Totally Inevitable Intent

  “Not at the moment. He’s got the skill, but it’s not really his passion.”

  “What is his passion?” Lisa asks.

  “Right now, it’s football. He’s off to college next year on a scholarship, and as long as he gets a degree, I’m happy for him to play as long as he can.”

  “What do you mean as long as he can?” asks Lisa. “Is he injured?”

  “No, nothing like that. Football just isn’t a sport you can stay involved in easily past college. There aren’t really any adult rec leagues like you see with soccer or lacrosse, so your school years are the only real time to play, unless you go pro, which is like winning the lottery.”

  “I never thought about it like that before,” Lisa admits. “So where is he off to college?”

  “He’s going to Oregon.”

  “On a scholarship? You must be really proud of him,” she muses.

  “I am,” Anthony agrees.

  “Well, between the two of you.” Lisa looks back and forth between us. “You’ve raised a couple of amazing kids.”

  “They go to the same school, right?” Chris asks. “Did they already know each other?”

  “They never met at school, but they’ve seen each other at the house. Wes was kind enough to give Sawyer a ride to practice while we met for wedding planning.” I look at Lisa. “So he’ll be a familiar face when school starts. I think that will be good for Sawyer since she mostly sticks to her track friends.”

  “Is that bad?” Chris asks.

  “Not bad, no. But she’s a bit of an old soul, like Lisa.” I smile at my friend, “And she gravitates toward fewer but deeper friendships. I love that about her, but I want her to be comfortable at school, too, so if she can add a familiar face to her day, that makes me feel good. And Wes is such a genuinely nice kid with a level head, exactly the kind of person a mom wants her daughter to hang out with.”

  Anthony smiles at me, and I can tell I’ve just given him the best compliment a father could hope for, especially a single father.

  I know what it’s like to wonder if the absence of a second parent has a negative impact on your child. In my case, it’s not just the absence of that parent, but the questionable choices he makes. The net result is the same. I always worry how the situation impacts Sawyer, and I’m hyper-sensitive to whether I’m doing a good job as a parent, because every action, every decision, is on me.

  The moment Chris and Lisa get up to clear the plates, Anthony pulls me to him and gives me the most tender kiss I’ve ever received in my life.

  “What was that for?” I breathe.

  “You know.” He kisses me again softly.

  “I meant it,” I tell him.

  “I know.”

  Once dinner is cleared, we move to the side deck overlooking the city. Chris lights a fire in the firepit, and Lisa brings out a few blankets. I sit next to Anthony on the couch, and he spreads a blanket over us. He takes my hand in his underneath, and I snuggle into his side. We may not be alone tonight, but sitting with him like this, in front of friends, doesn’t feel as awkward as I thought it might. It just feels peaceful. Comfortable.

  Chris and Lisa tell us more about their wedding plans, and I know both Anthony and I are taking notes so we can be sure our arbor won’t just be the perfect backdrop for the ceremony, but a lasting reminder for years to come. As the day fades, the fireworks begin, and all across the skyline we see pops of color. Compared to how I’m feeling inside, they’re barely a spark.

  Chapter 18

  Anthony

  Something happened last night, something that changed the dynamic between me and Jen. Though we spent the bulk of the week together, seamlessly falling into a routine that was eerily reminiscent of life as a married man, somehow last night it got even better. And rather than feeling freaked out by that, I enjoyed it.

  I’m not sure how to explain it, but there were a few instances where I caught Jen’s eye, and I just knew she understood me on a deeper level. A level that only she can relate to.

  I’m not sure that makes any sense, but it’s the only way I can rationalize why I feel closer to Jen today than I did yesterday. And while I’m still not sure what it means, it makes me want to spend even more time with her, so it’s a good thing I asked her to go steady.

  I can’t help but smile at the memory. Two middle-age divorcees acting like teenagers on their way to a group date. It’s not long ago I would have called flirting like that absurd, but it was kind of fun. A little silly. A lot hot. It makes me wonder what sort of conversations we’ll have tonight.

