by Tucker, RH
“Oh, I like this.” She smiles at my phone.
It’s a padlock in the shape of a heart, and in the center of the heart, a keyhole. It symbolizes everything I felt over the years. My heart is fragile and every time someone I think should be the one to hold it, they throw it away. So, I’ll put a lock on it. Hey, I never said I wasn’t dramatic.
“Where do you want it?”
I’ve thought about that, too. At first, I thought maybe on my ankle, but I’ve heard from Nancy that that spot can be painful. Another choice was my hip. But then I saw a few girls who had a nice little tattoo on their wrist and I think that’s the perfect spot for it.
“Right here.” I point to the outside of my right wrist.
“Okay, let me draw it out.”
After drawing and prepping my arm, she gets to work and finishes the small tattoo on my wrist. True to her word, she kept it small, a little bigger than a quarter, but I love it. Both Kim and Tina walk over and nod in approval, as I pull my phone out to send a picture to Emma.
Emma: You got a tattoo????
Me: Yes, it’s perfect right?!
Emma: Jen, I told you I wanted to be there if you ever got one :(
Me: Oops :/
I do feel a little bad but not enough to keep the smile off my face as I stare at the tattoo again.
Chapter 5
Lucas
Graduation day is here. The senior class stands in the gym, teachers organizing us in alphabetical order, as the lines sprawl across the gym floor.
“Okay, everyone,” our vice principle speaks up. “Principal Cooper just addressed the crowd, so get ready. As soon as the doors open, we’ll walk out to our seats, as rehearsed.”
Scattered voices fly everywhere as Jackson and I are standing next to one another. I don’t really know how it happened over the last month, but Jackson’s kind of become a friend. Okay, fine, he’s an actual friend. I think he figured out I hung out in the bleachers during lunch and started waiting for me. After getting him the assignment for our class, he had my number and texted me a few times, inviting me over to his house or to the movies. I had nothing better to do, so I went. I feel like he’s still not super comfortable with me and I have no idea why he isn’t friends with Tim anymore, but he seems cool enough.
“This is it, dude,” he says excitedly behind me.
“Yep.”
“You’re coming to the party this weekend, right?”
“Yeah, I guess so.” I glance behind me to see a worried expression on his face. “Jackson, it’s cool. I’ll be there.”
“It’s gonna be kind of big, so feel free to invite anyone.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, my parents are combining my brother’s graduation from UCLA with mine. I mean, he’s the college grad, so it’ll probably be a lot more college kids, but I’ll have a few friends going.”
“UCLA?”
His brother’s never come up and it catches me off guard, because my brother goes to UCLA. He’s plays for the Bruins and has one more year to go.
“Yeah, why?”
“My brother goes there.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. Rich, well, Richard Mitchell.”
“No shit? Rich is your brother?”
“Yeah, you know him?”
“Yeah. Well, I mean, I’ve met him a few times. My brother was a wide receiver for the team. Rich is a linebacker, right?”
“Yep.”
“That’s awesome, man. So, you going to UCLA, too?”
“Nah,” I say, shaking my head as the doors open and we start to head out on to the field. “I didn’t apply. I’m going to UCI.”
“Cool.” He nods as he follows behind.
The crowd erupts in applause and I can see everyone smiling, scanning the bleachers, searching for friends and family. Carter’s on one side of us, and to the other side I catch sight of Matt and nod my head at him.
About ten students ahead of him I see Jen walking along. I haven’t talked to her since the day Franco seemingly broke up with her. I don’t know exactly what the situation was between them, but I’m calling it a break-up. Even though that conversation after was one of the longest we’ve had in years and did not end well, I’m still sticking to a plan we came up with on our first day of middle school.
Pulling out my phone, I text Francine, who’s walking behind her. When we went through the dress rehearsal to organize the graduation ceremony, I saw she was going to be sitting next to Jen, so I got her number. Shooting off the text to her she turns around and sends one back to me.
