by Tucker, RH
“I see him at the gym all of the time. Had a class with him last semester, too.”
“Okay?” Cindy peers over her shoulder, looking at me. I shake my head, hoping she understands that I don’t want to be brought up.
“So, last semester, Taylor was trying to hook us up, but I’d just gotten out of a relationship. It wasn’t a long one, but still, I wanted to take some time, you know?” Cindy nods. “I should’ve taken him up on the offer, though, because he seemed to flirt a little with me in the past. But whenever I try and throw something out at him, he doesn’t act the same.”
“Well, maybe he’s dating someone,” Cindy responds.
“No, he is. That’s the thing. I found out last week when I was flirting with him.”
“You flirted with him?” Cindy sounds upset, making me feel a little better about finding out some girl, who was probably all hot and sweaty, was flirting with Micah.
“Yeah, but he threw out the girlfriend line.”
“What do you mean, girlfriend line?”
“You know,” Julie rolls her eyes, “we were just talking, and I was making it pretty obvious I wanted him to ask me out, even for coffee or whatever. And then, out of nowhere, he’s all ‘Yeah, I like iced lattes. My girlfriend does, too.’”
I should feel at ease. I should feel like everything is right in the world because Micah is not only not paying attention to her, but he’s actively making it known he’s off the market. But I don’t. My first thought is, Micah could be going out with a girl like that. Why is he with me?
“Okay,” Cindy speaks up breaking my train of thought. “And you’re telling me this because …”
“Well, if you know him, do you know if it’s serious? He and Taylor seem pretty close, and I know Taylor isn’t one to get tied down. I’ve heard around, he likes to have a good time. I’m not looking for anything serious, so I was hoping Micah was the same. Do you know if he’s really seeing someone?”
“Yeah, he is,” Cindy answers with a smile.
“Oh. Is it serious?”
Cindy turns around, putting the book she had back on the shelf and makes eye contact with me again. Again, I shake my head that I do not want to be pointed out. Then we have a silent conversation with our eyes.
Veronica, you need to walk around this shelf right now and tell her he’s your man, her eyes say.
No, I reply, widening my eyes.
Stop being like that.
Cindy, shut up
Fine, whatever. I’ll do it for you.
She rolls her eyes, her cheeks expanding as she blows out a puff of air. “You know, it is serious. I know the girl. She’s gorgeous.”
“Really? Okay, good for him I guess. She must be pretty special because I know more than a few girls that drool over him when he works out at the gym.”
“I bet,” Cindy responds with a laugh. “But, yeah, she is special. I know for a fact that Micah’s in love with her.”
“Wow, really?” Julie looks a little taken aback. Cindy nods with a smile. “Good for him. I better get going. Talk to you later.”
“Yeah, see you around.”
Turning back around, Cindy leers at me through the books. I know she’s thinking the same thing I am. Get it together, Veronica.
She doesn’t say anything else to me as we leave the bookstore. Overhearing the conversation should have built up some confidence. It should’ve been something I was happy hearing. But all I focus on is her talking about how hot she thinks he is, how she flirted with him, and how other girls in the gym drool over him. I get it. I’ve seen him up close and personal. So why can’t I focus on that and the fact that he’s mine?
“What the hell is she doing here?” Cindy groans
We’ve pulled into the apartment complex, and at the end of the parking lot, waiting outside of Micah and Taylor’s apartment is Lana. Leaning against their door, sitting down with her legs crossed, she’s reading a book and looks like she doesn’t have a care in the world.
Cindy pulls into a parking spot, turning off the car. “I’m gonna go beat that girl’s ass.”
I quickly throw my hand over hers as she grabs her keys from the ignition. “Don’t bother, Cin.” I stare out of my window. Lana still hasn’t looked up.
“Don’t bother? That girl is a menace. You should’ve seen her at Matt’s party! She’s reckless and wants Micah to clean up her messes.”
“What are you talking about?”
“At Matt’s party. You know, the one we were at.”
“Yeah, I know you were at the party, but what happened with her? She was there, flirting with him?”
“What? No. Wait, Micah hasn’t told you?” I shake my head no. “Well, I guess it’s no big deal, even though he did take her to the hospital.”
“The hospital? What happened?”
“I’m not sure exactly. She was with some guy and was taking some pills or something. I don’t know the whole story. I thought Micah would’ve told you by now. I mean, it’s not like a secret or anything, but—”
“Forget it.” I take a deep breath. If it’s not a secret, why hasn’t Micah brought it up? Was that the stunt he mentioned she pulled? And now that I’m thinking about it, what about that thing about his mom loving her?
“Hey, you okay?” She grabs my arm.
“Yeah.” I glance over at their door, and this time she looks up. We make eye contact, and she gives me a slight smile. “Let me go talk to her. But can you wait here?”
“Definitely. Just holler, and I’ll slap a bitch.”
I let out a soft giggle, but it doesn’t calm my nerves. Grabbing my bag from the backseat, I’m hoping this is just a quick conversation. Maybe she forgot something. Surely she wouldn’t be camping out in front of their apartment, in hopes of still trying to reconcile.
