Swallowing hard, I ran a hand through my soaking wet curls and tangled them into a hopeless, tangled knot at the back of my neck. Even with the sheet covering my naked body, I still felt exposed and vulnerable knowing that I was naked beneath the cotton. And the way that Elliot was looking at me only intensified the feeling. It was if he could see right through me, as if he somehow knew what I was about to say before the words could even come out of my mouth.
There was a silence between us. At first it was comfortable. Complacent, even. But after a few seconds, I felt a noticeable chill come into the air. Goose bumps broke out over my arms and I pulled the sheet higher, almost to my armpits, feeling more than a little like a child who has just been caught in a lie. The sweat cooled on my body and I shifted on the bed and reached for a chenille throw, pulling it over my lap as I tried to breathe normally.
“Annie?” Elliot asked. “What is it?”
I straightened up and squared my shoulders. Throwing my head back, I turned to face the man I loved.
“Lilah is yours,” I said simply. “She’s your daughter.”
For a moment, the silence seemed louder than ever.
“I ... I left right after I found out that I was pregnant with her,” I said, feeling a warm flush come over my cheeks and face. “I thought that if my parents found out – especially my dad – he’d kill you, or at least beat you up. And I didn’t want that. I didn’t want the shame of my parents learning the truth about us, and I didn’t want to risk hurting your reputation.”
Elliot didn’t speak. The entire time that I was speaking, his face was still and quiet. Only his eyes were moving – they were darting around my face, as if to see that I was telling the truth.
“And I’m so sorry,” I continued. “It was really wrong of me to do that – to hide her from you for all of this time.”
Elliot stayed silent. My heart leapt into my throat as I searched his face for any clues of emotion. I wanted to see what he was feeling, what he was possibly thinking after learning of such a sordid secret.
“Elliot?” I asked numbly. “Can you say something, please?”
Elliot leaned forward and reached for me, pulling me into his arms and holding me tightly. He kissed my forehead and pushed my sweaty hair back over the crown of my head.
“Annie,” Elliot breathed. “That’s the best thing I’ve ever heard.”
His words shocked me, like I had just jumped into an icy lake. Every cell and nerve began to tingle in my body and I swallowed hard, pulling away as my heart began to pound and race in my chest. When I looked into the brilliant green of his eyes, I saw that he was completely serious and sincere.
“I love you, Annie,” Elliot said. “Deeply and fully.”
I couldn’t help it – I gasped. My jaw dropped and my hands flew to my mouth, covering my lips as tears came to my eyes.
“Annie?”
“I love you, too,” I said eagerly, throwing myself against him and kissing him deeply. I could still taste and smell myself on his lips and tongue and the scent, although taboo, made me dizzyingly happy because it reminded me of just how close we were.
When we pulled away, I was nearly panting.
“What are we going to do?” I asked anxiously. “If anyone finds out ... I mean, technically, you’re my great-boss, or whatever. You could get fired!”
Elliot shushed me, reaching for my hands and lacing his fingers with mine.
“No one is going to find out, Annie,” Elliot said. “We’re going to figure something out, we’re going to make a plan, and everything is going to be okay. You just have to trust me.”
I swallowed hard. Inside, I was filled with such a mix of confusing emotions. Exhilaration and wonder and happiness, oh, god, the strongest happiness I had ever felt, except maybe for the day when Lilah had been born and I had lain eyes on my daughter – our daughter! – for the very first time.
“I hope so,” I said anxiously. “I do worry, Elliot. I don’t want anyone to think less of you.”
“Annie, sweetheart,” Elliot told me as he squeezed my hand. “As long as we’re together again, everything is going to be okay.”
27
Elliot
“Elliot?” The concern in Annie’s voice and the feel of her soft hand on my arm was enough to bring me back to reality, but just barely. I felt like part of my soul had left my body, ascended towards the ceiling and the heavens above, away from the planet and into another realm.
