“So,” Elliot said again. “Dinner? May I take you?”
I swallowed hard. “I ... I don’t know,” I said. “It’s kind of risky to be asking me that right now, don’t you think?”
To my surprise, Elliot let out a low, warm chuckle.
“Annie,” he said. “Relax. No one is going to find out. Nothing bad is going to happen.”
I inhaled shakily.
“Okay,” I said. “But tonight really isn’t good – I don’t want to spring that on my mother.”
“Tomorrow, then,” Elliot said confidently, and I nearly swooned. “It’ll be a good start to the end of the week, right?”
“Yes,” I said softly. “It will.”
We were about to hang up when suddenly, I pushed the phone back against my ear.
“Um, wait a sec,” I said. “You shouldn’t pick me up. Just ... um, tell me where to meet you and I’ll drive myself, okay?”
Elliot chuckled again, and I wondered for the briefest second if I wasn’t being overly paranoid. After all, I wasn’t a virginal twenty-one-year-old anymore. I was a young mother with a child of my own and more life experience at twenty-six than I ever would have expected myself to have.
“Okay,” he said. “But Annie – we’ll figure out a way to do this right, okay? Maybe not right now, and it’ll take some time, but I want that with you.”
I nodded, forgetting that Elliot wasn’t there to see me.
“Okay,” I said. It was inadequate, but anything would have been after the words Elliot had just spoken. They had been so simple and yet, so perfect at once.
As I hung up, I felt that my head was floating with happiness.
The next evening, I was putting on makeup in the bathroom when my mom rapped on the door.
“You look nice,” she said. “Are you going out with coworkers?”
I nodded. I hated lying to her, but I wasn’t ready to tell her about Elliot yet. And even despite what he had just said the day before, I wasn’t sure that we would ever get there ... at least, not with my still working at Empire. There seemed to be too many factors preventing us from really being together.
And I hadn’t even told him about Lilah yet. I’d lain awake half of the previous night thinking about that and eventually, I’d come to the heart-wrenching decision that I needed to tell him tonight, even if it ruined things between us forever. I could always find a new job and Elliot?
Well, I’d just have to believe the best about him and his intentions. That being said, I was still incredibly nervous. I’d been jumpy all day – Evelyn had even laughed at me about it – and now that the hour of our date was approaching, I felt sick to my stomach with nerves.
“It almost seems like you’re getting ready for a date, Annie,” Mom said. She leaned against the door and raised an eyebrow at me.
“It’s ... just a friend thing,” I lied after a few seconds.
“You know, hon, I wouldn’t mind if you did that, now and then,” Mom said. She crossed the threshold of the bathroom and sat down on the closed toilet lid, putting one slender thigh over the other.
“I know,” I said awkwardly. “But I have Lilah. And a new job.”
“You do,” Mom said. She sighed. “I guess I haven’t always been fair to you,” she said. “Finding out about Lilah was such a shock. And then you moved out! I think that I was a little mad,” she added. “Is it okay for me to say that?”
I nodded. “I was a little mad at myself,” I admitted.
Silence hung between us for a moment and I swallowed hard. In the wake of my father’s death, my mom and I had had several uncomfortable conversations. But in a way, they’d brought us closer together and I finally wondered I had grown up enough to become my mother’s friend as well as her daughter.
“Well, anyway,” Mom said, striving for a more cheerful tone. “So, what are your plans for the evening?”
“Just dinner,” I said.
“And it’s a friend thing?”
I felt my cheeks begin to heat and I swallowed, trying to focus hard on my reflection.
“Yeah,” I said. The word hung in the air and I felt hopelessly inadequate. I knew that I couldn’t keep lying to my mom, but I wasn’t ready to tell her the whole truth, either. Finally, I looked up at her.
“I mean, it might wind up being more than that,” I admitted. “We’ll see.”
At this, my mother looked somewhat pleased. She nodded, then turned and walked down the hallway, calling to Lilah as she did so. Being alone again made me a little nervous – the last time Elliot and I had actually done something in public together, we’d gotten into a fight that had left me feeling heartbroken, into a fight that had, ultimately, been the cause of my departure from his life the first time around.
What would tonight be like? I frowned as I sat down on the closed lid of the toilet and looked down at my knees. Would it go well, as Elliot had promised?
Or would we come to the realization that, ultimately, there was no room for anything between us but sex? It’s not just sex, I thought, clenching my jaw.
There’s Lilah – she’ll always be the bridge between us.
Fifteen minutes before I was scheduled to meet Elliot at an Italian restaurant, I squatted down to give my daughter a kiss.
“I’ll be home later,” I told her. “I promise.”
Lilah nodded. She didn’t look too terribly upset – ever since she’d figured out that she had my own mother wrapped around her finger, I was starting to think that she actually enjoyed it when I wasn’t home. The thought made me smile, like a preview of the future when she’d be a teenager, eager for nothing more than the house to herself for a night.
“Bye, Mommy,” Lilah said. She clung to my leg for a second, then toddled over to my mother and tugged at the hem of her skirt.
“Be good,” I said. “I’ll be home in a few hours.”
