by Lolita Lopez
Someday he wanted her to trust him more than Danny. Until then…
“I won’t abuse that privilege. Today? This morning? You’re going to let me use it because you know that’s what you need. You need me to tell you that it’s okay. You need me to tell you that you’re forgiven. You need me to forbid you from having these painful thoughts that are only going to upset you and cause stress.”
A long moment later, she answered, “Yes.”
Touching his forehead to hers, he murmured, “You have such a soft heart, Ella. You haven’t done anything to deserve my disdain or disappointment or censure. Whatever you’ve done to survive in the past? I accept it. All of it. You don’t ever have to justify your choices to me.”
She gulped. “Raze…”
He didn’t want to leave her crying here alone in his quarters. He kissed her again, letting his mouth linger on hers as long as possible. She was sweet and soft and so fucking tempting. When he broke away from her mouth, she smiled shyly up at him. Satisfied that she would get some rest and not be plagued by guilt, he brushed his knuckles across her cheek. “Go back to sleep. I’ll see you later.”
“Be careful.”
“I will.” He squeezed her hand one last time before shoving off the bed, grabbing the last of his gear and leaving his quarters. It was a quick trip to the SRU HQ. Cipher and the rest of the team were already there. By the looks of it, Cipher had bunked in his small office again. He often did that, choosing to stay and work rather than humping it back across the ship to his more comfortable bed.
Catching Mayhem in the locker room, he tapped the soldier on the back. “Do you have a minute?”
“Yes, sir.” Mayhem stopped packing his off-duty bag. “What do you need?”
“Would you mind looking after Ella while I’m off the ship today? She’s confined to my quarters, but if there’s an emergency or one of Orion’s damn drills, she’ll need an escort.”
“It’s not a problem. Consider it done, sir.”
“Thank you.” Turning around, Raze found three of the five SRU teams attached to the Valiant staring at him. Some of them were coming off their night shift. Some of them were preparing for standby duty. The rest were going with him to the surface for the Grab. Exhaling a loud breath, he decided to give the nosy bastards what they wanted. “Yes, I stole Ella from Swift last night. Yes, I’m keeping her.”
The room erupted with laughter and bawdy jokes and I told you sos.
Remembering Orion’s warning, he addressed his men in a stern, no bullshit voice. “Swift and I are on good terms. We made our amends last night. There will be no bad blood between SRU and the Sky Corps. Understood? If I hear one report from the admiral or the general, you’ll be off the SRU and busted down to sanitation duty.”
Every man there nodded dutifully. A round of Yes, sirs erupted.
“Spread the word,” he ordered. Fully aware his men deserved an explanation, he said, “I behaved dishonorably last night. I won’t see my poor behavior trickle down and infect my men. You are the bravest, smartest, most talented men in the Land Corps. You were chosen because you reflect the highest standards of our people. You will—we will—behave like men of honor.”
His short speech hit the mark. The teams all nodded in agreement. Like the Shadow Force, the SRU chose the best of the best. The men here were the elite soldiers of the Land Corps, and they needed to act like them—himself included.
After checking and rechecking his gear, he called the Alpha team into the mission planning room. They went over the plan, the backup plan, the backup plan for the first backup plan and the holy-shit-everything-has-gone-to-hell plan. When they were outfitted and ready to go, he cleared their departure with the Land Corps HQ and led his team to the flight deck.
The small group of soldiers and airmen who had been greenlighted for this Grab were milling around on the deck, waiting for their orders to board. With a black eye and bruised jaw, Swift stood among them. Their gazes clashed. The men surrounding them all stiffened and went quiet, all of them watching like feral beasts ready to pounce at the first sniff of bad blood.
Raze walked right up to Swift. The skilled fighter pilot met him with a hand outstretched. They didn’t exchange words, only handshakes. Almost instantly, the men surrounding them relaxed. There would be no brawl here.
“I’m flying your men in and out.” Swift gestured to the aircraft waiting to the far left. “We’re ready to board when you are.”
