by Debra Kayn
Ah, kids. At least she remembered her manners.
Katie turned to Race. "Our daughter has taken swimming lessons for most of her life. She knows how to swim but can never swim alone. You still have to be in the water with her, but you'll quickly see, she's half fish."
Callie giggled and opened and closed her mouth like a fish gulping air.
"She can swim?" Race frowned. "You're sure?"
She smiled at her daughter. "Go ahead. Get in the pool."
The impact of Callie jumping sprayed water up in the air. Katie stood, backing away from the edge. Taking a seat in the nearest chair, she watched Callie and Race.
She enjoyed the pure panic from Race. Caught between grabbing Callie and watching her, Race fought the force of the water and the wild arm movements of his daughter.
In her experience, Race had always stayed calm and collected. A master at controlling his emotions, he had never let her meltdowns rattle him.
He was totally freaking out, and Katie loved every minute of it.
"Okay, Callie. Callie. Wait. Hold on. Stop. Come here." Race held their daughter above water and looked at Katie. "That wasn't funny."
She raised her brows. Even though she'd been there every step of Callie's life and had gone through the same fear of her daughter drowning and understood his worry, she thoroughly enjoyed making him squirm.
"Let me go." Callie wiggled. "I'm swimming."
As Race and their daughter worked out a suitable happy-medium, Katie took the time to see Race in a new way.
He'd always been her hero. There was nothing he could do wrong. She'd put him on a level where she tried to imitate his behavior, to please him. Then, to be the best mom she could to Callie.
He knew how to cope with life, recover from failure, and be strong.
So strong.
What she'd failed to understand five years ago was that he was human. He felt, hurt, struggled, and had his faults. He wasn't perfect.
She couldn't remember the exact moment she realized that fact. It could've been in the middle of the night when she was trying to take care of a colicky baby or when she almost gave up and came back to Astoria to ask for his help.
It was realizing that he deserved to live separate from her and let go of his responsibilities. He'd sacrificed his life to raise her, not only financially, but emotionally. She'd been a demanding child. A needy child. A selfish child when it came to Race.
He was hers, and she wouldn't allow anyone else close to him.
As she enjoyed watching Callie with Race, she found herself sharing his attention. She inhaled deeply. Callie was theirs to share. She'd known that since finding out that she was pregnant.
Race stood on the other side of the pool. Callie, now in the shallow end, floated on the air mattress he gave her.
Catching his gaze, her stomach fluttered. Today couldn't get any better.
"I'm surprised at you," he said.
"Hm?" Her chest warmed. "Why?"
"Our daughter can swim, which is amazing at her age, and you allowed her to spread her wings past your comfort zone. You were there, supporting her, every step of the way." His gaze intensified. "I'm proud of you. I know that wasn't easy. Hell, I've aged ten years in the last thirty minutes."
She smiled, having never thought of how much it took out of her to stand back and let Callie learn to swim before most kids were out of diapers.
Race kept looking at her. She gazed away, checking on Callie because the longer he put his attention on her, the more aware she became of how much she wanted back in his life. She wanted to spend time with him. She'd give anything to pay for an hour of his time for him to sit and listen and ask all his questions.
"Mommy, watch." Callie rolled off the air mattress and swam to Race.
He scooped her out of the water, and whether it was natural or not, he kissed the side of their daughter's head. "You are a fish."
"I want a fish." She threw her arms around Race's neck. "Can I have one?"
Katie shook her head in the background. They'd had a goldfish. When it died, Callie cried all day and asked where it had gone for a week before stopping.
"You don't need a fish when you are one." Race held her in the water. "Ready to go?"
"Push me fast," shouted Callie.
Race propelled her in the water and watched her swim by herself to the steps. Katie's overheated body had nothing to do with the sun shining down on her.
She loved Race. Always had, always would.
Seeing him with Callie, she was glad she moved back. Every girl needed a daddy.
He swam over to her side. "I'm going to take her inside the house."
"Okay."
He studied her before saying, "I'm not treating her visit like she has an appointment to see Dr. Conner. She's my daughter."
"Okay," she said.
His mouth tightened. "That's it? Just okay?"
She nodded. "I wasn't sure how you'd take the news that you had a daughter, so I was willing to pay you to see her—for her. She's gone too long without knowing you and deserves to have two parents."
He scoffed, lowering his voice. "It took you five years to realize that?"
"Yes." She leaned forward, the truth bursting to be freed. "You didn't want me. I waited until I felt secure about letting her have a relationship with you, apart from me. It's not easy to leave my baby with just anyone, but she's getting older, and she does okay with time away from me."
"I always wanted you," he said.
She stood, not able to have that discussion now. "I'll be out in the car. You can bring her to me when she's done visiting."
Without letting him say another word, she walked around the house and to the car. Inside, she turned the engine on and blasted the air conditioner.
Then, she hyperventilated.
