“Emilia, give it all to God. He can handle your disappointment, your grief, and your anger. You can’t. It will sour you from the inside out if you don’t let it go.”
For the first time in months, Emilia found herself longing for the fellowship, comfort, and surrender that she found in church.
She sat partway up, wiping her face on her sleeves. She nodded. It was killing her.
Through the blur of her tears, Emilia recognized Dr. Harrison standing in the doorway.
37
Emilia and Tally walked alongside Roger’s bed as they wheeled him to his room from recovery. His head was covered in bandages, and his eyes remained still and closed. The pink that usually colored his cheeks had faded to an orangish hue under dark-circled eyes.
Once inside, the nurse reattached his monitors, filling the room with the comfort of his steady heart rhythms. “He should be more aware within the next hour or two. They’ve still got him on quite a bit of pain medication, but we’ll be cutting that back soon.” She patted Roger’s leg. “You did great, Roger. I’ll be in to check on you.” She looked to Emilia. “Press the call button if you need anything.”
Tally hovered in the corner.
Emilia motioned her to the side of the bed. “He’s going to be all right.”
Two steps closer, Tally stalled again. “What does ‘all right’ mean? Will he be like he was last week or before the fire?”
Emilia’s shoulders drooped. Tension had tightened her muscles as she worked to keep that same question pushed down. There was painful relief as Tally took the fear out of the darkness and gave it words. “Tally, I just don’t know. Probably better than last week, but not as good as before.”
“What happened last week?”
They both turned to the bed.
Roger blinked and cringed as if the simple act brought back the searing migraines.
“Nothing. We were just waiting for you to wake up. How are you feeling?” Emilia touched her hand to his arm.
“There was a fire. Did everyone get out?”
Emilia nodded. “Are you talking about the fire on Fernridge?”
“Of course. What happened?”
“You saved the child, then went back in. A beam fell on you.”
“That explains this headache.” He slowly reached a hand to the side of his head, running his fingers over the bandage.
“Papa, it was—”
Emilia held up her hand to stop her daughter’s flow of words. “Let me tell the nurse that you’re awake. They’ll want to check on you.”
He grasped her hand and gently tugged her toward him, kissing her lips. “I love you, sweets.”
She stood, pulling away. “I love you too. Tally, keep an eye on your papa. I’ll be right back. The nurse will want to see how he’s doing after such a terrible accident.”
Tally’s eyes were wide, but she nodded, having understood the hidden meaning: Do not tell him about the last fifteen months.
“Come over here, kid.” Roger took a deep breath. “You’re growing up too fast.” He held Tally’s hand, and his eyes drifted closed.
Emilia eased out of the room and sucked in deep gasps of breath. Her chest tightened with each hammer of her heart. Roger had been in there. The real man, instead of the imitation she’d lived with for over a year. Her legs were weak as she fought back tears. Something told her this might not be permanent. She had to get back to him quickly and take in every bit of him while he was here.
Emilia sped to the nurses’ station. They hummed around like worker bees in a hive, no one noticing her until she waved a hand and cleared her throat.
“Mrs. Cruz. Is Roger waking up?” The night shift nurse tucked her long braid under her collar and rose from where she’d been typing away at a computer station.
“He is, but something is . . . weird.”
Her eyes went wide. “Let’s take a look. His vitals on the monitor have been steady, but I don’t want to miss anything.”
Emilia touched her arm as the much taller woman rounded the desk. “He doesn’t seem to remember the time between the accident fifteen months ago and now. Is that normal?”
The nurse paused before speaking. “Well, these delayed aneurysms are extremely rare. I don’t think we have a normal in this situation. I’ll call in Dr. Harrison and see if he can come take a look.”
Emilia gazed back at the closed door of room 214. If she could keep even a tiny bit of the man she’d lost, she’d praise God every day for the rest of her life. But what if she lost him again? Would God be in that too?
BRIANNE AND SETH held back while the crowd made its way from the sanctuary to the foyer. On the way out, Tawny tipped her head toward another woman and said something. Then they both looked back toward Brianne. There was no stopping the talk now that they’d made the move to sit together at church.
“Did you see that?” Brianne discreetly pointed Tawny’s way.
“What?”
“They’re talking about us.”
A smile crooked one of Seth’s cheeks. “So. Am I too embarrassing to be seen with in public?” He mocked shock.
“Cute. No, I just don’t like people talking about me.”
“Maybe they were talking about me. Some people have called me awkwardly handsome.” He straightened his collar and winked.
“I think I’m the awkward and you’re the handsome. I bet that’s exactly what they’re saying. ‘How did she get him to sit with her?’”
“Brianne, that’s a lot of pronouns. Who cares what they’re saying? I’m thrilled that people know we’re whatever it is we are. I love spending time with you. You’re gorgeous, kind, and you’ve got the biggest heart. And . . . you’re just weird enough that I feel comfortable with you.”
She nudged him with her elbow. “Weird, huh?”
“Oh, watch out.” He grabbed her by the shoulders and turned her body toward the platform. “I think that sound guy is planning our wedding music.”
She shook her head. “You think you’re so funny.”
