by Kate Hardy
Just like their baby. No wonder Harry hadn’t let her close. He’d obviously thought he was making the same mistake all over again.
She swallowed hard and kept listening.
‘Rochelle was having trouble finding work, and I knew she wanted security for the baby, so we got a licence and married as soon as possible in the registry office. It wasn’t a big do: just the two of us and a couple of strangers who agreed to be our witnesses. I went on tour, promising to do the honeymoon bit and whisk her away when I got back. Except I didn’t because, two days before the dating scan—while I was still away—she lost the baby.’
‘I’m sorry,’ Holly said. ‘That must’ve been horrible for both of you.’
‘It was.’ He dragged in a breath. ‘I wasn’t there for her. The quartet was only just taking off so I couldn’t just ask someone else to play in my stead. I didn’t want to let the others down, and I knew her mum was there with her so I thought it would be OK to carry on with the tour.’ He raked a hand through his hair. ‘It seems absolutely insane to me now. Why on earth didn’t I catch the first flight home? It was terrible of me. To be honest, I don’t think I knew how to confront my own grief about it all. But that marked the beginning of the end for us.’
Holly’s heart bled for him and for his ex. It sounded as if they’d married in haste and really repented at leisure—and they’d both had to deal with losing a baby, too. Without realising what she was doing, she splayed her fingers protectively against her abdomen.
‘Exactly,’ Harry said wryly, clearly noticing what she’d done. ‘That’s why I didn’t tell you. I knew it would upset you.’
It wasn’t just that. He hadn’t been honest about the end of his marriage either. ‘You led to me to believe it was the pressure of your careers that drove you apart,’ she said.
‘It was, in part.’ Harry looked at her. ‘Losing the baby just made the cracks wider. She wanted me to give up my music and go to work in the family business.’
‘But you would’ve hated that.’
He nodded. ‘It just got worse and worse. We had a massive fight and she told me to choose between her and the quartet. I couldn’t believe she was actually asking me to give up who I am.’ He swallowed hard. ‘I’ve never told anyone this bit before, but that was when she told me the truth. Something that hurt like hell, but ironically made it easy for me to make the decision. She told me that she’d deliberately got pregnant because she knew it’d make me marry her. She thought it would give her financial security and make her part of an aristocratic family.’ He closed his eyes briefly. ‘She didn’t love me for me. She loved the youngest son of Viscount Moran. My career wasn’t enough for her; she wanted all the glitz and glamour that went with my family, or so she thought. So that made the decision easy. I said I was a musician first. And she said she wanted a divorce.’
Holly absorbed the news. Rochelle had deliberately got pregnant? She’d seen Harry as a means of security, rather than him being the love of her life? That put a whole new spin on things. No wonder Harry was shy of relationships. Maybe, just like her, he thought he wasn’t enough for anyone.
But she also knew the last thing he wanted was pity. She’d hated all the pity, too. ‘That’s rough,’ she said. ‘And I’m sorry she saw you like that. You’re worth a lot more. And that’s not pity talking, by the way.’
‘I know. You’ve been there yourself.’ He looked away for a moment. ‘You can’t get divorced in England on the grounds of irreconcilable differences. We went to a solicitor. Neither of us had committed adultery, so that left us with the option of citing unreasonable behaviour.’ He grimaced. ‘Mine.’
‘That’s not fair,’ she said.
He shrugged. ‘It was that, or agreeing to separate and then waiting for two years. Besides, she had a point. I hadn’t behaved well. I should’ve been there for her when she lost the baby instead of wrapping myself in the security of my music.’
‘She didn’t exactly behave well, either,’ Holly pointed out.
He shook his head. ‘I’m not playing the blame game. I’ve seen my parents do that too many times and it doesn’t end well for anyone. Maybe she feels guilty now about the way she treated me—I don’t know. But we were both to blame. And we both wanted out of the marriage. But after that I swore I’d never get involved with anyone again.’ He looked at her. ‘What I didn’t expect was to meet you. To fall in love with you.’
She felt her eyes widen. ‘Do you love me?’
‘I love you,’ he confirmed.
He’d said it first. But he didn’t look happy about it.
‘And it scares the hell out of me,’ he added.
‘Because you’re in almost the same situation again—an unplanned baby, but this time with someone you haven’t known for years?’
‘No,’ he said. ‘It doesn’t matter about not knowing you for very long and it doesn’t matter that we didn’t plan the baby. What scares me is that something might go wrong with our baby like it did with mine and Rochelle’s baby. With music, I know what I’m doing and how to fix problems, but with a baby... I have no control over what happens.’
‘I’m past the most dangerous trimester,’ she said gently. ‘And, despite the horror stories you see in the news, most pregnancies and births are straightforward.’ She looked at him. She knew she was going to have to ask the hardest question, for her own peace of mind. ‘Do you still love Rochelle?’
‘No. I did, back then. At least, I thought I did at the time. But now I’m not sure I did, because the way I feel about you isn’t the same as I felt about her. I love you. I know I do. You make the world feel grounded. But I’m still scared.’ He looked anguished. ‘What if I’m a terrible father?’