  I jog up to the front door and ring the bell. I’m picking Jen up for an actual date, seeing as how I asked her to go steady. She opens the door, and I’m momentarily speechless, mesmerized by how her deep pink sundress makes her olive-toned skin glow, how her silky black hair hangs in lush waves over her shoulders and down her back.

  “I know it’s pink,” she interrupts my stare. “But pink is just fun in the summer.”

  “I think pink is my new favorite color.” I let my eyes trail over her again. There are traces of gold in the dress, which shimmer in the light as she moves, accentuating her curves.

  “If you like pink, you should see me in black,” she says suggestively as she steps to my chest.

  “I have,” I tell her, wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her close.

  “Black lace,” she says mischievously.

  “Is that what you’ll be wearing later tonight?” I give her ass a little squeeze.

  She gives a coy little shrug. It’s all I can do not to push her up against the wall to see what’s she got on under that dress, but I promised her a date, so using all my willpower I cup her face in my hands and give her a slow, sensual kiss. When we break apart, I’m aching, but I can tell she is, too, and in the end the wait will be worth it.

  I take her to a little Italian restaurant with an outdoor patio where we can enjoy watching the sun sink behind the mountains. It’s beautiful, Denver sunsets usually are, but in this moment I don’t think I’ve seen anything more beautiful than Jen. In fact, in this moment, I can’t remember the last time I felt so happy.

  “What?” She smiles at me, a slight blush creeping up her cheeks. Apparently, I’ve been staring.

  I reach for her hand across the table and give her a gentle squeeze. “I was just wondering how I got so lucky.”

  She leans forward and whispers wickedly, “Getting lucky usually happens after the date.”

  I chuckle, because she’s sexy when she’s flirtatious, then give her hand another squeeze. “I’m serious. The most beautiful woman in the restaurant is sitting with me, the guy who had sworn off relationships and fought getting closer at every turn, but you’re still here. I don’t know what I did to deserve that.”

  Jen lowers her eyes, almost bashfully, which is not typical of her, so when she finally speaks, she’s serious. “You believed in me,” she says simply.

  “Kind of hard not to.” I stroke her hand. “You’re pretty determined.”

  The waitress interrupts the moment to take our orders, and when she’s gone, I try to pick up where we left off, because I’m intrigued by her answer. “What are you going to do once this project is done? I’m guessing you have something else you want to accomplish.”

  “What makes you say that?” She’s genuinely curious.

  “Like I said, you’re pretty determined. I can’t imagine you not having some other project or goal you want to accomplish. Didn’t you tell me before you got a second degree or something?”

  “I did, yeah. A Masters in Education.”

  “Is that recommended? For teaching, I mean.”

  “It is if you want to be a principal.”

  “See? Determined.” I wink at her. “Have you found a job yet?”

  “No, they’re not easy to come by. I do have an interview in Longmont next week, though.”

  I feel the color drain from my face, and my heart kicks into high gear. She’s moving? What sor
t of sick joke is the universe playing on me that the first woman I’ve taken an interest in since Katie isn’t going to stick around? I must not have hid my reaction well, because she’s quick to clarify, “The interview is just for practice. I can’t take a job in Longmont, but it will be helpful to see what kinds of questions there are so I can practice my answers and rehearse what to say.”

  My heart’s still racing a bit from that little scare, but as I calm down, new questions come to mind. “Rehearse what you want to say?” I prompt.

  “Well, I have a vision for how a school should be run, but to do it justice I have to communicate that clearly.

  “What is your vision? And why do you think people won’t understand it?”

  Jen takes a sip of her drink, and I can tell this is important to her because otherwise she’d come right out and say what she’s thinking, but she wants to get her words right.