His grin grew, lighting his eyes.
Addison walked up the aisle toward them. “I guess this relationship is public now.”
Brianne covered her face with her hands. “See. Addison understands.”
“I think it’s wonderful.” Addison wrapped her arm around Brianne’s shoulders and looked at Seth. “You better be good to her. She’s a treasure.”
“I fully agree.” Seth took one of Brianne’s hands, pulling it away from her face. “She’s amazing.”
“Any chance this amazing couple could join us for lunch? Caroline’s making her famous fried chicken, and I’d like time with my friend. You’ve been hogging her.” Addison cocked one eyebrow and leaned forward as if desperate for Brianne and Seth to accept the invitation. “Caleb could use the company of a man too. That’s okay, isn’t it? I don’t mean to put you on the spot.”
Seth rubbed his palms together. “I’ve heard things about this chicken. If it’s cool with Brianne, I’m in.”
“Sounds great to me. I’m trying to avoid Seth eating my cooking for as long as possible.” She twisted her fingers into his. “What time and what should we bring?”
“We should be ready about one, and just bring yourselves. Consider it my first payment of many. I owe you so much.”
“You owe me nothing. We’re friends.”
Addison looked to Seth. “See? She’s great. I’ll look for you both in a couple of hours.”
They walked out, Seth shaking hands with what felt like every man on the property while Brianne ducked her head, wishing the church hadn’t seen so much growth in the last few years.
Outside, she stopped by the passenger side of his car. “Would you mind looking at the court records with me before we go over to the Kilbourns’? There are a few things I don’t understand.”
“Sure. I’m not a lawyer, though. I may not be able to help much.” He closed her door once she was seated and walked around to the driver’s side. “Thank
s for letting me drive.” He buckled his seat belt and placed a hand on hers. “I can’t believe I didn’t notice you in high school.”
A pleasant shiver went up her spine. “So, Mr. Perfect, why haven’t you gotten married yet?”
“If I give you the I’m waiting for the right girl line, would you believe me?” He pulled out of the parking lot and onto the highway.
“Nope.”
Seth scratched at the back of his neck. “I was engaged a few years after high school. But it didn’t work out. She decided a couple weeks before the wedding that the best man was a better man for her.”
“Ouch.”
“Yep. You can probably understand why I didn’t date for a while after that.” He squeezed her hand.
“I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t be. I felt sorry enough for myself to count for everyone. Then it occurred to me that if I wasn’t the right guy for her, she couldn’t be the right one for me. And if I’d married her, I wouldn’t have gotten to know you.” He glanced over, then returned his gaze to the road.
They rode in silence until he pulled into her driveway. “Let’s take a look at those records.”
Inside, Brianne pulled the papers from a manila envelope. “I don’t understand why they convicted Clyde Tanger. There wasn’t any solid evidence that I can see.”
Seth took the stack, skimming through page after page. “The testimony of the professionals must have been convincing to the jury, but none of that is specific to this case. It says that Amanda refused to answer the attorney’s questions about the abuse. That was one tough girl.”
Brianne nodded. “I think that’s one of the reasons her suicide shocked me so much. I didn’t see it coming. She seemed stable . . . settled.”
“I understand your worries, but they just show how much you care. You have so much to offer.’” Seth put the papers down and took Brianne’s hand. “There are kids out there who need you.”
His words settled on her, but not like the weight she would have expected. Instead, it was like a burden was lifting.
38
Addison set fresh potato salad in the middle of the picnic table already covered with a red-and-white tablecloth. The scent of frying chicken drifted through the screen door and into the backyard.
Connor positioned himself in an old tractor tire while Caleb braced the weight between his arm and good leg, then gave it a shove down the hill.
Addison jogged over, her heart thumping in her throat.
The tire bounced over a bump before tumbling to its side, expelling Connor.
“That was awesome.” Connor jumped up and down, pumping his fist in the air.
“Didn’t I tell you?” Caleb hollered back.
Addison huffed. “You’d better be careful. I don’t have the patience for another injured body around here.”
Caleb mumbled something under his breath.
“What was that?”
“Nothing, ma’am.” His mouth was a firm line.
Addison stomped toward the tables.
The screen door slammed, and Lilly propelled forward. “Brianne!” She lunged into Brianne’s arms. “Do you want to see my new frog? His name is Mr. Green. I’m taking very good care of him.”
“Why don’t you show Seth, and I’ll help your mom. I’m more into frogs after I’ve had my lunch.”
Lilly shrugged and grabbed Seth’s hand, pulling him toward the shade under the black walnut tree.
Brianne picked up a stack of plates at the end of the table and started setting them out. “Any news on the case?”
Addison placed a fork beside each plate. “Yes . . . so much. I think Caroline is a drug addict and Caleb is having an affair.”
Brianne laughed until she looked Addison in the eyes. “You’re not serious.”
“I am. I found oxy in an acetaminophen bottle. Lilly said Caroline gave him some to take with him the night of the accident. And the bottle Caleb got from the doctor is nearly gone, yet he hasn’t taken any.”