Watching me walk over to her, Lana gets to her feet but stays in her spot. Her smile’s friendly and unassuming. Not threatening or even challenging.
“Uh, hey, Lana,” I say, doing my best not to stutter.
“Hi, Veronica.” Her smile never falters.
This is the closest I’ve seen her and I can’t find a flaw anywhere. Her blonde hair almost radiates. Her chest is perky, with the hem of her top short enough that it shows off her stomach. I wonder if Micah remembers what she feels like? No, Veronica. Stop that. She’s wearing small, black jean shorts that make her legs appear even longer. Her low-top red converse almost seem elegant on her, instead of looking like regular tennis shoes when they’re on me. My eyes find her face again. Not even a blemish.
“What are you doing here?” I ask, trying to sound confident.
She takes a deep breath, and it almost unnerves me. Is she getting ready to tell me off? Does she want to fight over Micah? Like, actually fight?
“This is so weird. I kind of remember you from high school.”
“Okay?”
“You always came off as so sweet. Cute.”
She doesn’t say it with any condescension in her voice, but I still feel it. “Um, thanks.”
“Look, I’m going to be honest with you. I screwed up.”
“Yes, you did.” Her head snaps to the side as she eyes me. Even I’m taken aback at my words.
“But here’s the thing. I know I messed up. And Micah thinks it’s all a game to me, and he might’ve been right about that in the past. But not this time. You’re with him right now, you know the type of guy he is. He’s the type of guy your parents are proud to meet and the kind of man you want to marry. To raise a family with.”
I hear her words, but my brain is stuck on only two of them; ‘right now.’ What does that mean?
“Look,” she brings me back to attention. “I don’t want to be a bitch, I’m just gonna be honest with you. I want him back. I need him back.”
This could be the answer I’ve been looking for. They’re totally suited for each other, based on looks. But just the fact that she’s said it out loud does something to me. Finally, I feel a spark of confidenc
e. Indignation almost. She wants him back? No. He’s mine.
“Sorry,” I answer, raising my shoulders. “But Micah’s made it pretty clear he doesn’t want you back.”
“No, see, I know that. But he just has to see I’m changing. And he will see that, over time.”
“Micah’s time is my time, Lana.”
“Is it?”
Her question throws me off. “Is it what?”
“Is it really your time? Or are you just benefiting from someone else’s work? My work.”
My eyes narrow, as her smile fades, and I try to decipher what she’s saying. Instead of waiting for me to piece it together, though, she lays it all out for me.
“Like I said, you’re sweet, Veronica. You seem like a really nice girl. But Micah and I, we have a history. I really, truly believe we belong together. I know him, and he knows me. Intimately.”
I want to force the disgusting thoughts of them together out of my mind, but she decides to nail them to my brain.
“Look, I’m not going to pretend you guys haven’t been together. You were sleeping in his bed when he helped me out that morning.”
Our bed, I want to yell at her. Not his bed, our bed. But I don’t. She’s so nonchalant about this entire conversation like she’s rehearsed it. She probably has.
“My point is, we know each other. We’ve learned with each other. You might be with him right now, but I know I need to be with him forever. When you not only learn the likes and dislikes of someone, but those intimate details about someone … like how he runs his thumb over your lips.”
My breath catches and not in a good way.
“Or how he holds you in just the right way, whispering your name.”
My world crumbles around me. Everything he’s done with me, he’s done with her. And they did it first.
“We know each other, Veronica. And it’s not just because we were each other’s first that I want to be with him. It’s because I know we’re supposed to be each other’s last.”
What if he doesn’t want you anymore? What if he loves me more? What if you’ve broken his heart too many times? All legitimate questions that I should respond with, but I don’t. Instead, all I do is stand there with tears welling up in my eyes.
The voice in the back of my mind that I’ve been fighting with tells me she’s right. They do belong together. They were high school sweethearts. They’re both gorgeous and would have incredibly gorgeous babies. And as much as I know Micah can’t stand the thought that she cheated on him, she’s still physically a better match for him than I am.
“I’m sorry,” she says, and I believe it. There’s no malice in her voice. She’s truly sorry. And so am I.
Without a word I walk away from the door, heading directly to Cindy’s car. As I get halfway there, Micah’s truck turns into the parking out. Getting to the passenger side of Cindy’s car, he stops next to us.
“Hey, gorge—”
“Don’t,” I snap at him. Looking up at him in the truck, I can’t help the tears falling down my cheeks.
“What’s wrong?” He immediately turns the engine off, getting out.
“Nothing.” I turn away, opening the car door. “I can’t be here right now. I have to go.”
“What? Go? But I thought we were—”
“You have company.” I point to his apartment.
Looking over and seeing Lana, he lets out an annoyed grunt. “Shit, what did she do?”
“Just told me the truth.”
Stepping closer, his hands run up my arms, then cradle my face. “Baby, talk to me. What’s going on?”
“Micah, you should just go talk to her. I’m going home.”
“No.” His thumbs wipe away tears right before his lips meet mine. “Vero, please, I love you. I don’t want her, I want you. Just tell me, Veronica. Just talk to me.”
I nod. I know this is it. I have to do this. Even if they don’t end up back together, I can’t keep comparing myself to her or anyone else. I need to do this.
