Professor Will Marks was a real man – how the hell was I ever going to figure him out?
24
Will – Saturday
After my intense, sexy tryst with Eden the previous night, I woke up the next morning with my brain muddled and cloudy. I’d even had to jack off to fall asleep – being with her young, nubile self was enough to make me feel like a kid again, and all I wanted to do was fuck her, get her hot and wet and aroused, drain my balls into her perfect, pink pussy.
It was a fucking mess, and the semester still had weeks to go.
That day, I was set to meet on campus with Peter, my TA. But at the last minute, I couldn’t bear the thought of going there, of seeing my office and missing Eden’s sweet curves and warm presence.
Or worse, of going into the department lounge and finding Gina, who would no doubt ambush me. I groaned to myself – I felt like I was hiding, like I was a coward, but I just didn’t have the fucking mental energy to deal with her. Not when my mind was still so messed up and conflicted.
When I called Peter, he answered on the first ring.
“Hey,” he said, sounding distracted. “I hope you’re not mad, I’m running a little late, I was at the grocery store and it took forever, and—”
“I’m not mad,” I assured him. “But I was wondering if you’d want to meet somewhere other than campus. I had a hellish week,” I added.
“Thank god,” Peter said. He laughed. “Man, you read my mind.”
“So, I was thinking—”
“Have you been to Ravening Rock?” Peter interrupted. “It’s a new brewpub and I’ve heard pretty good things.”
“Uh, yeah,” I said. “it’s okay, but maybe kind of loud?”
“It’ll be fine,” Peter said comfortably, and inwardly I groaned. “It’s the middle of the day on a Saturday,” he explained. “They probably don’t even have the post-brunch crowd yet.”
“Mmn,” I replied. “Okay. That’s fine.”
“Great,” Peter said. “See you soon.”
We hung up and I groaned and put my face in my hands. How was it possible that in trying to escape Eden, I’d somehow unwittingly agreed to return to a place where we had hung out and talked for hours?
And then you kissed her in your car like some kind of lust-crazed animal, I thought, shaking my head and sighing. You can’t even control yourself. And worse, what if she’s there again?
What if she sees you and comes over to chat?
What if Peter fucking invites her to sit down?
My heart was pounding as I drove to Ravening Rock. The night before had ended awkwardly. Eden was clearly getting very comfortable with me – she’d slipped and asked if we could go out for dinner – and I’d had an incredibly hard time of turning her down, even though agreeing to her request would have been the epitome of stupidity.
It wasn’t just that I missed her warm body and her curves. I missed her mind. I wished that we could be like normal people, normal people who went out on dates and talked over dinners three hours too long and quaffed whole bottles of the house red and then stumbled back to her apartment for a messy, prolonged makeout session that would leave my balls aching.
God, I knew how to dream, that was for sure.
When I got to Ravening Rock, I vowed to put Eden out of my mind, at least temporarily, and went inside to meet Peter. My TA was sitting at the bar with a mug of beer in front of him, and he nodded.
“Thanks for coming here,” he said. “I’ve been meaning to check it out, but I always feel like going to a brewery alone is like, pretentious, right? Or maybe it would just make me a loser,” he joked.
I smirked. “You’re going to have to work on that self-esteem if you want to make it in academia,” I told him bluntly. “No one senses weakness like another academic.”
Peter nodded seriously – clearly, he hadn’t understood my joke.
I ordered a sampler of beer and sat next to him while he went over his plans for the end of the semester – ideas for the freshman seminar exam and ideas for his own paper. I knew that I should have been hooked on his every word, offering feedback, generally being helpful.
After all, that was what I was paid to do. In years past, I’d loved working with my grad students – they were a breath of fresh air from the often-naïve, dewy-eyed undergrads who all thought they were going to be the next Hemingway, or at least the next Graham Greene.
But this year, clearly, it had been a mistake to take on a TA when I had no actual interest. Peter continued to talk, aided by the effects of the booze, and I tried my damndest to pay attention. As the hours slipped by and the sun sank lower in the sky, a group of college kids came into Ravening Rock and for a moment, my heart stopped.
It wasn’t Eden – the hair was all wrong and she was skinnier – but there was a girl with a similar sparkle in her eyes, a similar tendency to bite her lip and flush, and the resemblance was enough to make me remember the sweet scent of Eden’s pussy and for my cock to grow hard.
Fucking stop it, I ordered myself as I dragged my eyes away from the would-be Eden. Now that I’d had the chance to get a good look, I knew that she didn’t bear anything more than a passing resemblance to the curvy cutie of whom I was growing so fond. Eden had light and laughter and fun in her smile and a bounce in her step. She had a shy smile that drove me mad with lust and tenderness, and I loved how fresh she was, like she’d always be pure, for the rest of her life.
I glanced over at the other girl, who was now sitting with her friends and laughing harshly. Now that I’d begun thinking about sweet little Eden, was nothing even remotely attractive about the stranger, and I sighed with relief.
Unfortunately, Peter noticed. He cleared his throat and my head snapped up to look at him.
“Yes?” I asked.
