Much later, Harper jerked her head up and shoved her hair out of her face to find Riddick sitting across from her at her kitchen table, staring at her with an expression somewhere between amusement and bemusement.
“You’re back,” she whispered, then cringed, realizing she’d just stated the obvious.
Wordlessly, he plucked a piece of pepperoni out of her hair and laid it on the table in front of her. She felt herself blush to the tips of her toes. That’s what she got for falling asleep on her leftovers.
She cleared her throat. “Look, I owe you an apology.”
His brow furrowed. “Why would you owe me an apology?”
“I got a little freaked out when Lucas was here earlier.”
He shook his head. “You don’t have to—”
“No, I do.” She took a deep breath. “The fact of the matter is that I don’t care what happened to Phoenix.”
“Harper—”
“No, I really don’t. I know you wouldn’t have done it without a good reason, and that’s all I need to know.”
“You don’t know me well enough to trust me like that, Harper,” he said carefully.
She raised her chin. “Then you don’t have as much faith in yourself as I have in you.”
“I didn’t kill him,” he said quietly.
Harper sighed. “Thank God,” she whispered.
He stared at her for a moment then shook his head. “What is it you want from me?”
“What do you mean?”
“Sometimes when you look at me…I don’t know.” He took her hand in his and traced her pulse at the wrist. “I get the idea you think I’m something I’m not.”
She sucked in a deep breath as hot tingles shot up and down her arm. “Like what? What do you think I think you are?”
He shrugged. “Noble. A hero. A good person.” His eyes lifted to hers again. “Not a danger to you.”
No way was she naïve enough to think he wasn’t a danger to her. No one who could set her body on fire with one simple touch was exactly safe.
She shifted her hand so that her fingers laced through his. “You are a good person. And noble. And a hero.” She shushed him when he opened his mouth to object. “You’re my hero.”
He smiled ruefully. “I’m your downfall. You just don’t know it yet.”
Oh, she knew it all right. Just not in the way he meant it.
“Look, you saved me from Phoenix, didn’t you? And would a bad person have helped me save Dylan when there wasn’t anything in it for him?”
His fingers tightened around hers. “There was something in it for me.”
“What?”
“You. I wanted to be with you.”
Harper sucked in a sharp breath. Wow, and she’d thought his touch set her body on fire. What he’d just said had her wanting to jump him right there on her kitchen table.
“You never answered my question.”
Well, she decided after a moment, if he could be honest with her, the least she owed him was a candid answer. “OK, to answer your question, I want you, Riddick. As my partner at work…and at home.”
His stone mask slipped and in one brief moment, Harper saw more emotions flash through his eyes than she’d ever seen. Disbelief, confusion, shock, longing…they were all there. She treasured each one.
One corner of his mouth quirked up. “You don’t want much, do you?”
She met his gaze frankly despite the hot blush licking at her cheeks. “I want it all. I want you.”
His gaze fell to her mouth, then slowly rose once again to hers. Any doubts she had about his feelings were erased with one look in his eyes. He wanted her just as much as she wanted him, maybe more, if that was possible.
He blinked and his expression went blank. Harper almost cried out at the loss.
“Harper,” he began.
“No,” she interrupted, “I don’t want your answer today. I want you to think about it for a while. Don’t shoot me down until you’ve thought seriously about it, OK?”
He regarded her quietly for a moment, then nodded. “All right, Harper. I’ll think about it.”
She breathed a sigh of relief. Thank God. “In the meantime,” she squeezed his hand, “not partners?”
He brought her fingertips to his mouth and kissed them, quick and hard. “Not partners.”
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Harper laid a bouquet of daisies on Shannon Endler’s grave. “I wonder if she even liked daisies,” she murmured.
Standing behind her, Riddick slid his arms around her waist and laid his chin on her shoulder. “I don’t know. But I’m sure her family will appreciate the gesture.”
His body created a warm cocoon around hers, and Harper relaxed instantly. How did he always know what she needed, when she needed it?
“I know it wasn’t my fault, but I still feel terrible that this happened. I hate it that she died because she looked like me.”
“I know.”
Which was why he brought her here. He never once questioned the logic of visiting a total stranger’s grave. Riddick was probably the only man on earth who accepted her exactly as she was. She hoped Shannon Endler had had someone like that in her life.
Reaching out, she brushed her fingertips along the gray marble headstone and whispered, “Rest in peace, Shannon.”
Hand-in-hand, Harper and Riddick began the long walk back to where he’d parked her car, silently enjoying the unseasonably warm weather.
But with Riddick so close, touching her, she couldn’t keep silent for long. “Riddick, have you thought about…us?”
He stopped walking and faced her. “Do you think I’ve been able to think of anything else since you told me you wanted me?”
She smiled. “So?”
“I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want you.”
Her heartbeat kicked up. There was a but there, she just knew it. “But?”
“But the kind of relationship you want with me…” he trailed off and shook his head. “It just can’t happen.”
Her smile faded and she tried to ignore the quick pain that knifed her in the chest. “Why?” she asked, her voice thick.
“I know my limitations.”
