I drove home in silence while listening to the radio, and as luck would have it, a song Hollie used to listen to constantly in college started to play on the radio. At first, I scowled and reached for the button to change the radio station on my steering wheel, but decided against it. The song brought back a lot of memories – memories which I didn’t want to remember, but couldn’t seem to forget. The image of Hollie dancing around her room in one of my college t-shirts flashed in front of me, and before I even realized it, a smile had formed on my lips.
I cleared my throat and turned the radio off as I drove up the driveway and parked in the garage. I climbed out, the garage door closing behind me and entered my house through the inter-leading door.
Much to my surprise, Amelia and Lucinda sat on the floor of the living area, a board game on the floor in front of them. Amelia glanced up at me, her face lighting up.
I had the worst luck with women and relationships, and even though my marriage had left me questioning my entire existence, there was one thing in my life that I was sure that was perfect.
My five-year-old daughter, who looked like a little female version of me – however fucked up that may sound – but I was grateful that she looked nothing like her mother. Although Sherry had dark hair like mine, her features were very different from mine and Amelia’s. Amelia was also kind, and happy and didn’t resort to manipulation as her mother had.
There had been a few times when I wondered how things would have been had I never married Sherry, and if I had never broken up with Hollie, how my life would have turned out? Would we have still lived in Chicago? Would we have had our own kids?
But then again, I would not have Amelia, and that would have been the biggest tragedy in the world. She was everything to me, and I couldn’t even imagine my life without her.
“Daddy, you’re home,” she beamed.
“Hey, honey,” I said with a smile and glanced at Lucinda with a nod.
“Hey, Chris,” Lucinda greeted me.
“Aren’t you supposed to be asleep?” I asked as I approached them and sat on the edge of the couch.
“Lucy and I are playing a game, Daddy.”
“I can see that, but it’s way past your bedtime.”
Amelia sighed and glanced at Lucinda.
“We can play it again next week, I promise,” Lucinda said and stood from the floor.
“Honey, why don’t you go to your room and pick out a story for me to read?” I told her and ran my fingers through my hair. “I’ll be right up.”
“Okay, Daddy,” Amelia answered and gave Lucinda a hug. “Bye, Lucy.”
“Bye, Beautiful girl. Sleep tight.”
There was a moment of silence in the living area as Lucinda packed the boardgames back into the box.
“You’ve been drinking,” she pointed out quietly.
“Lucinda, don’t. Please,” I sighed. “It was a work thing.”
“Still. Should I be worried?”
“No, not at all. It was just a few drinks. I’m fine.”
“Okay,” Lucinda answered and stood from the floor. “Good night, Chris.”
“Good night, Lucinda. And thank you for tonight.”
“You’re welcome,” she said before she left the house.
I heard her car drive away outside and stood from the couch. Making my way down the hall to Amelia’s room, I heard her singing softly to herself. I peered in through the door and smiled as she was already tucked into bed, her pink stuffed elephant beside her in bed. I had gotten that elephant for her on her second birthday, and it had moved with us since then. She couldn't sleep without it, and I didn’t blame her. Sleeping alone sucked.
“Daddy?” she called out to me and I stepped inside her room.
“I’m here.”
“Are you mad?” she asked me, her dark eyes staring at me as I sat down beside her on her white bed.
“No, of course not,” I gave her an assuring smile.
“You look mad.”
“I’m just tired, honey.”
“Did you have fun tonight?” she asked me.
“I think so.”
Her little face scrunched up and she frowned at me. “You think so?”
“Yeah,” I shrugged. “I sang a song on stage with someone who works with me.”
“That sounds like fun to me.”
I smiled at her and glanced down at the book on her lap. It was a story of a lonely monkey and I asked, “Why did you choose this one?”
Amelia shrugged and said, “I don’t want Daddy to be lonely, so I thought the book might help.”
I pursed my lips to stop the emotions from surfacing and I put my arm around her. “I’m okay.”
“You promise?”
“I promise you that. Besides, I’m not alone. I have you, and Pinky the Elephant,” I told her.
“Maybe Pinky can sleep with Daddy tonight.”
“But who’s going to sleep with you then?” I asked her.
“You’re right. Sorry, Daddy.”
“Hey,” I said as I glanced at her and kissed the top of her head. “You don’t even have to say you’re sorry to me, okay?”
Amelia nodded and shifted down in her bed. “Will you read about the monkey anyway?”
“Of course.”
After I had read the story, and she had fallen asleep, I left her room, with the nightlight making blue and purple swirls against her walls. I took a quick shower, locked all the doors and climbed into bed. The entire night replayed in my mind as I stared up at the dark ceiling, wondering why the hell Hollie still managed to stir up those feelings inside me. What was worse was that those feelings felt even stronger than before. Fucking her in the restroom had been amazing, better than it ever was, in fact, but I had to keep my focus on my career. I worked too hard to simply give it up to anyone, especially Hollie.
The space that Hollie consumed in my mind had to go.
She had to go.
