Daniel was upset with her, and she didn’t blame him. Would he ever forgive her? The loss of his friendship would hit her hard. If things had been different, she would have liked to be more than Daniel’s friend, but she knew that it wasn’t meant to be. Her life was destined to be in the English world, a far cry from his life within the Amish community.
She drew away from the window and sat on the bed. Tears stung her eyes, but she refused to give in to them. She bent over and cradled her head in her hands. A knock on her bedroom door had her sitting up straight.
“Emma?” It was Missy.
She got up and opened the door. “Missy.”
“I’d like to talk with you.”
Emma nodded. “Ja, I figured you would.” She sat down on the edge of the bed.
Missy entered the room and sat next to her. “What made you decide to leave now? Your birthday will be here before you know it, ja?”
She nodded. “I... I don’t deserve to be here,” she whispered. “You have all been so nice to me, and... there are things you don’t know about me.”
“That your real name is Emma Beiler?”
Emma gaped at her with shock. “How did you find out?”
“Daniel told me. He went looking for you this morning,” Missy said. “He met a police officer who was displaying a photo of you in a coffee shop. He asked the officer questions but didn’t let on that he knew you. He was surprised when the man told him your name was Emma and not Jess.”
She closed her eyes. “I’m sorry. When I first met Leah, I didn’t know who to trust. I thought it best if I gave a different name. Jess Morgan was a friend from school.”
Missy studied her thoughtfully. “Emma, what made you leave now?”
“I felt bad. I was deceiving all of you, and I felt terrible...”
“I don’t hold that against you. Arlin doesn’t hold it against you. Leah and Henry would like you to come back to work at the store if you want. They trust you.”
Emma blinked back tears. “Why?”
“Because they know your character. Do you think many people would add money to the register to repay someone for their kindness? You did. And Leah has always had gut instincts. I do, too. You need to stay here, Emma. If you leave again, you may be picked up by the police and sent back to your foster family. If you wait till your birthday, they can’t make you go back.”
“I know.” Emma gazed at her with sorrow. “I’m sorry, Missy. I never meant to hurt you and Arlin. Or anyone.” She thought of Daniel and knew that she’d hurt him most of all.
“You may work this afternoon if you’d like, but you don’t have to. If you want to go back tomorrow, Arlin will take you. But the choice is yours.”
“Arlin?”
Missy inclined her head. “Daniel has to work. He missed—”
“Work because of me.” Emma averted her glance. “He is upset with me, and I don’t blame him.” She met the older woman’s gaze. “Why are you being so nice to me?” She felt terrible. She still had secrets, which she couldn’t confess, for she feared the consequences if she did.
“I was upset that you left, but you came back on your own,” Missy said. She smiled. “You didn’t want to leave, did you?”
“Nay, I like it here.”
“Gut.” Missy stood. “Because we like having you here. Why don’t you come down for lunch? You can decide while you eat if you want to work this afternoon or head in tomorrow morning.”
“Missy,” Emma began, “Arlin called me dochter.”
The woman smiled. “Daughter. Ja, he considers you one of his.”
Warmth filled Emma, and her heart overflowed with joy. “I haven’t felt like a daughter in a long time,” she whispered.
Missy eyed her with compassion and understanding. “Come. Arlin will be hungry.”
Emma rose and followed the woman downstairs. Arlin was at the kitchen table. He looked over at her as she entered the room. “Arlin—”
“Sit, dochter. I’m hungry, aren’t you?”
And just like that, Emma was forgiven. If she continued to feel guilty for having been banned from her own Amish community, she decided to make the best of it, for she knew she’d never again feel as included as she did right here in Arlin and Missy’s home.
Would Daniel ever forgive her? she wondered. Or would she leave here with the knowledge that she’d lost the friendship and respect of the one man she longed to have in her life?
Chapter Fourteen
Emma climbed out of the family buggy after Arlin and Missy. Today they were spending Visiting Day with Meg and Peter Zook, Missy and Arlin’s daughter and son-in-law. When the three of them approached the house, the door opened, and a familiar young dark-haired Amish woman with pretty features that clearly resembled Missy’s stepped out.
“Mam!” Meg greeted with a smile. She held a young boy on her hip.
Missy smiled. “Dochter.” She held out her hands. “Is that my Timothy? It can’t be! This young man looks like he’s three years old.”
The boy reached for his grandmother with a big toothy smile. “Grossmamma. I am three,” he said, holding up three fingers as Missy pulled him into her arms.
“Such a big boy,” Emma said.
Timothy looked at her. “You are Emma, ja?”
She nodded. “That’s right.”
“You like cake? Grossmamma makes gut cake.”
“Ja, I know. She’s been teaching me how to cook and bake.”
His face brightened. “Then you will be able to make cakes, too?”
“Ja.” Emma caught Meg’s gaze and smiled. The young woman looked amused, then love filled her eyes as she studied her son.
“Come in,” Meg invited. “There is no reason for us to talk in the doorway.
A man came from the back of the house. “Hallo, Missy, Arlin. And ’tis Emma, ja?”
Emma nodded.
“Emma, do you remember my husband, Peter?”
