“I didn’t get together with her. I had sex with her,” I correct but her frown just deepens. “It wasn’t emotional. It was physical. She agrees. This isn’t anything more, no matter what.”
“How did it happen? Like over Zoom or something?” Terra wants to know. “Did she go visit you?”
“I came back here. Very end of June for twenty-four hours for the interview,” I explain and with every word that falls from my mouth she looks sadder and sadder. “I didn’t tell anyone. I was worried it would jinx it.”
“And you decided to add in a little sex with the ex?” Terra interrupts. “That seemed more appealing to you than seeing your best friends, the family that basically took you in?”
“I accidentally ran into Aspen. Nowhere near Ocean Pines and she was getting over someone. I was … in a mood,” I swallow and heave out a loud breath. “King’s Rock was great for work, and for finding myself and figuring out what I really wanted but … what I really wanted wasn’t any of the women there.”
“It was Aspen?”
“Hell no,” I bark back. “But she was there and she wanted me and I wanted to be wanted. And we fucked. Two consenting adults using each other to get off. That’s all it was, no matter what.”
“You keep saying no matter what,” Terra notes and tilts her head in confusion. “What the hell does that mean? Is that like a ‘even if she was the last person on earth I would not date her again’ type of thing?”
“Yeah, even if she was the last person on earth, Aspen and I would never be a couple again.” My heart starts to beat faster and I pause, preparing myself for what I have to tell her next. Because I have to tell her… Aspen will kill me but… “Even if—”
“But you’d sleep with her if she was the last person on earth,” Terra interrupts and runs her hands through her hair as she starts to pace my living room again. “Because you did. You picked her for that need, even in a world full of other people. She’s your go-to for sex even after all this time. You picked her.”
“I didn’t pick her,” I argue back. “I went to find you. That night I drove to the Shack but you were kissing a dude I now know was Tom. You were with Tom. Aspen was with no one.”
I can see her try to decipher the meaning of my words, looking for some hidden message, scared to take them at face value. So I clarify. “I said King’s Rock was great for figuring stuff out. Well, you know what three years there made me realize? I want you. I wanted you for years, and I was finally in a place where I thought I had something to offer you and at a time in our lives where I didn’t live in fear of losing your brothers. So I came back, but you were taken.”
She’s this tiny little statue, in the middle of my living room. Staring ahead, eyes glued to my face, chest barely moving because she’s hardly breathing. “You wanted me?”
“I want you,” I repeat. “Do you want a beer? I feel like you need one right about now.”
“Yes,” she says, and so I walk over to the dining room table and grab the open beer and hand it to her. She takes it and puts it to her lips, taking a long sip. “Well, I can’t drink alone. That’s sad.”
I take the bottle from her, slowly, letting all my fingers brush all of hers. I raise it to my lips and watch her watching me. It’s hot. It’s making me hard. I take a long slow sip and hand it back to her. “Now you’re not drinking alone.”
“Are you like a closeted nudist or something?” She asks and motions towards my naked chest with the beer bottle. “Every time I come by you’re half naked.”
“That would make me a half-nudist,” I reply and run my fingers along the waistband of the sweats I changed into when I got home. Her eyes follow my fingers as they skim the space between my belly button and the waistband with the intensity of a cat tracking a laser pointer. “You want to focus on my affinity for going topless instead of the fact I just told you I want you?”
“It’s easier,” Terra replies softly.
I cock a smile at her. “When have you ever done anything the easy way, Tink?”
She blinks and shakes her head, and takes another sip of beer, more of a gulp this time. She speaks but her eyes stay on the bottle in her hand. “I came over to clarify what Finn told you. About sex after the op. You can have physical activity as soon as you want to after the operation, just not actual intercourse.”
“Really?” I heard what she said, but my brain can’t seem to process it.
“You can do stuff, just not… that,” she says and I watch her cheeks start to turn pink as her knuckles around the beer bottle go white. I reach out and slowly peel the bottle from her vice-like grip, worried she’ll accidentally break it.
