by Kaero Davis
Haunting Memories
Memories haunt me from the past,
There’s no avoiding or sending them sparse,
Love comes around but never does last,
And I question if this love wasn’t really lust,
I never read the fine-print
Mislead deeper into shit,
And I could never figure it,
Trust is a blade with a sharpened tip,
Contemplating consequences,
Practicing a vigilance,
Better think before I pact,
And keep my emotion intact,
Wish I could turn back the clock,
Divert of meeting folk I’d rather not,
These memories can fucking rot,
The best of me had been got,
Haunting memories, decaying dreams,
Time is running out it seems,
People change as they grow older –
And know my pains turned me colder,
Feeling’s aren’t enough anymore
Can’t move forward, can’t restore,
Exit Scenario
“There’s no getting rid of these images from my mind. No true way of leaving it all behind. Oh, the disgust at myself for poor judgement of character – to be led astray into disaster. I smoke – I drink – take pills, but nothing frees me of those choices, and more so the visuals of those experiences, like some heavy weight of shame bears down on me. A cross to bear. The burden – and having the images replay on me in silence. There’s no switching off, no shutting down – no memory wipe. I couldn’t relax enough even for hypnosis to work, but if it did – how long for?…
I’ve got skeletons, and added paranoia that at whatever moment I succumb to the train of thought – people might notice the expression of guilt on my face at odd intervals. Talk about Hell, Fuck this…” – Mortezzo.
Enter Scenario
“I wrote this in frustration in my becoming of awareness after quite some number of heated discussion with many other like-minded – open-minded people. Disappointed and sickened by leading ‘charitable’ or ‘religious’ groups and at how so many people – extremists – misinterpret the word to justify how they wish to live. It’s really quite arguable where the point may be being prevaricated. Prevarication means a truth that is either accidentally or purposefully being bent and twisted to confuse others, confuse and mislead, and maybe it’s just me being paranoid or maybe it isn’t just me and people are doing it on purpose – I’m just smart enough to see through the blatant lies – and those not so blatant – but also have the balls to stand up and put things right if things aren’t right at all. Many people will say that I am paranoid and that it’s all in my head – but in fact – the fact that they continue to deny what I say I see them doing, makes them suspicious in my eyes. I can only see further through the lies and I only want to fight it more. I see they’re doing it on purpose and I’m aware of it. And I’m not just aware of it but fighting for equity. All manners of equity. My partner (of the time) and I had a conversation once and she said something I’ve seen before but wasn’t quite sure if there was a name for something like it… she called it ‘Tall Poppy Syndrome’ and I don’t think it’s quite an actual term but rather a slang name for it – but where and when someone might be getting all egotistical and megalomaniacal, and all in of a sudden – then it’s customary for someone else to ‘cut them down to size’ – and it apparently seems to be completely and entirely out of jealousy, or rather as it has appeared to me. And every time – EVERY TIME I ever started feeling good about myself – someone would do just that, ‘cut me down to size’ – or – ‘put me in my place’. And I felt a lot of the time it was always unjustly done to me. I get to a point now and I think; why – or – how the fuck did I deserve this? If I’m fucking depressed all the time it’s because of other fuckers picking at me all the fucking time cause they’re not fucking happy with themselves. What the Fuck? What the fuck did I do wrong? Guess what? It’s not me motherfucker it’s you…
…anyway, I seemed to trail there, but that, is the point I wanted to make – It happens to hundreds of different people in hundreds of different ways, and at a hundred different times that it happens to. And yes, I am one of those poor fuckers. I’ve been depressed being around arseholes who always only want to pick at me to either get me to bite to pick a fight with me, so they can have a reason to take all their pent-up rage and anger and hatred, irritation, annoyance, misery and – god knows whatever the fuck else out on me. As I said I am aware. And I’m looking to ensure I can manipulate any future circumstance to work for me instead of against me. I won’t have it – and I’m not going to tolerate or accept it when I see others do it. It’s okay to pull someone up on something but not when it’s over something ridiculous and especially not too often. I doubt many people think any further into how they speak to others, whether the formulation of their words were intelligently and appropriately executed or the manner in which they spoke them to others. Good, God-Fearing people who want to believe they’re living in the most ideal way they think their Faith wants them to live, but in truth have no real idea and definitely don’t show they know any better. They’re either daft, or ignorant or both. I say Christianity was only invented as a method for control, even if people say it isn’t – I believe people still use it that way. Used as a control mechanism over critical masses. People don’t know any better – or so they say but, they don’t seem to want to know any better until they find a way to make it benefit them, anything that’ll benefit themselves first and long before anybody else. Whether they like it or not people need educating and the best way is to lead by example – AND explaining how it might be more beneficial (whatever it is) doing this very different thing this way after the proof of the difference is seen. Change doesn’t have to be scary, making a difference doesn’t have to put fear or irritation into someone – you need to make whoever it is genuinely, Dinky Di interested. When you’ve got religious groups all over the world with millions of peers worshipping the same ideals but not quite in a kosher understanding or following the guide by the book – there’s going to be a closet full of skeletons that will need resolution and some kind of closure. You’re going to have to strip it all back to its’ bare structure and strengthen every weak point there is before going any further. Any structure will buckle without a firm foundation to hold it strong and steady. And there are millions out there who can’t change or just won’t, ‘skeletons in the closet’ or just some dirty rotten little shame, minions of what they believe is a greater good and I just want to call them Heavens’ Demons.” – Grault.
