by Mona Shroff
Sure enough, after that Diwali, things turned around. It still wasn’t easy, but Maya had held her head up and dealt with whatever came her way. She had come to terms with giving up some dreams, but she had found new ones and had never looked back. It was that Diwali that she had had the idea to modernize the bakery her mother had run, and add the coffee roastery. Her mother had insisted on keeping some baked goods, and eventually they’d evolved into what Maya had today.
Maya closed her eyes and told herself that this, too, was a new beginning, and she simply had to move on from Sam, just like she had all those years ago. It was the hardest thing she’d ever done, and if she was honest with herself, she never had moved on—she’d simply pushed Sam and every feeling that went with him into a small corner of her mind. But like an overstuffed cupboard, her feelings had burst out with a vengeance, and now every cell in her body was filled with him. That was when she heard Samantha’s voice.
“Dad! You came!”
“Hi, sweetheart. You remember Paige?”
“Yeah, sure.” Samantha’s voice was easygoing and friendly, as if teenage girls met their father’s fiancées every day. “It’s really nice to officially meet you.”
Light laughter eased whatever tension there may have been, but Maya’s body tensed. She knew Samantha had invited them, but Maya didn’t think they would actually show.
She turned toward Sam’s voice and her breath caught. She had never had occasion to see Sam in his Indian clothes, and she wished she hadn’t now. He stood tall, his broad shoulders filling out a navy silk sherwani, with a gray scarf that he had simply hung around his neck. He was smiling at Samantha, and Maya had a full and complete view of his dimple and perfect teeth, not to mention the love in his eyes as he wrapped his daughter in a hug.
Against everything she knew was right, Maya melted, and tears filled her eyes. The navy showed off Sam’s brown skin tone, and the silk stretched pleasantly over his muscles as he hugged his daughter. As if he could feel her gaze, he looked up and found Maya watching him. Something soft flickered in his brown eyes before they turned hard again, in a way Maya was becoming familiar with. She averted her gaze and blinked back tears as if she had been caught doing something wrong.
“Mom!” Samantha called out as she walked over. “Look who’s here.”
Maya forced a casual smile onto her face. “I can see. Happy Diwali, Sam. Paige, it’s good to see you. I’m glad you were both able to join us.”
“Happy Diwali, Maya.” Sam sounded formal, as if they’d never met before. Clearly the fact that Maya agreed to the paternity test had not swayed Sam from his general anger at her.
Paige glanced sideways at Sam before smiling at Maya. “Thanks for having us. I did some reading about Diwali, and this celebration seemed a wonderful way to start anew.”
Maya couldn’t help smiling at Paige. “You’re right, of course. It is Diwali, after all—new beginnings and all that.” She worked to keep her eyes averted from Sam, and so concentrated on the sari Paige had donned for the occasion. It was a navy blue silk with a gray border, and it matched Sam’s outfit perfectly. But it was slipping from her shoulder.
“I have a surprise for Samantha.” Sam’s voice dragged Maya’s gaze back to him.
“Whoa? Really?” Samantha’s face lit up.
“Well.” Sam looked so happy it was like he was the one getting the surprise. “I heard all about how you don’t play soccer anymore, so I signed you up for a team again. And since you’ve missed some time, I’ll give you some goalie training myself.”
He’d done what? Maya stiffened.
“What? Dad, that’s amazing!” Samantha’s face mirrored Sam’s for a moment, and she threw her arms around his neck. “Thank you, thank you, thank you.” She hugged Maya.
“Um, Samantha, can you take Paige into the kitchen and help her with her sari?” Maya pointed to Paige’s shoulder. “Your sari is slipping—Samantha can help you pin it.”
Paige appeared grateful as Samantha led her back toward the kitchen.
Maya narrowed her eyes at Sam. “What did you do?”
He flicked his gaze away for a second and folded his arms across his chest before staring her firmly in the eyes. “I paid the soccer fees.”
