by Ward, H. M.
He smirks. “You look like you could use some help.”
“I don’t need your help. Go away.” I want to push him out the door, but then I’d have to flash my boobs at him and I don’t want to. “Scat.”
“Scat? Seriously? You’re going to throw me out, but you let him in?” Sean’s tone is light, playful. He glances around the room and walks over to the things that I’ve already tried on. They are in a pile on the padded bench against the wall.
“He’s gay—”
“Keep telling yourself that—”
“Oh my god. You are unbelievable. You’re jealous of a gay guy.” I tilt my head to the side and give him my best are-you-fucking-serious face, but I’m naked—so he laughs.
“Damn, you’re cute.” Sean takes the red bra from where I dropped it on the floor and looks at it. “I’m not jealous. I just don’t like liars and I don’t want anyone to hurt you. Turn around.”
“Sean—” I try to protest but he turns me toward the mirror. I don’t drop my arm.
“I’ve already seen and had them, Avery. Drop your arm.” Sean is standing behind me with the bra in his hands. I’m stubborn. I feel my spine straightening. I don’t want to do it. I don’t want him here, but part of me does. Part of me likes this. Part of me is obviously defective.
“Fine,” I bite back, “but this didn’t happen. My friends hate your guts and I don’t want Black to know I’ve been talking to you.”
Sean gives me a lopsided grin as he reaches around me and slips the bra on. His fingers brush against my skin as he fastens it in back. Involuntarily, I suck in a sharp breath at the light touch. I’m staring at myself in the mirror, with Sean—who is fully dressed and beyond beautiful—standing behind me. My stomach curls and I feel hot. I glance away, hoping he doesn’t notice, but now I’m noticing everything. I’m breathing too much, too loudly. I don’t know where to put my hands, but they feel stupid dangling at my sides. But the worst part is this bra. The front holds me up and adds a cup size, which makes my taut nipples glaringly obvious.
Sean looks up into the mirror, but he doesn’t step back. I feel his breath on my skin and resist the urge to climb on him. Because that’s what I want to do. With him here, looking at me like that, and standing so close—oh God—I want to touch him and feel his skin under my fingertips. I wish he wasn’t so fucked up. Or maybe, I wish I was more messed up so I could let him do what he wanted, but I can’t. I shiver thinking about it.
I see Sean’s gaze in the mirror. It locks with mine. After a moment, he says, “Is this for a client?”
“Yes.” There’s a lump in my throat that won’t go away. My fingers twitch at my sides. I want to touch him. I wish he’d turn me around, but he doesn’t. Sean stands so close that we should be touching, but we aren’t. Every inch of my skin is sensitive, dying for contact.
“It needs something else.” Sean pulls a bag out of his pocket. He must have purchased something before he came back. “This is what I’d want to see you in.” I take the bag. Sean’s fingers brush against mine. My heart pounds harder. I suck in air like I haven’t taken a breath in five minutes. It’s too loud, too raspy. “Open it.”
I look into the bag. There’s a black box at the bottom. I take it out and open it. Inside are two silver rings shaped in a C. There’s a single crystal on each one. I look up at him.
He smiles at me. “Put them on.”
My stomach flips. His voice is so much deeper. It’s that voice that makes me do stupid things. I take one out of the box and look at it. I’m not sure what it is, but it looks like an earring, so I pull my hair back and go to put it on my ear.
Sean smiles and takes my hand. He steps closer to me, pressing his front against my back. Sean moves my hand to my breast and breathes, “It goes here.”
His hand is on top of mine. I’m staring at him in the mirror, frozen. My brain is ringing warning bells, but I can’t move. After a moment, he turns me toward him and takes the jewelry from me. “Allow me.”
Sean leans closer to me and slides his hand up my waist. He cups the bottom of my breast and slips his hand over my nipple. My back goes ram-rod straight. My voice disappears as a bolt of heat shoots between the V of my legs. Sean rolls my nipple between his fingers, teasing it, before putting the silver C on me. Then, he squeezes it gently and the silver pinches me. I gasp silently as my lips make a little O. Sean watches my expression as he does the same thing to my other nipple. Then, he takes my shoulders and turns me back to the mirror.
