Desensitizer

by Kaero Davis

  Only brings us down, yes – they fucking dare,

  They lay judgements but never compare,

  Everyone’s a hypocrite,

  They think they’re the shit,

  Can’t even fucking stand in it,

  Come to think of it yeah, they’re shit,

  Why bother even try to impress,

  When all they want to see is you regress,

  You’re only ever gonna see them detest,

  You’d be the best and they’ll only ever resent,

  Society’s gotta prove worthy proving it to,

  I hate to say it but they really fucking do,

  They shame on me for what I’ve been through,

  And none of ’em even have an iota of a clue,

  Why does it matter that we should fucking care?

  For their consideration – what little of it is spared,

  Only brings us down, yes – they fucking dare,

  They lay judgements but never can compare,

  Society aint worthy enough for me,

  No, not enough for me…

  Point Blackened

  I’ve lost my mind, yep, officially crazy,

  Matter of time – it was always more than just a maube,

  You’ve exposed my inner, sinister, shady –

  Reputation, finally, fuck, I’ve been waiting…

  It’s time to walk the talk,

  Time for battle – time for war,

  They’ve sought, they’ve caught,

  Now we determine how well we’ve fought,

  They can shoot me point fuckin’ blank,

  And I’ll have no choice but to pull rank,

  I’ll make a fuckin’ stand, there’ll be reprimand,

  They’ll leave broken, battered, well fuckin’ tanned,

  They’ve sought, they’ve caught,

  It’s time for battle, it’s time for war,

  It’s time to fucking walk the talk,

  We’ll soon determine how well we’ve fought,

  Yeah, I left a motherfuckin’ trail,

  But by the time you found the bait was stale,

  Heart impaled, you’d learned betrayal,

  But the plot thickens with more morale to the tale,

  Too worried with what’s wrong than to know how to fix,

  Who needs to be so smart when you’re well equipped?

  I can find another – there’s more that do exist,

  And all you’ve ever invested – just too soon ain’t worth shit,

  Don’t count your blessings and you may surely lose,

  Everything most meaningful to someone better than you…

  Working On Spite

  I look around and often trance to wonder,

  I silence, at times, when I could thunder,

  Intelligence, subtle signs, through blunders,

  Silence at times avoiding larger disasters,

  I’ve witnessed people rage where they have no control,

  And these people have raged like they’ve got no soul,

  Sharp eyes, sharp ears, I’m vigil – on patrol,

  Careful, ever cautious I don’t dig myself a hole,

  We seem to like to make and take an equal worth,

  For inconvenience and exhaustion spent for what work,

  Give and take, and spite despite what is deserved,

  Karma comes and strikes us twice, for the spite exert,

  You might have already had hard luck, but just you try to contain it,

  That attitude that don’t give a fuck, yeah, it’s contagious,

  It’s insane that one small thing can be this outrageous,

  But there are various levels and degrees and different stages,

  I can’t expect it’s easy when they haven’t their whole life,

  I’m certain there are some believe consideration’s a waste of time,

  It may very well be, but can save you of the binds,

  Calm in mind, to think in time, the aftermath of spite,

  I often look around and often trance to wonder,

  I silence at the times I feel I could thunder,

  Intelligence, when there’s no signs, other side the blunder,

  Silence at times to avoid much larger disasters,

  And then, of course, if you can’t say anything nice,

  Silence, and say fuck all.

