The look of utter desperation on his face was so genuine, she knew this man truly didn’t remember.
“We weren’t able to find out anything. The manager thought we were up to something, and he wanted to protect his customer’s privacy.”
“Then I’ll go.” He started toward the house.
She grabbed the back of his T-shirt. “You’re not cleared to drive, and I can’t leave the kids with your mother.”
He looked to the left, and she followed his gaze. In the distance, a light was on in Brianne’s house. “You said Brianne used to be a therapist, that she had a lot of knowledge about memories, false and otherwise. Maybe she’d go again. With me this time.”
Addison stared at Brianne’s place. “If the attorney is okay with it and Brianne is okay with it, then I’m okay too.”
There had to be a time to jump, to let go and let God take control, to trust. Addison chose this moment. She took a step closer, wrapped her arms around her husband’s neck, and pressed her cheek to his.
41
Emilia shut the door to their darkened bedroom in slow motion. She twisted the knob back in place, releasing the smallest click. Then she rested her forehead against the wall and let the exhaustion that raged through her body melt into the rough surface.
Once again, the pain was severe for Roger, but now she had nothing to give him besides a few ibuprofens. The helplessness added to the burden of her agony.
Her gaze swept to Tally’s closed room. She’d grown increasingly distant with Roger slipping back into pain, but that wasn’t the real issue, and Emilia knew it.
She made the five-foot trek to Tally’s closed door and knocked.
“What?”
Emilia eased the door open.
Tally sat on her unmade bed, her back against the wall, her arms crossed and face firm.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Tally’s eyebrows shot up. “About how I can’t have any friends? About how I finally met someone exactly like who you wanted me to hang out with, and now I can’t see her, either? Um, no. I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Can you try to understand where I’m coming from?”
“Like how you take the time to understand my side?” Tally grabbed the pillow from the head of the bed and stuffed it into her middle. “I don’t want to talk about this or anything else. Would you please leave me alone? I have to get used to it since I’m not allowed to have friends.”
Emilia eased out of the room.
A knock on their front door startled her.
She rushed through the living room, whipping the door open before whoever it was could reach for the dreaded doorbell.
Her neighbor Holly Carmen stood there, eyes wide, arms laden with tinfoil-covered baking pans. A grocery bag hung from one arm. “Don’t try to stop me.”
Emilia gripped the side of the doorframe.
“I’ve made a decision, and I’m not going to let you stop me this time. I’m here to help.” She raised her chin and took a step closer, invading Emilia’s personal space.
Emilia stepped back.
The neighbor walked right through the living room and into the kitchen. “Can you help me out?”
“What?”
“Make some room on the counter and take these casseroles. They’re getting heavy.”
Emilia stacked last night’s dishes in the sink. “What is all this? What’s going on?”
Holly set down the pans. “I saw the ambulance, and I talked to your sister. She told me about Roger’s surgery.” She hung the bag from the handle of the silverware drawer. “I stayed back and respected your need to do this on your own when Roger got hurt, but it didn’t end. You never let me back in. Please don’t get mad at me for saying this, but you have a whole lot of pride.”
Pride goes before a fall.
Emilia rubbed her hand on the back of her neck. She’d fallen hard. So had Roger and Tally.
“I talked with a few of our friends at church. We’ll be back this afternoon to help you get caught up around the house.”
Emilia looked around, seeing the place through the eyes of a visitor. Dust decorated every horizontal surface. A drip of something red had dried along the outside of the refrigerator. The book she’d been reading before Roger’s accident peered out from under a stack of bills on the table. But she couldn’t let other people come in and see the mess she hadn’t been able to handle. “It’s fine. Thank you, but we’ve got everything under control.”
“Is that food?” Tally pushed into the kitchen and peeled the foil off the top casserole.
“That’s enchiladas, and the one below is mac and cheese. I figured you could choose what you want for today and freeze the other.” Holly retrieved the bag, pulling out a two-liter bottle of soda and a bagged salad.
Tally launched into her arms. “This looks so good. Thank you!”
“So what do you say about accepting some help?” Holly smiled over Tally’s shoulder.
Emilia nodded. “Thank you.”
EMILIA ROLLED UP to the curb in front of West Crow Middle School. Tally had barely allowed her the honor of dropping her off for the first day of class. The reward for this inconvenience had so far been paid in eye rolls and sighs.
Tally reached for the door, but Emilia held out her arm. “Wait a second.”
Another sigh. “What? I don’t want to be late. I have to find a seat near the back, where no one will talk to me and I won’t run the risk of making a friend.” And an eye roll.
Emilia breathed in deep, filling her lungs, then released the air while mentally counting to ten. “Okay. I understand your frustration, and I’m working on ways to compromise with you.”
“Does that mean I’m allowed to eat in the cafeteria with everyone else, or should I find a nice, safe place in a closet somewhere?”
“Hey. I’m trying. It would be great if you could try too.” The next breath didn’t do the trick. It trickled out like a deflating balloon. “Hang out with Hannah at school. I can’t say that I’m okay with you going to her house, or her coming to ours. Absolutely not her coming to ours. But her father’s legal issues aren’t her fault.”