“I’m confused. Can you elaborate?”
I am far from confused but she is smokin’ hot when she squirms. “You can mess around with yourself or someone else. Or both. You don’t have to be celibate is what I’m saying. You’re the king of Google, put those fingers to work and find out for yourself.”
Her breathing is shallow, I note as my eyes skim over her chest. How the hell does she look so good in a plain black T-shirt? “My fingers are good for more the Googling. In case you’re interested.”
I notice her arm. The inside of her left forearm has a few long, large swollen lumps from her forearm to her biceps, to the point where it looks visibly deformed. It’s from the dialysis, I know. She catches me staring.
“It looks worse than it feels. But this is why I usually wear long sleeves when it’s like this as you know,” she explains, her voice barely above a whisper. “I don’t want pity.”
She pivots and takes two steps towards the hall that leads to the front door but I grab her by the shoulders. I step up right behind her, half a foot between us and lower my head so it’s hovering next to the side of hers. I squeeze her shoulders. “So let’s get back to the post-op sexual contact stuff. You’re saying, no sex for six weeks but I can… touch myself? Jerk off?”
Her breath audibly hitches. My dick feels the sound like a warm caress. She nods her head and her soft hair brushes my cheek. “Sure. Or other stuff.”
“Like what?”
I use my hands on her shoulders to gently turn her to face me. She surprises me by tipping her head up and meeting my eye. I thought she’d be too timid. “You could… kiss someone.”
“Like you?”
“Like me.”
I dip my head down and capture her lips. It’s not slow or cautious. It’s hard and deep, because I’m so fucking hot for her right now, it’s unbearable. She doesn’t seem to mind the force with which I sweep into her mouth or the hard press of my lips against hers. A few minutes later I pull back and we’re both breathing heavy.
“What about you? Are you allowed to do stuff?” I ask when I catch my breath and she nods. So I let a hand slip from her neck, down over her breast and I stop and cup one firmly so she knows it’s not a mistake. I mean to touch her. “So this is allowed?”
She gasps a little as my thumb, rubs her nipple through her T-shirt and I feel it pebble. “Yeah and so is stuff like this…”
She palms my hard-on.
Holy shit.
I actually feel my knees weaken. I can’t stop staring at her face. She’s beautiful and confident, not a bit timid about what she’s just done, and I swear I get harder because of that. I push my hips out, pressing myself into her hand, and lean in to ghost the column of her neck with my lips. “It’s good to know what the rules are. So to be clear I could, in those first six weeks, put my lips here?”
I kiss the shell of her ear and gently bite her earlobe. She shivers and my hands move under the hem of her shirt. “Yes. And I can put mine here.”
She presses her mouth to my left nipple, which is at eye level for her, and when I feel her tongue circle it I grunt. We need to stop this or I am going to fuck her and I can’t fuck her. Can I?
She nips my nipple and a current of lust as strong as an electrical current shoots down my spine and into my balls. I push my hands up the soft skin of her t
orso, lifting her shirt with it and she lifts her arms so I can remove it completely and throw it to the ground. Her skin is perfect - alabaster with a peppering of pale freckles on her shoulders and I want to kiss each one, like the ones on her nose. But that urge is replaced by the need to put my mouth on the swell of her breasts, pushing up from her bra. So I do. She shivers again.
I pull both straps from her shoulders at the same time and bend my knees a little so when I dip my head, I have her right breast in my mouth as soon as it’s exposed from the bra that I’ve tugged down. I hear the faintest, breathiest “Oh my God.”
Her skin tastes faintly of strawberries and smells of vanilla. Her hands move to my hair, nails scraping against my scalp, creating a tingle that rushes down my spine. “Still allowed?”
“Mmm hmm,” she moans and I move to her other breast. Her hands move to my sweatpants and before I can even fathom what she’s about to do, I feel her palm, soft and warm, wrap around my bare cock. “This is allowed too. If you want.”
“You’re all I want,” I confess, my voice thick. She strokes me. I groan against her breasts, then move my hand to the front of her jeans.
