by Mason, V. F.
“Sam!” Leiken exclaims, but I see several people nod, albeit they stay quiet, either not wanting to interfere or enjoying the show.
“What? You can’t possibly think her being here is okay. She almost jeopardized all of our jobs with this lawsuit hanging over the hospital’s head.”
“Yeah,” someone shouts from the back. I block them all away though and focus only on my best friend who will defend me.
I’m so tired of defending myself. I just want her to be on my side. For anyone to be on my side, really.
But my friend shifts uneasily and murmurs, “They’re right. You have to leave, Phoenix.” And before I can comment on that, Sam shuts the door in my face while I’m left standing in front of it with the rain still pouring on me.
If my life is a chessboard… I’m standing alone in my part of the board while Zachary King’s side has a full army ready to tear me apart.
“I should have guessed it’s you. You were always anal about CT scans.” Leiken breaks the silence that stretches among us and smiles tentatively. “Ever since that first case, right? We missed it, and the head surgeon ripped us a new one.”
“And you think that, because you know me so well?” She casts her gaze down at my harsh tone, and I turn to face Rafe, who still watches us in confusion. “I’m going to go now, but I’ll call you later to check on you.” I can’t stay here for long. James already informed me that Zachary ordered twenty minutes for the visitation and then haul ass after that.
Does he really think the unsub will attack me here of all places?
“Thanks for everything,” I address the nurse, pass Leiken on my way out, and dash into the hallway, ready to get the hell out of this place.
The heavy thumping of sneakers reverberates through the hallway as Leiken calls behind me, “Phoenix, wait.”
“Save it, Leiken. Whatever it is, I don’t want to hear it,” I say at her, still keeping my pace and powering through the empty neurological wing before turning into the administrative part of the building where countless people are talking, trying to find out where patients are, from the nurses who are either on the phone or sorting everything for patients.
Basically, the busiest part of the hospital.
I zero my gaze in on the double doors with the flashy exit sign, but Leiken manages to grab my elbow, spinning me around to face her, and I huff in annoyance, snatching my arm back. “Please listen to me.”
“Leiken, are you deaf? I don’t want to.” She winces at my statement. “It either involves an apology or an apology and the desire to reconnect.” Judging by her expression, I guess it’s the latter. “Neither of the options works for me. So let’s not prolong the inevitable and end it here.”
“Phoenix, if you just give me an hour of your time, I can explain what happened.”
A hollow laugh escapes me at this. “There is nothing to explain.” I stop her when she opens her mouth to argue with that. “It’s not about you taking the job. You deserved it; you’re one of the best.” Surprise crosses her face at that. “It’s that you sided with everyone else while they called me a murderer.”
“I didn’t accept the job,” she says as if it’s supposed to mean something to me. “I mean, I did, but I couldn’t work there anymore. Not with everyone spitting bullshit about you.” She huffs in frustration, pulling at her hair. “This is not the place to talk about this. Please let me explain, for the sake of our past friendship.”
“As far as I’m concerned, we didn’t have one to begin with.”
“Phoenix,” she whispers, but I’m done with this shit.
Just because the truth is out and everyone knows what really happened, the variables in this equation don’t change. So I hope to God that Sebastian and Leiken will spread it around that I don’t want anyone’s sorries.
Sorry doesn’t fix anything.
Several long strides and I’m flying through the door, greeting the frigid air in my lungs, welcoming the cold, which has the power to erase everything else from my mind, but my reprieve doesn’t last long.
As the man who haunts me in my nightmares and stalks me in my reality stands in front of me, leaning on a red sports car, the sunglasses on his nose hiding his expression.
He is wearing black jeans and shirt along with a leather jacket that gives him a devilishly bad boy vibe that promises all kinds of things from him.
Chapter Fourteen
“When we are late, one minute passes so fast.
When we are early, one minute seems like an eternity.
One minute.
A minute that forever changed my life and his.”
Phoenix
New York, New York
Phoenix, 18 years old
Glancing at the clock on my phone one more time, I sigh heavily and rest my chin on the balcony reeling at the Empire State building viewing platform as my eyes drink in the beauty opening up to me.
