-
When the others head back to Haven, I walk in the opposite direction and stop at the edge of a clearing. They’ve been complaining about the weather growing cold, but I enjoy it far more than the heat. The moon is a large, full white circle tonight and the stars shine bright and clear.
I sense Gray approaching, my senses still on high from the game, but I don’t turn or acknowledge his presence. I start to wonder why he followed me here and figure the best way to find out is to let him start any conversation.
“Do you like the stars?” he asks, finally.
I smile. “They’re pretty and help me collect my thoughts, but I don’t know anything about them in particular.”
“My mom collected books from the old world and she had one about astronomy—stars. When she noticed my interest, we would come out on clear nights and try to find as many constellations as possible.”
I nod, interested but not quite sure what to say. “Which was your favorite?” I ask, not wanting him to stop talking.
“Corvus, the raven. She had a sketch of one she’d drawn up in our cabin above my bed. I think it’s the reason I shift as a raven.”
“Because of the drawing or the constellation?” I ask.
He pauses. “Whenever I asked about my father, I’d notice her eyes dart to the sketch,” he tells me, shrugging. “In my mind, it gained importance, I guess.”
I wonder what happened to his father. Drex, Barley had called him, her and Mo’s best friend. Parents are always a delicate subject.
“Where is Corvus up there?” I ask. I don’t know how anybody could pinpoint specific stars in the billions up there.
He shakes his head. “We can’t see it until around the time the ground freezes.” I nod and he continues, looking to me instead of the sky. “I can show you then if you’d like.”
I meet his gaze and study his features. Is he being friendly or implying he’d like to continue spending time with me? I look to the ground. Everything is still so uncertain; I don’t want to be in the position to need someone right now.
I look back up and he hasn’t moved, patient. It’s nice not being rushed or pressured to speak or respond. I nod. “I like you,” I tell him. The corner of his mouth lifts slightly, but he knows that I’m not done. He’s right, but I can’t find the right words.
“Peony,” he says, taking a step forward and waiting for acknowledgement—acceptance—before resting his hands on my arms, curled tight around my body. I look up at him.
“I like you, too,” he continues. “I want to spend time with you, but I don’t want you to feel like it has to be something you don’t want it to be.”
I meet his eyes and feel my forehead crease. “I want to be able to be with you without needing you,” I finally say and then nod, knowing I’ve found the words I wanted. “I can’t need anybody right now.”
“Can you want somebody without needing them?” he asks.
I consider the difference in my mind and the effects each would have. If I need someone, I would be broken again if I lost them and too afraid to give them up. If I want someone, the goal would be to enjoy their presence in my life while knowing that I would be able to survive without them. By refusing to consider something, I’m neglecting that middle ground.
“I’d like to try,” I finally tell him. He laughs, a smile lighting up his face. I bite my lip, wondering why I’m so shy and hesitant, considering our night at the lake. I lift up onto my toes to kiss him and he meets me halfway, the intensity building as my doubt fades. Stepping back, I take his hand and walk with him back to Haven and my bed.
-
The next morning Barley calls everyone to the center of Haven and tells us what happened at the arch line base. Our numbers have doubled, those that escaped before the attack finding a haven here. I look around, noticing faces that I recognize rather than the ones I know.
“Tomorrow morning, we will leave at dawn to meet Anza and Eli in Spring Creek. We are going to march together to Rockwall and take our fight to them.”
Barley pauses, searching our faces as though deciding whether to continue. “Before the attack, Anza told you to leave if you didn’t want to fight. All of you that just arrived chose to run. I get it; almost twenty years ago my best friend and I ran here and started Haven. We were afraid, just like you are, and we came here to hide and stay safe. After all these years, though, nothing changed and she was still killed.
“The differences are that back then we only had a group of three of us, we didn’t know what we were capable of, and we didn’t know the lengths Trinity would go to in order to destroy us. We have the numbers now and each and every one of us knows.