Heaven’s Demons
Holy fuckin’ hypocrisy,
Monkey do what monkey see,
Order confined within control,
Chaos overridden, assumed absolved,
Salute the troop’s lowly stoop,
Bound to inevitable loop,
Clockwork carousel multi system,
Winding, swinging to the rhythm,
But the court can’t and won’t hold me,
I’ve got some plausible de-nia-bil-ity,
You’re all lookin’ at a free man,
Practiced in the arts of a good Damn,
I’ll fight the law with more law,
Find the flaws no one saw,
Bend them over all arse up,
Pleading for the final fuck,
And I’ll breathe through a smile of relief
Pleased at what I’ve achieved with ease,
Awaken people with my wisdom,
Disprove the belief in false kingdoms,
See I know He hasn’t really turned His back,
And I don’t have to try so hard to get the knack,
Many misinterpret what His words mean,
And others are all hoping hard He’ll answer all their dreams,
They want to know you’re there,
Seek you only when their scared,
Pray you hear their desperate cries,
Seeking sanctuary from the lies,
Sadly, not all lies are truthless,
Realization is vicious, ruthless,
That we alone who are truly gifted,
See beneath the veil ’fore it’s lifted,
Could I be crazy, or just maybe,
I see the masters had once enslaved me,
I see what you are and I’m ashamed to say,
It’d be smart to try another way,
I condition the warning,
For a position is spawning,
New control that will bury some deep,
The chaos will become absolved,
Confined within the Orders’ control,
When it’s monkey do what monkey see,
Holy fuckin’ hypocrisy,
The awakening will set them free,
Monkey will do what monkey see,
Awakening will set them free.
Exit Scenario
“Take me as I am but I’m making a stand
Taking charge and being the man,
We’ll never force each-others’ change
If you think we can – you’re insane,
But learn to live with me – though you think you can’t
And you’ll soon feel a change of heart,
Because, by my side you might feel
A more rewarding path revealed
You can make a difference – you can choose to be different and make a change whether you’re unhappy or whether you might be making others around you unhappy. Don’t tell me to change my attitude if it’s not mine that needs correcting. Talk to me as another human being and not like a piece of shit; don’t talk to me any way you wouldn’t talk to a dog – and in a mature sense as dog’s are man’s best friend, unlike a slippery slimy slug or a feral fuckin’ rodent. Don’t treat me as rudely or abusively or inappropriately as you would to a disobedient fucking animal. I’m an intelligent person and sarcasm just deserves a smack upside the face for all of its’ own stupidity; we can reach a compromise and if we pay attention to each other and really listen, then we’re going to have a far better time understanding each other. I don’t mean to sound too sharp-edged with my words I just have no patience for ignorant people who think they know better but just don’t express it in appropriate ways, that’s hypocrisy. Something’s got to change but in saying it myself – I’ll need to be aware when I’m doing the very same myself. A little reminder is good now and then, but we forget that none of us are perfect and none of us are right every time. Pull people up on what they’re wrong with, with an equivalent subtlety to whichever mistake is made. Propriety is everything and we’ve all seemed to have forgotten or gotten lazy. It’s as if all compassion for our fellow brothers and sisters has faltered and become extinct and no one has the patience to treat others outside their circles of friendship and any similar to their own. I don’t know about anybody else, but I fire up quick when I feel someone else is speaking ill at me or in an ill manner. I feel such an intense aggression inside me that I could just punch the living shit through something; head-butt the bedroom door with all my might and blow all the way through that I get stuck at the neck, and growl with another intense rage that you grab both sides of the door and rip it in half with all that adrenalin surging through your veins – that inhuman strength coursing, pulsating, radiating through you that you could do the hundred metre dash and break records. Anyhow, meandered again, but I swear it’s all in the ulterior motives, the deeper reasons why we do what we do and how we’re treating others in our pursuits. I’m smart enough to say I don’t know it all, not too proud that I can’t admit where I know I’m wrong but I will genuinely attempt to better myself, and I would say that if there were a God and He were watching – that is what he would want out of humanity, hell – there’d be a lot fuckin’ less racism if we could practice that and tolerance – acceptance. It’d be more “God-like” to be indiscriminate.” – Grault.
