“So, you think I’m a pain in the ass,” he muttered and slowly turned to me, placing the cap back on the marker.
“You already knew that though.”
“Fair enough, but I didn't think you still thought so,” he retorted.
I frowned at him and shook my head.
“What is it, Hollie?” he asked me, with a hint of irritation in his voice.
“Are we not going to talk about what happened?” I asked.
“Why?”
“Because we are at work, and we work together. Things like that can’t happen. It’s unprofessional and if somebody knew about it, or had walked in without knocking, god knows what they would have seen.”
“It would have been one hell of a show, you have to admit.”
“This is not a joke, Chris.”
“It’s your fault anyway. You were the one who riled me up in the first place,” he explained cockily.
“No, you are not going to blame this on me,” I exclaimed. “You were the one who made the first move.”
“Whatever, Hollie.”
“I can’t do this with you again,” I exclaimed and crossed my arms.
“Suit yourself then,” he muttered and stomped past me.
“Chris…”
Without even looking at me, or acknowledging me, he left my office, slamming the door behind him. I was surprised the glass door didn't shatter or become unhinged at all. I ran my fingers through my hair again and sighed. Surprisingly I felt empty and alone in my office after he left, and it confused me. I still couldn’t believe that Chris had managed to turn me on the way he had, and shivers ran down my spine as I still felt his skin against mine, his lips against mine, his tongue caressing mine.
It could have been the old feelings that he had managed to awaken inside me, but in all honesty, there had never been a guy like Chris. No man I had ever met, or ever dated after Chris – not that there was a lot of them – managed to come close to him.
Not even Kevin, and he was a really good guy and a really good father to Hunter. Sure he came home from his first tour broken, but he was still the same guy, and I loved him.
But somehow, in the back of my mind, I think I still kept Chris there. He was my first love, and I thought that we would be together forever.
Of course, at that stage love was blind and I chose to ignore the biggest problem we had. We were both stubborn, and I wasn’t willing to be with someone who thinks they’re right all the time, and that everyone else is wrong. I still wasn’t.
Especially after everything that had happened.
I left the office without even glancing in the direction of Chris’ office, said good-bye to Mel and quickly left to pick Hunter up from daycare.
He was quiet in the car, despite the music being low so that we could talk about his day, but he didn’t say much. I wondered if there was something on his mind that was bothering him but decided not to press too much.
Hunter was a lot like his dad, and it was not just the features. He was quiet and could be really intense at times. He had Kevin’s laugh, and his smile, and his heart. He was the kindest kid, and I loved him so much.
When I stopped the car in the garage, he climbed out quietly and followed me into the house. I dropped my bag on the kitchen counter and started to prepare dinner, while Hunter ran upstairs to put away his bag. Within a few minutes, he came down into the kitchen again and stood beside me as I chopped a few potatoes.
“Can I help?” he asked.
“Of course you can. Do you want to get your stool?
“Okay.”
I watched him as he retrieved his wooden stool from under the kitchen table and placed it beside me. He climbed onto it, allowing him to have a perfect view of everything on the counter. He was short for his age, but he didn’t allow it to deter him at all. As I chopped the potatoes, he dunked them into the bowl with water in front of us.
“How was your day, honey?”
“It was okay,” he shrugged.
“Just okay?”
“Yes.”
“How are you enjoying daycare?”
Hunter shrugged, dunking more potatoes into the water.
“Are they being nice to you?”
“Yeah,” he sighed. “It’s just that they’re all younger than me, so I don’t really have anyone to play with.”
My heart broke in my chest as I looked into his blue eyes and smiled at him. I wiped my hands on the dishcloth and touched his shoulder. “Oh, honey. I know it’s hard not to have anyone to play with. It sucks to be alone. But you’ve just got to keep your chin up, okay? School starts in a little while and then you’re going to make all sorts of friends, and you can have them over at the house whenever you want. Okay?”