“Maybe you’re scared of dying, perhaps you’re afraid you will become the big, scary monster they’ve warned the republic about.” She pauses, raising her arms to acknowledge all of us. “The truth is that, if we don’t want to die, we’re going to have to be. There is no compromise or hope in genocide and there is no one coming to save us.
“Tomorrow morning I will be leaving Haven and I won’t be coming back. I will help take Rockwall or I will die, but I will not retreat into hiding! If you choose to stay, Haven is yours but, if you need it… if we fall because we did not have the numbers, that is on you!”
Her voice was booming, but she falls silent now and looks to me. “Every single one of you is capable. Don’t let anyone underestimate your strength.”
29
Eli
Barley’s group is the last to arrive in Spring Creek. When Anza reached out, she had agreed on the condition that she wait for those that ran from the attack on our camp first to give them the chance to come. I’d scoffed; if they ran once, they’d do it again. In her defense, none stayed behind. The townspeople watch from the edges of the street as the massive group walks into town, but they don’t interfere. They’ve accepted our presence, despite Solar’s outburst here months ago.
There’s not enough beds at the inn and they all make camp just outside of town, but many return for a warm meal. Barley, Gray, Peony, and a few others I don’t recognize walk in together and I signal to Gray. The others meet Anza at a table, but he splits off to sit with me at the bar.
I hug him, a rare show of emotion on my part. “Anza finally told me that you lived,” I tell him.
Gray laughs. “I’ve been in the dark about a lot, too,” he responds. “How is everyone?”
I shake my head. “Fighting if they’re still alive. I don’t know what happened to Beth’s little sister after The Compound. Solar was fucked up for a while, but he’s working through it. I’m… here.”
“Anza didn’t tell you about Eliza?” he asks. When I look confused, he continues, lowering his voice. “She took a job as Crow’s assistant, spying for Anza. She helped me while I was there.”
I scowl. “Anza and her secrets.”
He laughs, then shrugs. “Maybe she didn’t want anyone to know, to keep Eliza safe.” That doesn’t matter to me, though; I’m supposed to be Anza’s partner in this and she should have trusted me.
The waitress steps behind the bar and takes our order. The owners of the inn have shown support for us and offered us free room and board until we leave for Rockwall.
“So you said Solar is improving?” he asks.
I nod. “He’s the one that blew up The Compound and I think he’d accepted his death. Turns out his vanilla girl is Aqua; she found him and healed him before he died. I think he just didn’t know how to be alive anymore. Since she left, he’s been able to move past it.”
“Peony,” Gray says, meeting my gaze and correcting me. I narrow my eyes, unsure why he cares. I remember him cutting in when we called her vanilla back at The Compound, too. He’d said she’d get there in her own time. I guess he was right, I realize when I think of Anza’s rant about the mission Barley sent the girl on… to save Gray.
I lean back and smile. “But you would know that she’s Aqua, wouldn’t you? Anza told me Barley sent her to save you.” I la
ugh at the thought. “How’d that work out?”
Gray studies me for a minute as if deciding whether to answer me or not, then something behind me catches his eye. I turn and see Solar coming down the stairs. He hesitates on the bottom step when he notices Peony at Anza’s table across the room. I motion for him to join us, but Gray stands and gives Solar his seat when he approaches. I watch Gray join Anza’s group and, though he sits on the far side of the table, the way he and Peony lock eyes and smile before he joins in the conversation. I guess I got my answer even though he didn’t respond.
-
Before dawn, I begin sorting our people into teams of four containing one of each element. I try to group by ability so that I can put the stronger groups in the front while ensuring that I spread the people I trust to follow my lead amongst the teams. Barley watches from the side, her arms crossed, but hasn’t intervened.
Anza approaches from town not long after. “I keep trying, but I can’t connect to Eliza.”
I motion the team I just formed to join the rest and turn to her. Last night I cornered her and she finally admitted Eliza was her spy. “Is she ignoring you? You said that she was upset you didn’t tell her about the mission to save Gray.”