Enter Scenario
“I’m quick tempered. Hell-fuckin’-yes I get pissed off quick. It doesn’t take long at all. And it doesn’t take much. And d’you know, I hate it worse when I can’t take it out on anybody or anything and can’t release this increasing surge of adrenalin when in hyper-drive. And fuck me do I want to just drive something through someone. No – chill, it’s better that I am alone when I get this way. I’m best writing about it, in a journal or some poetic piece or limerick. And that’s what I’d done when I wrote this. I got it out the best way I could – and wrote it how it feels within me – what I feel and how I feel like doing it – getting it out. High-Torque Aggression.
High:
Tall, rise of/ or extreme/ critical levels.
Torque:
Acceleration – the time it takes generally from stand-still (vehicle engines) to particular rate of motion.
Aggression:
Anger.
The title very much giving close definition of its’ subject matter. Enjoy.” – Zarkyl.
High-Torque Aggression
Somebody’s flicked a switch,
Gone down like a bitch,
Spurt their words of hurt,
To flirt their worth in dirt,
I’ve just smacked him stunned,
Went off like a gun,
His blood pissing on the floor,
Rapid rising anger torque,
It’s zero to pissed off within seconds,
The rapturing reckoning beckons,
Neck snapping, bone crushing aggression,
It’s zero to pissed off within seconds,
When I see red - I black out,
When I shout I’m about to clout,
You won’t run from what you start,
Goodnight sweetheart you’re ripped apart,
You’d better bite your tongue,
Else I’d be one to make it done,
And I wouldn’t do anything stupid,
Unless you don’t want to be lucid,
I go from zero to pissed off within seconds,
With neck snapping, bone crushing aggression,
As the rapturing reckoning does beckon,
It’s zero to pissed off within seconds,
Exit Scenario
“Sometimes it’s hard for me to determine whether I’m the wall that the car hits – or the car itself that hits the wall in those crash dummy experiments. But all the same – I feel the more the anger spikes in me – the higher the calamity and casualties there are going to be. And I really do wish it were simpler for me to feel like I can just avoid it, ’cause God knows I want to – but it really isn’t. At some point in time we’ve all got to face our bullshit. Mine just feels heavier and more common than I see in anybody else. I know violence really isn’t the answer, but fuck – sometimes I feel there’s never enough pot in the entire world that I could smoke to just chill the fuck out – and not have my attitude be a hazard to myself or anybody else.” – Zarkyl.
Enter Scenario
# 1 – “Man has learnt nothing from the scriptures…”
# 3 – “No, nothing…”
# 4 – “Such frail existence, and not all of them keep the code. None care for their fellow men as word spoke.”
# 2 – “All that killing and despair – when it’s love that sets them free.”
# 3 – “the very meaning of life. Love. The reason why they existed. And none have truly ascended beyond without love.”
# 1 – “Yes. All of them have lost their way. They still hold on to fear and hate. It will be the fate that becomes of them.”
# 4 –
“All the signs have been appearing over the world – and I’m ashamed to say – time is hastening,”
# 2 – “Will none of them listen? Damnation will come upon them sooner than any of them thought.”
# 3 – “Well, those guilty will be prosecuted accordingly – yes. But don’t forget a good number will ascend.”
# 1 – “Only, if they succeed their test – best not forget, nothing is set in stone – yet, life is a trial and many will fail depending on how they respond to the test.”