She’s lost a lot of weight. The dialysis is screwing with her appetite, so the top of her jeans is stretchy and loose. I pop the button but don’t have to get the fly undone to make my way into her underwear. I feel a soft thatch of hair and then … wetness. She whimpers.
“Is this allowed after the operation… just so we’re clear?”
She nods. My middle fingers traces her slit. “Terra… is it allowed now?”
She nods.
“Look at me.”
Slowly her eyes raise. “Yes.”
I slip a finger into her and she gasps, her hand around my shaft tightening. I attack her mouth as I slide in and out of her with two fingers now, my thumb rubbing her clit. This is everything my bumbling younger self wanted to do with her for years, but was too terrified to admit. She pulls back from the kiss abruptly and I freeze. We look at each other, the weight of what we’re doing, our hands all over each other, is heavy but in a good way. “You know what we can do right now? Before the op?”
“What?”
“Have actual sex.”
“With each other?” I sound like a complete imbecile, but the idea has been so completely off limits my entire life that it feels taboo even now that she’s half naked in my arms.
“With whoever you want,” she replies softly.
“Terra…” I take my hand out of her pants. I have to tell her about Aspen, but she won’t let me speak.
Terra covers my mouth with her hand. “Look, right now I want you and you want me, right?”
I nod.
“And after tomorrow we aren’t going to be able to act on it, or anything with anyone, for six weeks so … why are we overthinking this? What if something goes wrong and we never get to act on this or anything ever again?”
It’s a dark, sobering thought that kind of sucks the heat between us right out of the room. The timing is horrible. I have so much I need to say to her, but she’s right. This operation could go wrong and one of us might not be here in seventy-two hours. And I’ve wanted her my whole life. So I cup her ass and scoop her up. She lets out a little squeak and holds onto the back of my head, wrapping her legs around my waist.
The sun has set outside and the apartment is inky as I walk her toward the bedroom. She’s kissing my neck, tracing her tongue up the side to my ear, which is making my cock throb.
I reach my bedroom and ease her back onto the bed, tugging off her Uggs and dropping them on the floor before lying down on top of her. As soon as I feel her soft, warm bare torso against mine every hormone in my body sparks to life. I have never felt this turned on, this needy and horny at the same time, in my entire life.
I grind into her and she grinds right back. Her bra has a front clasp and I pop it open with one hand and put my mouth back to worship her breasts again. She’s using her feet to push my sweatpants down my legs, and I lift a little to help her. When they reach my ankles I kick them off and move my hand to her jeans. But she starts to push me away. Her hands are on my shoulders, trying to get me to lift off of her so I do, sitting back on my knees in between her legs. She reaches for the lamp on the night table and turns it on. I have a horrible feeling she’s changing her mind.
“I…” she pauses, bites her lips and her eyes shamelessly sweep my naked body. “I wanted to see you. I have dreamed of this for too long to not see you.”
I feel a surge of warmth, something softer and more soothing than the need that’s been coursing through me, but I don’t bother to analyze it. I grab my cock and give it a stroke. “You don’t look disappointed, so that’s a bonus.”
“Definitely not disappointed.” She gets up on her knees too, facing me and moves my hand, wrapping her own around my length. “God, Jake, you’re a work of art.”
I hold her chin, tilting her head. “That’s my line.”
I capture her mouth, my other hand returning to her jeans, making quick work of the fly since the button is already undone. She’s pumping me in long slow strokes but they falter when my hand slips past her underwear. The kiss slows and I pull back just enough to watch her eye lashes flutter and her breath hitch as I slip a finger into her again. She’s somehow wetter than before and my ability to think evaporates again. I flip her onto her back and start to yank her jeans and underwear right off her body in two urgent tugs.
She reaches for the light, but I lean over her and grab her wrist before she can flip it off. “You wanted to see me, and now I want to see you. You’re not the only one fulfilling a fantasy here, Tink.”