8
Hollie
Saturday
When Hunter was a baby, I swore to protect him no matter what, and that I’d always be there for him. I was there with the leukemia diagnosis, I was there through all the tests, all the procedures, all the pain, and all the tears. I was there on the nights he couldn’t sleep because of the pain, through all the treatments, the therapy, and I was there when we got the news that Hunter was in remission. I had always been there for him and I would continue to be there, and protect him from everything.
Except for his will.
Which was the exact reason why I sat at the park, on a wooden bench, watching my little boy – who looked so fragile against the other kids – playing on the playground. He had been insistent for a few weeks now, and I had finally scraped together the courage to take him out.
I didn’t want him to get hurt, but he deserved to play outside after all those years of being inside, hooked up to an IV line. I wanted him to be a normal kid, to play outside in the dirt, to make friends and be the happiest kid in the world. God, he deserved it more than anyone I knew.
Even though he had been in remission for over a year, I still had the worst nightmares where the leukemia came back with a vengeance and I had to watch him deteriorate before my eyes. Some nights I even dreamt that he died in my arms, or I walked into his empty room after his funeral. I would wake up screaming and crying, and he would rush into my room to comfort me.
If I had lost him, I would be completely lost, and my life would be meaningless.
I glanced over at him, climbing up the jungle gym and sliding down the yellow slide. When he reached the bottom, he waved at me with a smile on his little face and ran back to the ladder. I smiled at him, my heart pounding in my chest, always on guard in case something horrible happened.
It wasn’t by choice, trust me.
I took my eyes off Hunter for a few seconds as I scanned the playground, surrounded by lush green grass and foliage, specks of white flowers in the bushes. It was a safe and secure park close to home,
and I wouldn’t mind bringing him here again. The kids in the park were nice and invited him to play along, even though they didn’t know him, which gave me a whole lot of hope. Pretty soon, our house would be filled with kids’ laughter and voices as he invited them over to play.
My gaze drifted to the swing set where a father pushed his young daughter on one of the swings and I cocked my head. Much to my horror, the man laughed, and I recognized that laugh instantly. It was Chris.
“Oh my god,” I muttered and lowered my gaze. I definitely didn’t want him to see me and lowered my sunglasses over my eyes. I adjusted my baseball cap on my head and shifted to the other side of the bench, trying my hardest to avoid being seen by Chris.
After what had happened last night, and how I was foolish enough to think that it had meant anything, I didn’t even want to think about him. But, somehow I couldn’t stop thinking about him.
What made me feel even worse was that he had a daughter, and that daughter had a mother, who was probably still in his life. Had I fucked another woman’s husband? That thought made me feel sick to my stomach and a shiver ran down my spine.
I glanced over at Hunter, and my eyes widened when Chris’ daughter jumped off the swings and ran directly towards Hunter. I shifted in my seat and was about to stand from where I was sitting when I noticed Chris glancing at me from the swings. I bit my lower lip and sighed as I gave him an awkward wave.
“Why did you wave at him, Hollie,” I muttered to myself.
As expected, and much to my dismay, Chris made his way towards me, looking way too hot in a simple gray t-shirt and tracksuit pants.
“Hey,” he said when he finally reached me.
“Hey,” I answered simply.
There was a silence between us, neither one of us wanting to talk first.
Finally, knowing he wasn’t going anywhere any time soon, I said, “Your daughter looks just like you.”
“Thanks. I’ll take that as a compliment,” he smirked. “Would you mind if I joined you?”
“Sure,” I shrugged, and he sat on the bench beside me.
“How old is your son?”
“He turned six a few months ago,” I answered. “Your daughter is five, right?”
“How did you know?”
“You told me, in my office.”
“Right,” he said with a nod and raised his hand up to scratch the back of his neck. He looked as uncomfortable as I felt, although he tried so hard to hide it. “So, are you here by yourself?”
“Does it look like there is anyone else here?” I retorted and glanced around me.
Chris chuckled and held his hands up defensively. “I just don’t want your husband or boyfriend to see me sitting here with you and pummel me into the ground.”
“What makes you think I won’t do that?” I asked and cocked my head at him.
He chuckled again, the smoothness of his laugh seductively stroking my insides. “I don’t doubt your abilities to pummel me into the ground, Hollie. I just don’t want to be outnumbered.”
“Well, you don’t have to worry about that. It’s just me, and Hunter, of course,” I explained vaguely. I didn’t want to go into specifics with Chris at that moment.
“If it makes you feel any better, it’s just me and Amelia as well,” he pointed out casually.
I glanced at him for a moment and breathed a silent sigh of relief. At least I wasn’t a homewrecker and had sex with another woman’s husband.
“And why would that make me feel better?” I asked him.
“Well, after what happened last night-”
“Can we please not talk about that right now?” I asked him with a cringe.
“Sure. I’m sorry,” he answered and glanced over at the playground. “It seems that our kids are having fun together.”
I turned my gaze to where Hunter and Amelia were playing on the slide and an uneasy feeling formed in the pit of my stomach. On the one hand, I was ecstatic that Hunter had made a friend who made him laugh and feel normal, but then, on the other hand, it was typical that his new friend would turn out to be Chris’ daughter.
Just my luck.