“You did what? Without even talking to me about it?” Maya glowered as she leaned toward him. He smelled of soap and sandalwood, and Maya had to force herself to ignore how badly she wanted to lean even closer into him and wrap herself up in his scent like she used to do.
“What? I’m supposed to talk to you about everything I want to do for her?” His voice was filled with indignation, but it seemed to peter out at the end as if he was just now hearing his own words.
Her eyes widened. “Yes! That’s what parents do!”
“I wouldn’t know that since I’ve only been a parent for a month.” Now he was just being snarky.
Heat rose into Maya’s face. “Is that what this is?” She lowered her voice to speak in an undertone, as some of her guests had started to look her way. “Are you getting back at me by paying her soccer fees behind my back?”
He uncrossed his arms and smirked as he looked away from her. “Don’t be ridiculous.”
Maya’s mouth gaped open. “I think that’s exactly what you did.” She stepped closer to him as she poked a finger into his chest. He really did smell good. “I think you know you should’ve come to me first, but you’re pissed and you didn’t care!”
Sam did not speak.
Maya took his silence as a triumph. “Listen.” Her gaze was steady. “I can’t turn back time. I can’t stop you from being angry. However, I am not going to pay for my mistake for the rest of our lives. And I’m certainly not going to let you use it as an excuse to do things behind my back. Even nice things.”
She poked a finger into his very firm chest again. “If we’re both going to be her parents, then we need to be able to discuss things related to her. Can you do that?”
He rubbed the area she’d poked, as if she’d really hurt him, and the edges of his mouth turned up as he nodded in agreement.
“Okay.” She bit her bottom lip. “Good. In that case, thank you.” Adrenaline was pumping through her body, but civility was called for here, so she made every effort to calm her voice. “Soccer makes her very happy, and I hated taking it away from her.” She glanced at him. “And I think she’ll benefit from you training her. So, thank you.”
Sam just stared at her, those big brown eyes studying her face. The smile that had started formed instead into a tight line before he turned away from her to join the festivities. “Don’t thank me. I’m her father.”
Maya was left standing there as he made his way around the room, ending up face-to-face with Sunita and Raju-kaka. After a moment of Maya’s mom glaring at him, Sam bent down to touch her feet. She allowed him to finish the gesture, and when he stood, Maya noted his crooked smile, as her mother had to reach up to place her hand on his head to offer her blessings.
Maya turned away before she was caught staring again and headed into the kitchen. Soft laughter reached her as she saw Samantha trying and failing at pinning Paige’s sari.
“Hi. Here, let me get it.” She approached Paige, and Samantha stepped aside.
“The material is too soft, I can’t get the pleats right.”
Maya nodded and studied the other woman. “Did you do this yourself?”
Paige nodded. “YouTube.”
Maya half smiled. “Well, it’s a great first attempt. But Samantha is right, with this material, it can be challenging. Do you mind?” She reached for the material on Paige’s shoulder.
“No. Please.”
Maya gathered the material and started to remove part of the sari so she could rewrap it. “Samantha, you can go. I’ll get this.”
“Okay. So, Paige-auntie, great seeing you. And I will definitely take you u
p on that offer,” Samantha called as she returned to the party.
What was she talking about? Maya turned to Paige, the question on her face.
“I offered to help with her with her art history homework.” Paige’s green eyes were huge. “If that’s okay with you.”
Maya continued to wrap the sari on Paige. “Yeah. Sure. Why not?” She pinned the pleats to the blouse at the shoulder before stepping back to inspect her work. The navy blue did amazing things to Paige’s eyes, and she was stunning in the sari now that it was secured properly. “Actually, that’s very kind. I’m sure none of this is easy for you.”
Paige smiled. “Well, I guess we have to make the best of it. And Samantha is great.” She paused. “I told him to discuss the soccer fees with you first. But you know Sam. Once he gets an idea...”
Maya nodded, her mouth set in a line. “It’s fine.” No, she didn’t really know Sam. Though there was a time she thought she had. “There’s a full-length mirror on a door in the back if you want to take a look and freshen up.”
