“This is my home office, where I work way too many nights on my projects.”
I glanced around the room and smiled. A large space with a professional-looking desk in the middle, along with a princess castle in the corner.
“Nice castle,” I grinned and turned to him.
“My special place to think, you know,” he shrugged playfully.
I crossed my arms and nodded. A moment of silence fell over the room until I drew in a breath. “It’s hard, isn’t it? Being a single parent.”
“The hardest thing I have ever done, except impress you. Nothing tops that.”
I glanced at him and cocked my head. “I’m not that difficult to impress, you know.”
“I guess I just haven’t figured out the right formula.”
“You wouldn’t be the first one to say that,” I sighed. “I lay awake every night worrying about Hunter. Worrying whether I am being the best mother I can possibly be. Worrying if I am making the right choices, saying the right things, teaching him the right way. I don’t want to screw him up, like my parents screwed me up, Chris.”
Chris reached for me but decided against it, and even though I had made it perfectly clear that I never wanted him to touch me again, I suddenly wished he would.
“Hollie, the fact that you’re worrying about all those things, means that you’re already an amazing mother. That kid down there is the luckiest kid in the world to have a mother like you,” Chris said to me, and the sincerity in his eyes and on his face made me want him even more.
Asshole Chris had turned into Boyfriend Material Chris within an instant, and I pursed my lips to stop myself from grabbing him by the collar of his shirt and kissing him until we both exploded.
But I didn’t because then I would be the one breaking my own rules.
A knock on the door sent me a few steps backward, and Lucinda stood in the doorway. “I am sorry to interrupt, but it’s time to cut the cake.
“We’ll be right down,” Chris said with a smile.
In the party tent, the cake was gorgeous and reminded me of the way the water sparkled in the sun, with beams of rainbows springing from the surface. The kids gathered around excitedly as they sang to Amelia. Even I sang along with them.
A tug against my dress interrupted my singing, and as I glanced down at Hunter, panic struck my entire body. His face was flushed and there were beads of sweat on his forehead.
“What’s wrong, baby?” I asked as I crouched down beside him.
“I don’t feel so good,” he muttered.
As the song came to an end, I placed my hand against his forehead, not realizing how hot he felt. “Do you want some water?”
Before Hunter could answer, his eyes rolled over in his head and he fell onto the grass. I scrambled to pick him up, and I think I may have cried out to him, or Chris. I wasn’t sure.
Everything around me moved in slow-motion as Chris was beside me and we carried Hunter into the house. We lay him down on the couch and Chris rushed to the kitchen. Within seconds he was back with a cold washcloth and placed it on his forehead.
“Hunter, can you hear me?” I spoke to him in slow articulate words, but he didn’t respond. I glanced at Chris and realized how much of a panic I was in at that moment.
Was this it? Was this the moment I had been dreading for eighteen months? Had Hunter’s leukemia come back?
What was I going to do?
I drew in a breath and tried to rationalize my thoughts. “I need to get him to the hospital,” I said in a broken voice.
“That’s a bit of an overreaction. He probably just fainted from the heat,” Lucinda pointed out beside me.
I glared at her and before I could even control the words coming out of my mouth, I snapped at her. “You don’t know anything about my son.”
Lucinda stood back and pursed her lips.
I scooped Hunter up in my arms and rose to my feet.
“Let me drive you,” Chris offered, and I glanced at him for a moment, and slowly nodded, knowing that at that moment, I needed him.
And he knew that.
11
Chris
Saturday
In all the years I had known Hollie, she had always been such a levelheaded person, in control of her emotions who doesn’t just randomly snap at people for no reason. This was how I instantly knew that something was wrong.
After I held the door open for Hollie to climb in, she settled on the backseat with Hunter still in her arms, I turned to Lucinda and Amelia standing on the curb. I told Lucinda that she had to entertain the other kids while I was away, and she didn’t mind at all.
“Whatever you need, Chris,” Lucinda nodded at me.
“I’ll be back as soon as I can,” I told her and glanced at a worried Amelia.
“Is he going to be okay?” Amelia asked.
“He’s going to be fine. I have to go.”
Amelia nodded and I rushed into the driver’s seat. I turned on the engine and drove out of the driveway.
“Northwestern Memorial,” Hollie said to me, and I nodded, stepping down on the gas pedal.
I wasn’t sure how fast I was going, but I tried so hard to get to the hospital as fast as I could.
I sighed a breath of relief as Northwestern Memorial Hospital came into view and I sped to the parking lot. I stopped the car and rushed around the car and opened the door.
“Let me help,” I offered, but Hollie climbed out of the car, still holding Hunter, tear stains on her cheeks.
“It’s fine. I’ve got him,” she said in a broken voice.
We rushed to the emergency entrance and Hollie approached the desk. Without even saying a single word to the nurses, they called for a gurney. Within seconds, a porter and a nurse approached Hollie and she gently placed her little boy on the gurney.
“He was outside, playing, and he came to me to tell me he wasn’t feeling well. He was flushed in his face, his skin was hot to the touch and then he just fainted,” Hollie explained to the nurse.