He tightened his grip on her hand when she moved to pull it back. “Harper, if I end this now, if things don’t go any further than they already have, there’s a chance you won’t end up…hurt. Or worse.”
A preemptive breakup. She’d heard rumors of their existence, but she’d never been on the receiving end of one. “So you’re breaking up with me before we ever even go out so that I won’t get hurt? News flash, Ace: that hurts.”
He let go of her hand to rake his fingers through his hair in frustration. “Harper, I don’t know how to be the guy you need. I don’t do…relationships because I need a certain level of control over myself. And I just don’t seem to have any when I’m with you.”
Her hands went to her hips. “Being out of control isn’t always a bad thing. And if it’s not a relationship, what do you call what we’ve been doing?”
“A mistake. And being out of control is always a bad thing for someone like me.”
He might as well have driven a stake through her heart. At least that would have hurt less. “You’re just scared. This isn’t even about me. You’re just like every other commitment-phobic jerk I’ve ever gone out with.”
She turned away from him, prepared to stalk away in a dramatic huff, but he grabbed her by the wrist and swung her back toward him.
“Damn it, Harper, you’re not listening to me. Hell yes I’m scared. You’re the first thing on my mind when I wake up in the morning, and the last thing on my mind before I sleep—that is, if I even can sleep. Most nights I just stay awake, worrying about you or thinking about you or fantasizing about you.”
Now, damn it, how was she supposed to stay mad at him when he said stuff like that?
He forced her chin up with his finger so that she had no choice but to look him in the eye. “This…thing
between us gets stronger and stronger every day. If we both walk away now, yes, it will hurt. But we’ll get through it. If we keep going in the direction we have been, it could destroy you.” He cringed a little, almost as if the thought alone was painful to him. “If I was the only one at risk,” he added, “I’d grab you and never let go. But I can’t risk hurting you like that.”
She furiously blinked away the tears that had defied her. “You have no way of knowing that it would end badly…that we would end badly.”
“Everything ends badly for me.” He gently lifted her casted wrist. “Do you know why this happened?”
Trick questions again? Weren’t they past all that? “Um, because Phoenix was a psycho-freak who chained me up in his basement?”
“Because I was too distracted, too out of control to protect you. I was too busy thinking about getting you naked to concentrate on hunting.”
She swiped at her eyes with her sleeve impatiently. “I never asked you to protect me.”
He smiled, but it was the saddest smile Harper had ever seen. It hurt her heart just contemplating it. “There are exactly two people in this world I give a damn about, and I’m going to protect them whether they ask me to or not.”
“Is this because you’re a natural?”
He blinked in surprise. “How do you know about…”
“Mischa,” she interrupted impatiently. “I know all about you being a natural slayer.”
“That’s part of it. Mostly I just care about you too much to let you get hurt again because of me.”
“So you’re just going to leave? Forget all about me?”
He brushed his fingertips over her cheek. “I’m not that stupid, Harper. There’s no way I could ever forget about you.”
Oh God, it just got worse and worse with every word he said. It was like each syllable twisted the knife he’d lodged in her heart when he told her he couldn’t be with her. “Then, what? What do you suggest we do?”
“There’s not anything we can do.”
“And you won’t be my partner. At work, at home or in my bed.”
His eyes darkened at the mention of her bed, but his expression stayed carefully neutral. “I can’t.”
He was running scared and it hurt her, but it also pissed her off. Did he think she wasn’t scared? She didn’t exactly have much luck in the relationship department herself, but hell, at least she wasn’t afraid to try.
Maybe it was time to fight dirty.
She leaned toward him so that her breasts pressed into his chest. His sharp intake of breath was intensely rewarding. “If I was to push this, if I was to kiss you and beg you to make love to me, would you push me away?”
“No,” he answered without hesitation.
“But you don’t want me to do that?”
“What I want really doesn’t matter, Harper. This is what’s right.”
It really was ironic that by trying so hard to protect her, he was breaking her heart. But she knew better than to argue with him. Even though she could feel how much he wanted her—it was really obvious, right there against her hip and everything—she knew she’d never be able to convince him with words that she was right and he was dead-ass wrong.
But what he didn’t have was her stubborn streak. Telling him he wasn’t dangerous and that she could take care of herself wasn’t going to change his mind, but she sure as hell could prove it to him over time. Eventually he’d come to see things her way. Everyone always did, after all.
Feeling decidedly better, she went in for the kill.
“And if I decide to see other people, you’ll be OK with that?”
“I think you should see other people.”
The statement would have pained her terribly if his jaw hadn’t visibly tensed when he said it. “Well, Lucas told me he was interested in me. Maybe I’ll go out with him.”
She heard his teeth grind together and she had to bite back a triumphant smile. She had him right where she wanted him. He’d be hers before he even knew what hit him.
“It’s your life,” he finally managed.
Doing her best to appear solemn and still a little wounded, she said, “I don’t agree with you, of course, but I can accept your decision.” She squeezed his hand. “No hard feelings?”
He narrowed his eyes, looking more than a little skeptical of her easy surrender. “Of course not.”
