No, she’d just needed to tell him what he meant to her before it was too late. Before he let fear and logic convince him that this was a bad idea. That he should stay away. Because she knew that was what he must be thinking, just as she was sure he was tempted by her.
Summoning up the remainder of her courage, she squared her shoulders. “I’ve spent so much of my life trying to figure out where I belong. When I’m with you, I feel like I fit. Like I’ve found a piece of a jigsaw puzzle that totally clicks in place on the first try. I don’t have to force it.”
His sigh had the butterflies in her belly begging for release and somehow that triggered her babble button. “You know how sometimes you just try to mush puzzle pieces together because you really want it to work but no matter how hard you try it just doesn’t? But then there are other times you find the perfect piece and—”
The words were mercifully cut off by a hard kiss as Cole reached for her and in one quick move pulled her against his chest. His lips were firm and ruthless, there was nothing tender and sweet about it. His typical restraint around her seemed to disappear and for one heart-stopping, mindblowing moment his actions were raw and primal.
Joy exploded through her at the pureness of it.
Moving against him, she pressed her lips to his and tried to show him just how sure she was about this. Her eagerness had the desired response. He let out a low groan that sounded helpless. His kiss gentled and his hands were infinitely tender as they framed her face, his fingers skimming over her cheekbones lightly, as if she might break.
He pulled back slightly and the look in his eyes could only be described as tortured. “This is a bad idea.”
She hesitated. Her first instinct was to argue with him—how could this be a bad idea? She cared about him and she knew without a doubt that he felt the same. But he wasn’t ready to admit it yet and, like it or not, she was certain he was trying to talk himself out of his feelings. For her sake, no doubt, but the end result was the same.
He didn’t want to want her.
She couldn’t make him change his mind overnight. He needed time. But right now, she needed him. She needed to know that she hadn’t lost him. That they had time.
Meeting his gaze, she refused to let him look away. “Just for tonight, Cole. I don’t need any other promises but I don’t want to be alone tonight. I don’t want you to be alone either.”
She could see the internal fight as clear as day between what he wanted and what he thought was right.
Her heart clenched with fear. She was about to lose him. Going up on her tiptoes, she kissed him the way he’d kissed her. With all the urgency that was burning inside her. Not holding anything back. He was a man of action, not one for words. So if she couldn’t convince him with talking, her kiss would have to speak for her.
Apparently her kiss was pretty convincing because in less than a second, he seemed to forget his arguments. His arms wrapped around her and once more she was being lifted off her feet so he had better access to her lips, her neck, her cheeks.
He rained down kisses on her like she was something to be adored. She shivered beneath his touch. Never in her life had she felt so cherished.
She knew he still had his doubts but she’d never been more certain in her life. This man cared about her. Maybe he’d even admit that he’d fallen in love with her one day. But whether he admitted it or not, she knew the truth.
More importantly, she knew how she felt about him. If this wasn’t love, she didn’t know what was.
Chapter Eight
This is wrong, this is wrong, this is so very wrong. But even as he thought it, he kept kissing her. He couldn’t stop, not even if his life depended on it.
And it might. The last thing he needed was to get distracted by a woman with pink hair and perfect tattoos and the ability to knock him off his feet with some softly uttered words.
But even as he told himself this, he held her tighter, crushing her to him until he thought he might never let go. Every sound, taste, touch…it drove him wild. Like everything about this woman had been created just for him. His perfect woman in one petite little frame.
Just for tonight, she’d said. After tonight…what then? Nothing. It had to end. She didn’t belong in his world and he’d lost the right to be in hers. He couldn’t shake the trouble that followed him, the darkness that was now as much a part of him as his tattoos or his muscles.
He pulled back slightly and looked down at the ground, willing himself to get control over his body and his emotions. His brain kicked back into action as he reminded himself of all the reasons that they could never be together. Not in the long run, and not even for one night.
She seemed to read his mind or maybe she just sensed his hesitation. He felt her hands on the side of his face, forcing his gaze up to meet hers. That smile. That smile was everything. It was brilliant and open and filled with sunshine and rainbows and bloody freakin’ unicorns.
Her voice could have melted butter. “Stop that.” Her tone was teasing but her eyes were filled with sincerity.
“Stop what?”
“The thinking.” She tapped his forehead lightly. “I can see you agonizing and you’ve got to stop. I know what I’m doing.”
“Do you?” He didn’t mean it to come out so harsh. But really, did she have any idea who he really was or what she was asking of him? He shook his head. “We’re moving too fast.”
Her cheeks turned a pale shade of pink as she peered up at him. “We don’t have to… I mean, I don’t think we should rush into that.” She took a step closer so she was once again in his personal space, so close it would be all too easy to pull her back into his arms.
“I want to talk to you and sleep in your arms. I want….”
He knew what she wanted. It was the same thing that he craved. That connection. The feeling of coming home. He felt it too and the aching need terrified him. Because he couldn’t be her home and she couldn’t be his.
She closed the distance between them, wrapping her arms around his waist and pressing the length of her body against him with all her might. “Please don’t push me away. Not tonight.”