“Okay,” he answered with a nod, a small smile forming in the corners of his eyes. “Will they like me?”
“The kids at your new school?” I asked and he nodded. “Of course they will. You’re a great kid, and you have so much good in your heart. Plus, you’re a superhero. You beat one of the worst diseases in the world. You’re amazing.”
“You have to say that, you’re my mom.”
“It’s because I’m your mom that I can say that. You wouldn’t believe it if it came from anyone else anyway,” I told him.
A real smile formed on his lips this time and he nodded.
I tried my hardest not to get too emotional, as I didn't like Hunter see me cry, so I just lowered my gaze and continued preparing dinner with his help. I had cried too many times, and I was pretty sure that he was sick of me being emotional.
It saddened me that Hunter had no real friends he could play with. He had spent such a long time in the hospital and now that he’d beat his leukemia, it was time for him to go out there and experience the world. He could now make friends, play and have fun.
He seemed more at ease during dinner and had even begun to tell me about the story the daycare teacher had read to them, about an astronaut on the moon. I listened attentively as he practically retold the whole thing exactly like the story, and I was just amazed by him.
Two years ago, I never imagined that we’d be sitting here together like normal people, having dinner.
After dinner, Hunter helped me clear the table, stack the dishes in the dishwasher and with a lot of enthusiasm – heaven only knew where he got the energy – came bouncing into the kitchen with one of his favorite board games, I bought that for him when he was still in the hospital to take his mind off everything that was happening around him – and me – and he had loved it ever since.
“Oh, Hunter is going down tonight,” I chanted.
“No way. I’m the master of this game.”
“Well bring it on then, Master Hunter,” I chuckled.
He set it on the table and handed me my favorite piece, the horse, or my Valiant Steed, as I liked to call it, and he took out the wizard which he loved to play with. He handed me the dice and I threw them into the middle of the board. I was clearly down on my luck as I rolled a six, which meant I had lost my enchanted saddle.
“On the first roll,” Hunter booed.
“You rigged the dice,” I joked with him.
We spent the rest of the game, which probably lasted hours, laughing and joking, and for that time, I felt like nothing in this world could be better than spending this time with the most important person in my life.
“It’s your turn to roll, Mom,” he said to me and I smiled. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I was thinking about how lucky I am to be here with you. You’re everything to me. You know that right?” I asked.
“You say it so much, I’ll never forget it.”
“You better not,” I said with a smile and took the dice from him.
“I won’t. I promise.”
5
Chris
Friday
If there was one thing I hated more than Hollie, it was mixers, especially if they were on a Friday night. I could have been spending my night with Amelia, who
I had been neglecting a little lately, but no, I had to be at this place. A mixer at a local upscale brewery and pub arranged by George, of course. Sure, he meant well, for M&S employees to get to know the new team from the start-up, but why did I have to be here. It wasn’t like I wanted to get to know everyone on such a personal level anyway. We worked together and that was it.
I was grumpy, so sue me.
I did my part to chat with Lloyd and Donna, as well as the other managers and employees I was familiar with, but I had mostly ignored the new employees, trying to get things over with as quickly as possible. I suspected that the evening was going to drag on for hours, as everyone was doing shots and getting louder and louder by the minute. I pursed my lips as I glanced around the pub trying to avoid Hollie. I wasn’t seeing her at all, but somehow in the back of my mind I could still hear her laughing, or maybe I was just imagining it. Although I tried to avoid Hollie with everything inside me, I couldn’t manage to get her out of my head. Her body had felt amazing when I touched her, still responding so well under my touch. Even my own body yearned for her to touch me, and now I was stuck in the aftermath of it. I hated it.
I hated that after all this time, I still wanted to kiss her, hold her close to me. I still wanted to see her look at me with those bright blue eyes, her hair framing her face. I hated that I wasn’t able to control my urges when I was around her, and I hated the fact that I even had these urges to start with.
Most of all, I hated her for still having this effect on me.
