I shut those thoughts down. It didn’t really matter if they liked me or not. This wasn’t real. None of this was real. We were all faking it, and the sex was just an added bonus. Who was going to say no to glorious sex? That didn’t actually mean anything. Laird wasn’t the type to just run around and sleep with whoever he wanted. I knew that. But that didn’t mean that he actually… was falling for me in return.
A guy treated me with respect for the first time in years and I immediately assumed he was ready to date me for real. Yeah, right. Get those daydreams out of your head, honey.
That was why I was here in church. I still felt some guilt about lying, and about accepting the money even though I needed it, and now I had guilt because I was falling for this man when I knew that he couldn’t feel the same way in return. It would be selfish, stupid, even cruel of me to take advantage of his kind heart and assume that I was more to him than I was.
Today after lunch with Jack, he was going to pick out rings. We couldn’t slip up like that again, and I inwardly cursed myself for already having been such an idiot that I’d forgotten something as obvious as wedding rings. The idea of wearing Laird’s ring on my finger, even though it wasn’t real… it was making me feel like I might burst into tears with all that I was feeling, this huge well of emotion that was filling me up.
I had told him not to get me anything… real. “I don’t deserve a diamond, or anything like that, not when it’s only for show.”
Laird had looked a bit hurt. He always looked hurt when I said things that were self-deprecating. I was still getting used to that—both to not saying things that were self-deprecating and to the idea that the people around me didn’t like it when I was hard on myself. I had gotten into the habit with Pete, since he had always been telling me all the ways I was doing things wrong. I had started to… believe the things he said. I had started to think that I really didn’t deserve much.
Laird obviously disagreed.
Well, I wasn’t going to let him spend thousands of dollars on a ring for me when I was only going to pretend to be his wife for a few more weeks and then we were going to have to return the ring. It just didn’t make any sense. It wasn’t about whether or not I deserved such a ring for my real wedding, it was about how this wasn’t real and so he shouldn’t go to such lengths for me.
As the mass started, I focused on my guilt. I couldn’t use Laird like this, I resolved. Sex was all well and good but I felt something more for him than he felt for me and it would be taking advantage of him, in a way, to have sex with him in this situation.
Think of him as your boss, I told myself. I had made that nickname up jokingly yesterday, not even thinking about it in relation to myself. But it was true, wasn’t it? He was paying me to do this so in a way that made him my boss. Plus he owned the building that I worked in. That made him my boss. I was just… going to have to remember that. Laird being my boss meant that any sexual relationship between us would be wrong. Unprofessional. It would complicate everything.
Just think of him as my boss. Yes. That was how it would be. Listening to the choir with their beautiful voices, seeing the cool winter sunlight coming in through the stained-glass windows, all of it strengthened my resolve. I was going to stay strong.
Until I walked out of the church and saw Laird standing there.
He grinned at me the moment that I walked out. He’d obviously been waiting for me. “Hey, you,” I said, and then I wanted to smack myself in the face. Hey, you? What kind of ridiculous greeting was that? Had I completely lost all of my brains?
“Hey yourself.” Laird looked so damn pleased with himself, like a kid in a candy shop. How could he be so excited over something as ridiculous as a fake wedding ring?
Of course, it would help to sell the story, that was all. I had to stop getting my hopes up over ridiculous things.
I started to finish walking down the steps, but Laird stopped me. “Wait. We’ve got to do this properly.”
“Do what properly?”
He drew a small black velvet box out of his pocket and I felt my knees wobble a little. “Oh, you don’t have to…”
“Of course I do.” He took my hand and opened the box. “Should I get down on one knee?”
“O-only if you want to,” I said, my voice coming out a bit more strangled than I’d intended.
Laird gave me an odd look and didn’t go down on one knee. Instead he just slid the ring onto my finger. It was lovely, honestly, it took my breath away. There wasn’t a large stone on top. Instead there were a few very, very small stones, like stars, on it, with carvings on it, making the diamonds look like fruit on a vine. It was beautiful but not pretentious, elegant without making me uncomfortable.