I look back at Jackson. “Hey, I’m gonna switch spots.”
“What?”
He looks hurt and I kind of feel bad. I shouldn’t have any loyalty to Jen and our middle school plan after years of growing apart, but I do. I still want to stand next to her for our graduation. I still want to give her a hug. I still love her, no matter how crazy that sounds after all the years of the silent treatment.
“Sorry, man.” I shrug. “I promised a friend a long time ago that we’d walk across the graduation stage together.”
His shoulders slump, and his gaze drops to the ground. “Oh, yeah, that’s cool.”
“I’ll catch up with you after the ceremony, okay?”
He nods, giving me a weak smile. “Yeah, sure.”
I look at the line across from us, as we’re moving toward our seats, and nod to Francine. She and I hurriedly run back and forth, switching lines. Jen keeps walking forward, not paying attention behind her, and we turn around a row of chairs as we start to take our seats. We’re covered in our graduation gowns and hats, but I can tell she’s fixed up her hair. When we were little we’d be mistaken as brother and sister, because of my dirty blond hair. It didn’t really bother me until middle school, after I realized how much I liked her and didn’t want to think of her like a sister. Her hair shines in the sun and I can see strawberry highlights in it.
We stop in front of our chairs and she turns around to sit, when she bumps in to me. Her jaw drops as she stares at me in confusion. Standing as close as she is now, I can smell the honey perfume she’s always liked.
“What are you doing?” she hisses at me.
“What?” I shrug, acting aloof.
“Luc, why are you here?”
I let out a chuckle. “Um, cuz I’m graduating.”
“Don’t act stupid. Why are you sitting here?”
I try not to roll my eyes as I take my seat. “Jen, come on, don’t tell me you forgot?”
“Forgot what?”
“Aw,” I groan, feigning insult. “You did forget. I’m hurt.”
“I said to stop acting stupid. Why. Are. You. Here?”
“What an ovation for our graduating class!” the principal speaks out, and Jen spins around, noticing everyone’s taken they’re seats.
“You might want to sit.” I look up at her.
She blushes a little and takes her seat next to me. “Why are you sitting here?” she whispers, still staring daggers at me.
“Come on, Jen.” I stare back. “Remember, first day of sixth grade? We were so excited to be middle schoolers.”
“Yeah?” She says it like she has no idea what I’m talking about, but there’s something in her eyes. They drift away, looking down at the ground, and I’m sure she remembers.
I continue on, playing along with her. “Remember what you said?”
Her eyes shoot back to me, her cheeks starting to turn pink.
“I mean, if you don’t remember, I can say it.” I smile.
“God no. That’s even worse.” Folding her arms, I wait, staring at her as our principal continues on in front of us. “I said, ‘We’re the coolest sixth graders ever.’”
“And then,” I respond, holding up my pinky. “We pinky promised that we’d graduate high school together.”
I keep my hand out in front even though she stares at me with apprehension. I know she remembers our promise and I know she knows I’m not repeating exactly what
we said. That we’d graduate high school together, as best friends. Obviously, the best friends part got screwed up along the way, but we’re still graduating together.
She looks down at her lap. “I can’t believe you still remember that.”
I want to tell her I remember all of it. All of the times we spent together growing up, the sleepovers, the summer trips her aunt and her would take with our family. I want to tell her that I couldn’t forget things we went through together, even if I wanted to. Like when I broke my leg playing football with her, my brother, and his friends. We were in fifth grade and I couldn’t keep myself from crying, my leg hurt so bad. But Jen stayed with me the entire time, even coming with my parents as they drove me to the hospital, something for which she got in trouble for later, because she never told her aunt she was leaving.
Or a year later, during our last sleepover, when we snuck outside my house and spied on my brother and his girlfriend at the time. Our backyard has a huge barbecue and fire pit area and they were hanging out around it and then, to both of our surprises, they started kissing. Jen giggled, and I tried to cover her mouth, but it was no use. Rich turned around and screamed at us, chasing us away, back into the house. We were in hysterics, laughing about it in my room, when we both looked at each other.