“Micah, I … I need …”
“What? Name it, Veronica. I’ll do it.”
“I need a break.”
You know that low ringing you hear in movies after someone’s suffered some sort of horrific accident. The world spins slowly, and I don’t hear anything, just a long ring. As if I’m on my death bed and the monitor attached is telling me it’s over. That’s our relationship right now.
Micah’s face drops. “No. No, you don’t mean that.”
“I do. I’m sorry, but I can’t … you deserve someone better than me.”
“Someone better? Veronica, what are you talking about?”
I don’t know how to tell him. I need to but I can’t. And then his next words catch me completely by surprise.
“Fuck it. Are you cheating on me? Is that what this is about? Why you say it’s you and I need someone better?”
Tears still in my eyes, my jaw drops. “Oh my God, no. Micah, I would never do that. How could you even think that?”
“Then explain it to me!” he yells, grabbing my hand. “Please, Vero. I don’t understand. Why on Earth would I need someone better? I need you, that’s what I need.”
“I can’t—”
“What? What can’t you do?”
“I can’t be that!” I yell at him, pulling my hand away and pointing at Lana. “I’ll never be that or any kind of girl like that. You’re too good for me, don’t you see that? You have women drooling over you, and I’m the cute, chubby sidekick, who somehow is with you. I’ll always be looking over my shoulder at the next girl who would be a better fit for you. I’m not good enough.”
“Jesus, Veronica. When have I ever said that? Hell, when have I ever made you feel like that? I’m not calling you beautiful because I’m trying to boost your confidence. I’m saying it because I believe it.”
“That’s not good enough.”
“Why, though? Why isn’t it—”
“Because I don’t believe it!” I scream. The world goes silent. Micah stands next to the door, and I’m not sure there’s anything else to say. “I don’t believe it, okay? Besides, you and Lana have a history. She told me all about it.”
“What?” He looks back at Lana, who’s patiently waiting near his front door.
Before he can say anything else, I get in the car and push Cindy’s hand. “Go.” She doesn’t move. “Cindy, go!”
“Okay, okay.” Turning on the car, she pulls out and drives away. I can’t bring myself to look back through the mirrors, as I pull my knees up on the seat and slump my head between them, unleashing a flood of tears.
Chapter 31
Micah
Numb? Cold? Lifeless? I don’t know how I feel. She doesn’t believe she’s good enough for me? I knew she was self-conscious, but I had no idea it’d keep her doubting how I really feel. After everything, I never thought for a second she’d ever think she wasn’t good enough for me.
“I’m sorry,” Lana whispers behind me. “She really was a nice girl. And cute.”
Spinning around so fast that I nearly lose my balance, I step to Lana. My short comatose state vanishes and nothing but rancor surrounds me.
“You.” I stare down Lana. “What the hell did you tell her?”
She takes a step back, no doubt sensing my indignation. “I just told her the truth, Micah. The truth about us.”
“There is no us, Lana!”
“Yes, there is. There will always be an us. We know each other. I know what you like, and you know what I like. I know what gets you mad—”
“You do? Really? So are you sensing anything right now?”
“Micah—”
“No!” I take a step toward her as she takes another step back, leaning against my truck. “No, you don’t get to say anything else. Lord knows what you told her to make her feel like she doesn’t mean anything to me.”
“I just told her the truth.”
“As you see it?”
“What’s that supposed to mea
n?”
I know I need to control myself, but I’m so pissed off. The parking lot is scarce of cars, the sun starting to set. This was supposed to be a good night. We were supposed to finally squash all of the uneasiness that’s been floating between us. I can still feel the key I had made in my pocket, a small token just to reassure Veronica that I wanted her around all of the time. She could come and go as she pleased, though hopefully, she’d be around a lot more. Now I don’t know if I’ll ever get to hold her again, much less give her this stupid key.
I take another step, inching closer to her.
“It means the truth is pretty black and white. You screwed around on me. Twice. I broke up with you. Twice. That’s the truth. There’s no denying that. So how is it that you think I’d possibly give you a third shot? Especially when you know I’m with Veronica. What could possibly make you think I’d dump her and go back to you? You think you know me so well, right? Well, tell me, Lana … would I break up with a girl I’m in love with just to go back with some two-timing bitch?”
She flinches at my words. Never breaking our stare, I can see tears well in her eyes. I know it’s harsh. Beyond harsh, but I’m out of carrots at this point. I have no idea what else I can say so she realizes that us getting back together is never going to happen.
“That was low, Micah,” she whispers. I hear her voice crack as her arm wipes away her eyes.
“No. What’s low is you stalking me.”
“I’m not stalking you! I love you! You were my first, and I want you to be my last. I know I fucked up, but please—”
“Wait a minute.” I look back at the entrance to the parking lot, Cindy’s car long gone. “You didn’t … oh my God, Lana. Tell me you didn’t talk to Veronica about the times we had sex.”
“Of course I did. It all proves my point. We belong together. We learned what one another likes. I know your lips, and more importantly, I know how they make me feel. I know how you make me feel.”
“Son of a bitch! What the hell is your problem?”