“Great.” Paige nodded at Maya and went in search of the mirror.
No sooner did Paige leave than Hema-auntie entered the kitchen. Maya was pleasantly surprised at the absence of lavender scent that usually accompanied the older woman. Hema-auntie was not dressed in a sari, but rather in a simple red-and-gold embroidered kurta top and dress pants. “Hello, Maya.”
The sound of Hema-auntie’s voice was enough for Maya’s shoulders and back to tense, and her jaw to clench. Maya glanced over her shoulder. Paige was in the bathroom in the back. She hadn’t been alone with Hema-auntie in over fifteen years.
Hema-auntie took a few steps toward Maya. Her smile was nothing like her son’s. It was something that was done with only her lips; her eyes were not involved in the gesture. “It’s been a long time, Maya. Truthfully, I did not think I would ever see you again. In fact, that was part of our agreement, was it not?” Her black eyes flashed with hard amusement.
Maya said nothing.
“I mean, you took the check. Yet here you are today.”
“You know I never cashed it.” Maya surprised herself with the confidence in her voice. Young Maya would have fallen apart by now.
“True, but Sam does not know about any of this.” The smile disappeared. “If he finds out what happened all those years ago...”
Maya shrugged. “I have no desire to hurt anyone. Your secret is safe.”
“What secret?” Paige had returned from freshening up and looked from Maya to Hema, her features betraying that she’d heard more than she should have. Maya shot a look at Hema-auntie, daring her to tell her future daughter-in-law what she was capable of.
“Oh, nothing. We were simply discussing the possibility of Maya making your cake, but not telling Sam. It might be—awkward—for him.”
Paige looked again from Hema-auntie to Maya, clearly not buying it. “Yes, it would be awkward.”
“But I don’t mind.” Maya blurted out. What? “I mean, it’s a pretty high-profile wedding, it could mean a lot of business for me.” She stopped and addressed Paige. “If you’re okay with it, of course.”
“Are you sure?” Paige’s eyes lit up. “I mean I love your work, but if it’s weird, I get it.”
“Yes, I’m sure. I have some sketches, and we can look at them this week if you want.” What was she getting herself into? Was she actually going to make Sam’s wedding cake?
Paige smiled. “I’d really love that. Thank you.” She hugged Maya, and Maya returned the hug. If things were different, they might have been friends.
“Well, now, that’s settled.” Hema-auntie grinned, but kept her gaze on Maya for a beat too long. She motioned to Paige. “Come, we’ll have some food. I understand Maya is quite the cook as well as baker.”
Paige followed Hema-auntie to the door, glancing back at Maya with a puzzled look on her face. Maya’s heart sank. How much had she really heard?
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
MAYA
Maryland, 1996
MAYA SHUT THE door behind her and leaned against it as a wave of nausea overcame her. How had she been able to tell Sam she didn’t love him? She would never know. What she did know was that she wasn’t going to wait for him to resent her and then abandon their child. She’d spent her childhood waiting for her father to return to her. He never had. She couldn’t risk putting her child through that.
The vibrations from his fist pounding against the door shivered all the way through her. He called out to her, his voice at first strong and demanding, but eventually giving way to desperation. It was the love in that desperation that ripped open her heart. Her hand flew to the knob. All she had to do was open the door.
She’d tell him she’d made a mistake. That she was sorry she’d hurt him. She’d tell him about the baby, and they could be together. All she had to do was walk out there and tell him that she’d lied, that she really did love him—that they belonged with each other—and the pain in her chest would go away. And the pain she was putting him through would go away, too. She turned the knob just as her mother’s hand covered hers.
Sunita’s eyes met Maya’s, and she nodded her head to indicate that Maya should step aside. A fresh wave of nausea sent Maya running for the bathroom. She collapsed on the bathroom floor and retched the contents of her stomach into the toilet. She thought she could still hear him calling out to her.
