by Tucker, RH
“Well, I hope he knows how awesome you are.”
He gives me a smile, but it’s not a playful one. It almost looks like he’s blushing. I decide to make it a joke. “Oh, he knows. Everyone knows I’m amazing, Ian. You know that.”
He laughs. “I do know that.”
Again, he still doesn’t look like it’s one big joke. A quietness drifts between us, just the muffled sounds from the dining room, and the grill crackling in the air. He’s always been nice, and we’ve gone out a couple of times, but only as a group with Manny and Rita, as a work thing. This feels different. Before I can respond, he clears his throat and turns his attention back to the grill.
“Get out of here,” he says. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
“Yeah … okay.” I stare back at him a moment longer, but he doesn’t turn back. Manny glances over his shoulder, setting up a new plate to be handed out, and nods to me. I turn around, heading to the locker room to change out of my greasy work clothes.
Walking out to the parking lot, I pull out my phone to text Taylor that I’m off when I look up and see him leaning over my car.
“What’s up, sexy?” he calls out, flashing a grin.
“Hey, what are you doing here already?” I ask, walking over to him.
He wraps his arms around me, kissing my neck. “I couldn’t wait. I think I’m becoming a little obsessed over you.”
I laugh and then kiss him back. “Wow, should I be flattered or concerned?”
“Both,” he replies, chuckling into my neck. “I’ll follow you back to your place if you’re ready.”
“Let’s go.”
Getting in the car, I take off with Taylor following behind on his bike. I live about twenty minutes from the restaurant, and taking a turn down a back road, the last five minutes is a long stretch in a quiet neighborhood, with no street lights and large oak trees.
I know I should temper my feelings, but he’s been coming over a lot more, and even though he hasn’t talked more about anything personal, it feels like he’s entirely at ease around me. And the last few times he’s stayed over, he hasn’t even been woken up by any nightmares.
Glancing back in the rearview mirror, I see the headlight from his bike and smile.
When I turn my attention back to the road, I flinch and grab the steering wheel tightly, swerving off to the side as a coyote jumps out in the street.
The car swerves, the back end tossing back and forth, and I hold on for dear life to the steering wheel. Starting to veer to the left side of the road I don’t know what to do, and just pull on the steering wheel, bringing me back to the right. The back wheels skid off to the side and I hear the gravel and dirt of the road, little rocks pinging against the outside of the car, as it swerves again, and I skid to a stop.
The car is perpendicular to the road, dirt and dust floating into the air, as my chest heaves. My fingers are still clenched tightly around the wheel, knuckles turning white, and I stare out of the front windshield. The headlights pierce through the plume of dirt.
“Sasha!” I hear Taylor yelling and my door swings open. “Sasha, are you okay?” He kneels down, holding my face.
My chest still heaving, I look over at him, nodding silently, but see his face. He’s panicked. Reaching around, he undoes my seatbelt and pulls me out of the car, standing me up. “I’m … I’m okay, Taylor.”
He doesn’t listen. “Are you okay? Sasha, are you hurt?” His hands roam from my face down to my neck and then along my ribs and legs. His hands pat down my legs and then back up my stomach, in a frantic search for any kind of damage.
“Taylor, I’m okay. I’m fine. It was a coyote.”
“Are you sure?” he answers back but is still searching me, looking for some sort of injury. “Are you sure you’re not hurt?”
“I’m fine, I’m fine,” I reply and grab his shoulders. He’s distraught. Gazing at me, I can see his eyes scan every part of my face, his lip quivering. “Taylor, I’m okay. I just skidded off the road.”
His chest is heaving more than mine is now. Holding my face, his lips crash into mine, and it’s unlike any kiss I’ve had with him. It’s not passionate, but instead, it feels like he’s relieved. His hands stay on each side of my face, he kisses my forehead and then pulls me close, hugging me tightly.
“I’m okay, Taylor,” I repeat, almost playfully. “Are you okay?”
