by Tucker, RH
“Don’t bullshit me.” His tone is direct, and my mouth snaps shut. “Did you forget, I have a friend in UC Irvine’s admissions office. He said they never received an application from you.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah, oh. What about UCLA? UCR? Hell, even Fullerton? Matt, did you apply to any of them?”
“Uh … no.” The word comes out as soft as a whisper.
“Why not?”
“I don’t know.”
“Why not, Matt?” His voice hits a stern note, making me look back at him.
“Because, I don’t know, Dad! I have no clue what I want to do.”
“Which is why I’ve been telling you to do those debates and mock trials at school.”
“I don’t want to be a lawyer.”
“It’s a good profession.”
“Yeah,” I scoff. “There’s no doubt about that.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
I shake my head. “Look, you and mom get Isaac and me whatever we want. I’m thankful, okay? I’m grateful for everything, but I don’t want to do law.”
“Then what do you want to do?” My eyes find the carpet in his office, as I just shake my head. “Come on, Matt. You’ve got to have some idea.”
“I don’t!” I yell.
I’ve never been in an argument before with him, even if some of our conversations have been a little terse. But this entire conversation, after the shit-show that just played out with Izzy, is infuriating. He lifts a brow, giving me a silent warning.
“I have no clue what I want to do, okay? I’m sorry, but I don’t.”
The silence builds up between us. My eyes roam everywhere from the ground to the walls, to his desk, but he never says anything. Then, when I finally met his gaze again, he decides to speak up.
“I can probably pull some strings and get you into UCI.”
“No.” I shake my head. “I was thinking of just going to IVC. Taking some classes, until I figure it out.”
“Irvine Valley? Matt, you’d just have to transfer to get a degree anyways.”
Taking a deep breath, I remember Izzy’s dad. How he said it took him a while to figure out what he wanted to do, but eventually he did. I also remember Izzy suggesting costume design. I’d never thought about that before, but I do like doing it. But I have no blueprint or outline. I don’t even have a rough draft of what I want to do with my life.
“It’s the only plan I got.”
Meeting my gaze, he stares at me, letting the silence fill the room once again. I’m not sure if I should just leave or he’s waiting to say something. Right as I’m about to take a step, he unfolds his hands, picking up his pen again.
“Okay, son. If that’s what you want.”
“Yeah.” I turn around and leave his office.
Sulking all the way towards my room, I fall on my bed and stare at the ceiling. At least now he knows I’m not going to some high-priced college. My thoughts drift back to the dinner with Izzy and her dad again. She seemed shocked I didn’t apply to any colleges, but it didn’t seem like she was annoyed. Or embarrassed. Or even a little put off. She just accepted it. Even if my father said okay, I know he’ll probably try to talk to me about it later. But she just accepted everything about it. More than accepted, she embraced it, even when I didn’t.
Throwing my arm over my face, I clench my teeth, letting out a frustrated growl. I was such a jackass today and now I probably just hand-delivered her as Oscar’s prom date. The thought hits me to call or text her, but would that be enough? No, I have to do it in person. Tomorrow. I’ll apologize and tell her how stupid I am and hope she’ll still go to prom with me.
* * *
“Hey, dude.” Oscar comes up to me at the end of first period.
I’ve done a good job of ignoring him the entire class, hoping to just keep him out of my mind. I haven’t heard anything from Izzy, and I know she might still be upset, but I’m focused on telling her today.
“I just want to make sure we’re cool,” he says as we walk out of the room.
“Cool?”
“Yeah.” He raises an eyebrow. “I wasn’t gonna do anything, because I thought you and that Izzy girl were, like, hooking up or something.”
I jerk to a stop. “That Izzy girl?”
“Uh, yeah?”
“Dude, her name’s Isabel. Or Izzy. Not, ‘that Izzy girl’.”
He lets out a condescending chuckle. “Well, yeah, I know that. See, this is why I wasn’t going to say anything. You’re all, like, overprotective or something. Like you guys are going on out.”