She shakes her head, a dark crease forming in her forehead. “I can always at least sense her presence when I try to connect.”
“Do you think she was given the serum?” I ask. She doesn’t seem convinced. “What are the options here?”
She takes a deep breath. “The serum is one. She could have escaped on her own; I have to know where she is to connect. I guess it’s possible she’s blocked herself off the way Peony stopped herself from healing in The Compound.” She closes her mouth before saying the final option.
I grunt. “Keep trying.”
We start walking an hour later, just after sunrise. The air is cold and crisp, which helps with the long trek. The mood is joyous, people talking, laughing, singing, and cheering. They’re hopeful more than fearful of the fight, ready to play their part in ensuring our future.
When the sun is highest, we stop for lunch on the northern bank of Lake Ray Hubbard. Even though we’re still hours away I speak to them before we continue our march, while we’re still undetected.
“I’ve chosen not to wait for nightfall,” I tell them, Anza using the wind to amplify my voice. “No matter what, they will see us coming. Even though there will be more people awake to fight, we will all be able to see where we’re going and the people we most need to take out will be less likely to slip away unnoticed.
“We are not seeking a compromise. We are not requesting a surrender. As soon as they’re in sight, we’re at war. Stay together and take them down. If you hesitate, know that they won’t and you will die.”
“Those were some motivational words, Eli,” Solar says, catching up to me as we walk to talk shit.
“I speak the truth, man. I’m not going to lie to them.”
-
“They’re hiding in the trees ahead,” Haro says when we near Rockwall in late afternoon.
I nod, then fall back so that I walk in line with Anza. “There’s an ambush ahead. Silently warn everyone. Tell them to continue ahead, but be prepared to act immediately.”
—They’re watching, so don’t react to this. Be ready; they will attack soon.
Returning to the front, I connect with the earth and find the disturbances. Fifteen to twenty hide within the trees on either side of us, a hundred feet ahead. “Estok, gather the wind to knock them back when they show themselves.”
When the first forms charge in, a strong gust sends them flying back into the trees. We stop, ready, and I connect to the earth and churn the soil in front of us. As each rushes back their feet sink into the ground, shifting their focus to their feet as they struggle to get free. Barley steps forward to my left and pulls the air from each of their lungs, one by one. Estok hesitates, but joins her. When they’re all dead, I let the earth take them.
Rob laughs. “Let them keep sending us these small, easily managed groups. We can wipe them out before we’re even there.”
We almost reach the gates before we see—or sense—another soldier. Two lines form a barrier across the path, the first kneeling, guns raised.
“Surrender yourselves!” a man shouts from behind the formation of gunmen. I debate whether to respond or act, but Haro decides for me. The man grasps at his throat and begins to cough, gagging and choking as the water in his lungs comes up. He tries to scream as blood infused water seeps out of his eyes and nose, then he collapses.
“Sir?” one of the soldiers in the second row asks, turning. He shrieks and turns back. “They killed him! Fire!”
“Certainly,” Rob says and ignites the gunpowder in the chambers, the guns exploding in what used to be their hands. The flames grow, overcoming the screaming bodies. I hear gasps behind me as the flaming soldiers run around in terror. One drops to the ground and rolls, but it’s too late.
When all that’s left is ash and bone, we march forward to the gates. I can hear the bones crunching beneath the feet of those behind me.
“No!” Anza screams when the gates are in sight. I turn back, then follow her gaze to see a swollen body hanging from the top of the gates.
Eliza’s skin hangs loose on her body as though it were melting, the tissue underneath visible. It used to be tanned like Beth’s, but has become a reddish purple, though some parts have taken on a green hue. Her eyes bulge, staring at nothing as a crow sits on her shoulder and picks at her remains.