Chapter 35
Race spread peanut butter on wheat bread, cut it in half, and added the sandwich to the plate of cheese and chocolate chip cookie. After a month of having his daughter come twice a week, he'd learned she hated her half a sandwich folded. She'd eat the cookie last like her mom taught her. And, visiting with her went smoother if she was able to swim in the pool for a half hour and settle down enough to hold still for more than two seconds.
"Lunch is ready." He slid the plate across the counter and looked over at the couch. "Go ahead and climb..."
Callie slept in the corner of the sofa, one of his books opened at her side. Knowing Katie would come to pick her up at one o'clock, he let her sleep and found baggies to put her lunch in. She could eat it in the car or when she got home.
Home.
He had no idea where his daughter lived. A week ago, he'd asked Katie, but she got distracted putting Callie in the car and hadn't answered him.
Though, he found out Katie worked at Seashore Reality. He'd only discovered where when he'd spotted her car at the building a couple of days ago when he drove to the beach to take a run in the sand.
He walked over and covered Callie with a blanket, knowing the air conditioner made the interior of the house chilly after swimming. Sitting down, he marveled at the tiny girl that was part of him.
Healthy, active, and secure, Callie was everything Katie should've been at that age and wasn't. The neglect, abuse, and her father's death at a young age had taken the innocence from Katie. He swore he wouldn't let that happen to their daughter.
His protective streak was one reason why he refused to ask Callie questions about Katie. He would never put a child between him and her mom.
The doorbell rang. He got up from the couch, checked to make sure Callie still slept and walked through the house.
Opening the door, he stepped back. "She fell asleep."
"That's okay. She usually doesn't take a nap anymore, but she's been tired lately. She probably needed the extra rest." She pointed over her shoulder. "I'll come back in a half-hour or so. Unless you have patients to see, then I can wake her up."
He hadn't planned it. Hadn't even thought about it. But, he wanted
her to stay.
"Let's talk while she's asleep." He held the door open, not giving her a chance to turn him down.
She looked at him and stepped inside without saying anything.
"We can go out on the patio. I'll leave the sliding door open in case Callie wakes." He led her through the house and out the back.
He turned a chair and pointed. "Sit."
Taking another chair, he sat in front of her. "How's the new job?"
"Good." She clasped her hand on her lap and met his gaze. "I'm working part-time until February when I'll be the only licensed broker at the office. Donna—do you remember her? She's retiring then."
"Congratulations." He couldn't stop looking at her. She'd matured, but she was still his Katie. "I want you back."
She flinched, shaking her head. "You sent me away."
"I never told you to leave."
"You refused to love me." Her mouth tightened, and she blinked faster. "You wanted me to love you, but weren't willing to love me back."
"That's not true." He leaned forward and braced his elbows on his knees. "You were nineteen years old, my patient, my child—"
"No, I wasn't. I was twenty years old. I was your life, not your patient. I had one parent growing up, and despite that, you were the one who took care of me and never let me go without love. But I never once thought of you as a father figure, Race. It was you who saw me as a child. That's what our argument was that day on the beach."
"You're no longer a child," he mumbled. "Why couldn't I see that then?"
"You were angry," she whispered. "You were so angry because I loved you. The night I left, I had no idea that I had stolen the one piece of you that will always love me... like you can't."
"Callie." A heaviness settled on him.
They sat in silence, both of them aware of the child sleeping inside, within hearing distance.
He had regrets.
At the time, he believed he was doing what was best for her. In the end, he'd only been one more person that refused to love her enough.
"I have always loved you." His throat closed, but he continued. "I love you deeper than you will ever know."
She rubbed her hands together, but not before he noticed the shaking. "Don't do this to me."
He reached forward and placed his hand on her leg. "If it takes a lifetime, I will show you, in all ways possible, how I've loved you from the beginning. Your leaving practically destroyed me."
She whined, standing up, and stepping away. Watching her pace, he stopped from saying any more, afraid that she would leave. That he'd push her too far, too fast. He couldn't lose her again.
"We're neighbors, you know," she blurted, laughing bitterly. "I bought the house where I grew up."
He tensed, not expecting that bit of information. "Katie..."
It wasn't healthy for her to live in the past. She needed to let go of her need to have her mother's love and forgive herself for a child's thoughts regarding her father.
"You might want to update your file on me. A lot has changed in five years." She faced him. "The woman I had always believed was my mother is dead. She died in a car crash three years ago, but not before I found out that she came into my life when she married my dad when I was one year old. She's not my real mother. The woman who I believed was my piano teacher and my father's mistress, Miss Cynthia, who also died with my dad out on the sandbar, was the woman who gave birth to me."
"How did you...?" He rubbed his hands over his face. "Jesus Christ. How did you find out?"
"Did you know all this time?" she asked.
He shook his head. "Not at all."
"I wondered." She exhaled softly. "When I was pregnant with Callie, I needed to know my medical history. The doctor urged me to ask my parents if any illness or medical concerns run in the family. I don't know if it was my pregnancy hormones or the need to do everything possible for the baby I was growing inside of me, I contacted...who I thought was my mom, and she told me the truth. Then, she asked me never to contact her again, which I was more than happy to do. A year and a half later, she made the news when she crashed her car on Highway 101 with her boyfriend in the passenger seat. She died. He didn't."