And then, with my heart thumping anxiously and my stomach in nervous knots, I left the house and got behind the wheel of my car. The weather was beautiful – the sun was just starting to set, low on the horizon, and the sky was streaked with pink and red and orange and yellow.
But I couldn’t focus on the weather – not now, not when my head was such a complete mess. I kept trying various wording in my head, various phrasing of the ways I could tell Elliot the truth about Lilah.
You remember my little girl? Well, she’s yours.
Have you ever thought about what it would be like to be a father? Well, surprise!
Did you happen to notice that Lilah’s eyes are almost exactly the same as yours? Well, funny story about that ...
The car in front of me braked suddenly and I cursed under my breath as I slammed the brakes on my own car, skidding to a stop just as the light ahead of us turned red. I groaned and took a deep breath, closing my eyes and sighing hard.
All of those lines had sounded so stupid, like some horrendously corny joke or a prank, even.
By the time I pulled up at the restaurant and parked my car, I was feeling so nervous and sick that I could hardly stand it. I had no idea how I was going to manage to keep water down, let alone a glass of wine or some rich Italian food. I climbed out of the car and smoothed my hands over my body, hoping to smooth away some of the intense anxiety that I was feeling along with the wrinkles in my clothes. The pavement threw up heat like a stove and I was perspiring slightly by the time I opened the door.
“I’m meeting someone,” I told the hostess.
“He just arrived,” she said, eyeing me curiously. “Come with me, ma’am.”
Any other time, I would have found myself bristling slightly at being addressed like I was much older than I really was but in that moment, I was too nervous to care. The hostess led me across the restaurant and showed me to a private booth, where Elliot was waiting.
As soon as he saw me, he got to his feet and grinned. In a black shirt and dark pants, he looked insanely gorgeous. The dark color brought out the golden hue of his skin and his green eyes sparkle
d as brilliantly as ever, even in the dimly-lit restaurant.
“You look radiant,” Elliot said quietly. He took my hand and lifted it to his mouth. When I felt the soft touch of his lips on the back of my hand, a warm shiver ran down my spine and I felt myself breathing just a touch harder. Elliot gently released my hand and leaned in, kissing my cheek.
“I hope you haven’t been waiting too long for me,” I said.
Elliot shook his head. “Nope,” he said. He smirked at me and helped me into one side of the booth, then took a seat on the other side. “Besides,” he added. “I’d wait for you as long as I had to, you know.”
I flushed hotly. “Thanks,” I said softly.
“I took the liberty of ordering us some wine,” Elliot said. He raised an eyebrow.
“Thank you,” I said. Just as our eyes met and I was about to blurt out the truth about Lilah, the sommelier appeared and poured a taste for Elliot to sample. Inside, I was burning up as Elliot took his time swirling the glass in his hand, sipped, then nodded and gestured for the sommelier to pour for us.
As soon as he was gone, I couldn’t hold it in any longer.
“I have something to tell you!”
“I’m so glad to be here with you,” Elliot said, speaking at the same time as I was. He blinked, took in my words, and cocked his head to the side.
“What’s wrong, Annie?” Elliot asked. “Is there something I can do?”
Oh, like go back in time and maybe not fight with me a few years ago, I thought.
Instead, I shook my head. “No,” I said. “I’m fine. I just, um, have something that I want to talk to you about,” I added. “It’s important.”
23
Elliot
I blinked at Annie in surprise.
“Well, that’s fine,” I said. “And I’m sure that no matter what it is, I’ll be eager to hear it.”
Annie looked anxious, almost pained, as she shifted in the booth.
“But may I ask a favor?” I asked.
Annie nodded briefly.
“Can we relax first and enjoy each other’s company,” I asked. “Because I don’t want this to be a tense or unhappy evening for either one of us. I want us to be able to have fun and get to know each other,” I continued.
I had a feeling that I knew exactly what Annie was going to bring up – that she was worried about work, worried about people discovering the truth of us. It was clear from the look on her face that she was incredibly uncomfortable, and I wondered if asking her out to dinner had been a bad idea. Maybe I should have tried for something else, like a weekend away together, but that introduced other kinds of problems – her daughter, for one.
And there was also the issue that we hadn’t spent all that much time together. I really liked Annie – knew that I was falling for her, even – but I’d always been a bit leery of traveling with someone whom I didn’t know that well. Vacations could be stressful, and what if we spent the entire time fighting?
Would she disappear, just like she had years ago?
“Please,” I said. “For me. Annie, that would mean a lot to me, seriously. I just want you to feel comfortable with me.”
Annie nodded.
“Here,” I said, gently nudging the glass of wine towards her. “Try some. It’s very good.”
Annie lifted the glass and I clinked mine against hers.
“To a new start,” I said. “Between us. For the future.”
If the night progressed the way that I had hoped it would, this was what I wanted to be the first of many nights spent out with Annie and her beautiful curves. In the candlelit restaurant, she looked more stunning and radiant than I’d ever seen her, even with the concerned expression on her lovely face.
“Okay,” Annie said finally. She took a long swallow of wine and closed her eyes, savoring the taste.
“This is good,” she said, sipping again and setting the glass down. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be weird,” she added. “I just want to talk to you. That’s all.”
