so it will.’
Aileen ran her fingers through his hair, combing back the dark mop that sat tight and thick. She gave him a kiss and grabbed his arm. ‘C’mon,’ she said, stepping away.
‘Where?’
‘The back of the boat.’
He pulled her close and lifted his head higher, to look down upon her. ‘You mean the bow of the ship, I think.’
She raised an eyebrow.
He cracked a grin. ‘You mean to tell me you’ve never been on a ship before?’
‘Look at you, Captain O’Rourke. Whatever you call the back end, let’s go there.’
‘What for?’
‘For one thing, if we’re to be married you’ve to get used to doing as you’re told. For another, I want to wave goodbye.’
‘To who?’
‘To Ireland.’
He spluttered out a laugh and shook his head. ‘You’re daft.’
‘C’mon.’ She pulled and he followed, both of them laughing and darting along the side deck like a couple of schoolchildren who’d just pulled a prank.
Ten minutes later Aileen wasn’t laughing. Apart from the odd trip on a small fishing boat she’d never been to sea before. The quayside was fast fading to a mere detail of the land, and that brought a new and unsettling loneliness.
She told herself she wasn’t alone, that there must have been thousands on the ship – one of them her husband-to-be – but the thought didn’t reassure her. She could see that the island full of people she knew was no longer within reach; its long beaches, friendly towns and rolling green hills were no longer just a hop away. And there was nothing she could do about it.
‘Aileen. Are you all right?’
She didn’t look, unable to wrest her gaze from the land, her eyes holding on to the sight as long as they could. ‘I’m already missing it all,’ she said. ‘Our cottage. Cready’s. The Crannagh and the wooden bridge over it. Mammy and Daddy, Little Frank and Gerard, even Fergus, and the chickens too – their fresh eggs and even their clucking on a dewy morning.’ She groaned and turned to Niall. ‘But most of all I’m missing Briana. Oh heck, Niall, I’m really not sure I can live without her. She’s been so good to me, so she has – we’re best friends and I don’t think I can—’
Niall pulled her in close and held on to her, keeping her head on his chest, running his fingers through her hair.
‘Aileen,’ he said, ‘remember that you can stay in touch. But remember too that life in New York will be grand for us. I’ll make sure of it. I can work hard over there. I know leaving makes your heart ache, and in all fairness it does mine too, but it’ll be worth it. It’s a new world over there; it’s up to us to make it a better one.’
Slowly, and with a jitter and a gulp, she nodded in agreement, wiping away the single tear that trickled from her cheek on to his shirt.
‘That’s it,’ she said. ‘No more.’
‘What? No more what?’
‘No more bad thoughts and no more tears. We’ll survive – no, we’ll do more than that, much more.’ She felt the touch of his lips on her head, his hot breath on her forehead, and she smiled to herself. ‘You know I had the most stupid of all bad thoughts just now, Niall.’
‘What was that?’
‘I was looking out there, at the quayside and the ocean, and I was thinking of . .
.’
‘Thinking of what?’
‘I was thinking whether I could swim to shore if I jumped off.’
He kissed her head again. ‘You’re beautiful, Aileen. But aren’t you the daft one sometimes.’
They held each other for another few minutes, both watching as the thin whisper of land that had been their home became an insignificant line on the horizon.
‘You’ll be grand, Aileen. We’ll be grand. I’ll be here for you. From now on there’ll be no more secret stolen days here and there when we can manage it. From now on I’ll be here for you every day the Lord blesses us with.’
Aileen felt his hand reach to the back of her neck, where the wisps of soft hair lay waiting for him. His fingertips ran lightly over her, and she felt that delicious warm tremble again.
And she knew she would have that feeling for as long as they both lived.
Chapter 32
Manhattan, New York City, 1995
At Arturo’s, Aileen and Marvin stop talking as another man sits down at the table, directly opposite Aileen.
‘Hey, Niall,’ Marvin says. ‘We were just talking about you.’
‘About how I need the john every five minutes these days?’