“Hallo, Peter,” she greeted with a smile. He was an extremely handsome dark-haired man who clearly loved his wife and young son.
Emma realized they were the first of the guests to arrive when she entered the kitchen and Meg invited Missy and her to sit at the kitchen table. Would any of the Lapps be coming? she wondered. She longed for a glimpse of Daniel. Arlin had taken her to and from work all week. She hadn’t seen Daniel since he’d brought her home on Monday.
“Iced tea or soda?” Meg asked.
“Iced tea,” Emma said. She rose. “May I help?”
“Nay, ’tis not necessary.”
Arlin entered the room with Peter moments later. “Ah, iced tea. That looks gut.”
Peter grinned as he went to a cabinet and pulled out two glasses. “We’ll both have some,” he said, and proceeded to pour his father-in-law and himself each a glass.
The five of them along with little Timothy, who climbed into his grandfather’s lap, leisurely enjoyed their drinks until a knock on the front door heralded the arrival of Meg’s sisters and their husbands—Charlie and Nate, Nell and James, and Leah and Henry.
Charlie grinned when she saw her. “You’re looking much better than the first time we met.”
Emma flashed the other couple an uneasy look. “Danki. I’m fine.” She managed a smile for Nate, who placed a hand on Charlotte’s shoulder.
Capturing Emma’s gaze, Leah pulled her aside and smiled at her with warmth. Despite Emma’s concern over how things would be between them after she’d left, Leah had been gracious and forgiving—almost like her departure and return had never happened.
“I’m so glad you came back to work with us.” She smiled. “Henry is forever making me rest.”
Henry chuckled as he joined them. “Make you?” He gazed fondly at his wife. “I don’t make her do anything. Every afternoon, when she’s dead tired on her fee
t, I simply steer her up to the house so that she can fall asleep at home rather than in a chair at the store counter.”
“I appreciate that you allowed me back to work in the store.”
“Nay,” Henry said with a suddenly serious expression that made Emma’s heart lurch with concern. “We appreciate you. We don’t know what we would do without you.”
“Henry...”
“He means it, Emma,” Leah said softly.
Emma felt her throat tighten. “Danki.” They both had been quick to forgive her. Would Daniel ever? She had not seen him in almost a week. Was he avoiding her? Hoping he wouldn’t have to see her again before she left?
Henry nodded. “See? Emma understands.”
The kitchen door opened and Katie and Samuel Lapp entered with Daniel, Joseph and Hannah close behind. Emma met Daniel’s gaze, and her stomach filled with butterflies. He didn’t smile at her. He greeted everyone but her, and she experienced a sadness that she knew she’d never get over. Daniel’s parents greeted her, then were commandeered by Missy, who offered drinks and a light snack to start off the day. Much to her disappointment, Daniel and Joseph moved into the other room, leaving her with only their sister Hannah.
“Hannah, ’tis nice to see you,” Emma said.
She tilted her head curiously. “So you ran away then came back, did you?”
Emma couldn’t deny it. “Ja.”
“Why?”
“I left because I thought I should. I came back because I realized I regretted leaving. I’m only here for a short time. Leaving the way I did hurt people I care about.”
“Like Daniel,” Hannah said.
She shrugged, then admitted, “Ja, like your bruder.”
“He’s upset, but I don’t think he is really angry with you.”
Hope filled Emma’s heart. “He has every right to be.”
“Maybe, but I’m glad you came back.”
Emma blinked. “That’s kind of you.”
“Leah needs you. She’s happy that you’re here, so I am, too.”
Joseph entered the room. “Emma. Daniel said that Arlin has been taking you back and forth to work.”
“Ja, he’s been generous with his time.”
“I didn’t mind taking you home.”
She gave him a genuine smile.
“I enjoyed our rides together,” he admitted.
The look in his eyes startled her. “Joseph, I’ll be leaving in less than two weeks.”
Daniel’s younger brother appeared surprised. “I didn’t know.” He seemed regretful but not upset. “Doesn’t mean I can’t give you rides until then, ja?” he said with a little grin.
Emma chuckled. “I suppose. I can talk with Arlin.”
“Talk with Arlin about what?” Daniel said from behind her. She’d felt his presence immediately. He was the only man she’d ever felt a connection to. And he’d avoided her since the morning he’d found her walking back along the road.
Emma tensed. Then slowly turned toward him. He wore a green shirt that brought out the green flecks in his brown eyes. “Daniel,” she acknowledged him.
“What about Arlin?” he asked, addressing Joseph without meeting her gaze once.
She felt the insult from head to toe. Was this what it was like to be shunned? To be ignored this way? “Excuse me,” she said, and started to leave.
To her shock, Daniel grabbed her arm. “Where are you going?”
She tensed. “You don’t want me here, so I’m leaving.”
“Joseph, will you excuse us? I need to speak with Emma. Alone.” Daniel hadn’t let go of her arm, but his grip was gentle. “Emma, walk outside with me?”
Emma shot him a glance. He looked calm, determined, but she couldn’t read his thoughts. “Fine.”
He took her through the front door and walked toward the side of the house where there were no windows. There was a stand of evergreen trees there, a windbreak of sorts, although it was next to the house and not a farm field. Daniel stopped her there and stood face-to-face with her.