“I know,” I told her. I put my glass down and reached across the table for her hand. “And I also know that it’s going to feel a little awkward at first, but I want this with you, Annie. I want you.”
Annie flushed. She bit her lower lip and for the first time since she’d arrived at the restaurant, her lips curved into a smile. The sight of her smiling like that, even though it was so cautious and tentative, filled me with encouragement.
She’s going to think I’m completely insane if I tell her that I love her, I thought.
But I don’t care.
“Annie?”
“What is it?” Annie asked. A little of her usual playfulness had come back into her voice and she licked her plump lips as she looked at me expectantly.
“I ... I—”
And just like that, before I could even get the words out of my mouth, I glanced up and saw David Harris, one of Empire’s biggest investors, sitting at a table not fifteen feet away. He was chatting with a young blonde who had all of Annie’s curves but none of her charm, and even though I had a feeling he wouldn’t notice if I got up and ran out of the restaurant while naked and screaming, I instantly clamped my lips together as alarm bells began to sound in my head.
“Elliot?” Annie asked. “What is it? What’s going on?”
“Nothing,” I lied. After the last disastrous date we’d had, years ago, I vowed that I wouldn’t anything like that happen again.
“Elliot,” Annie said, cocking her head to the side and narrowing her eyes. On her, the expression of skepticism was almost adorable. “I can tell something happened.”
“It’s really nothing,” I said. “I just remembered this deadline for something at work. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you worry.”
Annie didn’t look entirely convinced. She reached for her glass of wine and took a long sip, then raised her eyes to meet mine. A strange blend of desire and anxiety was coursing through my body – the fear I felt from being in the presence of an Empire investor almost amplified my intense feelings of arousal.
“Well, okay,” Annie said finally. She set her glass back down and cocked her head to the side. In the silence between us, my heart was pounding harder than ever, to the point where I could almost hear it.
I knew that I should be trying to forget all about David Harris and the havoc that he could create in my life if he were to notice me. My mind was at war – would he even recognize me? The restaurant was dim and his buxom date was clearly taking all of his attention – I watched from the corner of my eye as a waiter stopped by his table and had to wait several seconds before David Harris even looked up.
Maybe I was just worried over nothing. Maybe it wasn’t even him, maybe I was just freaking myself out.
But I couldn’t take the chance. If I was going to do this right with Annie, then I was really going to have to do it right. I was going to have to plan for the future and make sure that nothing would, or could happen, to oust me from Empire.
At least, not before I was ready to walk away on my own terms, ready to start a future with Annie, for real.
“So,” I said, reaching for the bottle of wine and refilling Annie’s glass before my own. “What looks good to you?”
“What? Oh! I don’t know yet,” Annie said. She flushed slightly as she reached for the menu. I couldn’t help but notice the look in her eyes – she clearly suspected that something was wrong, and I felt a flash of guilt and self-loathing. I had been so close to saying those all-important three little words, those three little words that I wanted to say to Annie and no one else for the rest of my life.
“I’m thinking lamb,” I said. “You like lamb, don’t you?”
Annie put her menu down and shrugged. “Sure,” she said. “Lamb is fine.”
24
Annie
I didn’t know what was going on with Elliot. Every time it seemed like we were making progress towards each other, something would happen to change that and I felt like we had take
n one step forward and two steps back.
But for the record, it wasn’t exactly like I knew what was going on with myself, either. I hadn’t told him about Lilah – not after our dinner had taken the weirdest turn that had left me feeling anxious. In the end, Elliot had ordered for me – pappardelle with Bolognese sauce – but I’d barely been able to eat more than a bite. I’d had the rest boxed up to go and taken it home, where it still sat in my mom’s fridge. It may have sounded weird, even to me, but there was something about me that, well, just didn’t want to actually finish the food. It was almost superstitious, like if I did, then what would I have from Elliot?
Well, besides Lilah.
Maybe this was part of it, but I felt that Elliot was keeping a secret from me, too.
And I also knew that if I didn’t talk to someone about it soon, I would burst.
When I called Beth, she promised to come straight over. My mom had taken Lilah out shopping for art supplies for a pre-school project and as soon as Beth got inside the front door, I threw my arms around her.
“Oh my gosh, Annie,” Beth said, laughing as she pulled away. “It hasn’t been that long, has it?”
“It feels like it’s been an eternity,” I confessed as I pulled away. “You want something to drink?”
Beth nodded. “God, yes,” she said. “I have the worst headache right now,” she added, wrinkling her nose and rubbing her temples with both hands. “You have any wine?”
She followed me into the kitchen and I took a bottle of red from my mom’s wine rack, then carefully twisted it open and poured a healthy splash into two glasses. Handing one to Beth, I clinked my glass against hers. We walked over to the kitchen table and sat down. As I sipped my wine, I kept my gaze firmly fixed on a spot on the wall across the room.
“So, what’s up?” Beth said. She cleared her throat. “I can’t believe I’m back here at your mom’s. When was the last time I was here?”
I turned to face her and gave her a guilty look. “I couldn’t think of it, to tell you the truth,” I said. “It’s been years.”
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