Their exchange was brief, but I could see that this was taking a toll on Hollie and felt so helpless just standing there while she was in turmoil.
Hollie approached the desk where a nurse handed her a clipboard with documentation on it, and she skillfully signed the bottom of the form, as if she had done this so many times before.
She wiped her tears from her cheeks and looked at me with an expression that broke my own heart into pieces.
“Hollie,” a voice spoke behind her and she whirled around. It was the nurse who had given her the forms to fill in. “Hunter is being examined by Dr. Mills right away, but his symptoms are familiar, so we’ll be transferring him to the intensive care ward straight after he’s been examined.”
“When can I see him?” Hollie asked, her voice desperate.
“As soon as Dr. Mills has seen him, then I will have him come straight to you in the waiting room.”
“Okay. Thank you.”
The nurse gave Hollie an encouraging hug before she went back behind the front desk.
Hollie drew in a breath and we quietly walked to the waiting room, and although I felt like I was intruding, I didn’t want to leave her alone.
We sat in the waiting room for a few minutes until I finally gathered the courage to speak.
“Hollie, what’s going on with Hunter? Is he sick?” I was surprised at how much my voice shook, and after a moment, Hollie glanced at me.
She bit her bottom lip and sighed miserably. “Hunter was diagnosed with leukemia a few months before his second birthday. He’s been in remission for eighteen months now, but now I think it might have come back.”
My jaw dropped and I stared at Hollie for a few seconds. “Oh my god. I am so sorry, Hollie.”
She wiped a tear from under her eye and pursed her lips briefly. “It’s not your fault.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because I promised myself, and Hunter that we weren’t going to let it define us,” she
answered softly.
“If I knew then I wouldn’t have let him come to the party-”
“It’s not your fault, or the party or anything like that. I’ve wrongfully blamed myself for too long, and I am not going to let you do the same. It eats at you, taking bits of your soul, and Hunter wouldn’t want me to be anything less than the mother he deserves.”
I reached out my hand to her, and much to my surprise, she took it, sliding her fingers into the spaces between my fingers.
“You’re the best mom in the whole world, I can see the way he looks at you, Hollie. You’ve never disappointed him for even a moment in his entire life,” I assured her, feeling my emotion get the better of me.
A tear ran down her cheek and she nodded gratefully. “Thank you, for being here.”
“I’ll never leave you alone, as long as you want me here.”
“I’ve always had to sit in these waiting rooms alone, so it’s nice to have someone here,” She whispered.
“Being alone sucks sometimes,” I admitted.
“Yeah, it does. I don’t even know what being in a relationship feels like anymore,” she laughed bitterly.
“So,” I began carefully, “you and Hunter’s dad split that long ago? You don’t see each other at all?”
“It’s a little hard to do that,” she answered and looked at me, as I frowned in confusion. “He died. Hunter had just started his therapy at that time.”
I bit my lip and covered my mouth with my hand. I drew in a deep breath and asked, "How did he die?"
“He was in the army and was deployed to Afghanistan. He was killed in action.”
I felt the blood drain from my face and I lightly squeezed Hollie’s hand, placing the other hand over it. “You have been through so much, both of you, and I don’t know how you do it. I don’t know how you wake up every day with that fire inside you, unwilling to give up.”
“I don’t have a choice. I have to keep going for Hunter. He needs me.”
Tears streamed down Hollie’s face, and I stood from the chair opposite her. I sat down beside her and put my arm around her, allowing her to rest her head on my shoulder. She sobbed against my chest as I lightly stroked her hair, wishing that there was something I could do to take all her pain, and Hunter’s, away.
In fact, I wish I could take my own away, that deep pain that still lingered under the surface.
I wasn’t sure how long we had been sitting there. Hollie’s sobs had quietened down, but she remained with her head against my chest. Her breathing seemed much calmer, but I knew that her heart was still in turmoil.
Even mine was.
My brain was still processing the overload of information, and my heart was still processing the overload of emotions.
The door opened eventually, and Hollie sat up immediately, wiping her eyes, and I stood up as well.
“Hollie,” he greeted her like she was an old friend.
“Dr. Mills,” she said quietly. “How is Hunter? Is he okay?”
“I’m taking Hunter for a few tests. His blood pressure dropped tremendously, and we just want to figure out why. Also, his blood count is high, which means there might be an infection.”
“Is he awake?”
“Yes, he’s awake. Very disoriented, but he’s calm.”
“That’s because he knows your face so well, Dr. Mills,” Hollie said with a smile. “Oh, this is my friend, Chris. He helped me get Hunter to the hospital.”
“Nice to meet you, Chris,” Dr. Mills said and shook my hand.
“Same,” I said. “Is Hunter going to be okay, doctor?”
“He’s a tough kid, and once we figure out why this happened today, we’ll make sure that he receives the best care,” Dr. Mills assured me.
“Thank you,” I said to him.
I waited as the doctor left the waiting room, and closed the door behind him. I turned to Hollie and tried to lighten the mood. “So, we’re friends now?”