Instead of answering, he kisses me again, still holding me. “That scared the shit out of me.”
“It was just a coyote. I’m fine.”
“Yeah. I know,” he replies, his hands still wrapped around me. “Come on, I’ll take you back on my bike. We can pick up your car in the morning.”
“What? No, it’s fine. We’re like three minutes from the apartment.”
“Sasha, please.”
Now I’m the one holding his face. His gaze is serious, and I still see the fear in his eyes. “Taylor, it’s fine. I’ll be fine. I’ll go ten miles per hour if it makes you feel better.”
“Five would be even better.”
I laugh. “Come on,” I give him a slight push. “I’ll be fine.”
Still holding my shirt, he stares back, unsure. Biting his lip, he finally nods and takes a step back to his bike. The car ride home is only slightly unnerving, but we’re so close to the apartment, it leaves quickly. At least for me. He still seems to be on edge when we get into the apartment, and I might assume it’s because he was freaked out. But when we get inside, we go to my room, and as I’m kissing him, he slows down. Not like he’s done before when he wants to take his time. This is something else.
“What’s wrong?” I ask.
“Nothing …” His hands crawl up to hold my face again as he lays on his side. “Can I just hold you tonight?”
I stare back at him, trying to read his expression. “Of course.”
I lay closer, resting my head against his chest, as his arms encompass me. One arm holds me close, while his fingers run through my hair.
I immediately remember his drunken night, how he thought I was someone else. He knows who I am tonight, but the same softness from that night, the same compassion that I’ve only seen glimpses of, is here now. I want to ask him about his accident, but I don’t. Whatever happened is still with him. So, I just lay in his arms, feeling his warmth against mine and know I’m falling harder for him.
Waking up in the morning, Taylor continues to cling to me, and I still have questions swirling in my head. I’m not sure I want to ask and open up a possible can of worms, but as he moves, I look up and see him smiling at me.
“Morning,” he groggily says.
“Hey.”
“You okay?” he asks, and I look at him, unsure what he’s talking about.
“Yeah, why?”
“Just making sure from last night.”
Propping up on an elbow, I meet his eyes. “Taylor, it wasn’t a big deal. Not even any damage to the car.”
“I know,” he replies, turning away.
“Hey,” I reach over, bringing his face back to meet mine, “are you okay?”
He stares at me longer than necessary. As if he’s searching for something in my eyes, but I have no idea what that something is. “I’m fine.”
I don’t want to press him, but I also want to make sure he knows I’m here for him. “Do you … want to talk about it?”
Taking a deep breath, he runs his thumb over my cheek and smiles. “Not really, no.”
“Okay,” I reply, begrudgingly. Snuggling close, a new thought hits me. “Still no nightmares again?”
He grins. “Nope. Thank you for being okay with last night.”
I let out a laugh. “Taylor, we don’t have to do it every single time we’re together.”
“Aw.” He playfully frowns, and I poke his ribs.
“Seriously. If we’re trying whatever it is we’re trying, I don’t want this thing built on just sex.” I look away, swallowing my nerves. “I mean … if we are actually building someth
ing.”
I wait nervously, his gaze never breaking from mine. “I’d like to think we are. How about breakfast?” he whispers, leaning closer and kissing my neck.
“Yeah, I could whip something up,” I reply, unable to stop the shiver that runs through me.
“No need.” He moves his lips lower, over my collarbone. “I already know what I want.”
Chapter 20
Taylor
I haven’t had any more nightmares, and I don’t know how I feel about that. I might be freaking out about it more, but I’m also starting to get nervous over paying my rent and bills.
I haven’t spoken with Micah since he moved out. Calvin keeps promising the gym is going to open though he doesn’t say when. I should be staying more up to date with everything, but I’m trusting him. I’m trying not to think about it, since I’ve already got my issues with Sasha, figuring out how to apologize to Micah, and studying for my classes all weighing on my mind.
My phone dings.