“You’re not going to run?” Raze was taken aback. Swift had the most points of any man on the deck. He should have been the first to claim a bride.
Swift shrugged. “I had a lot to think about last night. I need some time to sort some shit out before I take a mate. I gave my slot to the next Sky Corps man on the list.”
“I know how that goes,” Raze assured him. “It’s better to wait than to jump too soon. Venom waited, you know. Years and years and years,” he added. “When he was ready, Dizzy was waiting for him.”
“I won’t be waiting years and years. Another quarter or two suits me fine.” He hooked a thumb toward the waiting aircraft. “Let’s get these men on the ground.”
Nodding, Raze circled his hand overhead in a silent order for his men to load up. It was an orderly procedure, and within a quarter of an hour, the entire flight group was in the air. He glanced at his watch, marking the time, and began the long, slow countdown until he could see Ella again.
As he settled into his seat and stretched out his legs, Raze closed his eyes and hoped to snatch a few precious minutes of sleep. In the back of his mind another countdown had already begun. Thirty days.
Thirty days was so short, but he was going to try to enjoy every moment of it with her—and he was going to try to help her. There was a reason he had the highest rate of negotiation success across every SRU in the entire Harcos war force. He understood people and he was good at fixing people. He was good at talking them through their problems and convincing them to give up without unnecessary bloodshed.
Ella didn’t need to be negotiated with or talked down, but she needed someone to listen to her and to help her dissect the parts of her life that still gave her trouble. She had suffered so cruelly. She deserved the chance at a full life, at falling in love and even having children if she wanted. First, she had to get beyond the guilt and pain of her past emotional trauma. He couldn’t fix her in thirty days, but he could get her firmly established on the right path.
And then he would have to set her free.
Chapter Eight
A strange chime and a series of loud knocks pulled Ella from a dead sleep. Bolting upright, she gripped the bedcover to her chest and glanced around her dark and unfamiliar surroundings. The insistent knocking inspired a quiver of panic. She wasn’t sure what to do. Raze had been clear about the danger to her in this area of the ship. He had all but ordered her to stay in his quarters.
There were three loud beeping noises and then door was suddenly swinging open. Terrified and fearing the worst, Ella scrambled out of the bed and picked up the closest thing she could find. Holding the small black box she grabbed from the bedside table, she tried to decide whether to run and lock herself in the bathroom or hide in Raze’s locker.
The lights flashed on so brightly that she was momentarily blinded. When she glanced out through squinted eyes, she spotted Torment striding into Raze’s apartment as if he owned the place. She lifted the box higher, ready to throw it at him, and he scoffed with laughter.
“It’s going to take more than an alarm clock to take me out, Ella.” He gestured for her to set it aside. “I’m not here to hurt you.”
Not lowering her arm, she asked, “Why are you here? This is Raze’s private apartment. You shouldn’t be in here.”
“I’m Shadow Force, Ella. I can go anywhere I want on this ship. No one is going to stop me.” He pointed to the bedside table. “Put the alarm clock down. Go get dressed. We need to have a chat some place more secure.”
Ella sho
ok her head. “I’m not going anywhere with you. I’ve heard stories about the things your secret shady ass group did to Naya.”
“I’m not going to discuss that mission with you.” Stepping forward, he sighed heavily. “Look, last night, I was an asshole to you. I said things that upset you, but I did that to protect you.”
She lowered her hand in shock. Gawking at him, she asked, “How the hell was insulting me and calling me a whore protecting me?”
He didn’t even flinch. “Did Raze steal you? Did Raze rush forward to protect you? Did he claim you? Keep you?” He motioned around the apartment. “You’re safe here with a man I trust and a man you trust because of me.”