She tilted her head back slightly, a lock of pink hair fell in her face as she met his gaze. More beautiful than he could ever have imagined in his wildest fantasies.
“I love you.” Her voice was soft and slightly muffled against his chest and for a moment he thought he might have been hallucinating. Maybe he wanted to hear those words so badly, his imagination had conjured them. But then he saw the sweet, secret little smile that curled the corner of her lips and he knew—she’d said it.
The air rushed out of his lungs at the enormity of her words. Love. It was too much. Too soon. She couldn’t be serious. There was no way she could feel that for him. She barely knew him.
His heart hurt. Literally. His chest felt like it was being crushed beneath a heavy weight as the full meaning of what he’d done hit him. He’d allowed her to get close. He’d broken every promise he’d made to keep this woman safe from himself. Safe from his life.
She wiggled against him as she rose up on tiptoe and his heart threatened to break in two when she planted a soft kiss on the underside of his jaw. So achingly tender it nearly shattered him.
Ridiculous, really. For a man of his size and strength…a man who prided himself on being invulnerable. Then a little slip of a woman walked into his life and she had the power to break him with one gentle kiss.
Ridiculous and terrifying.
He backed away too quickly and she was forced to scramble as well to keep her balance. A little smile hovered over her lips as if she was perfectly content with the fact that the man she loved hadn’t said it back.
He was officially a jerk. But better to get this over with than to let her think that this had meant something. Because it didn’t.
Liar.
Well, it shouldn’t mean anything. There might as well have been a sign on his forehead: This way lies danger. Most people would se
e the tattoos and the muscles and get that. But apparently he’d have to spell it out for Andie.
“This is a mistake.” His voice was low and for a moment he thought maybe she didn’t hear. She moved toward the couch with that silly smile of hers. Not so much as a blink to show that she’d heard him.
He opened his mouth to say it again, or something similar. Maybe if he thought real hard he’d find the right words to warn this woman off without hurting her further. But as soon as he opened his mouth, she spun to face him. Her hand came up to cover his mouth and it was then that he saw that there were tears in her eyes even though she was still smiling.
“Don’t make any decisions about us tonight, Cole. We’ll talk in the morning.”
He was officially a coward. The morning came and he wasn’t there.
Instead he was sitting in Spencer’s lair—because, really, that’s what it looked like—staring at the screen he’d pulled up as if it should mean something to him.
Hunter had been in the kitchen when he’d finally given up the pretense of sleep and gotten up to start the day. Despite the fact that the sun had yet to rise, Hunter had been there with a mug of coffee in hand and a newspaper lying open on the table. After taking one glance at Cole, he let out a sigh. “Come on, might as well focus on work if you don’t want to drive yourself crazy.”
It wasn’t until they were in the car on the way to Spencer’s that he clarified that statement. “It’s Andie, right? She’s what’s got you looking like you don’t know your foot from your head?”
Cole stared straight ahead. He didn’t want to talk about this with Hunter, of all people. A man who thought of Andie as a little sister. He kept his expression unreadable as he stared at the car in front of them.
Hunter snorted and shoved the rest of his bagel in his mouth. “Trust me, man. I know that look. I’ve fallen head over heels for one of the Knight sisters too, remember?”
Cole’s mouth tightened. Head over heels? That made it sound so…so…sweet. So simple. “This isn’t the same thing.”
Hunter chuckled softly. “Fair enough. But if you decide you want to talk about it—”
“I won’t.”
Hunter laughed again but soon enough they’d reached Spencer’s and talk had turned to business. That he could handle.
“Mackenzie sent over this file,” Spencer was saying. “Maybe something here will trigger something. She has a pretty thorough list of all Gallagher properties and their holdings.” Spencer kept talking but Cole was only partially listening. Despite the urgency of his immediate situation he couldn’t keep his mind off the pink-haired woman who’d stolen his heart.
He couldn’t figure out how she’d done it but it was useless to deny it to himself. She’d gotten through the mile-thick armor. She’d climbed inside, somehow, and now he had no idea how he’d get her out of his life without losing a part of himself in the process.
Somehow he just knew it would be the part of himself that made life worth living.
“Cole.” Spencer practically shouted his name and Cole sat up straight and rubbed his eyes. “Sorry, what were you saying?”
Spencer and Hunter exchanged a look and Cole had the bad feeling that they’d been trying to get his attention for far too long.
“Don’t bother, Spence,” Hunter said. The private investigator was still laughing at him. “He’s too far gone to be much use to us.”
Spencer’s brow furrowed in confusion but then it abruptly cleared and he let out a sigh of disappointment, like Cole was some disobedient child who’d let him down. “Seriously? You’ve got a thing for Andie?”
Before he could deny it—and frankly, he didn’t know why he would bother to since he seemed to be the most readable man on the planet when it came to her—Spencer continued. “Of course you do. I should have seen it. It’s so obvious.”
It was? He shook his head, trying to clear it. Between no sleep, memories from the night before, and now having to contend with Hunter and Spencer’s speculations—well, maybe Hunter had been right. He couldn’t tell his foot from his head.