“You’re sure it’s Caroline and not Caleb who’s hiding the issue?”
Addison stood straight and rubbed at her lower back. “I don’t know. I guess it could be him. He hasn’t exactly been honest with me.”
“Being dishonest is not the same as having a relationship with another woman. What makes you think he’s having an affair?” Brianne’s voice was just above a whisper.
“Our credit card statement. I found out where he was that night. He was at a fancy restaurant, Virtue. Have you heard of it?”
Brianne’s face went pale. “I wouldn’t call it fancy. It’s convenient. They have music and people . . . they meet up there.”
Addison’s mouth dropped open.
“I’m sorry. How about I take you there and we ask the management if they remember him? Maybe it’s a simple mistake, or he was helping someone out.”
Addison looked over at Caleb, now talking with Seth as if they’d been best friends their whole lives. “Would you? I think I need to find out what’s going on for myself. It’s hard to believe anything from a man who has a convenient gap in his memory and wasn’t with the person he claimed to be with.”
BRIANNE’S HAND WARMED inside Seth’s grip, but the discomfort wasn’t enough to warrant pulling away.
“Wow. You are blessed to have that kind of fried chicken just down the road.” Seth licked his lips. “I can see why you moved back into your parents’ house. I’d give up easy access to restaurants for that any day of the week.”
She shook her head. “I hope you’re not thinking it’s a typical talent around here. I have never once fried a piece of chicken, unless you count eggs. I can do that, if you don’t mind a broken yolk.”
“It’s not your cooking skills I’m interested in.”
A wave of heat rushed over her. She swallowed.
“I like your heart. I can’t believe you’re not into kids. I saw the way the Kilbourn children love you, and you obviously care a great deal about them.”
“I didn’t say I don’t like kids. I just don’t get all gushy over baby pictures. And I’m not sure I’d make a very good mother. Mothers can’t walk away. They’re stuck, every single day, and if they make mistakes, they have to stick around to watch their children pay the consequences.” Her dad had said she’d have trouble with the pressure of the work she’d chosen; motherhood was ten times more consequential.
“You’re selling yourself far too short.” He released her hand and put his arm around her shoulder, still maintaining his stride as they passed by the towering cedar that grew on the border between Brianne’s property and the Kilbourns’. “Seriously, you’re a trained counselor.”
She leaned into his side. “I had a professor who came right out and said our training would make us horrible parents.”
“What did he mean by that?”
“I think he meant we’d know too much about what could go wrong, all the places and ways a child could be damaged before they were even out of elementary school. And we’d understand how adverse childhood experiences would play a part in the rest of our children’s lives and in their future health.” More than anything she’d learned that semester, those words made an imprint in her mind. But even so, she’d still dreamed of a large family, of adopting children from the foster-care system and giving them a home where they could flourish.
“You should talk with my sister sometime. She and her husband adopted two siblings. It’s been hard, and the kids have been through all sorts of horrible things, but their family is very happy and the kids are doing so well. It’s not all tragedy and heartache, even in the hardest situations.”
They turned the corner to her house, where Chester whined behind the door. Brianne felt the need to run, not just for exercise, but to put distance between herself and this man who kept dragging out her old desires. She wasn’t that same girl with the big dreams anymore. Brianne was a realist, and reality was not unicorns and rainbows. It was so much darker than that.
BRIANNE
PULLED INTO Addison’s driveway, thoughts from her earlier conversation with Seth still replaying in her mind. He reminded her of the person she’d been before she took the job she’d once loved, a job that had ultimately revealed her for who she was beneath the surface.
The sun was dimming as it neared the horizon, an orange hue in the filter of smoke from distant wildfires.
Addison appeared from around the house, walking at a gait that seemed at once sneaky and determined. She climbed in beside Brianne. “Thanks for driving. I feel like I’ve become everyone’s chauffeur lately. Caroline is the only one cleared to drive in that house, but I think I’d take my chances with Lilly behind the wheel before I’d ride with her.”
“It’s my pleasure.” Brianne shifted into reverse and turned the car around. “Are you sure you want to do this? I hope my thinking out loud didn’t pressure you to do something you don’t want to do.”
“Of course not. I need to know what happened—if Caleb’s lying to me. We’ll be in court in a few weeks, and I don’t know if even I believe my husband. How am I supposed to hope a jury will?”
“Let’s break it down. Why do you think he’s lying?” Brianne turned onto the highway, her headlights clicked on.
Addison stared out the window. “He wasn’t with Jeff. Before this, I’ve never caught Caleb in a lie. Maybe he finally realized I’m not good enough for him. Maybe he wanted out, and he doesn’t remember it now.”
Brianne tapped her index finger against the steering wheel. It was hard to recall how to be a friend versus being a counselor. The two relationships overlapped in the adult world, and she hadn’t had much practice in either type in the last year. “Did he give you a reason not to trust him?”
“Caleb has asked me that same question hundreds of times.” She leaned her head back on the seat. “No, he absolutely hasn’t. Until now, he’s been as good a husband as anyone could ask for.”
“Stop me if I’m being too personal. Was your dad trustworthy?”
More Than We Remember Page 24