by Tucker, RH
“No, we’re not. Izzy, you know me. The real me.”
“Exactly, that’s why we’re too different.”
“What?” I pinch the bridge of my nose. “I’m not understanding.”
Folding her arms, she looks up at me with renewed confidence. “Matt, if I asked you to take me out. Would you?”
“Of course.”
“If I asked you to make out with me, right here, right now. Would you?”
I give her a curious grin. “Yeah?” I don’t understand the point she’s making, but if she’s going to ask me to kiss her again, I’ll happily oblige.
“If I wanted you to come sit with me during lunch and discuss the latest issue of X-Men, or talk about an episode of Attack on Titan, or just geek out over news that’ll come out of ComicCon this summer, then what would you do?”
A heavy weight of dread zips through me, and my automatic reaction is to look around, wondering if anyone heard her. No one did, but by the time my eyes find hers again, she flashes me a knowing grin.
“You see?”
“Izzy, that’s not fair.”
“No, it’s not.” She shakes her head. “It’s not fair to you, and it’s not fair to me.” Biting the inside of her lip, she raises up her hand to my cheek. “Sorry, Matt.”
Before I can say anything else, she turns around and heads down the hall.
I walk over to the quad and can’t help but look across the way to see Izzy sitting with her friends. I know she knows where I sit for lunch, but she doesn’t look up. Letting out a defeated sigh, I sit down at our table just as Micah gives Carter a nod and leaves.
I’m already in a grumpy mood, which is why I lead with my inappropriate question.
“Okay, what the hell is his deal?”
“What?” Emma looks over at me.
“You okay, man?” Carter shoots me a look.
“He’s here, and then when I show up, he leaves. Is Micah gay or something? Does he like me? Or does he just hate me? And if so, why?”
Emma and Jen exchange peculiar looks, and then in unison, break out in a cackling laugh.
“Did I say something funny?” I spit out.
“Micah isn’t gay,” Jen says between laughs. “He had a girlfriend.”
I gave Jen a blank stare. “I guess that’d be the first time a gay dude had a girlfriend then, huh?”
“Whoa, calm down, man.” Carter looks at me. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” I groan out and peek across the quad. Izzy is still talking to her friends, and she doesn’t look like she’s looking over anytime soon.
Carter follows my line of sight and then looks back at me. “Oh, I see.”
“What? What is it?” Emma turns around, making Jen follow suit.
“Nothing,” I say loudly, staring at Carter. “It’s nothing.” Carter mouths sorry back to me.
Emma and Jen both turn back around and flash me an unconvinced look.
“Anyways,” Emma elongates the word. “Okay, I’m not really supposed to say anything, but Micah just isn’t really comfortable around you.”
“But he’s okay with Carter?” I stare at her, confused.
“Well, Carter isn’t really friends with half the basketball team anymore.”
“What’s that have to do with anything.”
“Micah’s ex-girlfriend, Lana? She messed around with someone on the team. I still don’t know the details, or who it was, but something about seeing you just sets him off, and he starts thinking about her and what she did all over again.”
Now I feel like an ass. Here I am, getting mad at the guy, thinking he was being rude when he’s just hurt. I guess today is ‘Hey, everyone. Matt is an asshole’ day.
“Yo, Hillard,” someone calls out behind me, and I turn to see Oscar walking over.
“Hey.”
“Emergency ASB lunch meeting.”
“What?” I glare at him. “Mr. Garrison didn’t say anything about that this morning.”
“Yvette’s calling it.”
I’m about to ask why when I suddenly remember. “Crap,” I groan out. “Okay, I’ll be right there.”
Oscar turns around but not before checking out Jen. She notices, gives him an eye roll, and flips him off when he leaves.
“That dude is such a sleaze. I heard he’s hooked up with half the girls in color guard.”
Emma wrinkled her nose. “Gross.”
“Yeah, he’s on McCormick’s level,” I say, grabbing my bag. “I guess I gotta go.”