  “I think schools should be the hub of the community and bring everyone together. That could be referred to as a community partnership. But that term carries different meanings to different people. Businesses might think I just want their money, schools might think I’m taking away from class time if we invite businesses to participate, and that's a red flag to teachers who need class time to prepare students for testing. It’s how they’re evaluated.”

  “You don’t want either of those things?”

  “No.” She shakes her head. “Well, schools always need funding, so I’d take donations, and I don’t want to make it harder for teachers to give the lessons required of them by the state. But I think kids learn by being exposed to different things, so I like the idea of using local businesses to offer examples of how the things taught in class apply to different careers. And schools sometimes have resources that businesses don’t, like meeting rooms or computer labs or art rooms. Local business could use that space to reach out to new customers, and that brings people into the school.”

  “The hub of the community,” I mutter in understanding.

  “Exactly.” She beams.

  “You think schools wouldn’t understand that vision?”

  “They will if I explain it correctly. That’s why I want the practice with this Longmont interview.”

  Our food is delivered, and we’re quiet for a few moments as we eat. But I’m still thinking about something Jen said last night about our kids, and while I need to bring it up, I’m leery. She’s been very guarded in what she tells Sawyer about us, but after last night I don't want to be guarded. If we’re going to keep seeing each other, which I plan to do, we need to figure this out.

  “You said last night you’re glad Sawyer will have Wes as a familiar face at school, right?” I ask.

  “Yes.” She nods, taking a bite of her pasta. “Why?”

  “Well, does that mean you’re ready to tell the kids about us?” I hold my breath.

  “How does a familiar face translate into telling the kids about us?”

  “Well, they seem to get along okay, right? And that’s something to consider if we’re dating. I thought since we don’t have an obstacle with our kids liking one another, maybe we can tell them we’re together.”

  “I’m confused.” She studies me. “They know we like each other. What’s left to tell?”

  I don’t know whether to find it adorable or frightening that she thinks there’s nothing more to tell the kids. I know she’s as out of practice with the whole dating thing as I am, but I’m afraid her confusion has less to do with her lack of experience than her desire to shelter Sawyer.

  “Well,” I begin, “Sawyer and Wes know we’ve been on a date, but it’s more than just a date. We are going steady now.” I try to lighten the mood. “Shouldn’t we tell them?”

  She hesitates a moment. “What would we say?”

  “You don’t think we should tell them?”

  “I’m not saying that.” Jen shakes her head. “I’m asking what we would say. They’re smart enough to figure out that we’re dating, and since I don’t think they need to know we’re sleeping together, I’m not sure what else there is to tell them.”

  “I’m not suggesting we tell them we’re sleeping together. Like you said, they’re smart. They’ll probably figure that out on their own. But I am suggesting we tell them we’re dating. I’d like Sawyer to know I’m your boyfriend, and I’d like to tell Wes you’re my girlfriend.”

  “You would?” She blushes.

  “I would. I don’t want to hide this from them.”

  “I don’t want to hide it, either. But I do need to ease into this, for Sawyer’s sake.”

  “What does that mean exactly?” I feel my body tense.

  “I can’t have you sleeping over when she’s there. And I can’t leave her alone to stay with you. I know that puts a strain on us.” She rushes on. “And it's sort of like taking a step backward, but just because the kids might suspect we’re sleeping together doesn’t mean I want to broadcast that we are.”

  I nod my head, hoping my expression remains impassive. Although expected, this is not what I wanted to hear. As a parent, I understand where she’s coming from, and part of me, the responsible part, agrees with it. The other part, the part that hasn’t felt this happy in years, wants to ignore it completely.

  “That does feel like taking a step backward.” I sigh. “But I understand it. It's reasonable to be aware of the example we’re setting. But I don’t want to hide the fact that we’re together or pretend that we’re nothing more than friends. I don’t think I can.”

  She takes a deep breath, weighing what I’ve said. “I don’t want to pretend that, either. I just don’t want to be caught in any compromising positions, that’s all.”

  “Define compromising.”