"I..." He leaned back in the chair and blew out his breath. "I'm sorry you've had to deal with another death."
"Don't be." She crossed her arms. "For how many times I wished she would've died instead of my dad, it finally hap—"
"Katie." He stood, going to her. "We've gone over how you are not responsible for your father leaving the night he died."
She stared at his bare chest. "I've known for a long time that I never caused his death, but thoughts are a dangerous thing. They hold all our true feelings. Those spoken and those never shared."
As if physically slapped, he rocked back on the heels of his feet. He was guilty of not allowing her to know he loved her. He'd kept it to himself to protect her and let her mature.
Believing she'd eventually hate him and come to believe he brainwashed her into loving him because of his position in her life, he'd pushed away his natural instinct to love her.
He not only harmed himself, but worse, he hurt her.
Had he killed the love she freely gave him?
Katie's shoulders rounded before she straightened her back and walked past him toward the house.
He turned. "Katie?"
She paused without turning around. "I'm going to wake our daughter up and take her home."
Powerless to stop her. It was apparent that he was no longer in Katie's life. That though she allowed him to have glimpses of his daughter, to share a few hours with her each week, that he lived separately from her.
That what he received was no more than an appointment to talk with his child. And, if he was lucky, a few sentences exchanged with Katie as she went on living her life.
He reached out, grabbing the chair, and lowered his body down. Facing away from the house, he sat, cupping his head with his hands.
As if losing her all over again, he swore he'd bring her back to him.
She couldn’t be lost to him. He could see her struggling. She loved him. He only had to show her it was okay to trust in that love. To give him another chance.
Chapter 36
Brad and Jane Dowser shook Katie's hand. She walked them to their car and waved to the happy potential homeowners. They'd put a full offer down on a home near the bay and would go home full of hope that tomorrow, their offer would be accepted.
She strolled back into the office and called the listing agent with the offer. Once business was completed, she gave Heidi the paperwork to be sent to the other realtor.
"You've had a good day." Heidi typed on the keyboard. "Any plans to celebrate this weekend?"
She'd sold two houses since Monday. Moving to Astoria motivated her. The real estate market was booming. Not only for tourists looking for a vacation home, but the locals upgrading to bigger houses in their preferred location.
"I think some downtime spent at home sounds wonderful." She straightened the items on the desk and locked the lower drawer, knowing Donna would be using the same space over the weekend. "Hopefully, the latest offer goes through, and I'll only have to get that done. Then, I can finally start decorating. I've got the furniture situated, but haven't even had time to think about style. Though Callie..." She laughed. "She's trying her best to put her toys in every room."
"She's such a cutie. Maybe she'll grow up and be a house designer." Heidi paused. "Is she going to start at Langly in the fall, or does she have to wait a year?"
"Her birthday is in two months, so she made the deadline." A quiver went through her. "She's ready. I know she is, and it will be nice since I'm losing my babysitter when she goes back to college, but I don't know...my baby is growing up."
"Time to have another one." Heidi laughed when Katie shook her head.
She'd done the single mother job with one child. Having two kids without help would be too hard.
"Okay, I'm going home. Go ahe
ad and forward all my calls to my cell, and if there are any problems with the offer, let me know as soon as you can." She picked up her bag and pushed her chair in. "I'll see you on Tuesday."
Heidi waved. Katie reached for the door, turning to look where she was going, and almost ran into Race in the doorway.
"Oh. I didn't see you there." Her heart raced, and she pressed her hand to her chest. "What are you doing here?"
Seeing him at work surprised her. It was the only place where she could keep busy, concentrate on her career, and push away the stress in her life.
"I was hoping to catch you." He stepped out of the doorway.
She walked outside, shutting the door behind her. "What's up?"
"I want to see you." He tilted her chin. "Can the babysitter watch Callie for an extra half hour?"
"I..." She looked out on the street.
She was already getting off work an hour early. Darla wouldn't expect her until five o'clock.
"Is something wrong?" she asked.
"My life." He flinched through a half-grin. "Will you come with me? I can drive. We can stop at the beach and walk if you don't want to go somewhere."
The way she was with him, having others around watching them would only make her more uncomfortable. Yet, the last time she was at the beach with him, they'd ended up making love for the first time.
She swallowed. "Let me put my bag in the car. I can't be gone long."
"We won't be."
Seeing he was parked beside her car, she put everything in the trunk and then faced him. He stepped over and opened the passenger door. It wasn't too late to change her mind.
She knew going off with him was only asking to get more involved in his life. He'd made his intentions clear, and she had no self-control around him. That need to be with him was something distance and maturity hadn't cured.
Being in the car with him seemed more intimate than being at his house. There were six inches between their bodies. Every time he shifted; his arm brushed against her. She wanted the ride to go on forever, and in the same breath, she wanted to jump out at the next stop sign.
She hated feeling that way. This was Race.