‘Because your own parents weren’t great with you, you mean?’
‘Yes.’
‘You’re not them, Harry. You’ll do things differently.’
‘How can you know?’
‘Because of your grandmother,’ she said. ‘I think that’s the sort of parenting that will stick with you. Someone who notices, someone who makes a difference. Someone who gives, someone who guides without being pushy. And from what I’ve seen, you’re an excellent uncle.’
He inclined his head in acknowledgement. ‘Thank you, but there’s a huge difference between looking after my nieces and nephews for a little while and being responsible for a baby full time. What if I get things wrong?’
‘You muddle through and you work it out.’ She looked at him. ‘Just like you said to Henry and Celia when they were playing for you—if you make a mistake, you smile and keep going. You learn not to make the same mistake next time.’
‘I know I’m not making the same mistake I made with Rochelle. I love you, Holly. I want to be with you. I want to live with you and make a family with you. But I’m scared you’ll think I’m only saying that because of the baby.’
She knew they needed to face that one head on. ‘Are you?’
He shook his head. ‘We didn’t plan our baby, but he or she definitely isn’t unwanted. I want to be a good dad and I want to be there for our baby—but I’m asking you to marry me for my sake. I want to be with you, Holly, but I’m trying not to pressure you.’ He paused. ‘So I’ll ask you: what do you want?’
‘I still don’t remember meeting you for the first time, and maybe I never will,’ she said. ‘And when I met you at Beauchamp I thought you were a spoiled poor little rich boy.’
‘And then?’
‘Then I started getting to know you. And I liked the man I was spending time with. You’re good with children, you’re fun to be around, and you play the cello so beautifully that you make me cry.’ She took a deep breath. ‘I’m scared that you only want to marry me because you feel you ought to. I’m ordinary. If I wasn’t enough for Simon, how can I possibly be enough for you?’
He walked over to her and wrapped his arm
s round her. ‘Because you’re everything I want. You make me feel as if the world’s a good place. You’re the only woman I’ve ever noticed while I’m playing—and until now music has been my main focus in life.’ He stole a kiss.
‘But now I want more. I want you, and I want to be a family with you. And I know I’ve messed up twice now by not telling you something because I was trying to protect you, but I’ve learnt from my mistakes. You don’t need me to be your knight in shining armour. You’re perfectly capable of sorting everything out yourself—except you don’t have to. I’ll be there with you. All the way. I’ll tell you everything, even if I have to warn you first that it’s the wrong time or the wrong place or I’m concerned that it might hurt you. Because I know how much you value honesty—and I honestly, honestly love you, Holly.’
‘I love you, too,’ she said. ‘And I’m never going to make you choose between me and your music.’
‘So what do you want?’ he asked.
‘Love. Honesty. Fairness,’ she said. ‘I’m not expecting the future to be easy. You’re away a lot, and my job’s going to take me away from London from time to time. I want the baby and my career.’
‘That’s what I want, too. So we’ll compromise,’ he said. ‘I’ll tour less. I could teach.’
‘Would you be happy teaching?’ she asked. ‘Because there’s a big difference between finding a workable compromise and making yourself unhappy. And I can definitely assure you that I don’t want you to give things up and work at Beauchamp. I like your family—even your parents, actually, because they’re all right with me—but it’s not the right place for you. You’re a musician.’
‘Thank you,’ he said, ‘for understanding. I don’t know if teaching’s for me, but this is a good point to rethink the direction of my career.’ He looked thoughtful. ‘I’d like to try composing. Writing music for films. I could do that from home and we can share the baby’s care between us—and make time for us, too.’
‘We could schedule it,’ she said. ‘The baby. Work. Date night.’
There was a distinct twinkle in his eyes. ‘Says my gorgeously nerdy academic. I like that idea.’
‘So we’re going to live together, as a family?’
‘Yes. Though we need to find a house. My flat’s too small for the three of us.’
‘So’s mine,’ she said.
‘So we’ll go house-hunting tomorrow.’
‘We’ll go house-hunting,’ she said, ‘when you’re back from Berlin. Speaking of which, you really do need to go. You’ll miss your flight.’
‘I already cancelled it. I can book the first flight out tomorrow morning,’ he said, ‘or I could try to find someone else to take my place in Berlin.’
‘That isn’t fair on Lucy, Stella or Drew,’ she pointed out. ‘Go to Berlin.’
‘Provided you forgive me for not telling you about the baby earlier?’
‘Only because I hope you’ve learnt not to lie by omission.’
‘I have,’ he said. ‘So now that’s cleared up, can we go for a walk?’
She folded her arms. ‘After you’ve booked your flight.’
‘Give me ten minutes,’ he said, and grabbed his phone from his pocket. He booked the flight and tapped in his credit card details. ‘All organised. It’s the first flight tomorrow. If I check in an hour before the flight, I need to leave here by about half-past four in the morning.’
‘I’ll drive you to the airport,’ she said.
‘You need your sleep.’