‘No.’
‘About my balding head?’
Marvin chuckles and glances at Aileen. ‘Not quite. I think the words your wife used were “beautiful children with the man I still love”.’
Aileen leans across the table. ‘But in my heart I was thinking about your balding head, my darling.’ Then she whispers, although so loudly the next table can hear, ‘And let’s be honest here, it’s more bald than balding.’
‘How can you say such a hurtful thing?’ Niall says, drawing his face down to mock sadness. It quickly recovers and a few words of the old Irish spark from his tongue. ‘Ah, I’m after forgetting. Sure, you’re my wife, aren’t ye. That’ll explain it.’ He picks up a menu and his accent switches back. ‘Have either of you decided what you’re having yet?’
Aileen glances at Marvin, but he’s clearly elsewhere.
‘Are you okay?’ Aileen says to him.
He shakes himself back to the present. ‘I’m sorry, I was still miles away.’
Niall leans across to him. ‘A bit like this one in the cab on the way here.’ He aims a nod at Aileen. ‘All the way she was gazing out of the window, in a world of her own.’
‘And I told you,’ Aileen says. ‘I like to reminisce, especially on our wedding anniversary.’ While Niall tuts and runs his finger down the menu, she turns to Marvin. ‘Are you back with us yet?’
‘Just about,’ he replies. He slowly brings his eyes to set upon hers, and stares. ‘I was just thinking of that day in Leetown again.’
‘You mean, when I . . . let you down?’
‘You didn’t let me down, Aileen. Far from it. Yeah, okay, I was sore for a while, but I was a bit of a jerk in my younger days, and it all turned out for the best. You know I’m happy. I’ve been happier than I could have dreamed of ever since that day.’
‘Good,’ Aileen said.
Leetown, County Wicklow, 1945
After Briana and her mother had watched Aileen run off around the corner to the railway station, her mother sighed and continued collecting eggs from the henhouse. When she finished, she glanced at Briana and her solid frown.
‘Don’t hold your face like that, Briana,’ she said.
Briana took no notice.
‘Are you worried?’ her mother asked.
‘I am. About Aileen.’
‘She’ll be grand,’ her mother said. ‘Sure, tis a big step for her, but she’s a confident girl, always has been.’ She gave Briana a resigned smile. ‘I know my daughters, and you were always the dreamer, so you were. Then again, that can be a virtue.’
‘What do you mean by that?’
‘I think you know what I mean, my girl. I’ve noticed the way you look at . . . well, I won’t say.’
Briana let out a gasp – hurt by her own transparency as much as anything.
‘And I never really did say sorry, did I?’
‘For what?’
‘Ah, just the business with, you know, the fellas you were courting way back. I know you liked them, and perhaps I should have . . .’
‘Tis grand, Mammy. You don’t have to say it.’
Her mother’s face took on a stern but sincere expression. ‘Right. But you know, don’t you?’
‘I do. And thank you.’
‘It’s just that . . . some of my little ones need more help than others, and some people need a bit of guidance as to what’s best for them.’
‘I’m not sure what you mean, Mammy.’
‘Briana. I’ll stay here a while longer, giving my chickens and my thoughts a little attention. Why don’t you go back inside?’
‘Right.’ Briana looked toward the cottage and took a gulp. ‘I’ll be off back indoors then.’ She turned and left.
Once inside the cottage, Briana shut the door behind her and leaned her back against it. Marvin was still sitting next to the fire, gazing into the peat which was now barely glowing. Briana didn’t move until he lifted his head and looked over to her. His face was expressionless, as blank and bland as the sand outside.
‘I thought you’d forgotten about me,’ he said.
Briana stepped forward and sat on the floor next to him, where she’d been before.
‘Actually, I haven’t, no.’ She looked up to him, now seeing the red rims of his eyes. ‘How are you feeling?’ she said.
‘Guess you think I’m an idiot.’
‘Now, why would I be thinking that?’