She looks nervous, but drops her hand back to the bed and lets me sit back and devour her bare body with my eyes, and then my mouth. I kiss her everywhere, her lips, neck, collarbones, breasts, bellybutton, hip.
“You’re a dream come true,” I whisper as I position myself over her, and reach for a condom in the night table drawer.
As soon as I’m sheathed, she wraps her legs around my waist and uses them to pull me forward. Sexually aggressive Terra is mind-blowingly hot. I slide into her easily, and every inch of it is pure heaven. I want to come immediately.
“My God.”
“I know.”
She rocks her hips and tightens around me.
“Terra, baby, don’t. Oh God…” I freeze and bury my face in her neck, leaning my whole body on hers to keep her still. But she has a trick I can’t stop. She clenches her pussy around me again. “I’m going to fuck you hard if you keep that up.”
“You’re the only one who never treated me like I was breakable, so don’t start now,” she whispers against my ear and kisses my neck again.
Fuuuuck.
Well, she asked for it.
I start to move my hips in long, hard strokes. Her back arches immediately and she moans my name loud and holy fuck I need to make this good for her fast because I am not going to last. I roll my hips, keeping our bodies tight so I can touch her clit with every push and she rocks her hips up to meet me. It’s a perfect match. We’re a perfect match. And then she swears like I’ve never heard her swear before and wraps her arms around my neck pulling me down flat on top of her and I feel her come apart around me and damn if she doesn’t take me with her.
I come so hard I swear I have to fight to stay conscious.
15
Terra
Oh my god, what now?
I want to enjoy this moment, but turns out that when an unrequited crush is suddenly requited, my logical, levelheaded brain goes into full-on flight-mode. He’s still collapsed on top of me, warm and heavy, and I should be drowning in bliss, but instead I’m fighting a panic attack. I hate my body more right now than I ever did for having lupus.
I close my eyes and do what I have been learning to teach others to do in my therapy program, focus on my breathing, remind myself I am safe in this moment, everything is actually perfect right this minute … don’t spiral.
“Are you asleep, Tink?’ He whispers a few minutes later against my shoulder. I feel him slip out of me and roll away, and get off the bed but not before pulling up the duvet bunched at the bottom to cover me and keep me warm.
“Uh-uh,” I mumble. “Just floating back to reality.”
Crashing would be a more appropriate description.
His deep chuckle actually helps calm me a little. “I’ll be back in a second.”
The wooden floorboards creek as he makes his way down the hall to the bathroom and I sit up and find my underwear, pull them on and then dart into the living room to retrieve my T-shirt and yank it on. Where is my bra? I tip toe back into the bedroom, still can’t see my bra. I thought I would stop there, with just the t-shirt and undies but then suddenly I am completely clothed. Everything including my Uggs but not my bra because I can’t find that. Why am I fully dressed when he is going to walk out of the bathroom naked? What if he wants to snuggle or go again? I have spent countless hours begging the universe for this exact thing, so why do I want to run to the front door, pull it open and keep running?
He appears in the bedroom door, every naked, sweaty inch of him. And there are so many inches. He looks so perfect it hurts. Except for the look on his face which is nothing but shock. No euphoria, no post-orgasmic bliss, no contented cocky smirk. Just shock. “Are you leaving?”
“I… I don’t know…” I confess and run my fingers through my hair. “I should, right? I mean I’ve never had a bed buddy but—”
“I’m your bed buddy?” He looks offended. Oops.
“One night stand?”
“I’m a one night stand?”
“Jake I don’t know what you are,” I blurt out. “I mean… what we are. Do you?”
“I guess not,” he says and starts walking toward me. “But we can’t figure it out if you go and run away, now can we?”
He takes me by the shoulders and pulls me to him and presses his lips to the top of my head. I relax against his warm, bare body and close my eyes and for the first time… I absorb this moment. I’m in Jake Maverick’s arms. He’s naked and at this very moment, he is mine.
The Fall We Fell: A Small Town Friends-to-Lovers Romance (Ocean Pines Series Book 1) Page 16