by J. P. Scott
“I want to lick you all over. I miss that ass.” Jeremy’s voice was low and breathless. It was if he were whispering directly into Ollie’s ear. That they were not separated by hundreds of miles.
“I miss that tongue…and your hands all over me, owning me.” Jeremy’s touch was always firm and intentional and sent heat through his skin. Ollie tried to touch himself in places Jeremy might touch if he were there. There were tingles, but still not the same. He grabbed his cock that was now hard and pressing against the sheets.
“Jeremy,” he whispered.
“You like my tongue in your ass?” Oh, to feel his scruffy beard and not just imagine it.
“Yes, oh, yes.” Ollie knew he was close. From Jeremy’s breathing, he must be as well. They both grunted as they shot their loads.
“I’m looking forward to doing that for real when I get home.”
Thirty-Three
Ollie slept hard and deep. His alarm finally woke him and he groaned. Just one more day, and then it is the weekend.
He climbed out of bed and threw on his shorts. He could not remember if he had seen coffee in Jeremy’s kitchen and crossed his fingers that he would find something. He was in luck, there was a single-serve machine and pods tucked in the corner of the kitchen.
“How are you doing?” He sent a text to Cam, hoping that he was also waking up and trying to get his day going. Ollie would not be surprised if Cam called out and spent the day in the apartment and hibernating.
He sent a kissing emoji to Jeremy and carried his fresh coffee back to the bathroom where he showered and got ready for the day.
Ollie repeated the chants…one about his job and the other about his body. If they were going to work to help reshape his perspective, he had to make sure he did it every day.
He arrived at work without hearing from either Cam or Jeremy. He assumed Cam was still sleeping, and Jeremy was diving into his day.
At break, he ran into Jessica in the break room. “Is it official, yet?”
“I just got out of a meeting with my team leader. Notice is officially submitted.”
“I still can’t believe it’s true. But I’m happy for you.”
“Have you heard anything yet?”
“No, but if the deadline to apply was today, I’m not expecting to hear anything until next week.” He was trying to set realistic expectations to avoid obsessing about if he would get an interview, and how well he would perform. I want this job!
“Until you rock that interview, don’t forget how amazing you are.”
Ollie appreciated the continual praise and reminder. He felt that he had been hogging the spotlight. “Do you have any listings you want to look at?”
“Yes! And I need your opinion!” Jess reached into her purse and pulled out a stack of papers. “I printed these off to show you. I think these should be in my budget and not a nightmare’s drive away from work.”
They grabbed seats and sorted through the listings. The read the descriptions, analyzed pictures, and looked up the neighborhoods on the internet. By the end, they had three stacks: definite yes, maybe, and hard pass. “But you shouldn’t toss these. If the other ones are taken or not what they appear to be, you may need back up.”
Ollie sifted through the ‘no’ pile and pulled out one, “Except this one. I think you might get murdered in that neighborhood.”
“I’m a tough chick.”
“You are, but I want to come visit you at some point, and I’m not a tough chick.”
“If you keep hitting the gym, no one will know.”
The mention of the gym made him feel anxious. He was planning on going to his appointment with Patrick. He was not sure how that would go since they had not chatted or seen each other since their last Flame conversation.
Now that they had exchanged pictures and been in the sauna together, would that make working out together weird? It had always helped to think Patrick was some unattainable straight guy. Any ogling or flirting would not lead to anything but fantasy later in private.
“I need your advice about something else.” He gave Jess a rundown of the Patrick situation in a low, hushed tone. He looked over his shoulder to see who might have popped into the break room and might overhear.
“Can I see the pictures?”
At first, Ollie shook his head. Then, he thought there was not a problem. He would want Jess to show him any dick pics that a guy sent her. He pulled out his phone and scrolled to the spot.
“Oh, my.” Jess fanned herself, “That’s a big…remote.”
“It’s even more impressive in person.”
“I wish saunas were open to all genders. I feel like I’m missing out.”
“I’m sure if you asked, any guy would show you his dick.”
She nodded, “True. I do get shouted offers by guys hanging out of their cars whenever I go for a walk.”
Ollie wondered what that was like. Getting attention at a gay bar was certainly fun. However, he was expecting it there. Randomly while he was going about his day had to be a shock.
“How does Jeremy stack up against his house?” She winked at Ollie.
“Maybe not as much square footage, but it’s a good floorplan.” They laughed at their attempt at innuendo. Was what they were saying making any sense?
“Are you thinking about going on a date with him or something? You’ve got a guy, remember?”
He did remember. He also remembered that Jeremy had offered a pass this weekend to “have some fun” while he was in Seattle doing the same.
“Well, just acknowledge you’ve seen each other’s junk. I’m sure two gay men have been able to workout together without ending up in bed together.”
It sounded reasonable, but Ollie felt he knew gay men pretty well. If he had a boner once from being touched, what would stop it from happening again? And if it did, would he mind if something more came from that?
