by Jordan Marie
Except for Julia—pronounced Jewel-ya in a long drawn out voice that makes you want to slap the shit out of her.
She still treats me like crap. Not that I expected much different. She was a bitch years ago when my parents threw me out. She’s even more of a bitch now, if that’s to be believed. She thinks her shit doesn’t stink and that her life is perfect. How she could think that, since her husband keeps making passes at me on a daily basis, is beyond me. Maybe she doesn’t care since she spends her time sleeping with Reverend Whitaker—and hiding that from Louise—Reverend Whitaker’s wife.
Small towns… Got to love the deep dark secrets they pretend to hide.
Julia runs the only ladies clothing boutique in Mason. To be honest, most of my clothes and my children’s clothes come from the Goodwill store a county over. I shop there often, mostly out of necessity, but also because kids grow so damn fast that it makes more sense to buy their clothes and not pay a fortune for them. Especially since my kids either ruin them playing or hit a growth spurt and outgrow them in a month. I’m actually planning on going there next week because Cyan and the twins are all outgrowing their britches—sadly, sometimes I think in several ways.
Those boys might be the death of me.
I take the dresses I just picked out for my girls, lay them over Mary’s stroller handle and make my way to the front. Julia’s sour face appraises me coolly. I avoid flipping her off and I feel like that’s a win.
“Ida Sue. I didn’t imagine seeing you in my shop.”
“Now why is that Jules?” (pronounced j’alls just to irritate the bitch.)
Her nose scrunches up so much that I swear the woman looks like a damn English Boxer. Of course, that might be an insult to the entire breed…
“This just doesn’t seem like your kind of shop,” she says with a helpless shrug. “Although I did hear how you had come into money.”
“And where would you have heard that?”
“Why, it’s all over town. I guess it came at a good time too.”
“Getting money doesn’t usually have a bad time, Jules.”
“It’s Julia.”
“Mmmm hmmm.” I don’t bother looking up and I’m not going to change what I call her either. She should know that by now, but you can’t fix stupid. “I’ll take these dresses please.”
I really shouldn’t buy them, but I want my girls to have something pretty. I’ll make it up to the boys by getting them that damn gaming system they’ve been begging me for. But, I want my girls to have clothes that make them feel beautiful. Every girl should have something that makes them feel beautiful. I didn’t buy myself anything, but then there’s nothing I want and if I ever need to feel beautiful all I have to do is look into Jansen’s eyes.
God, I love that man.
“Word on the street is that you were losing your ranch, things were so bad,” Julia murmurs, while taking the hangers off the dresses and folding them neatly on the checkout counter.
“Word would have been wrong.” I smile sweetly at her. The smile is definitely forced, my lips are so stretched in sarcasm that it hurts and I’m grinding my teeth. I just want to throat punch her once.
Would that be so bad?
“That’s not what I hear.”
“Like I said, you heard wrong.”
And she did. Things were definitely bad and I don’t know how Jansen has done it, but he sent the bills out the last two months and there’s a balance of twelve hundred dollars in the ranch account.
Now that my personal account is overflowing, I need to talk with Jansen on the best way to structure things. I want my kids taken care of and more money put in the ranch, to make it the kind of place it was always meant to be.
“Whatever you say, Ida Sue. You’re probably right. It’s best not everyone knows how bad things were.”
“Jules, if you have something to say, just spit it out. I don’t have all damn day to figure out what kind of snide insult you’re trying to deliver.”
“Obviously money can’t buy good manners and decorum,” she says shaking her head.
“Obviously, because you’ve had money your whole life and it hasn’t helped you one damn bit,” I snipe back.
“With your attitude it’s a wonder you found a man like Jansen Reed who’s willing to pay your bills,” she responds. “That will be one hundred and eighty-two dollars. I’ll throw in the change, unlike you I can rise above personal differences to help those less fortunate.”
“What do you mean, Jansen pays my bills?” I narrow my eyes, bracing myself, because I’m pretty sure it’s finally the right time to punch the cow.
“You didn’t know,” she smiles with glee.
“What are you talking about?”
“Jansen came in at the end of January and transferred money and caught the payments up on your place and paid three in advance.”
“How do you know that?” I ask, but I know. Her husband works at the bank.
Mary picks that moment to start crying.
“Never mind,” I snap at Julia, feeling like a fool a million times over. I throw two hundred dollars down on the counter, grab the bag of clothes and wheel Mary out of there. She needs a diaper change. The girl surely is dragging her feet learning to go potty. Most of my kids caught on quickly.
“You overpaid,” Julia yells, right before the door closes. I catch it and turn to look at her. “If you think I’m one of those less fortunate you really haven’t heard the amount of money I have now, Jules. Why I bet if I wanted to I could make sure your husband loses his fancy job at the bank for running his fool mouth.”
I let the door slam on that threat. Then, I take a deep breath and try to figure out just what to do with the knowledge that Jansen used his money to save the ranch and lied to me about how we were turning a profit….
