Desensitizer

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Desensitizer Page 39

by Kaero Davis


  Enter Scenario

  “Beware of cynical, sceptical people – having them around only stunts your growth. No one likes seeing others excel when they’re feeling trapped themselves and not going anywhere. It’s a problem too many people never realize they have but affects everyone else they’re in contact with. And a lot of the core of it is plain jealousy. Jealousy you can see in the eyes of others giving you a hard time over the ‘free-ride’ or ‘mass-score’ (so they see) you’d been handed. Never mind that they never saw how you earnt it nor what you had to go through yourself to get to where you are. I can’t think of many a time I’ve felt I’d made them proud, but it still never stops them kicking you when you’re down.

  “Did you learn?” – “Now, you gonna do it again?” –

  “it didn’t work the first time – so what’s the point?”

  Oh well, gee, thanks for such kind support fuckers, now I know you don’t want the best for me. I can finally see what you think of me, but don’t you dare think for a second that you’re any better. Fuck that…” – Cabbaccaba.

  T.P.S (Tall Poppy Syndrome)

  When you’re the talk, when you’re the envy,

  Everyone absorbed, friends pretending,

  Before the war, everybody’s all friendly,

  But they keep score, and you’re better off defending,

  When the deal is raw, and people never see,

  When the rain it pours heavy with heresy,

  You’ve given more than people believe,

  Question all reason as you receive,

  You kicked it up a notch to get you where you got,

  Where others might have botched and declared it not,

  Strike up a good rhythm but then soon have to stop,

  Villainous, heinous people slyly connive and plot,

  People see you exceed and question it deserved,

  They make you stagger and stumble as they inflict their hurt,

  They time it right, know when to shiver the nerves,

  They know what to say – they’ve chosen their words,

  And just as you’re up – it crashes down,

  Tears in rivers to flood the town,

  It’s a shame those bastards never drown,

  For having driven you to the ground,

  Everybody only wants it equal,

  Everybody only wants you beneath their level,

  And it’s when you start lookin’ better than several,

  Everybody’s evil’s gonna be lookin’ to meddle…

  Exit Scenario

  “Such poisonous people aren’t worth the air they breathe. But you can’t tell them to thank their lucky stars they are still breathing. All of them so fucking full of hot air. Extract yourself immediately whenever you feel you’re trapped amidst the presences of anybody like that, you’re best making an escape as soon as you can see them comin’…

  You can bet they’ll only have you runnin’ around in pointless inconvenient circles, and you’ll have only wasted your time and energy for the sake of their sick and twisted humour and satisfaction.” – Cabbaccaba.

  Enter Scenario

  “it’s clear to see my reputation doesn’t precede me here, no offense but you seem to lack the faith,”

  “No offense taken. Yes, you’re right – I don’t have any faith because I barely know you,”

  “You know me, or rather you would if you weren’t so sceptical from the beginning,”

  “I was only sceptical because of what I’ve heard,”

  “Yes, but perhaps all you know Is just bias lies from people I know I couldn’t have faith in correct?”

  “Yes but –”

  “Don’t you think you maybe could’ve come to me and asked yourself?”

  “I didn’t think I could approach you,”

  “You might’ve been right in thinking, still this just shows your true character,”

  “What character?”

  “That you’re a sheep and you’ll buy anything people sell without having to make your mind up on your own, you’ll only ever assume without taking into consideration anything else, you don’t read the details or take the depths seriously enough,”

  “I’m no fuckin’ sheep,”

  “Whatever you say sheep, safety in numbers…”

  Undermined Credibility

  It’s such a shame,

  It’s a sad disgrace,

  You, choose to act this way,

  Woe, the path you stray,

  I could see it in your eyes,

  So quick to compromise,

  No bluff, no shit, no word of a fuckin’ lie,

  You’ve gotta see it with your own eyes,

  You undermine my credibility,

  Underestimate my ability,

  Characterize your stupidity,

  With unrestrained acidity,

  It’s Billy Grunt –

  NOT silly cunt,

  It’s a right down shame,

  Such a sad disgrace,

  You choose to act this way,

  Whoa – the path you stray,

  I saw it in your eyes,

  So damn quick to compromise,

  No bluff, no shit, now word of a fucking lie,

  But you just had to see with your own eyes…

  You undermine my credibility,

  Underestimate my ability,

  Characterize your stupidity,

  With unrestrained acidity,

  It’s Billy Grunt –

  NOT silly cunt,

  Exit Scenario

  “But… now that you know I know what you’ve heard I can basically make my mind up about whether I can privilege you with an indulgence of getting to know the real deal, or cut you off here and now – play on what you think of me just so that you fuck off crying to your other bitches saying how incredibly accurate their judgements of me were. By process of elimination, I can deduce whether you’re worthy of my wonders – and you my friend – have failed…”

  “You’re a fucking weird cunt!”