“I don’t understand.” Carter looks at me. “Why are you listening to Yvette? She’s the VP; you’re the Prez.”
“Yeah, but I need to be there for this. If for nothing else, to rein in their stupid ideas.”
“What’s going on?” Emma asks.
“Oh my God!” Jen says, surprised. “Are you guys really doing that right now? The voting?”
“Nah.” I curl my lip. “They’re just gonna start taking names for candidates.”
Carter rolls his eyes, shaking his head, while Emma looks at us confused. “What candidates?”
I really don’t feel like being the ass again and look over at Carter for a little help.
“Emma, you know how we vote on the Prom Court every year?” She nods. “And there’s always a girl and a guy that isn’t very popular, but they always get voted on to the court? Well …” he trails off, waving to me. Carter explaining it still makes me feel like a douchebag.
“That’s so mean.” Emma scowls. “You guys decide who’ll be the joke vote?”
I put up my hands in defense. “Hey, I didn’t start the tradition. It was going on long before we were in school. I gotta go.”
I bump fists with Carter and give one final look across the quad. Izzy’s head shoots up, and it looks like she’s looking my direction, but as soon as I see it, she looks back down.
Chapter 15
Izzy
I can’t believe what I just did. Matt obviously likes me, and if I didn’t know it before the kiss, I definitely know now. I like him too. But after that kiss, which was incredible, I couldn’t get past the moratorium he has on his nerd life. It probably seemed like I was daydreaming as we tried to finish the homework yesterday and part of me was. Part of me was still swimming in the memory of his lips on mine and his fingers sliding across my back, under my shirt. But the other part of me, the part that I tried to get rid of as I lay in my bed wide awake until two in the morning, couldn’t get past the fact that something I loved so much he wanted to keep a secret. And today I proved it.
He didn’t care if I liked comic books and anime, and he didn’t care if people knew about it. He had no issue going out with me, despite everyone knowing how big of a geek I am. But when it came to him? When it was his likes that were on the line, he didn’t want to put himself out there.
I told him I get that he didn’t want to be made fun of, and I do get that. But knowing that he likes all the same things as me, that we have a lot more in common than I ever thought we did, and not being able to talk about it with him openly? I don’t think I can do that. I don’t want to pretend like he is someone else when other people are around. And I don’t want him to pretend that either.
I sling my backpack over the table, sitting down in a huff, as Veronica gives me a worried look.
“What’s up, chica?”
“Nothing,” I grumble, digging in my bag and pulling out a soda.
“Dang, girl,” Cindy quips. “You look like your hard drive just took a crap, and it had every episode of Bleach.”
“I know,” I grumble lower.
“Oh, no.” Veronica lets out a low gasp. “Did something happen with President McHottie?”
“So, you are talking to President McHottie?”
My head shoots up, my fists shaking in front of me. “Would you guys please stop calling him that.” I stare at both of them with a fizzled expression.
“What happened?” Cindy asks.
“Nothing. Everything.
I don’t know. I thought I knew what I was doing, and now I feel like crap about it.”
“Oh, girl.” Cindy reaches over and squeezes my hand. “Day after hook-up regrets. Don’t worry, we’ve all been there.”
“I haven’t,” Veronica scoffs.
“It’s not hook-up regrets.” I stare at Cindy, before looking down at the table. “Not really.”
“So, something did happen,” Veronica says with a little too much joy in her voice.
Both elbows on the table, my fingers knead into my forehead, thumbs rubbing circles into my temples as I still try to come to grips with everything.
“No … yes … I don’t know …”
Three weeks ago, I knew who Matt was. Our hot, senior class president, that seemed nice, but that was the extent of it. Now I really know him. I even know how he kisses, and maybe more importantly, I really like how he kisses. And I just threw it out the window five minutes ago.
My fingers stop as my eyes look up and see them both sitting there, painfully quiet, waiting for me to explain.
“So, I went over to his house yesterday—”
“His house?” Cindy jumps in.