“Well, we’re not,” I spit out, annoyed more at myself for not manning up already.
“Cool, that’s what I was trying to say. So, I hope you’re cool with it.”
“Cool with what?”
“Me going to prom with her.”
I blink, trying to wrap my head around so many things. Were they definitely going to prom now? If so, why’d she yes? But more importantly, why did he even ask her? I know he thinks of her as just a nerd and Oscar likes to come off as a player.
“Hold up.” I wave a hand. “Didn’t you call her a nerd freak?”
“Hey, Matt,” Carter calls out, walking over to me with Lucas. I motion to them as I stay focused on Oscar.
“Yeah, she is a nerd freak.” Oscar chuckles and looks like it’s common knowledge. “But you know what? She’s got a bangin’ body. So, I thought I’d keep her as an option.”
Everything he says just builds up a rage inside. “An option?”
“Yeah. I asked Yvette’s friend, Tammy, earlier this week and she’s acting all hard to get but I know she’s DTF. But just in case she tries to pull some shit, I thought I’d see what a couple other girls were doing. You know, the ones that are cute, but probably don’t have a date.”
Carter and Lucas are standing next to me. I squeeze my eyes shut as I shake my head at his entire scumbag plan. “Are you fucking kidding me?”
“Matt.” Carter pulls my arm, but I yank it away.
“What?” Oscar looks at me like I just slapped him in the face, and that’s exactly what I want to do.
“Dude, if you want to go to prom with her, that’s up to her. But don’t pull some shit move, asking her just in hopes of trying to hook up.”
“It’s not a shit move, bro.” He grins. “Who knows, if I act like I’m into all that nerd shit, I might even get a BJ out of it.”
“Motherf—” My fist is swinging before I finish the word and it connects right on his chin, sending him stumbling back.
“Matt!” Carter yells, grabbing my arm and pulling me back.
“I’m fine! I’m fine!” I yell, shaking my fist in pain, as I look at the knuckles seeing if I broke anything.
“You asshole!”
I look back up, and Oscar is swinging, connecting his right hand across my mouth. Lucas jumps in, wrapping his arm around Oscar’s chest, pushing him back. A crowd starts to form as I wipe a trickle of blood from my mouth.
“Get off me!” Oscar yells at Lucas, pushing him away.
We aren’t far from the door of our first class, and Mr. Garrison sticks his head out.
“What’s going on here?” he asks, immediately dispersing the small crowd.
I eye Oscar as he stares back at me, rubbing his face.
“Mr. Hillard?”
“Nothing.” I look over at him before back at Oscar. “I fell.”
“You fell?” Mr. Garrison eyes me before looking over at Oscar. “Mr. Cappelli? You fall too?”
“Yeah,” he answers, still staring at me. “I tripped over him.”
The silence builds for a moment longer before Mr. Garrison breaks it up. “Very well, gentlemen. Watch where you’re walking.”
The door closes behind him, and Oscar walks by me, bumping into my shoulder. I reach up again, wiping a drop of blood from my lip.
“What the hell was that?” Lucas looks at me.
“Nothing,” I grumble as I turn
and leave without saying anything else.
Chapter 31
Izzy
I hate feeling nervous the entire morning, knowing I should at least explain to Matt what I did. It’s so stupid, and as soon as I did it, I immediately regretted it. But I did it in a fit of anger.
My first thought was that Veronica’s plan was working. But Matt was acting so possessive. Even though I liked that he wanted me to himself, I’d want him to myself too, but he never committed to the prom date. He didn’t even bring it up again. When he blew up in the parking lot, I was so pissed off that as soon as I got home I texted Oscar, telling him I’d go to prom with him. As soon as I hit send I wanted to immediately take it back.
Yes, Oscar is a douchebag. Yes, he’s a little sleazy. And Matt’s right, he is kind of a dick. But even with all that, and I’m not saying it’s a good thing, he was still who he was. Even if he is a tool, he doesn’t try to hide it. And I think that’s what pissed me off most. Oscar has no problem being who he is, while Matt is awesome and hides it.