Tally tipped her head. “Really. That’s it? Like I wasn’t going to do that anyway.” She shook her head and got out of the car, the sound of another acidic sigh drifting behind her.
It was time to get a referral to a therapist. Tally was falling off the cliff, and she wasn’t even in high school yet. What had made Emilia think she could usher her daughter through the upheaval of the last year and expect that Tally would come out better for it in the end? Emilia didn’t even recognize herself anymore. Yet she’d thought Tally would be okay. Denial at its finest.
A car honked, and Emilia pulled away from the drop-off area. Dr. Harrison had called in a prescription for Zofran this morning, and Emilia had every intention of pounding on the door until the pharmacist answered and got the drugs that should at least allow Roger to hold down a glass of water.
Roger’s migraines were back with the force of a semi and showed little sign of stopping. The pain drove him to the point of vomiting in the early hours of the morning. Against Emilia’s wisdom, Roger’s wishes, and her pride, Emilia had allowed Holly to stay at the house while she took Tally to school and went to the drugstore.
Emilia pulled into a space around the back of the store, knowing this was where James and the other employees parked and entered. She cut the engine and stepped out. Opening wasn’t for another hour, but this was an emergency and there wasn’t another drugstore in town.
James Schneider’s two-door sports car, painted the red of middle-age desperation, sat in the spot closest to the door.
Emilia pounded on the solid wood. She spotted a doorbell camera above her head and jammed her finger into the button, waving at the lens with the other hand.
The door swung open. “What’s your problem, Emilia?” James ran a hand through his thinning hair. A crease line etched the side of his face.
> “I need to pick up a prescription.”
His head jutted forward. “We’re not open.” He started to close the door, but she blocked it.
“Listen. It’s important. I need this right now.”
His voice grew quiet. “Some kind of opioid, I’m assuming.”
“No.” She pushed past him. “It’s for my husband. Zofran. You should have gotten the order from Dr. Harrison.”
“Okay, then. Why don’t you come on in?” His voice carried a sharp edge of sarcasm.
She turned back to him. “How about I don’t tell anyone that you’re sleeping in the store, and you get Roger’s medication ready?”
He scratched at his scruffy chin. “That seems fair.”
Twenty minutes later, she had the pills and a two-liter of stomach-calming lemon-lime soda. She hurried down the streets of downtown West Crow and finally returned to her house.
The front yard looked off. She grabbed the soda and pharmacy bag and got out of the car. Flowers were planted along the foundation, pinks and purples, even a Russian sage, her favorite. And the faded Christmas lights from two years back had been removed from the gutters. Even the sidewalk seemed lighter, as if someone had actually washed it. Had that happened since she’d left, or was Emilia too busy this morning to notice? How many other kindnesses had she missed in her self-inflicted prison of pride?
ZOFRAN WAS A miracle. Thirty minutes after the first dose, Roger had stopped vomiting. An hour later, he was able to drink some water.
Tally had returned from school ready for whatever dinner Holly’s group of warriors had provided, and Roger asked if he could have a plate. Lasagna might not be the best choice for a man who couldn’t keep air down that morning, but he had an appetite and he kept saying how good dinner smelled. He hadn’t said that in . . . she couldn’t remember the last time.
Emilia dished a small plate of the thick lasagna and poured a half glass of lemon-lime soda. Roger didn’t like having much light on, so she’d learned the hard way not to fill a cup too full. It was easy to miss your aim in the dark.
As she turned, she nearly dropped the dinner and the drink. Roger stood in the doorway, a bandage still engulfing the side of his skull, his face unshaved and his eyes blinking. “I was just bringing this in to you. Go on back to bed.”
He shrugged. “I’m not contagious. I thought it might be nice to sit out here for dinner. Where’s Tally?”
“She usually eats in her room.” Emilia heard the words and tasted the shame. She’d let their relationship go, much like she’d watched Roger drift away. “It’s easier than fighting with her.”
“That doesn’t sound like you.” He leaned hard against the doorframe. “Would you mind asking her to join us tonight?”
“Of course not. I mean, I’ll try.”
Roger eased himself into a dining room chair.
Papers were stacked where they used to savor their time together in the evenings, talking over the events of their days. Emilia pushed the mountains to the side and set Roger’s meal in front of him. “You should get started in case you get tired.”
“I’ll wait.” He leaned forward on his crossed arms.
Emilia knocked on Tally’s door, then walked through, closing it partway behind her. “Hey, Papa wants us all to sit down together for dinner. Can you come out here?”
Tally rolled her eyes, then pointed to her empty dinner plate. “Too late.”
Emilia stepped closer. She ground her teeth together and hardened her expression. “I don’t care that you’ve eaten. Get yourself into that dining room and sit at the table. Have another slice of lasagna or just sit there, but do it now.”
Tally’s eyes were as round as her plate and her mouth wide open, as if waiting for a response to show up.
For all these months, Emilia had held it together, used proper parenting language, assessed the difficulties Tally was experiencing, and gave her daughter the room she claimed she needed. But none of that felt as good and right as laying down the law just had.
Fire raged in Tally’s eyes, but she got up, collected her plate and fork, and walked out of the room.