Ethan: Yo, T. Where u at?
Me: Home. What’s up?
Ethan: Can you meet me? I’m up the street at Pizza Castle.
I let out a laugh, staring at his text message. Pizza Castle is a restaurant that caters to kids, with a bouncy castle, ball pit, arcade, and pretty much anything else a four-year-old would love. He must have Ashley.
Me: Sure. Be there in a few minutes.
Getting to the restaurant, I walk inside, and Ethan waves me over to his table, where a half-eaten pepperoni pizza sits. Nodding over at him, I smile when his daughter runs over and wraps her arms around my leg.
“Taylor!” she calls out, giggling.
“Hey, what’s up, munchkin?” I kneel down and pick her up.
“I’m not a munchkin. I’m Ashley!”
“Are you sure?” I pinch her nose. “You look like a munchkin to me.”
She laughs again.
“Careful,” Ethan warns, as I set her down and sit across from him. “She’s had one full slice and two fruit punches. She’s already bursting.”
I laugh and watch as she runs back into the ball pit. “What are you guys doing?”
He shrugs. “I promised her we’d come because she got a gold star in her class last week.”
“Cool.”
“What’s up, man? I haven’t heard from you?”
I shake my head, grabbing a slice of pizza. “Not much, just keeping up with schoolwork and waiting on Calvin to get back to me about when the place is going to open. I think I have a few people ready to work with, I just need a spot.”
“Is Becky one of them?”
I laugh. “You know it.”
He laughs along, but in reality, I haven’t talked to her in a while, nor have I wanted to. I haven’t wanted to be with any girl other than Sasha, which I should be happy about. But whenever I’m reminded of that thought, worry and guilt speed through my mind.
“So, about Precision.” He chews on a slice of pizza before taking a drink, staring at me. “I talked to Calvin yesterday.” I raise an eyebrow, unsure how this conversation’s going to go. “His lease fell through on the place he wanted.”
“You’re kidding,” I spit out, dryly.
Ethan shakes his head. “And with that news …” He looks over at Ashley, who’s smiling and laughing in the ball pit, not a care in the world. “He, uh, put a hold on all of the equipment he was purchasing.”
My head drops back, and I let out a disgruntled groan. “E, tell me you’re joking. You’re joking, right?”
“Sorry, I’m not.”
“Damn it, Ethan. I quit my job. What the hell am I supposed to do?”
“Do you guys have anything saved? Maybe you can get by another month and look for an opening at another gym. I’m sure Micah—”
“Micah moved out.” He sits there quietly, staring at me. “And me, being the conceited jerk-off I am, told him to take his half of the rent that he was going to leave with me and shove it.”
Ethan shakes his head, his brow furrowed. “Taylor, why the hell would you do that?”
“It’s … a long story. I’m up the creek without a paddle on this one. Damn it. I’ve got enough saved to maybe pay this month’s rent, but that’s it. And that’s not even including all of my utilities.”
He’s quiet for a long time. So am I, staring down at the half-eaten pizza slice, listening to kids in the background.
“I know all of your family is in Santa Monica—”
“Don’t even. I’m not going back there.”
“I wasn’t going to say that. I was going to say come stay with me.”
I peak a brow. “Seriously?”
“Ashley’s only with me a few days a week. It’ll be fine. We’ll move her stuff in my room, and you can stay in hers.”
“Dude, I can’t do that to you.”
“Taylor, stop. Let me help you out. What else are you gonna do, go broke and live out on the street?”
I release a sigh of reluctance. This wasn’t how this year was supposed to go. I wasn’t supposed to have a falling out with my best friend, or quit my job out of stubbornness, or revert back to having nightmares about the worst day of my life. And I damn sure wasn’t supposed to start falling for a girl who I have no right falling for, knowing I can’t give her—or anyone for that matter—what they deserve.
I wasn’t supposed to be on the brink of homelessness, but here I am.
“Taylor?”