“Promise me that you will not ruin a good thing. I haven’t met this Jeremy guy but I think he’s good for you. Stable, normal, sexy. All the things that you’ve ever said you wanted in a guy.” For years they had been comparing notes on mean and advising each other on if the guy was worth it. Rarely they were, and even more rare was when one listened to the other’s advice.
“I’m not going to mess things up with Jeremy.”
“Well, regardless of what you end up doing, you know I want all the details.”
Thirty-Four
Ollie stood at the front of the gym, anxious for Patrick to finish with his prior client and to come to the front to check him in. It was the normal routine, but Ollie felt like it was his first day of training. Nervous, unsure what to do with his hands or where to stand.
Patrick was usually prompt, but Ollie looked at his watch and saw that it was five after.
He flagged down one of the other trainers, “Hey, is Patrick around?”
“Patrick? Um, I think he called out today. Are you here for a training session?”
Obviously. “I meet with him three days a week. I’ll check with the desk.”
“Yeah, they should have called you.”
Ollie looked at his phone. No calls this afternoon. The front desk said they had not had a chance to call most of Patrick’s clients, but he was not feeling well today.
Ollie hit the gym floor and tried to remember a routine that he had done with Patrick. He should at least try to get in a work out. He doubted that Cam would make it for cardio.
Working out on his own was usually a struggle. He knew how to use a certain machine, but he had not made a habit of knowing how much weight he could do. Patrick would track progress on a chart and adjust. Ollie spent more time concentrating on getting through the sets and catching his breath in between.
As he moved from machine to machine, a few of the regulars gave him quick nods of acknowledgment. Am I considered one of the regulars? A cool kid?
“Hey, can you spot me?” One guy asked as he sat on a bench, the bar loaded with weights.
“Um, sure.�
� This was the first time that he had ever spotted someone and tried to assume the position Patrick took when he was spotting Ollie.
When the guy was done with his set, Ollie got a fist bump and helped to rerack the weights. What is happening? Were the bros treating him like one of their own?
Maybe he was behind the curve when it came to seeing himself as a gym guy. He had crossed a line of acceptance that he did not know had happened. Being respected by other gym people was a big deal. Normally, he felt scorned as a newbie who did not know what he was doing.
He did the exercises that he could and then headed to the elliptical machines to do some cardio.
“I assume you’re chilling. Miss you at cardo! Let’s sweat together soon.” He hoped Cam felt inspiration from the text to get out and be active. Exercising could help elevate his mood. He also wanted Cam to know that he was thinking about him.
On an impulse, he pulled up Flame and Patrick’s profile. “Hey, hope everything is okay.”
Ollie started a half-hour workout already programmed into the machine and began to move, playing a playlist of high energy pop songs.
When the workout ended and the machine switched to cool down mode, Ollie looked at the time. It was still early on a Friday, and he did not have any other plans for the night. He also felt pretty energetic. He punched in another workout routine and did another half hour.
He left the gym drenched in sweat.
There was a buzz in his pocket, “Sorry, was not feeling well today.” Patrick has responded to this message.
“Everything okay? I hope it wasn’t me.”
“Naw, you’re you good.”
Ollie doubted that was true. He had to be avoiding their workout and any conversation that would follow.
A great expanse of aloneness spread before him. Jeremy was out of town and unable to fulfill his boyfriend duties of dates and activities. Cam was out of commission.
“Want to grab some drinks tonight? Gay bar style?” He sent the text to Jess. He should try to get as much time with her that he could before she moved.
“I’m down!”
“Drag queens? Go-go boys? What are you feeling tonight?”
“Entertaining but also that we can talk. Cute guys. Good drinks.”
“I think I know a place.” They texted plans to meet later that night.
Ollie drove to Jeremy’s house, mentally forcing himself to drive there versus his own apartment. Some habits were hard to break.
“Headed out with Jess tonight,” he texted Jeremy. He knew that he had the last social obligations to his clients that night. Then the weekend would be with his friends…and the man he liked to hook up with in Seattle.
He drank water to replenish and worked on making a healthy dinner with the ingredients Jeremy had in his fridge. How does all this food not spoil while he’s traveling?
Ollie showered and then dressed for a night out. “Going out with Jess,” he texted Jeremy.
“How are you doing,” he texted Cam.
“Surviving,” came his response.
At least there was a response from Cam. He had not said anything since Ollie had left him the day before.
“If you want to come out, I’m having drinks with her. Gay bar TBD.”
He hoped that Cam would want to come out. He knew that spending time with Jess would be a problem, but maybe he would want to be social.
He did not know where to go. So many options for a Saturday night. He flipped through social media and websites to see what was happening and then he texted Jessica back with a plan. “Tenish?”
She agreed.
To hell with the diet and workout. Ollie needed a night out on the town.
Thirty-Five
They had the option of a drag show, karaoke, or dancing in a crowd of shirtless, hot, gay men. Ollie was shocked that Jess opted for the shirt on options.
“I’m torn. Both sound fun and should have great people watching. I do want to talk about things. Which do you think gives us the best chance of that?”