It was exactly the kind of ring that I would’ve wanted for myself if I really was getting engaged and getting married. How he had come to know me so well in such a short amount of time, I didn’t know. Laird was just that observant and thoughtful, I guess. That was the kind of guy that he was.
“It fits,” I said, stupidly, because I had definitely measured my finger and given him my ring size earlier. “How did you get it done so quickly?”
“Jack knew a guy.” Laird smiled and didn’t let go of my hand as he slid the ring box back into his pocket. “Jack knows all the guys, honestly. If you ever need anything, Jack’s your man.”
“Thank you. You didn’t have to go out of your way to pick something so lovely.” I wasn’t sure if these were real diamonds in the ring but they sure looked real, and that was what mattered. It had to fool Laird’s family.
“Of course I did,” Laird said, sounding offended. “Only the best for my… my fake wife.”
He still wasn’t letting go of my hand. People were smiling at us as they walked by us out of the church and heading for their cars. They probably thought that we were a real couple, with Laird sliding a ring onto my finger and all. Right outside of a gorgeous church, too, it couldn’t have gotten more obvious if he’d tried.
Not that he had tried. Or was trying. It was hard not to imagine that some of this was real, though, when we were standing in the beautiful snow, with the sun above us making it all sparkle, making me feel like I was standing in the middle of a swirl of powdered sugar, the stones of the church steady and warmed behind us, and Laird smiling at me like that.
“Thank you,” I told him. I didn’t dare ask if the stones were real. Laird had been upset when I’d asked him before and I didn’t want to upset him again. It wasn’t that I thought I wouldn’t deserve real gemstones when I did marry someone it was just… Laird was putting so much time and dedication into this lie and it made me feel like I was stealing from him, especially since he was already paying me.
Laird got a bit of a wicked gleam in his eye, a playful one, and raised my hand to his lips, kissing the knuckles. “It was nothing. Really. I know that you said this is fake but I like helping to make you happy and I like making you feel valued. That’s what real friends do for each other and I want to be that to you, at least.”
I couldn’t help but laugh a bit. “Friends, huh?”
Laird rolled his eyes, but he was smiling. “Well. I don’t fuck most of my friends.”
“Such language in front of a church, whatever would your mother say?”
“My mother’s meddled in my life enough, don’t you think, love? I don’t think she’s got the right to really call me out on anything at this point after the great whopping lie she told that landed me in this bloody mess.”
“Fair enough,” I conceded, laughing a little.
“Let’s go back to my place,” Laird said, offering me his arm.
I shouldn’t. I should say no and insist on going back home to my place. I should go home and shower and take a nap and get my head on straight. But all of my guilt, all of the resolve that I had felt so strongly while I had been in church listening to mass, was falling away helplessly in front of Laird.
What was it about this man that made me lose all of my composure and
carefully constructed walls?
“All right,” I said, taking his offered arm. It was so natural to do that now. It made me feel cared for and safe.
He’s your boss, I reminded myself sternly as we drove back to the house. You need to collect your things and go.
We got inside, and Laird picked up my hand again, the one with the ring now on it. “This makes it seem more… real, somehow. Like bloody hell, I’m actually going to go and fool my cousins at their wedding. I can’t believe we’re going to pull it off.”
“Of course we’ll pull it off. We fooled your brother, that means we can fool anyone.”
“It helps,” Laird noted, pulling me in, “that we have such good… chemistry….” His hand slid down to my ass, squeezing, gently guiding me to grind against him.
I gasped, feeling my legs automatically spread a little. I knew I needed to stop this. This was only going to end in one thing: my own tears as I said goodbye once this whole damn farce was over. The first time I fell for a man since Pete worked his manipulative magic on me all those years ago, and it was the one man who was guaranteed to break my heart.