Emilia passed her sullen daughter, obediently sitting at the table, and dished herself a plate of food. Taking a seat, she felt like she was returning from a year-long journey of epic failures. She lifted her fork and cut the corner off the square of lasagna.
As he cleared his throat, Roger reached his hands out, one to Tally and one to Emilia, indicating the start of their prayer. The last one they’d shared was the night before life had changed. One of the first things that had drawn Emilia to Roger was his deep faith. Had his slipped away during the hard times? Or had she just been too blind to see it? And how weak was Emilia’s own faith for her to have abandoned prayer in the midst of trial? At first she’d prayed by herself, but soon it had become little more than her begging God to fix their lives. She’d been as surly as Tally during a fit, turning her back when she didn’t get her way.
“Amen.” Roger’s hand pulled from hers before Emilia was ready. “This looks really good. Thank you.”
“I didn’t make it.” Emilia swiped at her chin with a paper napkin with a fast-food logo.
“You warmed it up and set it on the table. You work and take care of us. You deserve many thank-yous that you never get.” His eyes shone over a sweet smile that said so much more than his words ever could.
Emilia had to look away before her family caught her with tears in her eyes. There was a time she’d actually thought about giving up, walking away from her husband and her marriage. Thank God she hadn’t been crazy enough to do it. She could have missed this moment that made every struggle worth living through.
“So, what have you been doing at work?”
Emilia choked on a chunk of garlic bread. No one had asked her about her job for so long, the question felt foreign. She took two swallows of soda and wiped her face.
“She’s very busy”—Tally leaned back in her chair—“trying to put my best friend’s dad in jail for murder.”
Lasagna set like cement in Emilia’s stomach. “That’s not fair.”
“Funny. I bet Hannah doesn’t feel like it’s very fair that she’s about to lose her dad because he was in an accident. I thought police went after people who hurt others on purpose. I sure hope no one trips over my bike. You’d have me sent off to juvie.”
Emilia looked to Roger, expecting him to question her, but the interchange had washed the color from his face. His fork rested on the side of his plate, a chunk of pasta still stuck to the tines.
“I’m feeling kind of tired. I hope you two won’t mind if I excuse myself for a nap.” He ran a hand over the top of his head.
“Of course not.” Emilia shot a scowl at her daughter. “I’ll save your plate for later.”
“Thanks.” He got up from the table as though the effort to join them had aged him forty years. A few minutes later, the bedroom door clicked shut.
“What was the meaning of that?” Emilia’s voice was a harsh whisper. “He’s doing his best to bring this family back together, and you pull that stunt?”
“Oh, so we should have our family, but Hannah doesn’t deserve to have hers? Nice, Mom. Or should I say, Deputy?” Tally rose from the table. She was growing quickly and stood eye to eye with Emilia.
“Of course she does. And I’m not about to discuss this case with you.”
Tally’s eyes narrowed to angry slits. “I wouldn’t expect you to. I’m just a child.” She flung a napkin onto the table and stomped away.
Exhaustion weakened Emilia’s legs. She dropped into the chair. From the moment she found out Tally had made friends with Caleb Kilbourn’s daughter, she’d known it would lead to trouble, but she hadn’t expected the guilt that wouldn’t let her go.
42
I wish you could go with us.” Brianne held tightly to Seth’s arm. Her car already hummed beside them. “This feels weird, just me and Caleb.”
“I don’t think Sheriff Co
mmons would stand for my being involved in that way. And Emilia is already steamed about my bringing up her case.”
“Thanks for trying.”
He pulled her into a hug. “For you, of course.”
“Whatever. You’re starting to love the Kilbourns as much as I do.” She stretched her head back so she could look at him eye to eye.
“Lilly’s a pretty great ambassador. I can’t say no to that kid.” He gave Brianne a squeeze, then let her go. “Call me as soon as you get back, okay?”
“I promise.” Having someone to call, someone who wanted to be sure she made it home safely . . . She hadn’t realized how much she’d missed that. Seth filled a giant void in her life. But she had to use caution, take each step with a careful measure. Time after time, she’d counseled couples who’d jumped too quickly because of those initial sappy feelings. There were serious items to check off, things she and Seth needed to understand about each other.
He opened her door, and Brianne took her place behind the wheel. “I really hope you can help them find some answers.”
“Me too.” She dropped her sunglasses over her eyes before he could see just how much she was falling for him, then put the car into reverse.
As she drove away, she watched him climb into his Jeep, the car that was parked in her driveway so often now, it seemed like it belonged there.
Caleb and Addison were waiting on their porch.
Addison came to Brianne’s window as soon as the car stopped. She blinked faster than usual. “You’re a great friend. I’ll help you plan your wedding to start making up for all of this, okay?”
“We’ll probably be attending Lilly’s wedding before mine.”
Addison waved toward the road, and in the rearview mirror, Brianne could see the billow of dust left behind Seth’s vehicle.
“We’ll just have to see what happens.” Addison nudged her arm.
Caleb wriggled and squirmed as he found the right position in the car. His jaw was set as if he were heading for the guillotine instead of a restaurant in a neighboring town.
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