I couldn’t believe it. I was blown away – completely flabbergasted.
I was a father?
And Annie was the mother of my child?
As I came crashing back down to earth, I closed my eyes and thought of the past. How my ex-wife, Tamara, had promised me that she wanted nothing more than children ... and then how she’d taken great pains to never get pregnant as soon as we were married. By the time I found out that everything she’d said to me had been a lie, I had thought that it was too late for me. I assumed, especially after the divorce, that I’d never be able to have the children I had always desperately wanted.
The idea of children, of a legacy, had always been such a funny concept to me. I’d watched friends get married, watched their wives cry over the baby supplies at Target because they had wanted a child of their own so badly. It had never been something that I’d consciously dreamt of, but getting older had made me realize just how much I wanted to be a father, to pass on my genes and teach my children how to ride bikes in the summer and ice-skate in the winter and do everything right. Teach them to read before they even started kindergarten and do everything I could to protect them from the cruel, evil parts of the world. Teach them to be a good person, to model them in the image of myself and my wife.
And while I did honestly feel a little sad about having missed out on Lilah’s first few years, that wasn’t nearly enough to make me regret what Annie had just told me.
Finally, I was a father. And even though I was coming in late to the game, I vowed that I’d do my absolute best to make sure that Lilah always had a good father.
“I’m sorry,” I said, turning to Annie and taking both of her hands in mine. “It’s ... a little overwhelming. You understand, yes?”
Annie nodded. She still looked slightly guilty, but her eyes were shining with love and hope.
“I really am sorry. I wanted to tell you before,” she continued. “I wanted to tell you the other night, at dinner, but then you said you had something to say and things got weird ...” She trailed off. “You’re sure that you want this?”
Her statement – the possibility that there was anyone on earth who wouldn’t want this – was so absurd that I nearly laughed. But, not wanting to hurt her, I merely shook my head.
“Of course, I do,” I told her. “And I’m sorry about the other night. Since we’re being completely honest with each other, I saw an Empire investor with some escort and ... well, I was planning to tell you the truth about my feelings for you. But seeing him really threw me off and I didn’t want to tell you that I loved you if I couldn’t be fully in the present for the moment.”
Annie’s lips formed a small ‘o’ of surprise and her cheeks flushed with pleasure.
“I still can’t believe it,” she said. “That you love me. That you want this with me. All of it.”
I nodded slowly. “I do. I love you, very much. And being a family with you and Lilah is all that I’ve wanted.”
Annie smiled widely. “Good,” she said softly. “I’m glad.”
“Now,” I said, taking a deep breath and shaking my head. “I ... I’d really like to meet my daughter, Annie.”
Annie nodded. She flushed again and dipped her head. “I know,” she said. “God, I feel so terrible about keeping her from you for all this time!”
Leaning in close, I planted a kiss on Annie’s mouth, then nudged her chin upwards and kissed her neck.
“I love you,” I told her. “And you have nothing to apologize for ... I’m sorry that I missed out on t
ime with her, but I’m glad that you finally felt comfortable enough to be open and honest with me.”
Annie bit her lower lip.
“I want you to meet her, too,” she confessed. “And you should. As soon as possible. But ...”
“But what?” I asked. Surely, Annie wasn’t going to keep me waiting, not after so many years.
“It’s just my mother,” she said uncomfortably, shifting on the bed and pulling the sheet tighter around her curvy body. “I don’t want to upset her. She doesn’t know that we’ve been together, or that we’re seeing each other now.”
I blinked. I didn’t know why the news came as a surprise, but she was right. Even now that Annie’s father was gone, it made obvious sense why she hadn’t told her mother about us.
“Annie, darling, we’ll figure it out,” I told her.
Annie wrinkled her nose and nodded. “I know that we have to at some point,” she said. “It just all seems like so much, you know? Like ... so many details.”
To her obvious surprise, I grinned at her.