I knew I needed to stop this—but I didn’t. It felt too good. I wanted him too much. Maybe it was just sex to him and maybe it was more than that to me but that didn’t need to stop me from having a good time, right? Laird didn’t see a problem with this, he didn’t see it as unprofessional, so…
Pushing him in the chest, Laird was taken by surprise and I got him to stumble back a bit so that he landed on the couch, where I could quickly climb into his lap and straddle him. He grinned up at me like he was delighted by my initiative.
There was still a voice screaming at me in the back of my mind that this was a disaster in so many ways, but I couldn’t stop myself. I craved him in a way I hadn’t ever craved anyone else. And Laird didn’t see a problem with it, I told myself again. This was fine.
I ground down, rotating my hips, feeling Laird getting harder underneath me. I had never felt… sexy like this before, like I could make someone this turned on. “Look at you,” he murmured, his hands falling to my hips. “You’re so goddamn sexy. Perfect.”
Part of me felt like we should get up and move this to the bedroom, but why should I when I could just grind against his lap like this? It felt so good, sparks flying inside of me as I found that perfect spot.
“Holy fuck,” Laird breathed, staring up at me in disbelief. “You really are desperate, aren’t you? Look at you, you could come just like this.”
I could, I really could, I already felt so close, oh my God… but then Laird grabbed my hips properly and held me up, taking me away from the contact I’d been craving. I whined helplessly before I could stop myself.
“Oh, no,” Laird teased. “I can’t make it that easy for you.”
I ran my hands up his chest, my thumbs rubbing at his nipples through his shirt before I wrapped my fingers around his shoulders. “Laird,” I purred, making my voice as seductive as possible. “Please? You know you want to.”
That was a lie—I wasn’t sure if he wanted to. That is, well, he seemed to want it, but I wasn’t quite confident enough yet to know that as a definite fact.
What I said, though, definitely worked, because Laird shuddered, his eyes going dark. “Who knew there was a naughty little sex kitten lurking inside of you?” he teased.
Mmm, yes. I had never—it was easy to feel objectified, when someone said things like that to me, but Laird made it sound delightful, and I found myself preening, glad that I could drive him so crazy.
“Let’s get you nice and open for me,” Laird murmured. “Touch yourself, show me how you like it.”
I had done a lot of masturbating while I was with Pete. How else was I supposed to relieve stress and get any sexual pleasure? So I definitely knew what I wanted, what I liked. Laird watched with dark eyes, undoing his pants and drawing out his cock, stroking it leisurely as he watched me, occasionally murmuring words of encouragement.
When I was finally good and open, ready for him, I moved forward, spreading my legs. It was different, but good, to be on top of him like this. I could control how deep inside of me he went, I could set the pace, but it also felt like I was being stretched open, like he was getting farther inside of me than he had before when he was on top.
“God, yes,” I choked out, overwhelmed. This felt so dirty, naughty, we were both still mostly dressed, and I was panting with desire by the time I had him inside of me all the way.
“Yeah, that’s my naughty kitten,” Laird soothed me. He ran his hands over me, working me up. “You’re beautiful, love, absolutely beautiful.”
I had never been called beautiful before. It turned me on but it also warmed my heart in a way that I hadn’t expected.
It was a bit hard to get leverage on the couch, but that was all right—Laird could plant his feet on the floor and thrust up into me. I dug my fingers into his shoulders, fucking down onto his cock, and it felt so deep, so good, that I couldn’t stop the moans spilling out of me. I felt a bit embarrassed by all the noise I was making, but Laird seemed to like it, encouraging me, biting down on the curve of my ear, his hands flexing around me.
“That’s it,” he murmured. “Fuck yes, you sound so hot, you’re so sexy, fuck, c’mon, I want to hear you come for me.”
With this angle his dick was striking deep inside of me, lighting me up with nerves, and I shook like a leaf in the wind. I kissed Laird frantically, sucking on his tongue, biting his lip, as my orgasm tugged at me, building higher and higher inside of me.