  “Making out on the couch, excessive kissing or touching when she’s around or she might come home.” Jen rattles off a list as if she’s been making it all week. Hell, she probably has.

  “So, when do I get to make out with you, then?” I’m trying to keep my tone light, because I know this is important to her, and by extension me. But I’m starting to panic.

  “I don’t know,” she whispers. “I haven’t figured out how to juggle all this and keep everyone happy. All I know is I want to try.” Her eyes glisten, which makes me feel like an ass for causing her get teary-eyed on our date. But I’m not going to back down. I can’t because I know what Jen’s telling me right now.

  She doesn’t want things to be over with us, but she’s still afraid of what Sawyer will think. How she’ll react. And she’s willing to tiptoe around until she has a better read on that. I respect that, but only so far. At some point, if we’re together, Jen will have to stop tiptoeing around. I can ease into things, get Sawyer used to the idea of me being with her mom, but I can’t just turn off what I feel, which means I can’t be around Jen without ever touching her.

  I take her hand across the table and look deep into her eyes. “I know you want to look out for Sawyer. I respect that, and I'm okay to be mindful of how we act in front of her while this is new to her. But this is also new to us, and I want to be free to enjoy that. I want to be able to kiss you without feeling like I’m breaking a rule. I want to hold you without worrying about getting caught. If the kids know we’re dating, we can have those moments without feeling guilty about it. Let’s tell them we’re together when they get home, and we’ll go forward from there.”

  “You aren’t worried the kids will think we’re choosing each other over them?” Jen hesitates.

  “I’m more worried Wes won’t forgive me if I pass up a chance to be happy. He's the one who made me realize I shouldn’t ignore my feelings, and telling him I have a girlfriend will make him happy.”

  Jen stares deeply into my eyes, and I can tell my words make sense. She may be nervous about what Sawyer will think, but she doesn’t want to sneak around, either. She knows that even though neither of us planned or even wanted something to develop between us, the window to ignore what’s happening between us has passed. />
  “Okay.” She nods. “Let’s tell them.”

  I’m surprised by the intensity of the relief that floods me. I bring her hand to my lips. “Thank you,” I whisper. “Now, seeing as how this is our last night together for the foreseeable future, how about we get out of here so you can show me how good you look in black lace?”

  Fucking beautiful.

  Chapter 19

  Jen

  I’ve been alone so long I forgot how nice it feels to wake up next to a man. With our legs entwined, his strong arm draped over me, I feel treasured. Safe. I close my eyes and savor the warmth of his body next to mine, his chest rising and falling against my back with every breath. I missed this, just being held, but as peaceful as it is, I’m acutely aware of the fact that we’re both naked, and evidence of his arousal is pressed into my back. I snuggle against him and feel that evidence shift.

  “Good morning, sexy,” Anthony whispers in my ear.

  “Good morning.” I sigh.

  He tugs me closer and nuzzles my neck. “What time do you have to leave this morning?”

  “Not until ten.” I trail my fingers over the forearm he cradles me with.

  “Good. I’ll just be a little late getting to work, then.”

  “Why?” I turn to see his face.

  “It’s the last time we get to wake up together before the kids get home, and I’m not letting you out of this bed until I show you just how much I like having you in it.”

  “Mmm.” My body tingles at the thought. It doesn’t matter that we’ve spent the entire week fucking like rabbits at every opportunity, I’m still ready for him the moment he says, “Go.”

  I had long since given up on the idea of having mornings like this. Not only did I think I’d passed my “use by” date, I thought my body would be incapable of responding to a man as thoroughly as it does to Anthony. I mean, fucking like rabbits is a term that applies to young singles, not middle-age divorcees. Yet my desire for Anthony is insatiable, and I find myself feeling giddy in his presence, as if I’m some starstruck schoolgirl. I’m surprised by the resurgence of emotions I assumed had atrophied, but the process of rediscovering them is nothing short of exhilarating.