“Yeah, but it was for Mrs. Henderson’s assignment.
“Oh.”
“So, I asked to go up to his room.”
“What?” Veronica’s eyes widen.
“No. It wasn’t like that.” I let out an exasperated cry. As I look up, I see Matt in the distance. I know he usually sits on the other side of the quad, but as soon as I see him look over at me, I look back down at the table.
“Izzy, what’s going on?”
I finally lift my head back up and see that Matt’s gone. Staring back at both of my friends, their faces are frozen with worried looks.
“God, I can’t even explain this right, because you guys don’t know.”
“What don’t we know?”
Reaching up again, I run my palms over my face, fighting back tears. Why am I on the verge of crying? I was the one who called off whatever it was we could be starting.
Cindy reaches over and grabs my hand, her voice soft and tender. “Hey, it’s okay. Whatever’s going on, you can tell us.”
“Yeah, Izzy.” Veronica grabs my other hand. “We’re best friends. It’s all good. No judgments. No anything.”
She gives me a deep, heartfelt smile and I can’t do anything but smile back. These two are my best friends. I have to get this off my chest and unload everything. I don’t want to betray Matt’s trust, but I’m going to go crazy if I don’t explain and vent to someone. Taking a deep breath, my eyes bounce between both of them, and I start at the top.
How I saw him when he won the cosplay contest, and he pleaded with me to keep it a secret. Our little flirty quips back and forth, then the assignment in sociology and when I went over to his house. How amazing that kiss was, but afterward I knew he didn’t want people to know the real him. Then I finally get to how he was still whispering in my ear today and how much I struggled to not just swing around and eat his face again, but I forced myself to remember he didn’t want people to know he’s a nerd. I end with the conversation we had after class.
They both stare at me, and I only know they’re still breathing and not frozen because they each blink.
“Oh. My. God.” Veronica breaks the silence, and I shush her to keep her voice down. “President McHottie is a nerd,” she whispers loudly. No one hears, but I still looked around nervously.
“Seriously, you guys can’t say anything. I mean it. I promised him I wouldn’t tell.”
“His secret’s safe,” Cindy says with a devilish grin. “That just sounds dirty. Keeping a secret for him. I love this.”
“I can’t believe it!” Veronica is bouncing in her seat. “He’s a nerd. No, not a nerd. He’s more than a nerd. He’s a fanboy. He’s a mega fanboy!” She gasps in a way that I know a terrible idea just hit her. “He’s Hottie McFanboy!”
“V!” I shush her again.
“Okay, sorry, sorry.”
“You guys are missing the point here.”
“Which is how hot that kiss was, right?” Cindy wiggles her eyebrows at me. “Come on, Izzy. We need a rating. On a scale of one to ten?”
“Twenty.” My eyes pop open as I slap a hand to my mouth. “I didn’t mean that.”
“Yes, you did,” Veronica teases.
“Whatever,” I groan. “Seriously, I did have a point in all this. You guys, if how he was acting today means anything, he wants to go out. Or hook up. Or something. And I basically killed it dead!”
My hands are back to my head, drilling my thumbs into my temples.
“Okay, okay.” Cindy taps the table. “Let’s all just calm down here. Izzy, take a drink.”
“What?”
“Drink something. I’m afraid you’re gonna pass out.”
I grab my soda, frantically unscrewing the lid and taking a huge gulp.
“Better?” she asks.
I nod my head, yes, but my insides scream no.
“Okay, the way I see it, the ball’s in your court.”
“How?”
“Because you ended it today. So, you can pick it right back up if you want to.”
“I guess.”
Veronica finally gets over her giggle fit with Matt’s new nickname and reaches over for my hand. “What do you want?”
“I don’t know,” I groan out in defeat. “It’d be awesome if he was as comfortable about everything he likes as we are, you know? But he’s not. I don’t think …” The words get stuck in my throat. Not because I don’t know what they are, but because I’m afraid to say them. I’ve been thinking it, but I’ve yet to say it out loud. “I don’t think I can be with someone who’s afraid to be who they really are.”