“Annie, the details are going to be the easiest part to figure out,” I told her. “I meant what I said – now that we’re together again, everything is going to be perfectly fine.”
Annie nodded. I could tell that she didn’t believe me and I couldn’t have blamed her. So much had happened – tonight had been a whirlwind of sex and emotion and confession between us that even though I was deliriously happy, I still had no idea how I was going to process everything by the time that the sun came up.
“Why did you name her Lilah?” I asked suddenly, turning to Annie and cocking my head to the side.
She bit her lip and giggled. “You’re going to think it’s silly – god, I was so young then! – but it was the name of a character from a movie that I really liked. A girl who was pretty but smart and sweet. That’s all I want for our daughter, really,” she said, glancing into my eyes and fluttering her lashes at me.
“I think it’s beautiful,” I admitted. “I wouldn’t change it for anything.”
Annie nodded. “It’s certainly unique,” she replied. “Although you wouldn’t believe the number of people who’ve come up to me and asked me if I know that I ‘spelled it wrong’ – whatever that means.”
“People are judgmental assholes,” I told her.
Annie stifled a giggle. “She’s always so smart,” she said. “And I can’t believe you didn’t know! Or at least guess,” she added with a touch of guilt in her voice. “Her eyes are exactly the same as yours. As soon as she was born, they were green. They say that babies’ eyes are supposed to be blue and then the color changes, but not with Lilah. She always looked just like you.”
“She looks like both of us,” I admitted. The words, simple as they were, filled me with such a sense of happiness that for a moment, I thought that my heart would burst. Annie crawled closer to me on the bed and nestled her head on my shoulder. She put her arms around me and held me close, then kissed my cheek.
“I love you, Elliot,” Annie said. “And I always will.”
I wrapped my arms around her curvy body and held her close. “You’d better,” I said. “Because there’s no way I could handle losing you again.”
We stayed like that for a long time, until my arms were numb and Annie was practically falling asleep on my shoulder. Just as the sun was coming up and the birds were chirping, Annie jolted against me.
“How about this,” Annie said, yawning and rubbing her eyes as she turned to face me. She rolled onto her knees and raised an eyebrow. Sleepy and disheveled, I’d never seen her look sexier.
“What?” I teased. “You want to go for a round two?”
Annie flushed. “No. Well, yes, of course,” she said, glancing outside as she spoke. “But I should get home. I don’t want my mother to wake up and realize that I’m gone. Or Lilah, for that matter,” she added. “But I was thinking that I could bring Lilah over for breakfast. How does that sound?”
“Today?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.
Annie’s pink cheeks turned crimson. “Well, you did say that you wanted to meet her as soon as possible and I know we’re tired, but—”
“No,” I said firmly, shaking my head. “Today is absolutely fine. I would adore it.”
I’d never seen Annie smile as widely as she did when she squealed and launched herself at me for a hug.
“We’re going to have so much fun,” she said. “But I should really get back.” Reluctantly, she pulled away from me and climbed off the bed, reaching for her discarded panties and leggings. I watched her dress, hardly able to control my erection, and then walked her downstairs where we retrieved her shirt from the couch. As soon as Annie was fully dressed, she turned to me and gave me a deep kiss on the mouth.
“We’ll be over in a couple of hours,” she said, stifling a yawn. “I’m going to lie down for a while and see if I can sleep, and I’ll tell Lilah that we’re going for brunch.”
Even though I knew I’d be seeing Annie again in just a few short hours, the thought of parting from her was painful. I held her close and kissed her, cupping her face in my hands and nuzzling her, enjoying the feel of her soft skin against mine.
“Now that I’ve told you that I love you, I never want to let you go,” I confessed to her. “That’s probably insane. Is it?”
Annie laughed as she collapsed against me. “Not at all,” she murmured into my neck. “Because I never want to leave.”