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Harper dove for the door when a decidedly masculine knock sounded. It had been weeks since she’d seen Riddick and she was starting to feel like a junkie going through DT’s.
But it wasn’t Riddick who greeted her when she yanked the door open; it was Lucas.
She struggled to keep the welcoming smile on her face despite her keen disappointment. “Lucas. This is a surprise. Come on in.”
“I’m happy to see you too,” he said dryly, making his way to her living room.
Harper shrugged sheepishly. “Sorry. I thought you were…someone else.”
“You thought I was Riddick. At least you hoped I was.”
Okay, awkward, Harper thought. “I’m sorry, I just—”
Lucas held up a hand to silence her. “Don’t be sorry. Just tell me you’ll go out with me on Friday night.”
Cripes. Even more awkward.
Harper shifted uncomfortably and tried to ignore the way he’d kind of backed her up against her wall. It was…intimate. That made her think of their kiss, which made her think that she needed to get herself out of this situation immediately before an awkward moment turned into something painful.
“Look, Lucas, I like you and I want to be totally honest with you.”
He took her hand. “Honest is good.”
She blinked at her hand in his. Fire didn’t shoot up and down her arms like when Riddick touched her, but his hand was warm and strong, and his touch felt…good. Solid. If Riddick weren’t in the picture, she could definitely see herself spending time with this man.
Shaking off the wayward thought, she forced herself to look him in the eyes. His incredibly sincere, warm brown eyes. Christ, this sucked.
“Lucas, I, uh…I think that going out with you would be a mistake. It wouldn’t be fair to you.”
He nodded. “Because you’re in love with Riddick.”
“Well,” she hedged, “I don’t know that I’d use the word love, but—”
“But you have feelings for him, and you think that if you went out with me, I’d get hurt because I’m your second choice.”
She pursed her lips. “Okay, this is just weird. How does everyone always know what I’m thinking?”
Lucas laughed. “Doll face, you’re not exactly subtle when you’re passionate about something. Or someone.”
Harper shrugged apologetically. “I won’t lie to you, because I get the feeling you’d know anyway. I do have feelings for Riddick.”
His lashes swept down, masking his expression. She wondered if that was his tell, kind of like the muscle that ticked in Riddick’s jaw, letting her know he was hiding an emotion from her.
“Harper, I talked to Mischa. I know Riddick turned you down. I can't believe he did it, but still, there it is.”
Mental note: kill Mischa. Getting shot down was embarrassing enough without having her best friend spread the news.
“He’s just…confused right now,” Harper said carefully. “I intend to change his mind about us.”
He lifted her hand and brushed a kiss across her knuckles. “I understand. And while you’re trying to change his mind, I intend to change yours.”
She frowned and tugged her hand out of his. “So, you want to go out with me even though I plan to seduce Riddick?”
He shrugged one shoulder. “I’m not threatened by Riddick. If I can get you to give me a chance, I can make you realize I’m the better man for you.”
Wow, that was probably the cockiest thing she’d ever heard. Insanely alpha. It was a little…sexy. And tempting.
“Harper,” he went on, “Are yo
u sure Riddick's the only reason you're hesitating here? It's not…anything else?"
She rolled her eyes. "I know what you're getting at. Yes, I know you're a shifter. I've always known. But no, I'm not a shifter-phobe."
He nodded, looking relieved. "Look, Harper, Riddick…he’s not whole. I’ve seen it a million times in ex-slayers. They’ve seen and done terrible things and sometimes it permanently damages them. He’s not capable of loving you like I can.” He reclaimed her hand. “He’s a shadow, and you deserve better than chasing shadows.”
She wanted to argue but couldn’t. Riddick had said nearly the same things about himself, only less eloquently. But she’d seen something in him that he’d never seen in himself, something that Lucas couldn’t possibly have seen. Riddick was…a hero. A reluctant one, sure, but a hero nonetheless.
“Okay, but,” she said, pulling herself together, “it’s not fair to you. I can’t stand the thought of using you to pass the time while I wait for Riddick.” She shook her head. “I don’t want to end up hurting you.”
He eased a stray curl behind her ear and let his fingertips linger against her cheek. “You let me worry about me, doll face. I think you’re worth the risk to my heart.”
Which was exactly how she felt about Riddick. Only he wouldn’t let her worry about her. How could she deny Lucas what she’d practically begged Riddick for?
“If I say yes—”
He began lowering his lips to hers, and she flattened her palm against his chest to slow him down.
“If I say yes,” she repeated, “it will be with a disclaimer.”
He kissed her cheek, a warm, firm press of his lips that made her skin tingle. Very nice.
“A disclaimer?”
“Huh?”
A smile tugged at his lips as he moved to kiss her forehead. “You were saying something about a disclaimer.”
Pull yourself together, woman! It hasn’t been that long since you’ve had sex.
“Right. Disclaimer. The disclaimer is that I think you’re wrong. I feel, in my heart”— because my body is totally confused right now and seems perfectly willing to go along with whatever you suggest—“that Riddick is…right for me.”
Harper Hall Investigations Complete Series Page 21