45
Jansen
I rub the back of my neck and wonder for the millionth time if I’m doing the right thing or being a stubborn old fool. I still don’t know the answer. I turn at the stop sign and head back into Mason. I’ve been three counties over today interviewing for a job as a foreman on a horse ranch. It’s a good setup and the job is mine if I want it. I have to let them know by the end of the week.
I don’t know if I can leave Ida Sue. I just know I can’t stay on as her foreman when she doesn’t even need me. I’m getting too old for the cattle business, horses are more my speed these days. I could do the cattle with some hired hands to help, sure. But if Ida Sue hires workers, then she really doesn’t need me—not that I think she does anyway.
If I’m honest, I’m the one that needs her.
Life has gotten damn complicated.
I’m going to have to talk to her soon. I don’t have a choice. At the last second, I decide to drive downtown. I need to transfer some more money from my personal account into the temporary one I opened up here in town. If Ida Sue thinks I’m going to cash the damn paychecks she keeps putting on my desk, she better think again.
I get into town and pull into the graveled parking lot across from the general store as if on autopilot. My head is too full of crap to pay much attention to anything, but as I’m walking toward the bank I see Ida Sue on the sidewalk. She’s squatted down doing something with Mary. My heart hurts seeing her.
How am I supposed to leave her?
My feet automatically take me in her direction. She’s like a magnet that I’m drawn to. She stands up, brushing her hair out of her face, so beautiful she makes me ache. There’s never… never, been anyone in my life as beautiful as she is. It shines from the inside out.
I stop walking when I see Grave Mullins come up beside her to talk to her. He comes up behind her, catching Ida Sue off guard. He gets close to her—too fucking close. Then leans down to talk in her ear. Ida Sue smiles and I get this sick feeling in my stomach.
Jealousy fires through me like an asteroid intent on destruction. I’ve never been jealous in my life, but I’m definitely feeling it right now. I’m feeling it so mu
ch that I’m seeing fucking red. I take off running, intent on only one thing.
To tear Grave Mullins’s head off his shoulders.
When I get there, Ida Sue is pushing him away. That should make me feel better, but I’m too far gone. I slam my hands into him. He stumbles, staggering and almost falling down, but not quite. Before he can get control however, my fist connects with his jaw. He takes a swing at me, I dodge it and punch him in the gut. He starts to go down but I push him against the side of the building as my fist connects again. After that, I truly lose it. I hit him over and over—stomach, ribs, face.
I take special joy in hitting the bastard in the face.
I probably would still be hitting him except Ida Sue swings her purse at me. It hits me on the side of the face and it’s not a small purse. It’s big enough to pack a damn basketball in. I don’t know what she’s got packed in it either, but the damn thing hurts more than being pistol whipped.
“Jan! Stop it! You’re going to kill him.”
“It’d be good enough for the son of a bitch.”
“Maybe so, but he’s not worth you going to prison.”
“I’m not so sure.”
“Fine then. Go ahead and be stupid and kill him,” she growls.
I didn’t really need her permission, but since I have it, I kick the bastard in the crotch.
Ida Sue swings her purse of death at me again.
“Damn it, Lovey! That hurts.”
“Good! I swear Jansen Reed, if you get arrested and thrown in jail I’m not bringing you any soap on a rope.”
“What?”
“You heard me mister. You will just have to use the prison issued stuff and if you drop it, that’s not my problem.”
“Lovey—”
“If you want to be Cell Block A’s prime real estate for a game of butt darts, that’s your business, Jan,” she grumbles, then she turns around and pushes Mary’s stroller farther down the sidewalk.
“Stay away from Ida Sue or I’ll finish what I started,” I threaten Mullins.
“I’m going to sue you!”
“Try it and I’ll make you sorry you were born,” I warn him, and I’m not even kidding. Then I turn and chase down Ida Sue, who is almost at the parking lot by now. “Damn it, Ida Sue!”
“Don’t talk to me. I can’t believe you right now.”
“He had his hands on you!”
“So?!?! I was handling it.”
“Yeah, I saw just how you were handling it.”
“What in damnation are you going on about now?” she mutters, opening her truck door and carefully taking Mary out of her stroller.
“Bites…” Mary demands.
“Okay, baby. Let’s get you in the car seat and we’ll find you some food,” she promises.
I take Mary out of her hands and put her in her seat. Mary goes from whining and not wanting in the seat to grabbing my hat and pulling it off my head. I get her buckled in and manage to trade my hat to Mary by handing her one of her toys that’s in the seat. I close the door and walk to Ida Sue’s door. She’s closed in her truck now, but the window is down.
“What did you mean you saw how I was handling it?” she asks again, her eyes narrowed and her forehead wrinkled with anger.
“You were smiling at him and rubbed your backside against him. Don’t bothering denying it, Ida Sue. I saw you,” I accuse her, my hat still in my hands.
I thought I had seen Ida Sue angry before. I really had. Right now, I know that I haven’t. I’ve only seen her aggravated, because right now I can see that she is furious.
“You’re a horse’s ass. I thought he was you, you jerk!”
“Not likely! We don’t look anything alike!”
“My back was turned to him! You’re the only man I’d expect to get near me like that! I seriously can’t believe you right now!”