“Well, will get cut if we don’t give the drag queens our complete attention.”
“Karaoke it is!”
The grabbed a table in the corner with a good view of the room. About half the tables were occupied with wannabe singers checking out the song options and working on their first drink.
“So, what’s your jam?” Jess flipped open the notebook on their table.
“Oh, I’m not singing.”
Jess smiled, “Yes, you are. It’s my going away gift.”
“I was going to buy you a shot. Wouldn’t you rather have a shot?”
“We’re going to have a shot, and then see you make a fool of yourself in front of this whole bar.” She flipped pages, “Let’s see here, what should I request for you?”
Ollie reached to grab the binder, “Give me that.” If he was going to be forced to sing, he would be in control of the song.
They ordered drinks and scanned the room. They fell into their routine of seeing someone, nudging the other, and both instinctively knowing the catty thing the other was going to say.
Jess kicked things off with some Carrie Underwood, digging deep into the unresolved anger at her ex. After another round of shots, they did a duet of Sonny and Cher.
“Don’t look now, but I think that guy is checking you out.”
Ollie rolled his eyes, “I doubt there’s anyone interested in me.”
“He’s cute.”
“Lead me not into temptation, Jess.”
She hit in him in the arm, “You can look at the menu without ordering.”
Ollie did a casual turn to scan the bar. There were cute guys all over, but no one that seemed to be a standout. Then he saw who Jess was talking about.
“Oh, wow.” Jess was speaking ironically.
“See? I told you it would be worth it.”
“We are evil people.”
“Okay, fine. Enough with the mean girls.”
They had been mean and rude all night. Not to anyone’s face, but if anyone had heard them, they could have been crushed. It was all a joke, something to pass the time. But why did they do it? Did it make them feel better about themselves?
With all the support Jess had been showing him, the game they enjoyed out together contrasted sharply. He knew Jess and her heart, and knew she was a good person. Had he been the first one to initiate the game? Was he to blame for leading her astray?
“I guess I’ve been working so hard to feel better about myself, it seems wrong to put someone else down.”
“No, you’re right. Let’s shelve that game and enjoy our night.”
The checked the time and decided to move on to another bar. “I think it’s time for us to dance.”
They could feel the thud of the beat from outside. A line had formed as people paid the cover and got their ID’s checked.
“You never wanted to come here before. You said you hated it.”
“I always felt awkward here.” He elbowed Jess, “But someone’s been working on trying to get me to believe in myself.” Did he care what anyone here would think or say about him?
“You are a pretty cool guy. I’m going to miss hanging out with you.”
They made their way inside and pushed through the crowd. Ollie grabbed her hand and said, “Let’s dance.”
Thirty-Six
He did not want to open his eyes. There was a throbbing in his head that Ollie knew would just get worse with daylight. He pulled the comforter over his head.
There was a buzz from the nightstand. Who would be texting? Cam? Jeremy? Jess had to be feeling like he was. Ollie reached over and fumbled to find the phone. Even the light from the phone’s face was too bright.
“When did we get old?” Jess was definitely feeling the same pain.
They had not even been out that late. They had a few drinks, did a lot of dancing, and were stumbling out to grab cars well before one. Most of the crowd was just getting going and a line was stretched out across th
e front of the building.
Jess’s car arrived first. She grabbed Ollie in a big bear hug, kissed him on the cheek, “I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
He was halfway to his apartment when he realized he needed to update the destination to Jeremy’s house. As he punched the address in, he smiled at the thought. Maybe someday soon he could consider it his house as well.
“I feel like death,” Ollie texted back, “But I had so much fun.”
He looked to see if there were other messages. He had a fuzzy memory of texting Jeremy. There were a couple of texts that Ollie had sent that were a mixture of mushy sentiment and gibberish.
“I hope I didn’t wake you with those texts. Had a few too many drinks with Jess.”
This was becoming a trend with Jeremy. He had found it cute before when he had sent the pics. Where was the line before he thought Ollie had a problem?
“How are you? Have you eaten? Showered?” He could only imagine the state Cam was in this morning.
Correspondences written, he closed his eyes and set the phone on his chest. At some point, he would need to get up and be productive. He still needed to nail down what he would do for a demonstration, if needed, in the interview. He also wanted to run through questions and answers. But his body craved sleep.
He felt a vibration and looked for a response to one of his texts. He saw none. Ollie scrolled through the apps and opened Flame.
“Sorry that I flaked on you yesterday.” Patrick had messaged him.
“Are you feeling okay?”
“I called out sick, but I’m fine. Just needed some time.”
“I hope you weren’t avoiding me.”
It took a few moments before the bubbles showed that he was responding, “I was a little bit.”
It was going to be awkward between them.
“I wanted to see if we could meet for a beer or something today.”
The thought of more alcohol made Ollie ill, “How about coffee? But sure.”
Patrick suggested a coffee shop near the gym. Ollie checked the time, tried to calculate how much sleep he could squeeze in and still be able to pull himself together to make an appearance in the world. They settled on a time.