“I’ve never kissed anyone,” she whispered to me as we sat on the floor, next to my bed.
“Me either.” I shrugged.
“Do you think …” She trailed off, and I can still remember how red her cheeks got.
“What?” I asked, still oblivious to what she was talking about. I wasn’t oblivious to her and how I felt about her by that point.
“Do you think we should try it? You know, kiss?” She stared at me, nervously awaiting my answer before hastily adding, “We’re in middle school. I think we should probably have kissed someone.”
“Right.” I nodded but felt a bowling ball size of nerves in my stomach. “Um, yeah. If you want to.”
It was awkward. She leaned closer, so I did, too. She closed her eyes, pouting her lips out, so I followed suit, and then we kissed. We’d just watched my high school brother putting the moves on his girlfriend but looking back on it, it was obvious neither of us knew anything. We stayed there, longer than necessary, and then we both opened our eyes, our lips still together.
“Hmm.” Jen pulled away, smirking at me.
“Yeah.”
I’d like to say it was amazing or that there were fireworks, but we were sixth graders. I don’t think either of us knew what kisses could mean to someone back then. Even so, as she leaned away, still blushing, and the silence surrounded us, I remember thinking to myself, That wasn’t bad. I’d like to try it again. But I didn’t. Instead, I pulled the best Casanova move my sixth grader brain could think of and reached over, grabbed a Nintendo controller, and handed it to her.
“Wanna play Mario Kart?”
She smiled, nodded, and took the controller as I turned on the game.
That was the last sleepover we had. Not because we kissed, but because my brother told my parents that we were spying on him, leaving out the tidbit about him making out with his girlfriend. They were ‘just talking’, he told them, but I think they saw through that. And since Jen and I were in sixth grade, my mom thought it best that maybe her son and his best friend, who was a girl, probably shouldn’t be spending the nights together anymore, since we were getting older.
I’d like to tell her I remember everything when it comes to her, but I don’t. She’d either freak out or get pissed off and I’m not trying to have either of those things happen as we’re about to graduate. So, while she looks back over at me, I simply smile and reach over, giving her hand a gentle squeeze. I’m pleasantly surprised that she doesn’t immediately recoil from my touch, and that keeps my smile firmly in place for the rest of the ceremony.
Chapter 6
Jen
“Robert Garcia,” the principal calls out over the microphone. I hear the roar of a certain section and know Robbie’s family is screaming like crazy for him.
“Kelly Gustoff.”
I’m on edge. Not because my name is about to come up, but because Lucas is standing right behind me. He hasn’t said another word to me since telling me why he switched seats. Honestly, I was touched. I couldn’t believe he remembered that pinky promise we made all those years ago. It feels like a lifetime ago, so much has changed between us.
Not really.
I shake my head, fighting the thought. It’s a thought that doesn’t come often, only when I’m trying to convince myself why we’re no longer friends. Why we haven’t been friends, much less best friends, since that fateful day in middle school. Why I hate him.
No, you don’t.
I let out an annoyed grunt, blowing a piece of my hair out of my face. Okay, so maybe I don’t hate him, but I’ve wanted to. I really did hate him after he kissed Rebecca Thomas … with a passion. He was my best friend. We’d been through so much, and I confided in him about almost everything in my life. I know that’s why I’ve held this grudge against him for so long. He was supposed to be different. He wasn’t supposed to be like her.
I had a crush on him from the day I first saw him. We’d just moved into our house, my aunt and I, when I saw him outside. He was playing basketball with his brother, and his dirty blond hair was sweaty and flopping around in his face. He stood at the end of the driveway, shot the ball over Rich’s head, and made it. My eyes popped open, thinking how good he was at basketball. Then he turned around and saw me. He smiled and waved at me, and I was a goner.