She shook her head. ‘I’ll be awake anyway. Amenhotep seems to wake up at half-past three to do a bit of baby gymnastics.’
‘Noted,’ he said. ‘And I’ll do my share of night feeds for Amenhotep Camille.’
‘I’ll hold you to that,’ she said with a grin.
‘Now can we go for that walk?’
‘What’s so special about a walk?’
‘Humour me?’ he asked softly.
She rolled her eyes, but let him lead her out of the house and out to Primrose Hill. At the top, they paused to look at the view.
‘The whole of London before us,’ he said softly.
And then he dropped to one knee.
‘Holly Weston, I love you. I think I might even have fallen in love with you before you remembered knowing me. It scares the hell out of me because I’ve never felt this way about anyone before, but not having you in my life is an even more scary prospect. I’m not promising that it’s going to be easy, but I’ll be honest with you and I’ll love you for the rest of my days, and I’ll try to be the best husband and father I can possibly be. Will you marry me?’
‘I love you, too,’ she said. ‘Even if I did forget you the day after I met you. Yes, I’ll marry you.’
EPILOGUE
April
‘YOU’RE READY FOR THIS?’ Holly’s father checked.
‘I’m ready,’ she said with a smile. ‘Mum’s got Eliot?’
‘And he’s sound asleep,’ her father said, smiling back.
‘I still can’t believe you’re making everyone wear Regency dress. And that you’re getting married in a red dress, too,’ Natalie said, making a last-minute adjustment to Holly’s bonnet and veil.
‘It’s where it all started,’ Holly said. ‘I don’t remember wearing a dress like this—and, anyway, Harry looks amazing in full Regency garb. We kind of had to.’ Just as she’d insisted on having forget-me-nots in her bouquet and woven into her hair.
Natalie grinned. ‘I’m not complaining! I love my dress. And the children all look so cute.’
Alice and Celia were flower girls, and Henry and George were ushers, all taking their duties incredibly seriously.
The wedding was in the family’s private chapel at Beauchamp Abbey. As Holly’s father opened the door and led her inside, Holly could see that Lucy, Drew and Stella were waiting to play her down the aisle. She suppressed a grin. Harry had thought she’d asked for Pachelbel’s Canon; the rest of the quartet had had other ideas, aided and abetted by Harry’s sister-in-law.
Celia and Alice walked down the aisle in front of the bride and her father, scattering rose petals, and at Holly’s nod the trio switched from Pachelbel and started playing ‘Don’t You Forget About Me’.
Harry turned to watch her walk down the aisle to him, grinning broadly as he recognised the tune, and there was a ripple of amusement and love throughout the congregation, who all knew exactly why she was walking down the aisle to that particular tune.
In a red Regency dress, to a man wearing a tailcoat and pantaloons.
And then it hit her.
She remembered.
She remembered Harry wearing the Regency outfit and striding across the lawn to her. She remembered him putting his jacket round her shoulders. She remembered him walking her to the house and dancing with her, making her feel as if she were floating on air. She remembered him playing the cello to her, playing this exact tune, then dancing with her again. Asking her to stay with him. Carrying her across the threshold of his bedroom, making her feel precious and cherished and gorgeous.
Every step she took down the aisle towards him brought back another memory, another feeling, until her head was full of rainbows and she was close to tears of joy.
‘Holly?’ he asked, looking concerned when she joined him at the aisle.
‘I remember,’ she said. ‘I remember the first time I met you, and you played me this exact song in Ferdy’s wonderful Georgian flat. I was wearing a red dress, like this one, and you were wearing Regency clothes, just like you are now, and you made me feel amazing. I remember.’ She blinked back the tears.
‘I’m glad I made you feel amazing, because you are amazing.’ He dipped his head and stole a kiss. ‘And I’m glad you remember. Because right now my heart’s beating as fast as it did the very first time I saw you, and I can’t wait to marry
you—because I really, really love you.’
‘I really, really love you, too—and I won’t forget you again,’ she promised.
The vicar, who had baptised Harry as a baby—and who’d baptised Harry and Holly’s baby the previous Sunday—smiled at them both. ‘That’s good to hear. Now, your guests are waiting.’ He coughed, and raised his voice. ‘Dearly beloved, we are gathered here...’
* * *
If you enjoyed this story, check out these other great reads from Kate Hardy
Soldier’s Prince’s Secret Baby Gift
Finding Mr. Right in Florence
A Diamond in the Snow
Reunited at the Altar
All available now!
Keep reading for an excerpt from Best Friend to Princess Bride by Katrina Cudmore.
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Best Friend to Princess Bride
by Katrina Cudmore
CHAPTER ONE
KARA DUFFY HIT the mud with a yelp. Cold muck and pebbles dashed her face. She sagged into the soft earth, every inch of her body aching.
Sucking footsteps, in a fight with the quagmire, approached behind her.
Could this day get any worse?
Not only was she, the poster girl for the charity’s first ever fun mud run, going to be one of the last to cross the finishing line, but now one of her volunteer race marshals was having to come and rescue her. She needed to get up. Now. While she had some dignity left.