“There you go, bestie. A totally fuckable outfit for a fun Friday night.”
My chest swells as it fills with air. It forces my breasts out and the little crystals sparkle. I look in the mirror and love this outfit because he likes it. I can’t speak. I can’t think. I stare at my breasts too long. When my eyes lift to see Sean’s in the mirror, I notice the same dark look he had the other morning.
Sean steps closer to me. His lips are so close to my neck. I tip my head to the side, hoping he’ll kiss me. I want him to touch me, but he doesn’t. I refuse to move. I don’t need him. I can control myself. But, Sean doesn’t leave. He doesn’t talk and his eyes remain hooded, as he drinks in my reflection. Every inch of my body is buzzing. I’m wound so tight that I think I’ll snap. That’s when Sean’s hand slowly drifts up my thigh without touching. I sense the heat from his palm. It makes my skin tingle and ache for his touch. Sean stops just above the bow on my hip. His fingers flick the string. I close my eyes and suck in a shaky breath.
“Ask me,” he breathes. Defiance strums through me. Or maybe it’s pride. Or both. Whatever it is, I say nothing, which makes Sean give me the most seductive grin I’ve ever seen. “I know you want it. Ask me, Avery… “
I suck my lower lip between my teeth and slowly shake my head, no.
Sean doesn’t back away. Instead, he takes hold of the string at my hip and pulls. The red bow comes undone and my indecent bottoms fall to the dressing room floor. Sean watches me in the mirror. His eyes dip to the floor and linger as they climb up my body. They stop at the top of my legs and he leans in close and whispers again, “Ask me.”
I shake my head, liking this game. My heart pounds harder as Sean looks up at my face. I wonder what he’s going to do. His eyes are so dark, so impossibly blue. Sean moves his hands over my skin without touching me. Slowly he goes up my thigh and then down my belly. His shirt tickles my back as he reaches around me. His warm breath makes me want to melt into his kiss, but I don’t move. I remain silent.
Sean continues to tease me. As his hands move over my body, his lips hover over my back. His hot breath trails a path down my back, caressing every curve until he’s on his knees. Sean touches my leg lightly and sparks shoot across my body.
I gasp, and turn so that he’s kneeling in front of me. He looks up at me with his eyes burning like blue flames. “Ask me.”
I smile and shake my head so slightly that I’m not sure if I moved. Sean blinks slowly and lowers his gaze. He leans in slow, his lips nearing my thigh, and hesitates. I feel like I’m going to explode. I’ve never wanted to be touched so much in my entire life. Sean’s warm breath hits my bare skin and sparks shoot through me, making me hotter and hotter. My core aches for his touch, for Sean, and he hasn’t even touched me yet. I’m a hot mess, ready to beg him to kiss me there, but I don’t have to. After a heart pounding moment, Sean takes a jagged breath.
This time when he looks up, he says something different. “I’m asking you—may I?” His eyes fall back to the prize right in front of his eyes.
I have no voice. I can’t breathe. I feel myself nod and then my world shifts. Sean’s hands are on me and I moan so loudly that he reaches up and puts his hand over my mouth. He looks me in the eye and shakes his head slowly, telling me to be silent. When Sean releases his hand, he lowers me onto the bench and falls to his knees.
Sean crawls toward me and nuzzles his face between my legs. I suck in air and throw my head back, careful not to make and sounds. Sean
breathes me in before taking his hands and pushing my knees farther apart. He looks at me with those sinful eyes and then disappears between my legs.
His tongue strokes my hot folds with big greedy licks. I bite my lip to keep quiet and squirm in my seat. Sean’s hands come up and hold me still as he pushes his tongue in deeper. Somehow my legs end up over his shoulders and I’m holding his hair between my fingers, pulling his face toward me. I fight to remain silent. My hips rock slightly as Sean’s tongue devours me.
I make little sounds that drive him crazy and he pushes into me deeper. Butterflies float through my middle and tickle my stomach. Hot tendrils curl tighter and move through me. I can’t let go of him. Sean comes up for air and it makes me beg for more. He gives me a wicked grin before lavishing my lower lips with more wet kisses.