All he knew was he needed to cut this off. Whatever this was. He had to make sure Andie understood it was never going to happen.
“I ended it.” He hadn’t actually intended to tell these two men anything about his personal life but they seemed determined to gossip like a bunch of teen girls instead of focusing on Anthony and the Coradas. Might as well get them off his case once and for all.
Now they were both staring at him like he’d grown a second head. Hunter started laughing first. “Yeah, and how did that go?”
Spencer started in too. “Oh man, you’ve got it bad.”
Cole scowled at them both. He didn’t enjoy being laughed at during the best of times, but today? He found himself contemplating just how bad it would be to beat up a man in a wheelchair.
“What happened, did you guys get in a fight?” Hunter asked. He was leaning forward, his elbows on his knees, as if this was better entertainment than ESPN.
Cole kept his mouth clamped shut.
“Aw, come on. I’ve been there, man. I made some epic mistakes with Jenna when we first got together.” Hunter shook his head. “Love makes you stupid, take it from me.”
Cole stared straight ahead at the screen. There was no way he was going to admit that he’d fallen in love with Andie. Not to these guys, and not to himself. It was bad enough to feel this way let alone put labels on it. No amount of talking would make this better. He and Andie were doomed from the start because there was no way he’d let her be tainted by his lifestyle or his choices. He lived in the shadows and there was no way he’d drag her into that.
Spencer seemed to be studying him like he was a specimen in a lab. “Take it from an Andie expert, man. If you just apologize, she’ll forgive you.”
A lancing pain had him growling at the younger man with his wire-rimmed glasses and know-it-all attitude. This man knew nothing. There was no way a simple apology would magically make things right.
Yes, he did owe her an apology—that much was true. He should never have let last night happen. He shouldn’t have given her the opportunity to say she loved him. He should have put an end to this at the very start.
He would apologize, but not in the hopes that he could magically make things right. Because when it came to Andie—he would never be right for her. She deserved so much better.
Spencer was still staring at him, ignoring the glares and the growls.
Cole repeated himself. “There’s nothing to talk about. I ended it for good.” That should make her foster brother happy. Andie might not be able to see it, but surely Spencer, her overprotective older brother, saw the truth of it. That she was better off without him.
Spencer raised one brow. “If that’s true, then you’re an idiot.”
Cole gaped at Spencer and ignored Hunter, who seemed to be endlessly amused by this interaction. “You can’t possibly approve of…” He gestured wildly to himself and a hypothetical Andie.
Spencer shrugged. “Whether I approve or not, doesn’t matter. I’m not her keeper. She wouldn’t listen to me even if I tried to talk sense into her.”
Cole leaned back in his seat feeling slightly vindicated in a masochistic kind of way. “So you agree, then. She’s better off without me.”
Spencer raised his brows and gave Hunter a look that made it clear he thought Cole had lost his mind. Turning back to Cole, he spoke slowly, as if to a child. “Like I said, it doesn’t matter what I think.” He shrugged. “But if you really want to know, I think you’d be lucky to have her by your side.”
Well, duh. Of course he wanted her, who wouldn’t? That wasn’t up for debate.
Spencer turned back to the computer and stared at the screen, clearly more comfortable relating to technology than having a heart to heart with the undercover cop currently moping in his office. “I don’t love the idea of my best friend being with someone who’s in constant danger,” he said. “But there probably isn’
t anyone better to have in your corner.” Glancing over in Cole’s directions, he added, “She might be the strongest person I know. Andie went through more before the age of twelve than most people go through in a lifetime. She’s seen the worst of people. But rather than become bitter, she chose to go the opposite route. She refused to let the hand she’d been dealt define her.”
Cole was speechless, and apparently so was Hunter because he sat back and looked between Spencer and Cole looking far-too entertained. To Cole, he said, “Do you want my opinion?”
“No.” The word came out as a threat but Hunter didn’t seem to hear it.
“Too bad. Because I agree with Spencer. Andie is pretty much the exact opposite of Jenna—she’s open, trusting, and optimistic to an extreme.”
Spencer nodded beside him.
“But one thing I’ve learned,” Hunter continued. “Andie has one thing in common with Jenna. She’s strong. Maybe even stronger than Jenna in some ways.” He leaned in and lowered his voice. “But don’t you dare tell Jenna I said that.”
Spencer let out a bark of a laugh. “I think what Hunter is trying to say is—Andie can handle it. You seem to think that she hasn’t seen some things. That her life is all roses and rainbows.”
Cole clamped his mouth shut. That was exactly what he’d been thinking. If her life wasn’t exactly perfection, perfection was still what she deserved.
“But her life isn’t nice and clean,” Spencer continued. “Even now that she’s found her wealthy family, she still goes back to her old neighborhood and works with troubled teens. Did you know that?”
Cole shook his head feeling like a kid who’d been chastised by the teacher. No. He hadn’t known that, but it didn’t exactly surprise him.
“She likes to roll up her sleeves and deal with the gritty realities of the world,” Hunter said as he sipped his coffee, sounding a bit like a professor giving a course on the Knight women.
Saving Rose Red Page 10