“Professor, I don’t mean to sound like a jerk,” he said, narrowing his eyes at me. “But what the hell? You’re never this ... off,” he continued. “If today was bad for you, hey, I get it – we’ll reschedule.”
“It’s not bad for me,” I said.
Peter was still giving me a skeptical look, and I suppressed the urge to groan like a teenaged brat.
“Well, what is it, then?” Peter asked. He crossed his arms over his chest. “You’ve been checking out progressively as the semester has gone on, and I feel like you’re not even listening to anything that I have to say.”
“I ...” I trailed off, then sighed. “I’m sorry. Really. I am,” I said, trying to ignore the astonished look that had appeared on Peter’s face.
“Is something going on? Like, is one of your parents sick or something?”
“I’m not that old,” I informed him. “And no – everything is fine. I’m ... well, I’ve started seeing someone, and I’m wrapped up in her. I know, it’s unprofessional to admit that, but there it is.”
Peter’s face had gone from incredulous to sly and approving.
“It’s Gina, I mean Professor Grant, right?”
I didn’t answer.
“I’ve seen the two of you walking around campus a lot,” Peter said. He grinned at me. “Man, that’s awesome. She’s smoking hot. If you don’t mind my saying that,” he added hurriedly.
The weight of the lie was enough to crush me, and I hated myself for nodding.
But I had to – it wasn’t like I had a choice.
Somehow, miraculously, I managed to pull my shit together and pay attention for the rest of the meeting with Peter. My head was swimming with confusion and questions. Gina, really? I thought as I stared at my TA. An older woman – that’s what gets you going?
Objectively, Gina was a very attractive woman. But I’d never been attracted to her – and now I began to wonder if she had been trying to manipulate me the entire time. Clearly, I was going to have to keep a better watch on things and make sure the lie didn’t spread.
At the end of the meeting, I walked with Peter into the parking lot. The day had been a warm one for the season but the setting sun meant
a rapid cooling of temperatures, and Peter shivered.
“Sorry I was so distracted,” I said. “But I’d really appreciate if you didn’t let this get out. It could do a lot of damage to my reputation, not to mention that of Professor Grant.”
Peter nodded enthusiastically.
I desperately hoped I could trust him, but it wasn’t like I could sink to my knees and beg him to keep his fucking mouth shut.
“Yeah, no, of course I won’t say anything,” Peter said. He glanced sidelong at his car.
“You’re cold,” I told him. “Better head out, no?”
I should have driven straight home, but being alone was both soothing and excruciating. I didn’t want to be alone – I wanted to be with Eden, but it wasn’t like I could just show up at her apartment.
In the end, I went to the grocery store and stood for so long in front of the wine display that five different clerks came up to ask me if there was anything in particular that I was looking for.
And then, just like that, a flash of brown hair and round curves appeared in front of me.
Eden gave me a shy smile. “Hi, Professor Marks,” she said. “I was just getting some wine.”
25
Eden – Saturday
I couldn’t believe it – I’d gone to the store hoping to see Will there.
It was like magic. Had I somehow conjured him into existence? I knew it was dumb to even think like that, but the temptation was strong.
He stared at me, as if he was equally surprised to see me.
“Um, are you okay?” I asked.
Will didn’t reply. His color was high and he looked incredibly sexy in a black sweater that somehow only seemed to emphasize his tan.
“I’m fine,” he said shortly. “What are you doing here?”
I laughed nervously. “It’s Safeway,” I replied. “It’s a public place. I told you, I’m grabbing some wine. Petra – my roommate – and I are having dinner together.”
He opened his mouth as if to speak, then shut his lips tightly together.
My heart, which had been so full and happy just seconds before, deflated.
I didn’t know what had changed between us, but something clearly had – ever since that stupid mistake I’d made the other night, asking Will if he’d wanted to get something to eat after sex.
Was he embarrassed to be seen with me?
Was that it?
I swallowed anxiously. Will wasn’t moving. His eyes were locked on mine in an intense stare and I felt myself start to shift into that mood, that certain mood I always felt when he was nearby. It was a blend of arousal and excitement so intense that my heart began beating like a rabbit’s.
Didn’t he know the incredible effect he had on me, and surely most of the female population?
“How are you?” I asked tentatively.
Will shrugged. “Fine,” he said. His words were plain, normal – almost cold. But the look in his eyes, that intense, insane look was the only thing that made me feel like I wasn’t losing my mind, that somehow he did want me, after all.
I didn’t understand him – not at all, and it was beginning to drive me crazy. It made me so frustrated. Every time that I was alone, thinking about Will, my mind was filled with all kinds of clever and insightful things to say. But whenever we were together and we weren’t in the middle of passionate sex, I felt so stunned that I could hardly string two words together. It was a miracle that I’d had him as a professor before and managed to pass the class with a ‘B+’ – he made me feel so dumb, so young and stupid, that I was sure he thought I was probably an idiot.
And now, I’m just rambling to myself again, I thought. I probably look like a damn deer in the headlights!
“Um, anyway, I was just going,” I said, forcing myself to snap out of it. “Have a good night.”