“That’s it,” Laird encouraged again. I moved up and down on him as desperately as I’d ground down onto him earlier, harder, harder, oh God, oh fuck yes, yes, please—
I screamed as I came, shocked by how much noise I was making, and I felt Laird coming inside of me too at almost the same instant, the both of us panting into each other’s mouths. It was so hot that I felt like I was shaking to pieces. I had never been so wild about sex before, had never flung myself off the cliff like that.
“You,” Laird panted, “are going to be the death of me.” He kissed me, and then stood up, lifting me at the same moment, keeping me in his arms. I squeaked in surprise, wrapping my arms and legs around him. Laird smirked. “Oh, I’m far from done with you.”
I laughed breathlessly as he carried me into the bedroom.
16
Laird
That had been the best fucking weekend—no pun intended—I’d had in years. Possibly the best weekend of my life.
After I had picked Trudie up from the church we had slept together all through the rest of the day. I felt like I was twenty-one years old, back in university, with all of the sex that I was having. It was madness but I never wanted to be sane ever again. I admit it had… hurt when she’d said that she didn’t want me to get anything ‘real’ for her ring. Of course, she was right, but it reminded me of how I was more invested in this than she was.
It was easy to forget that when I was kissing her, my cock deep inside of her, and she had her arms around me as she begged me for more and harder.
I took her into work the next morning, feeling on top of the world. Trudie and I kept blushing and grinning whenever we looked at each other. It was ridiculous. It reminded me so much of when Liam and Alana had first gotten together and how they’d practically had me gagging with how cute they were.
We parked and walked over to the building. Trudie had to go home after her shift today to take care of some things, which made sense given that she hadn’t been at her place since Friday morning, but I already missed her. It was a fierce ache in my chest that refused to go away.
“Have fun today,” I told her as we paused just outside the front doors to Buzz. “Don’t let Red tease you too much.”
“Red knows what’s good for him,” Trudie replied.
I leaned in and kissed her goodbye, swift but soft, brushing my thumb across her cheekbone as I pulled away.
Trudie’s shocked face, her m
outh open, didn’t register to me until I was in the elevator and I realized what I’d done. I could’ve smacked myself in the face—and since no one was around to see me, I did just that.
What kind of bloody idiot was I!? Sure, we were fake married, but only to my family! If Trudie’s coworkers, and her friends, and my coworkers and friends, all found out about it, this was only going to get that much more awkward for her when we ended our arrangement.
At least it was early in the morning. Hopefully only Red had seen things. Oh, no, Red, he was never going to let Trudie or me live this down. This was a fucking mess.
I had to get my stupid head on straight. I had to stop treating Trudie like she was my actual wife. But it was possibly the most difficult thing I’d ever had to do, and I’d started an entire company.
The moment I got into my office, Jack was waltzing in behind me, a cup of coffee in his hand. “So, somebody had a fun weekend. Funny, you didn’t mention anything when we were at brunch yesterday.”
“What are you talking about?” I asked. Trudie wouldn’t have just blabbed everything to Jack, would she? They were becoming quite close and Jack had mentioned to me that he was genuinely starting to think of her as a little sister, but she wouldn’t just blab to him, that didn’t seem like the kind of person Trudie was. She kept things close to her chest.
“Oh, come on, I saw you downstairs just a minute ago. You can’t pretend.”
Ah, fuck. He’d seen me kiss her. Fantastic. Just… bloody fantastic. “All right, so I lost my head for a moment.”
“You two actually banged, didn’t you?” Jack grinned and sat on the edge of my desk. “That’s why you were busy all weekend and weren’t answering my texts.”
“Yes, all right, maybe we did. And maybe it was the best sex I’ve ever had.” I sat down heavily in my desk chair. “Except it’s…”
“…it’s still fake,” Jack finished for me. He took a sip of his coffee and gave me a sympathetic face. “She’s a good girl, though. Maybe…”
Forbidden First Times: A Contemporary Romance Collection Page 29