Her sleep foggy brain refused to make the pieces fit. “I don’t—”
“Swift isn’t a bad man, but he’s arrogant,” Torment stated. “He’s also very traditional. Had he taken you as his bride, he would have been very, very upset to find out about your past.” Torment made an irritated face. “He would have turned you out immediately, and I wouldn’t have had time to find a safe place for you in the colonies. I have thirty days now. If things with Raze don’t work, I can secure new papers and a transfer of your assets to Jesco—”
“No,” she cut in quickly. “Never Jesco. Not for me.”
His lips settled into a grim line. “I forgot. Harkin—”
“Please don’t say his name,” she practically begged. It was growing clearer to her that Torment knew everything about her murky past.
“I’m sorry, Ella, but that’s why I’m here. I need you tell me everything you know about him. I need you tell me everything you know about The City and the politicians and the elite. I have to know about George’s connections, too.”
Her stomach soured. “I don’t want to talk about any of that.”
“I know that you don’t,” he said gently, “but the intel you possess can save so many lives.” With an imploring gaze, he asked, “Please, Ella, help me. Help us win this war.”
When he put it like that, there was no way to deny his request. She blew out a tired breath. “All right. I’ll help, but can we do it here? Raze was very clear that I shouldn’t leave his apartment.”
“We need to take a trip to the Shadow Force sector. We have secure rooms there.” As if uneasy, he glanced around the room. “We still have a suspected spy or possibly even a spy ring aboard the ship. Raze will understand. I’ll talk to him.”
“I’ll need a few minutes to get dressed.” She eyed the door behind him. “Can you please give me some privacy?”
“Ten minutes,” he said, turning on his heel. “Not a moment more.”
She waited until he had turned his back to roll her eyes. These Harcos males were so high-handed and bossy. She checked the clock as she replaced it on the table and decided to spend exactly eleven minutes getting ready. She already had one of these big sky warriors thinking he could tell her what to do. She didn’t need another one on her case.
Ella found the toiletries she needed in the kit the general had given her. She washed her face and brushed her teeth before combing out her tangles and coiling her hair into a bun she secured with the provided pins and ties. Wrinkling her nose at the ugly, boxy dress and uncomfortable bra, she nevertheless pulled them on along with the strange shoes.
So used to primping and dressing in the finest The City had to offer, Ella felt strangely naked and uncomfortable. She would never have left her home looking like this. To walk around this ship looking so unpolished and plain seemed almost disrespectful to Raze.
I have to find a shop. She needed clothing and shoes and makeup and jewelry. She wanted Raze to be proud of her. As his mate she ought to take even more care with her appearance so that she would always be beautiful for him.
Something strange and cold tightened in her chest. You’re thinking of Raze as if he were George. The man who had once owned her had drilled into her head very early on in their relationship that she represented him in public. She was always to be perfectly coiffed and beautifully dressed, always smiling and pleasing in every way.
Or else…
Or else there was pain.
So much pain.
Too much pain.
Don’t. She quickly shut down those memories. Raze isn’t George. He won’t hurt me for being less than perfect.
Glancing at the clock, she noted that twelve minutes had passed. She walked to the door and opened it to find Torment waiting with his hands behind his back. He frowned at her. “You owe me two minutes.”
She quirked an eyebrow. “And how, exactly, do you expect me to repay them?”
“That’s a dangerous question to ask of a man like me,” he warned. With a flick of his fingers, he said, “Walk.”
So she did. Torment seemed to be less malleable than Raze. Flirtatious smiles and teasing wouldn’t work on this man. He was hard and cold and appeared to have been named aptly.
Not a word was spoken as Torment walked her through the ship. He took her to the same elevator that she had used with Raze, but they stepped off on an unusually dark and quiet floor. He hadn’t pressed any button to reach it, and she decided that the chip implanted in his arm must have given him access to hidden parts of the ship.
He led her to a door that opened with a loud hiss. She followed him inside and quickly realized she had just walked right into an interrogation room.
As if sensing her sudden dread, Torment explained, “This is one of the few rooms we sweep twice a day.” He gestured to a man she hadn’t seen hiding in a shadowy corner. “He just completed cleared this for us.”