She scoffed and rolled her eyes as she shook her head.
“Being friends with me has a lot of perks,” I grinned and sat on the chair. “Just saying.”
“Like what?” she asked.
“Like I have a really broad shoulder for you to cry on,” I answered and stretched out my arm, inviting her to sit down and rest her head on my shoulder.
She did.
“See? It’s good, isn’t it?” I murmured.
“So good,” she whispered and placed her hand on my chest. “I appreciate you being here, Chris. I don’t know if I would have been able to handle another minute in here by myself.”
“As long as you want me here, I’ll be here,” I whispered to her.
I had to admit, being there with Hollie hadn’t even filled me with rage or annoyance. In fact, I felt as though I deserved to be there. I wanted to support her, and be there for her, without any expectations, or wanting something in return. I didn't want her to feel alone, or scared, or sad. I wanted to take that all away for her. I wanted to make her laugh, and dry the tears she cried. I wanted to make her soul feel whole again, and I wanted to see her happy.
A sudden surge of feelings pulsated through my veins as I felt the need to protect her, and Hunter, at all costs. I realized that I would do anything for them, even after all the fighting, all the arguments, and all the harsh words we had ever spoken to each other. None of those moments mattered now. I forgot about the anger and hate I had felt for her the past eight years, and I felt guilty that I was such an idiot for letting her go like that.
I had allowed my ego to get in the way of something amazing, and I had mistaken my guilt for anger, harboring those feelings inside me for all those years. I had lost the best thing that had ever happened to me because of my ego, and my obsession with winning.
As I sat back, my hand lightly running through Hollie’s silky hair, I realized how blind I had been, and how unfairly I had treated her. No wonder she screwed me over at that meeting. She wanted me to listen to her, to just hear her once.
Honestly, her ideas were great. A little unorthodox, but maybe that was what was needed to score a big account, especially as big of an account like Lamont. I basically shut her up because it wasn’t the same ideas as mine, but I didn’t want her to think as I did. I loved the way she planned things and organized things, and I wouldn’t want her any other way.
I felt ashamed right into my bones for allowing myself to lose her the way I did. She didn’t deserve someone who didn’t fight for her or appreciate her for who she was. I didn’t fight for her the way I was supposed to fight for someone I loved.
It wouldn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that I still loved Hollie, and I wanted her.
I wanted her, and I wanted to keep her.
Forever this time.
12
Hollie
Saturday
I forgot what it felt like to be held so tenderly by Chris, his fingers running through my hair as my head rested against his chest, his other hand against my arm. I had forgotten what his shirt smelled liked, and the slow movement his chest made with every breath he took. The sound of his heart beating against my ear, and softness of his breath, caressing my cheek.
It was hard not to think about the last eight years that I had to spend without him after we had loved each other so fiercely and so deeply in college. My parents were convinced that we would get married even before we graduated, and they loved Chris almost as much as I did. They idolized him, but they didn't know how competitive he really was. I guess that it wasn't a good idea for the two of us to work together. There would always be this level of competition. Maybe I just needed to find another place to work. With my resume and my experience, any company would be lucky to have me.
I frowned as my eyes opened, and I wondered why the hell was I planning on getting another job just to make things better between me and Chris?
Why did I want to do that?
The short answer was so that I wouldn’t stop feeling the way I felt right at that
moment.
That was probably the long answer as well.
I was making all these plans in my head without even really knowing what Chris was feeling, and how he felt about me. Was he just here because he felt sorry for me after hearing about the tragedy that was my life? Why was he here, and why did he insist on making me feel these feelings I just can’t seem to get rid of.
After what felt like a lifetime, the door opened, and Dr. Mills entered. I immediately jumped to my feet, which was a big mistake, as I had not realized I was so exhausted.
Chris stabilized me so that I didn’t fall over, and I glanced at Dr. Mills.
“The tests came back inconclusive-”
“What does that even mean?” Chris interjected and I placed my hand on his arm. He backed down a little and I turned to the doctor.
“Inconclusive how? It is his blood count again? Did the leukemia come back?” I asked.
“It’s hard to say. We want to keep him here until his vitals are stable and his blood count improves, obviously,” the doctor answered.
I’d heard all these things before and I pursed my lips to avoid sobbing out loud in front of Dr. Mills, although it wouldn’t be the first time. “Is he okay?” My voice was broken.
I was broken.
“We’ve sedated him before doing the biopsy of his liver, as you know,” Dr. Mills said and I nodded, “and he's sedated now which is allowing him to rest. His body has been through a lot in his young life, and he deserves to be made as comfortable as possible.”
“Can I go see him, please?” I begged, having no more shame in hospital waiting rooms.
“Hollie-”
“Just let her see her son,” Chris interjected again.
“Although you’re his mother, there are rules for intensive care, and I can’t let you see him right now. It’s after visiting hours and it’s been a long day for all of you. Go home, get some rest. Hunter is perfectly fine here with us, and if there are any changes, good or bad, we will call you immediately,” Dr. Mills explained.
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