I rock against his mouth as he devours me. Neither of us makes a sound. I feel my body responding to his touches, climbing higher and higher. Every time Sean’s tongue thrusts inside me, I feel my body getting closer to the edge. Sean teased me so much that it’ll take next to nothing to tip me over the top. His tongue sweeps against me again and again.
I hold Sean against me, pushing my hips toward his mouth, wanting him to push me over the edge. But Sean slows his pace and pulls back. I whimper, as his kisses soften. He takes my hands from the side of his head and pins them by my hips on the bench and stops.
I buck my hips, desperately wanting the release, and beg him, “Please. Oh please.”
Sean smiles at me. He watches my face for a moment, and watches me breathe. My breasts strain against the bra and the nipple clips feel so tight. It makes me want him even more. Without warning, Sean dips between my legs again. He releases my hands and grips the curve of my ass, forcing my soft skin to his lips. I hold onto him and rock. Sean’s tongue dips into me over and over again, and I shatter. Every tightly wound coil inside of me breaks free as my body pulses uncontrollably. I breathe harder and harder, as he continues to draw out my pleasure. Sean’s tongue sweeps against me, dipping inside as I float away in bliss.
My hold on Sean loosens as his licking slows. When Sean pulls away, he stands and leans in, and sweeps his moist lips across my mouth. “That’s the second time this week I’ve watched you come and I didn’t get to fuck you either time.”
I laugh. There’s a lazy sated smile on my face. “You’re horrible.”
“You’re delicious.” He licks his lips slowly.
“Avery? Are you still in there?” Marty’s voice rings out and suddenly I’m fully alert. I press my finger to my lips and hope Sean doesn’t say anything.
I clear my throat and try to sound normal. “Yeah. I’ll be up in a second.”
“Okay, just checking. It’s been a while.” His voice is so close. I know he’s right on the other side of the door. I don’t want to explain Sean, and I know Marty will kill me if he knows what I just did.
Sean is quietly watching me as I lie to one of my best friends. My eyes pinch shut. “Sorry. I found something else I wanted to try. I’ll be right up.”
“Yeah,” Marty says, but his voice doesn’t sound right. I think he knows, but Marty walks away without another word.
I sigh and sit down hard on the little bench and bury my face in my hands. Sean is standing, looking down at me. “I don’t like lying to him.”
“Then don’t.”
I laugh, but there’s no humor in it. “I can’t. Marty and Mel don’t want me around you. They think you’re going to…” my voice trails off and I look up at him.
Sean finishes the sentence for me. “Hurt you.”
I nod. “It’s more than that, though. Mel doesn’t even want me to be your friend. Maybe that’s because she knows that I can’t. Damn it, Sean. Things can’t be like this.” I stand and pull on my panties. I take the clips off and put them back in the black case. I finish getting dressed.
While I’m dressing, he says nothing. Sean just leans against the back wall of the dressing room with his hands behind his back. When I look over at him, there’s a pensive expression on his face. I throw my purse on my shoulder before grabbing the black box and holding it out to Sean.
He doesn’t move. He doesn’t pull his hands out from behind his back and take them. Instead he shakes his head. “No, you need those. They complete your outfit for work. Wear them.”
My stomach dips. How can he act so detached? Sean’s talking about another guy having sex with me, and it’s like he doesn’t care. “What are you doing?”
Sean straightens. His eyes narrow as he looks at me. I have no idea what he’s thinking. “I don’t know what you mean.”
“Yes, you do. Don’t give me that crap. How can you possibly be okay with sharing me?”
“I’m not okay with sharing you. I don’t like it at all, but I can’t ask you to stop. It’s something you need. I understand that. The guy that’s always drooling on your shoulder, I can’t stand.” He’s so frustratingly calm that I want to punch him in the face. Sean blinks at me like I’m crazy.
“You don’t want me hanging out with Marty, but I can go fuck a client?” Sean nods slowly. His dark hair falls forward with the movement. Sean looks at his shoe before returning his gaze to my face.
“You’re lying.” I step toward him and get up in his face. Sean’s lips are a breath away. His eyes are intently focused, our gazes lock. “You don’t want to share me at all. You’re trying to get me fired.”
“I could have kept you. I didn’t.”
“Things got too serious and you chickened out.”