“Ida Sue—”
“I’m taking Mary to get her some food and you better pray I’ve calmed down by the time I get back home.”
“Maybe you better hope I’ve calmed down!”
“Why, Jan? I’m not the one that’s been lying this whole time.”
“Woman, I’ve never lied to you!”
“Really, Jan? Then how come I was just told by the one woman in this whole county that I’d have trouble spitting on if she was on fire—and let me tell you Jansen, I’d love to spit on her any other time—”
“Ida—”
“I had to hear from her that you were the one that paid the ranch payments, and not by the so-called profit we’ve been making!”
Fuck.
“Darlin’…”
“Go darlin’ someone else, Cowboy. You knew how important it was to me to know what was going on with the ranch. You knew I needed you to be upfront and honest with me. Instead, I find out you’ve been doing shit you had no right to do behind my back!”
“If I hadn’t you were going to lose the ranch!”
“Then I’d have lost the ranch! It was my ranch to lose! Not yours, Jan! I’ve been through worse; my kids have been through worse. We would have survived.”
“And that right there is the whole problem,” I tell her. My mind finally made. I guess if you want to get technical, Ida Sue made it up for me.
“What are you talking about now?”
“It was your ranch to lose. I don’t have a right to try and save it for you and the kids. No wonder you won’t marry me, Ida Sue. You only think in terms of you and your kids. You don’t have room for me in your life.”
“Jan—”
“I’ll be leaving at the end of the week. You have money now. You can hire someone to take my place, or not… like you just made abundantly clear, it’s not my problem.”
I walk away after that, putting my hat on and going to my truck.
It’s over.
46
Ida Sue
“Well, Ida Sue… you’ve certainly stepped in it now,” I mutter to myself.
I’m leaning over the kitchen sink, watching Jansen load up his truck. He doesn’t have a lot, but he’s leaving in the morning and watching him throw his saddle and things in the back of his truck hurts more than I could ever put into words. I’ve tried to talk to him. I got nowhere. It didn’t help that I had no idea what to say to him. He’s right. I shouldn’t have made him feel like he didn’t have a say when it came to the ranch and what happens in my life and that of my kids. I didn’t mean it like that, not really. It was just words spit out in the heat of anger, but I don’t know how to make it better. I don’t have a clue.
“Is Jansen really leaving tomorrow?” Maggie asks from behind me.
“I’m afraid so.”
“But, you love him.”
“Sometimes love isn’t enough,” I murmur, ignoring the sting of tears that brings.
“But he loves you too. He told us he did,” Cyan yells.
I turn away from the window to see all of my kids standing there looking at me. Several are looking at me with sadness. Petal and Cyan’s faces look more like panic—an emotion I can completely identify with right now. Green is looking at me with anger though.
“He does. Being an adult is complicated sometimes—” I start and that sounds lame even to my own ears.
“You need to fix this, Mom,” Gray says from the door. He and White are standing there and I frown.
“Why aren’t you two in school?” I ask, knowing good and well they should be there, it’s the middle of the week.
“Green called and told us that Jansen was planning on leaving. We came to stop that.”
“Good luck, he’s dead set on leaving,” I mutter.
“Only because you’re being stubborn.”
I look at White. Of all my children, White and Gray have been the ones I’ve relied on the most… probably because we grew up together. Sometimes I think they are more adult than me.
“I can’t—”
“I don’t want to lose Jansen! I love him!” Petal says, stomping her foot and running off to c
ry.
I let out a long, sad sigh.
This is a damn mess.
“Mom—”
“I can’t hear anymore tonight,” I tell Black. “Relationships are complicated and there’s a lot you don’t know about, son. I’m not about to get lectured by my fourteen-year-old son. I’m going to go see to your sister. Since you’re all standing around with nothing to do, you can clean the kitchen up tonight,” I mutter and then I head upstairs to see if I can console my daughter’s broken heart.
I just wish someone would do the same with mine…
47
Gray
“Damn this is a nice set up,” I mutter looking around the playhouse.
“We worked our asses off on it,” Black mutters.
“Get real, you bailed out after a couple of hours and went fishing with your buddies,” Blue tells him.
“Whatever. I worked twice as hard as you did all week in those two hours.”
Black flips Blue off and I laugh. Those two are just like me and White when we’re together.
“You’re both crazy. We all know Jansen did most of the work,” Green grumbles.
“Yeah,” Maggie says with a sigh, sitting at the table in the back. She’s dejected and that’s unlike Maggie. She’s usually in charge when it comes to group meetings with the siblings.
“Mags? You okay?”
“No. I’m not okay.”
“What about you Petal?” I ask, because there’s not much I can say to Maggie. None of us are okay that Jansen is going to leave. Even White and I are upset and we aren’t here most of the time. Still, we both know that this is the first time Mom has been this happy. Plus, damn it, she needs someone to take care of her. White and I are coming back from school as much as possible, but it’s causing problems with work and school. The two of us are staying exhausted lately, trying to balance everything. College is supposed to be the best time of your life. So far, it’s been nothing but work.