My words seem to deflate all the excitement and teasing they both were just enjoying. They flash one another a concerned look. Now we all wear defeated faces.
Chapter 16
Matt
I get to the room, and Yvette calls me over to the desk next to her. I don’t feel like having to stare across from her, watching her try to flirt with me, so I decide to just sit next to her. Oscar and Greg are there, along with Sarah Donovan.
Sarah was part of the reason for Carter’s downfall earlier this year. She knows Carter and I are best friends, so it comes to no surprise when she rolls her eyes as I walk in. I don’t really have a problem with Sarah, because how does the old saying go? ‘Hell hath no fury’? But I’m already in a mood because of getting shot down by Izzy, so my words come out sharp and annoyed as I look at her.
“What’s she doing here?”
Sarah rolls her eyes while Yvette speaks up. “She’s my BFF.”
She shoots me a look as if that explains everything and I look around the room for anyone else to update me.
“We all know Sarah will be on the court,” Oscar antes up. “And we needed another girl to get some of the candidates listed.”
“Fine.”
“Okay,” Yvette starts. “So, we all know the usual candidates will be listed. For the girls, me, obvs.” She puts a hand to her chest and smiles that fake smile she’s perfected. “And, of course, Sarah, double obvs.”
Sarah chimes in, “I think Natalie and Jackie, from my cheer squad, would make excellent candidates. You should put them on the court.”
“Okay.” I let out an annoyed laugh. “You know we aren’t choosing the court here, right? We’re just putting names out there for the senior class to vote on.”
Sarah keeps her eyes locked on me and her lip curls something wicked. “Whatever. You know, I’m just gonna say it right now; he may have been the big man on campus at the beginning of the year, but Carter Dixon will not be on prom court.”
For someone who was invited to this meeting, Sarah’s certainly acting like she’s running the show. Greg and Oscar flash each other a worried look, then they look over at me.
“Whatever.” I brush it off. “He doesn’t even want to be on the court.”
“Good,” Yvette says, much too chipper for my liking. “Okay, those are good names, Sarah. But speaking of Carter, that girl he’s friends with now, what’s her name?” Yvette looks at me for the answer.
I’m pretty sure she’s talking about Jen, because based on looks, Jen would fit right in with their type. I’m sure that’s all they are basing these things on. Jen is a lot nicer than these girls though, and smarter too. But I still see Sarah scowling at me, and I can’t pass up the opportunity to say it.
“Emma?” I grin from ear to ear, looking over at Sarah.
Sarah wanted to hook up with Carter all year, and there were rumors that they had. Just the fact that he is dating Emma now still pisses her off.
“No.” Yvette shakes her head, oblivious to Sarah or my reaction. “The blonde girl, who’s in drama. Janet? Jessie?”
“Jen,” I answer.
“Yes.” Yvette smiles. “She could totally rock prom court. We should add her name to the list.”
I shrug. “Okay, then what about the guys?”
“You, obviously, Mr. President.” She gives me a sultry smile, and I’m reminded of my birthday last month when she used a Marilyn Monroe voice and whispered in my ear, ‘Happy birthday, Mr. President.’ Hot, breathy, whispers? Definitely a turn on. But once reminded where they were coming from, all I could do was give her an uncomfortable smile back.
“Yvette, I don’t think I should be on it. I still have to make sure all the stuff is in order and–”
“Oh shush,” she swats at me to stay quiet. “No prom court would ever be complete without the student body president.”
“Yo, put my name on the list,” Oscar chimes in. “Being on prom court will definitely up my stock.”
“Okay, who else?” Yvette says, writing down Oscar’s name. “Greg?”
“Nah, I’m cool.”
Greg has always been a stand-up guy. He seems about as thrilled as me to be at this meeting.
“Okay, then. Sarah?”
“You know who’s cute? Lucas Mitchell and Franco Avila.”