The entire morning, I know I want to tell Matt what I did. Maybe he doesn’t deserve an explanation because we aren’t technically going out. We aren’t even going to prom together. But I feel like I want him to hear it from me. At least I might be able to explain to him why I told Oscar yes.
Getting to our class, I’m hoping he doesn’t show up as late as he usually does, so we’ll have a couple minutes to talk. As I walk into the classroom, he’s already at his seat. His hand is under his face, looking down at his book.
“Hey,” I say, sliding into my seat.
“Hey,” he answers bluntly, without looking at me.
“So, about yesterday and prom.”
“Just forget it.”
“What do you mean, forget it?” He finally looks up at me, and I see his bottom lip bruised and puffy. “Oh my God. What happened?”
I reach over to touch his lip, and I’m hit with a wave of sadness and rejection, as he jerks his head back. “Nothing.”
“Matt?”
“It’s nothing.”
“It doesn’t look like nothing.”
“Yeah, well, I got the first shot, so I can’t feel too bad.”
“You?” I shake my head, trying to understand. “Did you get in a fight?”
“No, just a disagreement.”
“With who?”
“Your prom date.” He rolls his eyes, looking back down at his book.
Before I can ask anything more, the bell rings, and Mrs. Henderson starts talking to us. I don’t want to chance drawing any unnecessary attention to us, so I turn around and try to focus, but fail miserably.
For the next hour, I’m racking my brain wondering why Matt got into a fight with Oscar? What had he told him, or what had Oscar told Matt? Sure, I said yes, but it couldn’t just be over that, could it? Matt didn’t seem like the type to lose his cool easily, so if he got mad enough to actually get in a fight, it must’ve been bad. Right? Or maybe Oscar was egging him on? Oscar seems like a person to do that. Like I said, I know the type of guy Oscar is, but he’s like that with everyone.
The bell rings as the thoughts still fly around in my head. Matt gets up quickly and leaves the room without saying a word. Grabbing my bag, I hurry after him.
“Matt!” I call out, but he just keeps walking. I grab his hand, forcing him to stop. “Please, just stop for a minute.”
He looks down at our hands clasped together. A slight wave of nervousness flies over me, but I push it aside.
“What?”
“Hey, don’t do this.”
“Do what?”
“Push me away.” I take a step closer to him, keeping my hand around his. “Please, just let me explain.”
“You don’t need to explain.” He lets out a deep breath. “Iz, you don’t have to explain anything. I’m the idiot who blew it.” He takes another deep breath and meets my eyes. “Just be careful with that ass, okay?”
I jerk my hand away, insult painting my face. “Matt, what the hell is going on?”
“Nothing, I just …” He lets out a frustrated growl. “I screwed up, okay? I shouldn’t have acted like I did yesterday. So yeah, I’m the asshole, okay? I’m the one who should’ve just did what you wanted, but no. No, I had to go and be stupid and stubborn. And I suck. And I have no idea what I’m doing for college, and stupid dickheads like Oscar think they’re God’s gift to girls, and I’m screwing it all up.”
My mouth’s open but I have no idea where to even begin to reply to his babbling string of whatever that was.
“Hey.” I reach for his hand again, this time interlocking our fingers. He closes his eyes, his face pained. “What’s going on? Why are you even talking about college?”
He shakes his head. “I got into this stupid argument yesterday with my dad. He found out I didn’t apply to any colleges.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah. He still wants to pull some strings and try to get me into UCI, but I told him don’t. I have no idea … just forget it.”
“I want to apologize.”
His eye shoot to me. “For what?”
“Everything with Oscar. I wasn’t really going to go with him, but I got so mad yesterday that I told him I would.”
“You see.” He shakes his head, staring at the ground. “That’s my fault too. Damn it!”
“Matt, I—”
“It’s fine. I mean, it’s not fine, but I get it.” Unwrapping his hand from mine, he takes a step back. “I should go.”
“Oh, okay,” I say, even though I don’t want him to leave. Even though I have so much more I want to say. But he’s already walking away.