From that day forward, until eighth grade, we’d done so much together. The night we both had our first kiss, my heart was beating so fast and hard, I thought for sure he could hear it.
Every Valentine’s Day he’d make me a little card and he always wrote ‘Love, Lucas’ in it. I know it’s just a thing kids do, but it meant everything to me. By the time fifth grade rolled around I was crushing on him hard. He never seemed to pay attention to other girls, and I know I only had my tween eyes set on him. A few months before our last sleepover, he’d given me another Valentine’s Day card, again writing ‘Love, Lucas’ in it. There’s no reason why that particular card should’ve meant more to me than the others, but it did. Maybe it was because we were getting older. Maybe it was because I was becoming more aware of just how much I liked him. But I prayed all night after getting that card that he’d kiss me the next day at school.
Of course, it didn’t happen. But we did have our first kiss, during our last sleepover, over spring break. I’d wanted to kiss him for so long, and after we’d caught his brother making out, I was determined to kiss him that night. Granted, I had no idea how to kiss a boy, but I’d seen it in movies. I even imagined Sebastian, from The Little Mermaid, singing “Kiss The Girl,” pretending he was singing to Lucas about me.
And then it happened. And I loved it. He’d had some Kool-Aid a little earlier and I could still taste it on his lips. I didn’t know what to say or how to act. I mean, I’d brought up the idea of kissing in the first place. He smiled at me and I was hoping he’d say he wanted to try it again, but he didn’t. He didn’t look grossed out though, so I took it as a win. Plus, he knew I loved Mario Kart, which he asked me to play afterward, so I figured he must’ve liked it, too.
“Jen.” Hearing a whisper behind me, I turn around and see his dark green eyes staring at me, and for a moment I’m transported right back to that night. Then I remember what he did.
“What?” I growl at him.
He chuckles and points at the stage. “They just called your name.”
“Oh, shit!” I gasp and hurry up the stairs, as I hear him laugh.
I get to the stage and scan the crowd, searching for the area I saw my aunt sitting while I was down on the field. Our eyes finally meet, and I look back at the vice principal as he shakes my hand.
“Lucas Mitchell,” the principal says next, and I hear the eruption of his family.
&nb
sp; Lucas has a huge extended family, and even though it’s just me and my aunt, they always included us in things like barbecues, outings, or their family summer camping trips. Of course, they’re sitting next to my aunt, who cheers wildly for Lucas as well. She knows we don’t hang out like we used to, but I never told her what happened.
I step off the stage and start to head back to my seat as we’ve been instructed. Suddenly, I feel a tug at my arm and turn around, right into a massive hug from Lucas.
“Luc, what are you doing?”
“I don’t care,” he says with a laugh.
He wraps his arms around me tighter and I stop squirming. I put my arms around his neck and a familiar scent hits me. I told him one time that I liked the body spray his brother wore, which smells of a crisp ocean breeze. I’m not sure if Lucas got jealous or was just trying to impress me, but he’d always worn it from that day forward. I grin at the happy memory.
His grip on me loosens but he keeps his arms on my hips.
“Sorry.” He looks away for a moment, before returning my gaze. “I know you hate me and everything, but we did it Jen.” He smiles. “We graduated. Together.”
“Yeah.” I smile back and suddenly realize my arms are still draped over his shoulders.
I pull them off quickly, making him laugh. “It’s okay, J-Girl. You can tell everyone I forced you to give me a hug.”
The use of the nickname he gave me when we were little makes me smile. We were playing outside, and he was a superhero, Power Boy. When I told him I wanted to play, too, he said I could be his sidekick, J-Girl.
“Okay, everyone, we’re almost done,” our principal says, trying to call all the seniors, half of which still haven’t returned to their seats.
“We better sit down,” I tell him, because I can’t really think of anything else to say.
“Yeah.”
“We did it!” Carter runs over to us and jumps on Lucas’ back.
“Yeah, man!” Lucas gives him a high five and I smile.