  “And that, provides me with all the evidence I needed – that’ll be all thanks,”

  “What? Fuck You?!”

  “That will be all thanks…”

  “Fuck yourself,”

  “Walk on home bitch, jog-on!”

  (The village idiot stammered some more but as I directed with an arm out-stretched motioning for him to fuck off, the frightened and confused little sheep did so – but with a hesitation and confounded bewilderment on his face…. he walked off..)

  “Fucker…” I whispered under my breath as I smiled, watching him leave.

  Enter Scenario

  “Not too many people I’ve met have assured me they’ve felt this as I’ve felt, to which I must elaborate further for your better understanding. Here goes;

  Within the last couple of years right before my daughter was born I could feel strange energies through the air. I couldn’t quite see the colours physically but I could feel them and still know what they were but there was a kind of emotion associated with it that I could feel drifting through the air with it. These energies had a good many properties that tingles a few of my senses and I was immediately whisked away into reminiscences of things I were reminded of. Sight, sound, smell, taste – even emotion – I was taken aback and I guess I could call it a slight euphoria, I was mesmerized. There have been a few times I can recall like that where I almost trance and disconnect with this immediate physical world.

  I could feel tension floating in on the breeze and it put me to unease to feel It and when I’d try to explain it – I couldn’t very well. I was influenced by what I could feel on the airwaves, and not all of it was dreamy, but ideas and thoughts would come and go and the feeling of being compelled out of deep fascination – driven by an impuls
e to move by the mood. I haven’t previously been so fortunate at doing something well when I am so unprepared beforehand. Shit often goes hay-wire when I have no idea what I’m walking into nor even be confident knowing what the fuck to do. If I never felt I was going to do a good job without having mapped and planned out the task in my head (well-rehearsed it before) then I wouldn’t have the luck of conducting as satisfactory a result as I’d generally prefer.

  Memories would filter back and with an all too familiar emotion, and again I could feel stillness… as bizarre as it was for me to feel this way back when – I still feel it today but in more limited and controlled amounts. The feeling that I sensed outside what we can see, either compelled me to work harder or more eccentrically – or it hindered me, it was never the same or sequenced in a way that I could note a prediction of whichever cycle it took to, having been better prepared (mentally) ensured success no matter what task.

  I thought it was strange that something otherworldly could have influenced me as much as it had – and stranger still, that I can’t explain the full extent of the phenomenon. It was much like I couldn’t control and ground myself and as I said before I was tranced into an emotion and felt the magnetic pull – or drive of an outside influence… it was bizarre. As driven I was by mood then, and the impulse of emotion, I am very much still chained to them, and am still learning to manage a control over them. And I have tried many ways so far that I can think of to slacken the grip this has all had on hold over me. Yet, unfortunately, to no avail so far…” – Euzopherias.

  When The Mood

  Well, I’ve got this little issue at times,

  A transparent barrier, a line I can’t get by,

  An inconvenient disadvantage of the mind,

  Engine runs but staggers and stalls, the gears lock and grind,

  When the mood takes me it’s successful,

  When I am unprepared – it gets suspenseful,

  And I know at times I can get temperamental,

  The paranoia, anxiety’s driving me friggin’ mental,

  I don’t want to always have to find the mood,

  It just sucks for me to need to feel just to move,

  I find it’s tied to my emotion, bound to its every groove,

  I’m no good for anything in those rampant times I need to soothe,

  When the mood takes me, it’s better than we schemed,

  When I’m better prepared it all runs just like a dream,

  Smooth, swift, suave, slick, cool, calm, and clean,

  Smiling big wide pearly whites, a glimmer and a gleam,

  Emotion – mood – motivation,

  Impulsive emotion,

  Teetering mood,

  Losing motivation

  No – wait, yep – found it,

  When the mood takes me – it drives me,

  When the mood takes me – it drives me,

  When the mood takes me – it drives me,

  When the mood takes me – it drives me,

  Impulsive!