Why the fuck couldn’t I shake it? Why couldn’t I just forget about her?
I checked the time on my wristwatch, and I was shocked and annoyed that it was still early. Amelia was probably still awake with Lucinda, her babysitter, drawing or coloring.
Admittedly I didn’t have much luck with women in my life – Hollie included, but luckily my judgment with Lucinda was good. She was a great babysitter, and Amelia loved her. She looked after Amelia as if she was her own daughter, and I loved that about her. I was truly grateful for Lucinda, as she had come into our lives at just the right time when Amelia’s mother, Sherry and I went our separate ways.
Sherry wasn’t ready to be a mother when we found out that she was pregnant. She was depressed and as much as I tried to support her, I could only do so much. After Amelia was born, things went better for a while, or so I had thought. Sherry became very moody, withdrawn and I knew there was something wrong. She started to deteriorate before my eyes, and I was convinced that it was me. After all, a woman is a reflection of how her husband treats her. I tried to be better, but she simply pushed me away in every possible way. I tried everything, and I even went to a therapist to figure out what I had been doing wrong. The therapist asked me whether Sherry was on drugs, and of course, I became defensive. How could my wife use drugs and I wasn’t aware of it. Sure enough, I found cocaine in her dresser and confronted her. She openly admitted that she had been taking cocaine for over a year and I was stunned, shocked and angry. Our relationship went from rocky to non-existent after that. I didn’t want Amelia to be involved in a life like that, and I gave Sherry an ultimatum. Either she gave up cocaine, went to a rehabilitation clinic for her addiction, or I’d have no choice but to end this marriage, officially.
Much to my disbelief, Sherry chose drugs over her family.
It was a messy divorce, to say the least. I was threatened by a lot of people who knew Sherry, but I stood with my decision. I was not going to raise my daughter with someone high on drugs – the year I didn’t know about it was bad enough. My daughter deserved a better life than that.
So did I.
“So, Chris,” Lloyd said, interrupting my thoughts, which I was more than grateful for, and I glanced at him. “How’s the project going with Hollie?”
“It’s fine. We’re still throwing a bunch of ideas around, but that account is ours,” I answered.
“I never pictured you working one-on-one with someone before. You’re usually in charge of your accounts,” Donna pointed out, flicking her long brown hair over her shoulder and pouting her lips. “But Hollie seems to know what she’s doing.”
“She’s very confident,” Lloyd said with a nod and took a sip of his drink. “I like that about her.”
“So do I. She’s got that corporate woman thing going on for her. And she’s got great style.”
“Yeah, she’s the whole package,” Lloyd pointed out.
I pursed my lips and nodded. “I guess.”
“What? She’s not your type?” Donna asked.
“No,” I answered, sipping my drink slowly. “Not in the least.”
“She does seem like George’s type though,” Donna stated.
“Why do you say that?” Lloyd asked.
Donna motioned over to the other side of the pub and I glanced in that direction. Hollie stood beside George, and they were rather deep in conversation. George kept touching her shoulder, and she had made no attempt to ward him off. She looked hot, in a simple off the shoulder dress, and her hair was swept to the side, her eyes sparkling.
Without being able to control it, the jealousy started to rise inside me, and I frowned heavily. I couldn’t explain it, but looking at the two of them from across the room made me feel physically sick. I lowered my gaze, trying to keep myself from showing any kind of emotion. The last thing I wanted was Lloyd and Donna to ask me any unnecessary questions about Hollie.
“Did you hear about her husband?” Donna asked.
I glanced at Donna with subtle disbelief on my face. I knew she was married. A woman like Hollie couldn’t just be single. She was hot and smart, but maybe it was because she knew exactly what she wanted. She had always been picky when we were still together, or maybe she was just intimidating to me, being as confident as she was now.
“No, what happened?” Lloyd asked.
“Oh my god. It’s so tragic,” Donna answered. “They weren’t actually married, just together for a long time, and had a kid together.”