His lips were closed, but Briana could see his teeth were gritting behind them, the joints of his jawbone twitching. Then he took a long breath. ‘Well, an idiot is exactly what I feel. I just don’t understand. I mean, what did I do wrong?’
‘You did nothing wrong, Marvin. Twas nice.’
‘Nice?’
‘Twas lovely, what you said to Aileen.’
‘Yeah, well, it wasn’t nice having it all thrown back in my face. I feel awful – so stupid. I certainly don’t feel nice.’
Briana stayed still and silent, looking up at him while he tutted and huffed to himself.
‘I mean, was I too nice? Am I too nice? Is that it? Is that what’s wrong with me?’
‘Ah, don’t be torturing yourself, Marvin. If Aileen wasn’t in love with you after all you’ve done for her and all those beautiful words you said, then it simply wasn’t right and it wouldn’t have done either of you any good.’
‘Beautiful words?’
‘Well, apart from the bragging about money.’
‘You think I do that?’
She grimaced. ‘Just a little.’
‘Oh.’
‘But you’re also a very kind man.’
‘Kind?’
‘Being kind and nice gets you a long way, Marvin.’
He pulled his gaze away from the glowing peat bricks and toward Briana. She smiled at him but only got a scowl in return. She got up, went over to the cabinet tucked away in the corner of the room and opened it. This was Daddy’s own cabinet, the one she hardly ever touched, and definitely not while he was around. And she never touched that bottle – even Daddy only touched that bottle on special occasions. This moment wasn’t exactly special, but Briana felt there was an outside chance it might turn out that way.
A few seconds later she brought over the bottle, together with a small shot glass.
Marvin looked at it suspiciously, then his expression softened. He smiled. It was an awkward smile, as if something he didn’t like the taste of had forced its way into his mouth, but it was a smile. ‘I don’t really touch hard liquor,’ he said.
‘And I never touch Daddy’s best whiskey, but I have today. Here, hold this.’
She put the glass in his reluctant grasp, and within seconds it was full to the brim.
‘Go on,’ she said.
He let out a sigh. ‘Oh,
what the hell. Guess I could do with a drink.’ He threw the dark brown liquid into his mouth, gulped it down, and handed the glass back to Briana. He twisted his head to one side and gave a single hoarse cry.
‘Feel better now?’
All he could do was nod. But now there was a hint of a better smile.
‘Marvin, would you care to take a walk along the strand with me?’
‘The beach? Well, I . . . uh. . .’
‘Ah, c’mon, Marvin. You can kick off your shoes and socks. If a little Irish whiskey helps you, then some freezing cold Leetown seawater on your bare feet is guaranteed to help a heck of a lot more.’
‘It won’t be enough,’ he said. ‘I feel wretched.’
‘I know, but it’ll be a start. Please don’t leave here just like this. Come for a walk with me.’
He thought for a few moments then slowly got to his feet. ‘Well, I guess I could do with some fresh air. Thank you, Briana. That’s very kind of you.’
‘It’s my pleasure, Marvin.’ She aimed her most alluring smile at him.
Manhattan, New York City, 1995
At Arturo’s, the waiter brings four glasses of champagne over to the table where Aileen, Niall and Marvin are sitting, and says it’s good to see them all again.
As he leaves, the fourth person seats herself at the table, opposite Marvin.
‘We were just reminiscing, dear,’ Marvin says to her.
‘Well, he was reminiscing,’ Niall says to her. ‘You were in the bathroom, he was on another planet.’
‘Let me guess,’ Briana says to Marvin. ‘These two were fooling around.’
Marvin nods. ‘You’re right about that. It was very entertaining though.’
‘They always were – right from when they were young lovers. A natural double act if ever there was one.’
Marvin reaches across and holds Briana’s hand. ‘Actually,’ he says, ‘I was doing some of my own fond reminiscing about how I found my beautiful Irish bride.’
Briana purses her lips and struggles to control her tight smile. Then she draws breath, and looks at Marvin, Aileen and Niall in turn. ‘I propose a toast.’