“Your perception of reality is skewed, Miss Smith. You better blink and wake up from that dream of yours.”
I laugh once, hard. He’s pushing every button I have and I don’t know why. Sean does this every time I mention anything about labeling what we are. I reel in my anger and cut my gaze to the floor. When I look back up at him, I breathe, “You’re the one who needs to stop dreaming, Mr. Jones. One day I won’t be there when you need me, I won’t magically show up, and I won’t give you another chance.”
Sean doesn’t blink. I’m lost in his eyes for a moment. There’s something there, a wall that I can’t get past. I wonder if he’ll ever let me in, if he’ll ever tell me what happened to him that made him this way. Sean finally looks away. He lowers his head and steps back. His silence irritates me. Sean doesn’t offer any explanation or anything.
I make an annoyed sound and reach for the door. Just as my hand lands on the knob, Sean takes my wrist. I look back at him. Sean doesn’t lift his gaze. Instead he stares at my hand, in his grip. “There’s no future for us, but I don’t want to let you go.”
“Then, change your future. Let someone in. You’re doing this to yourself and I was stupid enough to go along with it.” Sean looks up at me and I’m screwed. All my resolve melts and washes away because there’s genuine fear in his eyes. He’s afraid he’s going to lose me. “Sean…”
He nods slowly. “I’m trying, I swear to God, I am. I haven’t—I’m trying to let you in, Avery. Don’t give up, not yet. Come by my place after work.”
I smile sadly and shake my head. “That’s a really bad idea.”
“You said to change, so I’m changing. I’m trying. I want to hang out with my friend after work. We’ll have ice cream and watch movies. You can bitch about your boss or do whatever you want. I won’t even try to seduce you.”
I smirk. “Sean—”
He rubs his thumb over the back of my hand and says, “Please, Avery. Give me more time.”
I’m a sucker. His words crumble what’s left of my will. “All right. I’ll see you later.”
He nods and kisses the back of my hand. Before I step outside, I turn back and ask, “Are you, uh, still tormenting hookers for fun?”
Sean gives me a strange look, then he steps toward me. “If you mean, will I be having company before you come over, the answer is yes. I won’t do those things with you, but I still need it.”
I lower my gaze. It feels weird. I k
new he didn’t stop. I just wished he had. I wished that I was enough to pull Sean back from that, but I guess I’m not. There’s too much darkness in him.
Sean rubs the back of my hand lightly. “It’s better this way, right? We both get what we need, and share the best part of us with each other.”
I nod in agreement, but I don’t agree. The thing that pulled me to Sean was the darkness, the enormous stain on his soul, and the reason was simple—it matches mine. Sometimes I feel like we’re linked, like our pain is so intense when we’re alone, but when we come together it cancels out. Maybe I’m dreaming. Maybe it’s not really like that. Maybe we’re both destined to be alone.
20
I blink and look up at Miss Black like she has two heads. “You want me to see Henry again?”
Miss Black is standing by the glass table in the corner. I’m seated and staring at Henry’s file. He was really sweet, but I don’t understand why I haven’t been reinstated. Henry wasn’t into sex. He just wanted a date for a business meeting.
Miss Black touches her temple gingerly, like I’m giving her headache. Gabe walks by slowly and shakes his head once, very carefully, so Miss Black doesn’t see. I’m not sure what he means, so I take it as a sign to shut up, tell Miss Black thank you, and get the hell out of there.
“Avery, quite honestly, I don’t know what to do with you. Your first client is stalking you and your second client appears to be equally infatuated with you.”
“Mr. Ferro isn’t stalking me.”
Miss Black turns and raises a perfectly plucked brow. I shut my mouth, and she continues. “I don’t know what is going on with you. Either, you’re very good at your job or you’re a train wreck. There’s no middle ground with you.
“Gabe watched you manage the disastrous date and said you handled it extremely well. All parties left the restaurant without killing each other. Actually, Gabe said both men left happy. How you did that is mind-boggling, because whenever we speak, it seems like you have no idea what you’re doing. It’s almost as if you’re completely inept right up until the moment that you’re thrown into the situation. Frankly, it makes me nervous, which is why I’m handing you back to Mr. Thomas.