A smile formed on my lips as I watched Hunter laugh happily with Amelia and I sighed contently. That was all I had ever wanted for Hunter, days of endless laughter. “It’s been a while since he laughed like that.”
Chris turned to me and I noticed a softness in his eyes that wasn’t there before, ever. “Look, Hollie, I’m sorry that I was such a dick before-”
“We were both idiots, okay. So let’s just forget it ever happened and move on. Can we do that, please?” I asked and glanced at him.
“Sure.”
“Thank you.”
“You’ve clearly got a lot on your plate, and I don’t want to add to that madness.”
I nodded and sighed a silent breath of relief. I never thought that Chris would ever see my point of view, or cut me some slack, but he did, and I was grateful for that. “It’s a pretty big plate though.”
“Sooner or later that plate does get full, regardless of how big you think it is,” he pointed out.
I nodded slowly and glanced back at Hunter. He was starting to drag his feet and I stood from the bench. “Hunter!” I called out to him and motioned to him to come to me.
Hunter walked over to me, with Amelia following closely behind him. There were dark rings under his eyes, and I knew that he had overexerted himself. “It’s time to go, okay?”
“But we were having so much fun,” Amelia protested behind him.
“It’s okay, Honey. I’m sure you and Hunter can play another day,” Chris assured her.
“Are you Hunter’s mommy?” Amelia asked me.
“Yes, I am.”
“My name is Amelia.”
“It’s nice to meet you, Amelia. You have a pretty name.”
“It means defender, right, Daddy?” Amelia said and glanced at Chris.
“Yes, it does.”
“But I know you,” Amelia pointed out as she glanced at me, and from the corner of my eye, I noticed the color leave Chris’s face.
“You do?” I asked with an intriguing smile.
Amelia nodded and said, “There’s a picture of you and Daddy in his room-”
I pursed my lips, raised my eyebrows and glanced at Chris with an expectant look.
“You know what, I think we should go too.”
“Why?”
“Just because.”
Truthfully, I liked to see Chris in such a state of panic, and I wondered why our picture was still in his room after all these years.
“Wait, can Hunter please come to my birthday party?” Amelia asked me suddenly and I opened my mouth to respond, but no words came out. I glanced at Hunter, who, despite his tiredness, nodded with hope and excitement in his eyes. I turned to Chris, who wore a slight cringe on his face, but shrugged when he saw me looking at him.
“Please, Mommy?” Hunter asked me, and his blue eyes grew ever so hopeful.
“You should check with your dad first, Amelia,” I stuttered.
“Please, Daddy? I want him there. Please?” Amelia begged and it was clear that Amelia had Chris wrapped around her little finger.
“It’s your birthday, I guess you can invite who you want to. But only if Hollie says yes,” Chris answered.
The two kids, as well as Chris, glanced at me, and I sighed. “Sure. We’d love to come.”
The two kids cheered happily, and I glanced at Chris, wondering if he also thought that this was a bad idea. But he simply smiled awkwardly.
“Thank you, Daddy,” Amelia cheered. “And thank you, Hollie.”
“You’re welcome,” I told her with a smile.
“Yeah, so the party is next Saturday, at my house. I can text you the address,” Chris offered and held out his hand.
“My phone, right,” I stuttered and retrieved my phone from my pocket, handing it to him.
He punched in his number and called his phone for a second or two.
“There we go.”
Our fingers lightly brushed as I took my phone from him and slid it into my pocket, trying my hardest to not allow his touch to have any effect on me whatsoever.
“Do we have to bring anything?”
“No, you don’t even need to bring a gift or anything,” Chris answered.
“Unless it’s something purple. I love anything purple,” Amelia smiled, unfazed by the stern look Chris gave her.
“Really, don’t feel obligated to. It’s short notice and-”
“It’s okay, Chris,” I assured him, and smiled at Amelia. “Anything purple.”
Amelia’s smile widened and she walked over to Hunter. “See you Saturday, Hunter.”
“See you, Amelia,” Hunter said as the two kids hugged.
“Bye Hollie,” Amelia waved at me as she stood beside Chris.
“We’ll see you Saturday,” I said to him with a tight smile.
“Saturday,” he answered simply. “Oh, and the theme is rainbows and oceans.”
“Noted,” I said with a frown.
I took Hunter’s hand, and noticed the dark rings around his eyes and asked, “Are you okay to walk to the car?”
Hunter shook his head and I scooped him up in my arms, slowly walking to the car. “Thank you, Mommy.”
“For what?”
“I had the best day,” he whispered.
“I’m so glad to hear that,” I whispered back to him.
“We should go find Amelia something purple,” he said.
“We will,” I told him as I walked back to the car, already feeling nervous for agreeing to this.
9
Chris
Tuesday
My head was already running in a million directions as I glanced at the clock on my office wall. My meeting with George and Hollie was about to start, so I gathered my paperwork from my desk. Today Hollie and I had to give George a progress report on our campaign for the Lamont account, and even though we hadn’t come to an agreement yet in which direction we wanted it to go, we had already started to get some important points on our board.
Forbidden First Times: A Contemporary Romance Collection Page 6