Long after her stomach was empty, long after Sam’s voice could no longer be heard, she continued to retch as sobs racked her body. She doubled over on the cold tile of the bathroom floor and cried, hoping the pain would leave her.
It never did.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
SAM
New York, 2012
“MOM! SERIOUSLY, SHE’S your granddaughter!” Sam ran a hand through his hair. His mother was going to be the death of him. “It doesn’t matter how you feel about Maya. Samantha is my daughter.”
His mother pressed her lips together and scanned the room. Sam let his words hang in the air. This was going to be his first weekend with Samantha, and he had asked his parents to come up so they could all get to know each other. His father was thrilled beyond belief that he had a grandchild, and even Paige was warming up to the idea of a teenager being around. She already had a strategy involving Samantha that would help his campaign. But his mother—his mother could not or would not get past the fact that Samantha was Maya’s daughter. Well, that was too bad. She was going to have to.
“Come on, Mom. You’re coming with me to get her from school.”
“What? I’m what?”
Sam held out her coat. “Yep. And we’re walking.”
“Walking? All the way? How far is it? I’m an old lady, young man.”
Sam opened the door. “Let’s go.” There was no room for argument in his voice, and behind his mom, Paige’s mouth gaped open, while his father shook in silent laughter.
“Have fun!” his dad called out, his laughter following them as Sam shut the door.
The brightness of the sun and clear blue skies had fooled him into wearing only his leather jacket. He blew on his hands, rubbing them together and shoving them into his pockets against the November chill. He turned to his mother. “This way.” Her pace was slower than his, but certainly not old-lady-like. She threw him irritated looks and mumbled under her breath in Gujarati, but did not turn around to go back.
They arrived just as the final bell rang, and stepped to the side of the walkway to avoid the swarm of students. Most of the crowd dissipated, and there was no sign of Samantha. Sam scanned the steps and down the walkway, to the two sets of double doors, as a young couple holding hands exited the building and started walking down the steps. He looked past the couple to see if Samantha was behind them—but then he did a double take.
“Isn’t that her, holding hands with that boy?” His mother squin
ted through her glasses.
“No. Couldn’t be.” He stepped closer. But it was. A slight pounding started in his ears. He widened his stance, folded his arms across his chest and waited. Who was this boy? Why was he holding his daughter’s hand? Samantha and the boy were so enthralled with one another, they failed to notice that Sam was in their way. Just as they were about to collide with him, he cleared his throat.
“Dad!” Samantha’s eyes lit up, her smile easy. The boy dropped her hand as his eyes widened. “And Dadi!”
His mother stiffened. Sam would have chuckled at hearing his mother referred to as a grandmother, except that he was absorbed with checking out the hoodlum standing next to his daughter.
Samantha greeted her father with a hug that he did not return. She tried to hug Hema, too, but was met with the same resistance. Samantha pulled back and raised an eyebrow at her father. “Hey, Dad. What’s up?” She followed his gaze to the boy and turned back to him. “Oh, uh, Dad, this is Will. Will Waters, this is my dad, Sam Hutcherson, and my grandmother, Hema.”
Will was almost eye to eye with Sam, and he remained wide-eyed as he shuffled his feet. He smiled, extending a shaky hand to Sam. “Um...nice to meet you, sir.” He nodded to Sam’s mother. “Ma’am.”
Hema smiled. “Hello, Will.”
Sam could not move or speak. He was filled with a sudden and complete dislike of this young man. His eyes were too blue and his dark hair was too...something. From the corner of his eye, he noted that Samantha was looking back and forth between him and this boy.
Will hesitated, then awkwardly placed his ignored hand back in his pocket. He managed to stammer out a goodbye to Samantha, and a wave at the still silent Sam. “Uh, well, bye.” His eyes flicked to Samantha before he rushed off.
As soon as Will was out of earshot, Sam’s mother dissolved into laughter. “Talk about not liking your children’s choices!”