  Forward Motion

  I’m gaining a control over my emotion,

  Keeping cool, calm amidst a commotion,

  It’s strange, but an evolution can be noticed,

  I’ve fucked up – everyone knows this – but,

  Forward now is the motion,

  Takin’ time to just be cool – where I would at once rage,

  No longer the stupid fool, to parade a poor display,

  No jackass, no mule, to slave and have encaged,

  I have the know-how, the tools to make it my way,

  Degrees of values and importance to matters where due,

  Appropriately so, applauded, when eluded the deepest of blues,

  More there is practised, becomes easier to choose,

  More the practice – gets easier to get through,

  Takin’ time to be calm, think rationally, constructively,

  Contemplate what harm, sensibly, productively,

  May the only obstruction be what provocative seduction seen,

  Limiting cognitive functioning, deconstructing, sabotaging,

  Takin’ the time to just be cool where I would once rage,

  No longer the stupid fool to parade a poor display,

  No jackass, no mule, to slave and have encaged,

  I’ve got the knowledge, know-how – the tools, to make it my way,

  I’m gaining a control over my emotion,

  Keeping cool, calm amidst a commotion,

  It’s strange, but an evolution can be noticed,

  I’ve fucked up – everyone knows this –

  But,

  Forward now is the motion,

  I’m gaining a control over my emotion,

  Keeping cool, calm amidst a commotion,

  It’s strange, but an evolution can be noticed,

  I’ve fucked up – everyone knows this – but,

  Forward now is the motion,

  Shield

  Too long it’s been that I’ve been the distraction,

  Too long it’s caused my abhorrent dissatisfaction,

  Time has come to resort to drastic action,

  I can no longer sit and allow it to happen,

  I have suffered extremes against,

  Unavoidable, inconvenient events,

  Always the solid demeaning defence –

  Different consequence, same context,

  Known for some manner of deflection,

  Those desperate times some have need protection,

  Never always my first and foremost intention,

  But I won’t take a hit without some hint for reflection,

  I’m a human meat shield to limit fatal blows,

  I generally take the heat harder than anyone ever knows,

  Considered so weak if ever I let it show,

  The fall is always steep and to a deeper low,

  I know they need me more than they’ll ever admit,

  Everyone needs a scapegoat to escape their conflict,

  And I know when we’re hell bound, I can predict,

  I’m gonna have to be the one to cop the bullshit,

  It wouldn’t be so bad if it was worth all the while,

  Never too grateful, not many of them smile,

  But I do remain a calm where I know others would be wild,

  Controllin
g your emotion shows your adult and not a child,

  Before acceptance of what consequences become commonly yield –

  I expect I’ll forever be naught more than a human meat shield.

  DeSensitizer

  Well, this illness, by which I suffer,

  It definitely is one heave mother fucker,

  Forever drawn in and suckered,

  Always to a tight suffocating smother

  Animation by an inner, external drive,

  Where clustered chaos clouded thrives,

  Played with fire, played with knives,

  Never certain I’ll make it out alive,

  It’s a blood thirsty curse,

  Really rattles the nerves,

  Mixed atrocity, disturbed,

  Lives up to the name it’s earnt,

  The torment the voices breed,

  Seeing thing’s I shouldn’t see,

  Emotionally, physically, spiritually, mentally,

  In every, any, sense I bleed,

  This illness is a sensitive subject,

  Fighting through assumptions, reasons to suspect,

  Steely hard truths to face and more to accept,

  Consistent inconsistence and faltering respects,

  Occurrences happening hardly believable,

  Success out of reach and not quite achievable,

  Perception barely appropriately receivable,

  Vacuumed back to the shit pit irretrievable,

  But by a means of my talent,

  I’ll attempt the challenge,

  Fighting through whatever malice,

  Schizophrenia’s symptomatic habits,

  To the best of my ability, be an insighter,

  Devising methods and means of as an advisor,

  And, so, here, from a hyper mentalizer,

  I give you, behold, DeSensitizer…

  Post Scribe.:

  I had the feel to mention the second sequence to Desensitizer, the second volume, won’t have the scenarios but will have indeed three times as much poetic pieces as there was of the 240 poems in this first volume. But each piece will link and weave in and out of each other with another, I will attempt to get ever closer to defining finer points in my experiences that really hit the nail on the head, I will always attempt to better feel out for another way through what riddles and obstacles lie in the paths of people’s lives like mine and alongside mine, and I’ll always better my attempts to get closer, to find the way that makes it all worth the while. For better, this has been a fictional work, but entirely based on the thoughts, feeling’s, emotions, and experiences I have faced during my existence, I hope it was entertaining. Thank you all.

  I do promise I will have a whole lot more for you as soon as I can, I have a great lot more I couldn’t fit but thanks heaps again everybody. This is it for now.

  Sinfully.

  Kaero