Will hesitated again, like he was about to say something, and I paused.
“You too, Eden,” he said in a low voice. “See you in class.”
He walked away and I stood there and watched him grow smaller and smaller, my heart sinking.
See you in class? Really? I thought. Hot disappointment washed over me and I took a deep breath. It wasn’t that I’d expected him to make any overtures to ask if I wanted to spend some time together or even ask how I was doing – knowing him, he’d consider the latter extremely suspicious.
But class wasn’t for days, and I wanted him so desperately. I stared at the wine section for a long time, not even thinking about what to buy. I kept wishing that Will would come back and apologize for being an asshole, that he wanted to spend time together.
That he wanted me.
By the time I left the store, I was so bummed out that I’d forgotten to buy several things on my list and had to stop by Walgreens on the way home to grab everything else. I got back to my apartment and found Petra setting the table. She was lighting taper candles in their holders when I walked in, and she didn’t look up as she sang out a greeting.
“Hey,” I said shortly.
Something about my tone made Petra look up and frown at me.
“What’s wrong with you?” She asked. “Everything okay?”
I bit my lip. I was so sick, so relentlessly ill of keeping my secret from her. And right now, I was feeling so vulnerable that all I wanted to do was throw myself into her arms and cry and have her rub my back and pet my hair while I sobbed about Professor Will Marks and how he was breaking my heart without even knowing it.
And I was so close, so close!
I swallowed. “Yeah,” I said. “I mean, no. I’m not okay.”
“Eden? What happened?” Petra set the lighter down on the table and walked over to me. She wiped her palms on her jeans, then put one of them to my forehead and frowned.
“You don’t feel warm,” she said, not unkindly. “You feel like lying down for a while before dinner? I think the chicken is still cooking.” Pausing, she wrinkled her nose. “I think our slow cooker might be broken. You want to replace it, or no?”
The implication of her words – that the year was drawing to a close and soon, we’d no longer be living together because college would be over – was what did it. Before I could stop myself, a burst of hot tears came to my eyes and just like that, I was crying hard. I didn’t want the year to be over – it was a cruel irony considering I’d been so excited for that very thing not more than a few months ago. But now, thinking about leaving Oakbrook College – and Will Marks – behind, in my dust, was devastating. I felt like a total Peter Pan, but all I wanted to do was throw myself down on the carpet and beat it with my fists and sob about how I never wanted to grow up if it meant ending my new relationship with the man who I loved.
“Oh my god, Eden, what’s wrong?” Petra gasped. She pulled me into her arms and hugged me, murmured soothing words under her breath and held me tightly.
All I could do was cry and cry and cry, until my nose was choked with wet snot and I couldn’t breathe. Breaking away, I went into the kitchen and grabbed a paper towel. I blew my nose and wiped my eyes on the backs of my hands, turning to Petra on shaky legs.
“I’m fine,” I said. “I ... I just think I’m having PMS,” I lied. “I just want to relax.”
Petra nodded. Her forehead was creased with concern as she leaned down and blew out the candles.
“Forget the chicken,” she said. “We’re ordering a pizza and having a movie marathon, got it?” Her tone was hopeful, cheerful, kind.
I should have told her everything right then and there. Keeping so much of my life a secret from my best friend was so darn hard that I was ready to start weeping all over again if I had to think about it.
I knew I was falling in love with Will, which was insane. We’d barely spent any time together – how was it even possible? But I knew I loved his touch, his hands, the look in his eyes when he stared at me.
Back when we’d first kissed in his car, it had been fun and elicit and so exciting that I had thought my heart would explode.
Now, I was just ready for the hiding and the secrecy to be over.
Would I ever find out if he felt the same way?
26
Will – Monday
I felt like shit – there was no denying it. Ever since I’d run into Eden in the grocery store and acted like a total prick, I hadn’t been able to forget it – or forgive myself for acting that way.
There was no excuse for it. I had, of course, still been reeling from the conversation that I’d had with Peter.
And the lies I’d told, just to keep my fucking nose clean.
I had a feeling that it was going to come back to bite me in the ass. It had been days since, and I still felt sick about it. I wondered what I could do – wait until the end of the semester and then tell Peter that Gina and I had never really been involved.
No, I couldn’t do that – that would involve finding another excuse entirely.
And even when Eden graduated, she’d be off-limits – getting involved with a recent graduate would only signal that something elicit had happened while she was still an undergrad.
Which, of course, she was.
It was a huge fucking predicament, the likes of which I’d never before had to deal with.
If it had been anyone else, anyone other than Eden, I wouldn’t have thought it was worth it. Hell, I never would have even been seriously tempted – at least, not the way I’d been with Eden.
Was it worth it?
I was still working that over in my mind. I kept going back to that night where I’d finally given in and jacked off to fantasies of her. In any other situation, with any other woman, that should have been enough to end it. Would have been enough to end it – would have been enough to make me realize that I was being foolish and horny, which was a particularly lethal combination.
Was I getting weak in my old age?
I was certainly getting dramatic – which wasn’t much better.
Forbidden First Times: A Contemporary Romance Collection Page 117