I swallow back the bile forcing its way up and breathe deeply, holding back the tears I feel swelling. I call on my rage instead and disintegrate her corpse into dust. It settles on the ground and I close my eyes, pulling her dust into the soil.
Beth died trying to pave the way for her sister and me to survive, but Eliza is gone now too. I am all that is left and I will finish this. I roar and charge at the gates, and the others follow.
30
Crow
I’m not a fighter. I never have been, but I always made sure to keep them around me. I wonder now if that’s the best choice or if I should hide.
I did kill that boy’s sister, the one that shifted into a bear, but that was just one talist. There are at least one hundred here now and they’d all love to see me dead, not that they wouldn’t kill me otherwise. I’m sure the plan is to kill everyone here.
I hear footsteps and shouting approaching and step outside into the courtyard, closing the door quietly and pressing my back against the wall so that I’m less likely to be seen. The sounds of fighting still clash from the front of the building: battle shouts, screaming, gunshots, and this odd sound like crumbling earth. I smell smoke and the stench of burning bodies, this time from my comrades.
In my head, I hear Commander Franklin boasting that this is what he’s warned the people about all these years. I can’t shake the feeling I’ve had since I sat in with the generals that we created the environment that bred them into monsters. Everyone is capable of atrocities, but he bred them into this just so that he would seem wise. Fleetingly, I wonder if it was purposeful, but I doubt it.
I’m going to have to go back inside and face this and I’m going to have to decide whether to fight or not. I step back into the hallway and walk towards the clinic; perhaps there will be injured people I can assist.
“Stop right there!” I hear a guard shout and I turn the corner to see two guards raising guns at a group of four talists. I recognize two of them from the kitchen at The Compound. The other two laugh, ready to kill, and I paralyze them long enough for the guards to shoot. The girl starts to cry, but the boy’s face hardens, gaining resolve. The guards kill them both without my aid before he can act, then continue on without noticing my presence.
I straighten my coat, finding my own determination. I am Crow. I did not get to where I am by hesitating, doubting, or hiding. I have always made the tough decisions in order to survive, in order to thrive.
I
turn away from the clinic, step over the four dead bodies, and stride towards Commander Franklin’s rooms in the center of Rockwall. When I am there I will offer my help and request a weapon; I know they’re being provided because interior guards never carry them.
As I pass a stretch of windows, movement from the opposite side of the courtyard catches my eye. Two guards patrol parallel to me while four talists approach from a side hallway, Gray at their lead. My eyes meet his and he turns the corner without checking, his focus on me. The guards raise their guns and one shoots, hitting Gray in the temple.
He falls as the other guard shoots the girl behind him in the chest. The third is ready and brings the guards to their knees before they can re-aim, draining the air from their lungs as they writhe on the ground clutching their throats. The fourth, the Aqua, checks on the Ignis girl before moving to Gray. He shakes his head and looks up to the Aer girl, who kicks the wall.
When they leave, abandoning my son dead on the floor, I step outside and cross the courtyard without hesitation. I kneel in front of him and lift his dead body into my arms, stunned.
Why didn’t Mo find a way to tell me that she was pregnant?
Why didn’t Barley tell me when she wanted me to leave with her?
I swallow and shake my head. Would it have made a difference at that point? By the time I found out, it didn’t but he was already grown. Should that even have mattered?
This is my fault.
Peony rounds the corner and gasps. She steps forward, murder in her eyes, but I shake my head. She stops, confused, and I wonder if I’m crying. I reach up and touch my face, Gray’s blood from my fingers mixing with the tears streaming down my cheeks.
“I have to fix this,” I say, but I’m not sure who my words are meant for. She steps forward and kneels at my side. I can feel her eyes studying me, but my focus is on Gray.
He is dead. I cannot heal him this time. The pain of it swells in my chest and I want to scream.
Unsure what else to do, as though instinctual, I sense myself collecting all of the life inside of me as though it were water. I search inside of my son for the empty hole where his life should be pooled and I fill it with mine.
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