At lunch, I slump down at our table where Cindy and Veronica are already sitting down.
“What’s up, chica?” Veronica asks.
“Nothing,” I grumble, before snapping my head up to her. “You. You and this stupid plan, I feel like it ruined everything.”
“What are you talking about?” She looks at me, confused.
“You told Oscar that I wasn’t going out with Matt.”
“Uh, yeah.” She still looks confused. “I know you regret saying yes, but if McFanboy is stupid enough not to put up a fight, then it’s his loss.”
“Oh, he put up a fight all right.”
“What?” Veronica and Cindy both look at me unsure.
“He got in a fight this morning with him.”
“Really?” Cindy leans in, excited.
“Yes. I saw him, and he’s got a busted lip.”
“Izzy, two guys are fighting over you!” Veronica squees.
“First off, I don’t think Oscar was so much fighting over me, as he was just fighting because of me. And secondly, V, this is horrible! I don’t want to go to prom with Oscar! He’s probably going to try to make out with me all night or worse.”
“So, just tell him you changed your mind,” Cindy says.
“No,” I groan. “That’d make me feel bad. I can’t back out on him.”
“Oh, please.” Veronica waves her hand. “He wouldn’t even blink an eye.”
“Gee, thanks.”
“No.” She shakes her head, reaching for my arm. “Not because of you. Oscar is just … he’s Oscar. You know that.”
“Exactly! Why did I ever tell him I’d go with him?”
“Because you were ticked off at McFanboy,” Cindy says.
“Why are you so mad, anyways?” Veronica asks. “I mean, yeah, he got a little territorial, but, that’s kind of hot, don’t you think? Like, he wants you all to his own.”
I bite my bottom lip. I didn’t tell them about the make-out session in the costume closet yesterday, but I know that’s exactly why I’m so mad. Because everything I’ve been feeling over that past few weeks seemed to come to a crescendo yesterday. I know exactly how I feel and now I can’t do anything to change things.
“Just tell Oscar you changed your mind and tell Matt how you feel,” Cindy says.
“Yeah, like it’s that ea
sy,” I scoff. “Like I can just walk up to Matt and say, ‘Hey, I know I was mad at you yesterday, and I told another guy I’d go to prom with him, but I really want to go with you. I should’ve never given you an ultimatum or told you how to live your life. Oh, and sorry for slapping you across the face. So, what do you say, want to go to prom? Oh, by the way, I’m kind of falling for you’.”
Veronica laughs. “Iz, you’re being way too dramat—wait a minute. What’d you just say?”
My gaze bounces from her, then to Cindy, then down at the table.
“Izzy, are you serious?” Cindy asks.
I nod, looking back up at them. “I’m falling for him. Hard.”
Chapter 32
Matt
Awkward. That’s the vibe after school on Friday as everyone in ASB works on setting things up for prom at the hotel in Newport Beach. Yvette got Sarah and some cheerleaders to help out, and we have a list of volunteers from different school committees to help set up banners, balloons, and drink and snack areas. The bigger stuff like tables, chairs or the DJ area is set up by the party companies. Oscar and I have kept our distance after our altercation in the morning.
Even after I talked with Izzy, I still feel like I screwed everything up. And her words from yesterday keep ringing in my head. How Oscar is at least real. The guy is as big of a tool as Jeremy, and he doesn’t hide it. It just is who he is. Why do I feel the need to hide who I am? And ever since telling Carter and Lucas about my nerdom, I’m beginning to care less and less. Either people won’t care, and I’m worrying over nothing, or people will care, and if so, so what?
I think of Sam from the past week, just going along with all the prom court functions. He never blinked an eye when someone snickered behind his back. Sure, he looked a little nervous when we announced him on the court, but ever since then, he embraced it. And his friends embraced him. Great, I’m comparing myself to Sam and Oscar. Two opposite ends of the spectrum, but both have more of a backbone than I do.
“Hurry up, Matt,” Yvette says, grabbing a roll of tape. “I have a nail appointment I need to make after this.”