Okay, so she wasn’t married. Why the hell I felt relieved at this news, I didn’t know. Nothing seemed to make sense when it came to Hollie and my feelings towards her.
“She still looks good,” Lloyd answered.
“I know, right?” Donna sighed. “Anyway, her boyfriend was in the army and-”
“Chris! There you are!”
I swore under my breath as George approached us with a bright smile, as I wanted to hear about Hollie’s boyfriend, but clearly it wasn’t going to happen now.
“I have a great team-building idea,” George announced.
“Oh boy,” Lloyd sighed.
“Here we go,” Donna said and rolled her eyes.
“Karaoke duets!” George’s face lit up with excitement, although I couldn’t say the same about mine.
“Is that really necessary, George?” Donna asked. “I mean, haven’t we gotten to know the new people enough?”
“It’s going to be great,” George smiled and patted me on my shoulder. “You’re with Hollie, champ.”
My shoulders tensed and I glanced at George. “Actually, George, I don’t think that is a good-”
“I’ll be back,” George called out to me as he dashed away from us.
“There is no way I am doing karaoke,” I muttered, sipping my drink.
“It sounds like fun,” Lloyd pointed out.
“Plus, it’ll be interesting to see if Chris can sing,” Donna stated, “since he is good at everything else.”
I grimaced and shook my head.
Much to my horror, the first pair had already been dragged on stage, who looked more than a little awkward.
“Here we go,” Donna chuckled.
To be completely truthful, most of the duets weren’t so good, and I hoped that George would put a stop to this madness before it was my turn to go up there. I had gone to karaoke nights in college and had done a few songs, but those nights were the ones you only found out the next morning, and only in videos or photos on my friends�
� phones.
So it had been a while.
Even Donna and Lloyd had gone before me, and I stood alone by the bar, subtly drinking down one shot after another.
“Christopher!” I heard George call out to me, and I sighed. He stood on the stage, holding out a microphone towards me and I sighed. There was absolutely no way out of this, so I drank down the last of my drink and made my way to the stage. By the time I took the microphone from him, Hollie was already on the stage, holding her own.
I stood beside her and she turned to me.
“If you’re not up for the solo parts, I can sing them for you,” Hollie said to me, her eyes sparkling coyly.
I pouted briefly and as the music started, I scoffed cockily. “I’m sure I’ll be fine.”
The first verse was mine, and I nailed it. I didn’t realize that being competitive brought out my singing talent, but pretty soon everyone was looking at me on stage.
Trust me, even I was amazed.
Holly joined me in the chorus, which we delivered with both style and attitude. People started clapping around us, and I couldn’t even describe the feeling into words.
Holly’s verse followed and I was surprised at how amazing her voice was. I had only heard her singing in the shower, her voice echoing through the small bathroom of my dorm room, and in the kitchen of her dorms as she made breakfast with a hoarse morning voice. Nothing had prepared me for her voice at that moment.
The crowd cheered again as she sang her verse, and I knew she was trying to outdo me. Pretty soon it turned into a battle between our voices, competing instead of trying to harmonize and work together.
But the crowd loved it.
They clapped to the beat of the music, cheering sounded from the back. When I glanced at Hollie, she looked at me at that very same moment and we sang the last few lines of the chorus, in that same position. Our voices died down as the crowd erupted around us, and Hollie pouted at me, running her fingers through her hair.
I wasn’t sure why, but I felt the strange urge to hug her overwhelm me. I couldn’t explain these feelings inside me, but I definitely didn’t want to give in to them. Not again. I’d be a fucking fool if I did, and I had to remind myself of what had happened between us. If what had happened in college taught me anything, it was that Hollie and I were not meant to be together, and it didn’t matter what kind of urges I had inside me, or how sexy she looked with her hair styled the way it was or her tight black dress showing off her amazing figure. None of it mattered, so I just had to accept it.
Forbidden First Times: A Contemporary Romance Collection Page 4