He gazed at her a long time without a single word. Then finally he asked, “Why did you run, Emma?”
Feeling ashamed, she averted her glance. “Daniel—”
“Why, Emma? Tell me. Was it because of me?”
Horrified by his assumption, she studied him with widened eyes. “What? Nay, Daniel—”
“Then why?”
“You wouldn’t understand.”
He narrowed his eyes. “Try me.”
She rubbed a hand over her face. “There are things you don’t know.”
“What things? That your real name is Emma Beiler?”
Emma nodded. “Missy told me that you knew. But that’s not all of it, Daniel, and I’m afraid I can’t tell you. I can’t. Please don’t ask me to.”
“You’re leaving soon. What does it matter now?”
It mattered to her. If he—or anyone—knew, they would kick her out of their community, shun her as her own family had done. “It matters.”
The fact that she would be leaving soon was hard enough. She couldn’t bear it if he learned the truth and rejected her.
She heard him sigh heavily. “What are we going to do with you?” he whispered.
“What do you mean?” she asked shakily.
“Take a walk with me,” Daniel said. He started toward the back of the property. He was quiet as they walked.
She grew tense to the point of pain. “Are you mad that I didn’t tell you?”
“I was upset at first,” he admitted, “but then I realized that you did so because you were afraid to trust anyone.”
She closed her eyes. “You’re not angry.”
He seemed to hesitate. “Nay.”
* * *
It had been the longest week for Daniel. Knowing that she was near yet choosing to ignore her made him feel worse, not better. She would only be here a little while longer. Why deny himself her company until she left? All week he’d prayed to the Lord for guidance. He asked what he could do to get over her. He prayed that he could convince her to stay.
But it was clear to him that Emma still had secrets. The fact that she wouldn’t tell him let him know that they had no future together, because she didn’t trust him enough.
She looked pretty in a purple dress with white cape and apron with a white kapp. He was conscious of the fact that at full height she stood only to under his chin. As they walked, he stifled the urge to hold her hand. They weren’t sweethearts, and she would be horrified if he took the liberty.
They strolled until they reached the back end of the stockade fence that contained Peter’s livestock. Peter had taken over his father’s farm. Horseshoe Joe, a blacksmith, had moved into the dawdi haus, but he continued to run his farrier business with Daniel’s brother Jacob, leaving Peter with control of the main house and farm property.
Daniel took her to a quiet place behind the barn and halted where it was safe from prying eyes. “Emma, I want you to listen to me.”
“What is it?” she asked, her voice shaking.
He felt himself pulled into the depths of her beautiful brown eyes. “Your birthday is coming up soon, and I know that you’ll want to leave...but Leah is due to have her babies, and I was thinking that it would be a big help to them if you stayed until she gives birth. I know you’ve been handling the store alone while Henry takes Leah to her doctor’s appointments and while she rests in the afternoons. Consider staying a little longer. Once the babies are born, other arrangements can be made.”
Daniel wanted her to stay indefinitely, but he knew that wouldn’t happen.
She appeared to give it some thought. “I do want to help Leah,” she finally said.
She gazed out over the fields. There was a peacefulness about her features. He liked seeing her this way. Daniel held his
breath as he waited for her answer. It would give him more time with her. Leah wasn’t due to give birth until a few weeks after Emma’s birthday.
“Oll recht. You make a good point. I’ll stay until Leah gives birth.”
He exhaled in relief. Daniel smiled. “Danki, Emma.” Her agreement meant the world to him, although he couldn’t let her know.
“I guess we should get back to the haus before Joseph and Hannah come looking for us.” He started to walk away, but her hand on his arm stopped him. She released him immediately.
“Daniel?” she said quietly.
“Ja?” He gazed at her raised eyebrows.
“I’m glad you’re no longer angry with me.”
“Me, too, Emma.”
Daniel took her back to the house, where they spent a quiet afternoon. Emma blended in well with his family. But he knew that unless he could convince her that Happiness was where she belonged, she would leave, and he’d never see her again.
* * *
Emma sat in a barn stall while Jeremiah slept, curled on her lap. She closed her eyes and leaned back against the wall, trying to stop her brain from thinking. Daniel entered her mind again, and she prayed for a sense of peace for what she had to do and for what surely would come after she left. It was late Monday. Despite Joseph’s offer, Arlin continued to take her back and forth to work. They had gotten home about a half hour ago. She’d come here for a few minutes contemplation, to think about her promise to stay until Leah gave birth. She refused to hurt everyone by leaving abruptly, so she would do what she could and leave Happiness on good terms.
Emma heard a sound in the barn, letting her know that someone had entered. She straightened away from the wall as Leah appeared above the half door. Emma was surprised to see her.
“Leah, what are you doing here? Is something wrong?”
She greeted Emma with a smile. “Nay, I’m fine.” She opened the door and came in. Emma noted how radiant her friend looked in a purple dress that enhanced her blue eyes and fit her swollen belly. “I thought I might find you here.” She started to lower her pregnant self onto the floor next to Emma.
Finding Her Amish Love Page 15