  Exit Scenario

  “I know that when I can finally exercise better control over my emotion and mood, life for me will go a lot smoother. To rationalize, before initiating response or reaction is the key – I just need to catch myself well before the impulsive part kicks in. Gotta chain it up, put a leash on it. I don’t ever want to become some mindless, reckless, impulsive maniac. My mind, my sanity, is important to me, as much as anyone else suggests otherwise. Still, it doesn’t ever stop the temptation of testing my boundaries. Doesn’t ever stop people pushing and pushing, and piling up their bullshit atop your shoulders. And I can’t shut off the feeling within me whenever they do, never have been able to, no one’s ever shown me or taught me how to – and I seriously doubt I ever could. It’s probably one of these things I might pick up on my own eventually.

  I know that as I am forced to comply before my own mental preparation, for whatever cause it may be, only falls through. The better the more intent I place upon my endeavour’s, defines how effective my efforts portray in the pursuit. But should they feel forced and obliging, then failure may ensue.

  And it really is, When The Mood…” – Euzopherias.

  Chapter 5:

  As Bad As Things Are Worse

  Content Titles (Alphabetically Sequenced):

  1.…And Nobody Listened

  2.A Spiralling, Endless Black

  3.Acceptance

  4.Assertion of Division

  5.Black Sheep Branded

  6.Brain On Fire

  7.Danger on the Inside

  8.Dead Ground

  9.Destined Damned

  10.Empathy For The Devil

  11.Failure

  12.Fork-Tongue

  13.Fractured

  14.Haunting Memories

  15.Heaven’s Demons

  16.High-Torque Aggression

  17.Horsemen

  18.Inner Animal

  19.Mind Your Attitude

  20.Outta-Hand-Fast

  21.Pendulum

  22.Picking the Scabs (And Making Them Bleed)

  23.Premonition Demolition

  24.Psychopathy Intervention

  25.Rapid Is The Blur…

  26.Re-Vengeance

  27.Serpent King

  28.Shadow Deity

  29.Strain

  30.Summons To The Abyss

  31.The DisAssociate

  32.There’s Always More

  33.This Sickness

  34.Tilt

  35.Upon Prying A Maddened Mind

  36.Virus

  37.Wanting More (And Needing It as Bad)

  38.Chapters yet to write beyond the door,

  39.Warning: World Wide

  40.Warning: World Wide (Continued)

  41.Wide Opened Mind

  42.Your Nightmares, My Reality

  Enter Scenario

  “The Apocalypse has come and been. Not a scene of the slightest of humanity can be seen anywhere. Mankind lost to it’s greed, and mutation forced by radiation – some may say is evolution but still forced as the nukes were freed. Some say we’ve been here before, conspiracies of theorists claiming but only a rare few know. The same rare few to have supposedly been the elite few chosen to remain to repopulate. Or so thought. The world is no longer the way we’d been grooming ourselves for, for millennia. And once more, the elite have been chosen again this time around to reign in a new one world government. A one world where, if you don’t comply – you don’t survive. We’re all slaves in other words, and all for the profit of the highest ranking of the fascists. I am but one of the survivors amidst a few small groups only to have just avoided (and only just) the majority of the calamity. What survivors we find remaining, we induct to our society through intensive and rigorous, even inhumane examinations, and when they pass, they join in our cause for the arrest, persecution and execution of the culprits of the cause of our extinction. Nobody fucking listened.” – Mugdowie.

  …And Nobody Listened

  Crumbling jumbles,

  Smouldering towns,

  Overgrown jungles,

  Embering ashes of wastelands,

  Where was I when the beast came?

  Where were you whence the feast was lain?

  It’s too late, much too fuckin’ late,

  It was fore written in our fate,

  Our world is gone now,

  Nobody knew any truth to how,

  Murders of Crows all now feast,

  Come, let’s go thank the beast,

  Oh yes there was a warning,

  But nobody listened,

  New day, dawning,

  Oh, how the fireworks glisten,

  Apocalypse,
Armageddon,

  Exodus, famine,

  Plague, Disease,

  Chaos, disorder increased,

  Where was I when the beast came?

  Where were you whence the feast was lain?

  Too late, yeah, it’s much too late,

  But it was fore written in our fate,

 

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