We kissed once more, for a long time, at the door before I finally let her go. The sun was low in the sky, getting ready to rise, and the birds were chirping. I could tell from the humid stickiness in the air that the day was going to be a punishing and hot one, but I didn’t care.
With Annie back in my life – for good, this time – I truly had a new lease on life, and I was determined to enjoy it to the fullest.
28
Annie
I tiptoed across the yard to my mother’s house and let myself inside, hoping that she – and Lilah, for that matter – were still sleeping peacefully. Thankfully, the house was empty and quiet and I breathed a sigh of relief when I crept upstairs and saw that my mom’s door was still shut and Lilah was snoring in her toddler bed. I grabbed a change of clothes and went into the bathroom where I turned the water as hot as it would go, then stood under the spray and soaped myself clean of Elliot’s kisses and touches. In a way, I hated doing it – it was like removing him from my skin – but the knowledge that I’d see him in just a few short hours lessened the pain.
By the time I got out of the shower, Mom was up and bustling about downstairs. I could smell coffee and hear the sizzle of bacon and I went into Lilah’s room and sat at the edge of her bed.
“Morning, sleepyhead,” I told Lilah. “How are we doing today?”
Lilah yawned, right in my face, and stretched in bed with her little chubby arms over her head, her hands balled into fists and her eyes scrunched up.
“I’m so sleepy, Mommy,” Lilah said. She yawned again and rubbed her eyes with both hands.
I laughed gently. “You’ve been in bed for almost twelve hours, kiddo,” I said. “It’s time to get up. You want to do something really fun with me right now?”
The mention of ‘fun’ was enough to rouse my daughter and she perked right up, raising to her elbows and narrowing her little eyes at me.
Elliot’s eyes, I thought. That gorgeous emerald shade of green that I’ve never seen anywhere else.
“What is it, Mommy?” Lilah asked. She yawned again but now I could tell that she was fully awake. “Are we gon’ golf-golf again?”
I laughed. “No, honey, we’re not going to play mini-golf,” I said. “We’re going to ... well, we’re going to have brunch with someone very important. How does that sound?”
Lilah’s eyes got wide. “Like the President?”
I had to bite the inside of my mouth to keep from laughing again. “No, honey,” I said. “Someone else. You’ll like him. I promise.”
/> Lilah didn’t look convinced, and I felt a stab of fear in my belly. What if this was a disaster? What if introducing Lilah and Elliot so soon was a mistake? As I tried to remember all of the parenting advice and columns I’d read over the years, my mind went blank. Lilah was impressionable and young and while Elliot was wonderful, it was true that I’d never really seen him spend any time around kids before.
Well, except for with Lilah when they had briefly met.
“Come on,” I said. “Let’s get up and get you dressed. What do you want to wear today?”
Lilah pouted at me. She hopped out of bed and walked over to her closet, where she returned in a few moments with her Halloween costume from the year before – a copy of Cinderella’s ball gown.
I laughed gently. “What about your overalls and a pink top?” I asked.
Lilah stuck out her tongue and shook her head. Oh, well, I thought as I shrugged and started helping her into her Cinderella dress. If it’s going to be one of those days, there isn’t much I can do about it now.
When Lilah was dressed and her hair was brushed as best as I could manage with her squirming and wriggling, we went downstairs. My mom took one look at Lilah in her princess outfit and gave me a confused look.
“She felt like being a princess today,” I explained with a shrug. “We’re going out for a while – I thought that we’d have some mom and daughter time, maybe over brunch.”
My mother laughed uncertainly and immediately, I felt another spike of anxiety.
“Brunch? My, that sounds fancy,” she said, squatting down next to Lilah and ruffling her hair. “No wonder you wanted to be a princess today!”
I glanced behind my mom, at the tray of bacon on the stove, and gave her a guilty smile.
“You don’t mind, do you?” I asked. “I’m sorry – I should have said something, but the truth is that I wasn’t thinking about it – it just kind of came to me at the last minute.”
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