I slowly nod my head. “Yeah. Thanks. I’ll try to find a place to work and be out of your hair quickly.”
“Stop, man. Take as long as you need. I just ask you not to have any of you famous Taylor parties. I won’t have Ashley around that, even if she is over only a few days a week.”
I let out an amused chuckle. “That won’t be a problem. I haven’t been partying much lately.”
“Is that right?” He leers with a crooked grin, taking another slice of his pizza. “Any particular reason?”
My mind goes to Sasha, but I can’t bring myself to name her. I never had a plan as to when I would be ready to try and have a serious relationship with someone again. I didn’t allow my mind drift that far ahead.
“Or are we talking about a particular person? Just please don’t tell me it’s Becks.”
I laugh. “Oh, come on, what’s wrong with Becky?”
“Nothing’s wrong with her, but she’s a party girl. And I know you like to have fun, but I think you could do with something a little more slowed down. Whatever happened to that girl that picked you up? Sasha, right?”
“Yeah.” I nod. “She’s around.”
“Okay,” he smirks, sipping his soda. “Anything there?”
“Are you sure you’re twenty-two and not thirty-two, Baby Daddy?”
He shrugs with another chuckle. “What can I say, when you’re a dad you start to look at things differently.”
I nod, doing my best to keep the smile in place. Staring at me a moment longer, I catch his gaze, and raise my eyebrows, taking another bite of my pizza.
“Something I said?”
“Nope.” I shake my head, smiling wider. “All good.”
* * *
Looking out over the small drop on the beach, I listen to the waves break down below.
“Sorry I haven’t been by sooner,” I say, gazing out over the ocean horizon, running my fingers through the sand. “There’s no other way to put it, Reese. Things are shitty.”
Picking up a small pebble, I roll it around in my hand. I usually talk freely, but today I’m stuck.
“Remember when we were eleven, and your dad caught us sneaking out of your room?” I laugh, then sigh at the memory. “He was so mad. Looking back on it, I bet he was probably relieved we were that age and not a little older. And that we only had root beer and gummy bears.”
Another soft laugh and I clench my eyes shut, fighting back the emotions. “I don’t … I don’t know how to do everything I’m supposed to do and keep you in my life. That girl I’ve told you
about, she’s nice. You really would like her. She reminds me of you, but I don’t know if that’s a good thing. If I really think about it, it’s probably the absolute worst thing I need right now.
“Micah’s gone.” I take a deep breath, gently punching the sand I’m sitting on. “I did it again. I really thought I was past that … I miss you, Reese. I miss you more than you know. And that’s not fair to Sasha, but …” Grabbing a fistful of sand, I let it drift through my fingers. “But I can’t help how I feel either.”
Releasing a disgruntled sigh, I brush my hands off and get to my feet. “AJ is doing good. He’s such a smart kid. You’d be proud of him.” I nod, staring down over the edge of the rocky cliff. “I’ll try to come back sooner. I love you, Reese.”
Chapter 21
Sasha
How do you tell someone you love them when they seem like they feel the same, but then shut down when you try and talk about serious things? Or when they tell you they like being around you, which he has, and they smile more when they think of you, which he has too, but when I talk to him about family, either his or mine, he constantly has to finish a paper before the semester ends or figure out work stuff?
He sleeps over most nights, but lately, it’s not just to stay the night. He’ll hang out around the apartment, or we’ll go out and do stuff. Like now—he’s been over for a couple of hours, and we’re lying on the couch, watching a movie, as he gives me a foot massage.
“Don’t do it,” I tell the TV, taking a bite from a bag of chips.
“When have you ever watched a slasher flick and the main people don’t go into the shadowy area?” Taylor chuckles.
“You never know,” I answer. “Maybe one of these days the script will finally get it right, and do the sensible thing.”
He laughs, switching from my right to my left foot. “If that day comes, the movie will be ten minutes long, with everyone coming to their senses, and calling the police while they wait in a locked car.”