A soldier stepped forward, his movements slow and deliberate. Though he bore no outward signs of bruising or trauma, he seemed to be recovering from an injury. Ella looked him over for a moment. The strong, square jaw. The eyes. The hair. “Pierce?”
He seemed surprised by her correct guess. “Yes. How—?”
“Hopper,” she explained. “She talked about you. She’s been worried about you. I think she feels responsible for what happened that night.”
“That wasn’t her fault,” Pierce insisted. “Sometimes missions go badly and men get hurt or die. She gave the SRU all the intel they needed to recover the rods safely. She got herself and Dizzy out of that hostage situation alive by providing the maps. She’s continued to feed us information that’s saved lives.”
“Do you know if she’s okay?” Ella glanced between both men. “We were separated last night. I need to know that she’s okay.”
“She’s fine.” Torment gestured to one of the chairs at the rectangular table. “Please sit.”
Ella took a seat. “How do you know she’s fine?”
“Danny sent a coded message.” Torment chose the seat across from her. “He made sure to let us know that he got Hopper into a safe house. He also went to your apartment, but he wasn’t fast enough. The secret police had already ransacked the place. He put together a collection of your most important things and will be dropping them off at the Grab today.”
Ella’s mind reeled. “They ransacked my place? Why?”
Pierce carefully lowered himself into the seat next to Torment’s. “They were probably looking for evidence that could be used to frame you or apply pressure to make you do their bidding once they had you in custody. You’re lucky that we got to you before they locked you away in The Hole.”
“The Hole?” she asked uncertainly.
“It’s the name we’ve given to the camps in the mountains. People go in and never come out. It’s like they fall down a hole.”
Ella shivered, thinking about how close she had come to that fate. “But what in the world could they possibly want from me? I’m just a muse. That’s it.”
“You’re much more than that,” Torment argued. “You’re a symbol. Governments love symbols.” He accepted a tablet from Pierce and began to tap at the screen. “Once we start building our base on your world, you’ll get an up-close-and-personal peek at our brand of propaganda.”
Her stomach flip-
flopped. “Why do I get the feeling you want to use me the same way my government does?”
“Because you’re smart and you know your value,” Torment replied matter-of-factly. He set aside his tablet for a moment. Placing both palms flat on the table, he seemed to be choosing his words carefully. “I don’t need the gory details about your early childhood.”
“But?” she asked apprehensively.
“But I need to know about Harkin and George and the other men you…entertained.”
“Entertained?” she repeated dryly. “I suppose that’s the nicest way of describing it.”
“I’m not here to judge you,” Torment said hastily. He seemed hesitant as he explained, “Pierce and I were war orphans. We were packed off to a shit hole where we were treated like livestock. We both figured out very quickly that if we wanted to survive we had to be the fastest, the strongest—and the most violent.”
The two men shared a secret glance. Ella understood perfectly. “It took me a long time to break that habit,” she admitted quietly. “To stop being so selfish and greedy and quick to strike.”
“We were the lucky ones,” Pierce said, his voice low and rough. “The boys who weren’t chosen by an academy were sent away to the mining and production planets for labor. Most of the girls ended up on pleasure ships.”
“So whatever you did to survive?” Torment shrugged carelessly. “I don’t give a shit. Pierce doesn’t either. We just need to know everything you know about how things work down in The City.”
Ella blew out a breath. “This is going to be a long talk.” Growing more aware of her thirst and hunger, she asked, “Can I get some breakfast or something?”
“Of course.” Pierce stood slowly and crossed to the door. He paused and glanced back. “Do you have any dietary restrictions?”
Certain he was thinking of Dizzy and her vow to never eat meat, she shook her head. Unlike Dizzy, she had never been allowed the luxury of saying no to certain food groups. She had learned at an early age to eat whatever she could find—and to eat it fast before someone else tried to take it. “I’m not picky. I’ll eat and drink whatever you bring me.”