Up this high, it’s impossible not to appreciate the magnificent city that’s New York with its tall buildings and thousands of cars and people passing by in a blur, different lights brightening up the sidewalk. I can almost smell the delicious odors of various food joints and hear the music coming from the speakers of the street musicians and the laughter of people who came either with friends or as tourists to soak up the energy this city provides.
Even though I vowed to myself not to come back here, life at the foster home was hellish, I understand with clarity that it was a stupid vow to make, because my heart flutters every time I look around me.
New York is home, and I plan to come back to my home once I’m done with my studies, building a life here for myself that is so different to the one I had before.
Maybe that’s why the idea to meet Zach popped in my mind and wouldn’t let go until I succumbed to my inner desire and wrote that stupid email to him.
“You are such a fool, Phoenix.” Did I really think he would come here today to explore… I don’t even know what to call our relationship.
Friendship? A secret-keeper with whom you can share those dark secrets without wanting to spill them to someone in your real life?
I huff in exasperation, glancing at my knee-high boots, wool dress, and long, warm coat, one of the best outfits I own, not to mention my hair blow-dried by a hairdresser that is currently whipping around in different directions, putting all that effort to waste.
I went all-out for this meeting, wanting to look good for a boy who probably always saw me as a charity case. Maybe I was a novelty among all the other rich kids that he interacts with on a daily basis?
My hand wraps around the necklace on my neck, my only graduation gift, reminding me that this boy was also the one who cheered me up during my lowest.
My phone rings, and I see Leiken’s name flashing on the display. I press the button to pick up, putting the phone far from my ear when she shouts into it. “It’s half past four! How is the date?” Dread fills me at the prospect of telling her the truth, that the guy probably stood me up and she was right all along. She takes my silence for a different answer though. “I know, I know. I shouldn’t call. But I just wanted to make sure he isn’t some kind of psycho. These days, no one knows.” For a second, I contemplate what she says and wonder if I should use this for an excuse to shut this topic once and for all.
I can pretend we met, and then he started acting like a dick, which led me to fly away, never wanting to speak to him again. Good cover story in which I don’t look like an idiot who believed this kind of fairytale happens in real life.
Unfortunately, I can’t lie worth a shit, so I exhale heavily, and she whispers, “Oh no. The asshole didn’t come?”
“Nope.” The wind slaps me on the cheek when I turn away from the view and focus my stare toward the exit, ready to bolt yet standing still. “I don’t think he is an asshole.” I can’t believe I’m defending him, but here we are. Old habits must indeed die hard. “He probably didn’t think I took his words seriously. Or he is late. Life happens, right?” I
ask with hope in my voice, needing her to convince me that yes, it’s possible for him to be late and not stand me up.
Maybe that’s why I don’t move. I just want to wait a second longer and see him. I don’t know why I need it. After all, we’re nothing to each other, but…
Sometimes it feels like we’re connected on a deeper level. How many people meet in childhood and maintain that connection for years, despite being worlds apart, figuratively and literally?
Ridiculous and childish? Yes.
Doesn’t change how I feel though.
Leiken doesn’t let me stay in my illusions for long, her harsh voice penetrating through my dreams and crushing them so hard they scatter invisibly all over my feet. “Babe, it’s been almost thirty-five minutes. He’s not coming, but check your email first. If he’s truly late, he would’ve let you know.” She waits a beat before adding softer this time, “Let’s give him the benefit of the doubt. But if there is no email, leave. Call me once you’re headed to the airport.” She hangs up on me, and I quickly check my email only to find it empty.
And in this, my heart pangs painfully along with the disappointment rushing through my veins, sinking its claws into me so hard that, for some reason, tears form in my eyes and I want to cry.
I should have known better than to hope for something magical to happen to me; whatever I have is the result of hard work and resolve.
But for a moment in time, I dared to hope to meet this boy who became a man again, and maybe this would have explained why I dated guys but never truly wanted to be with them.
Did I think Zach was my Prince Charming ready to claim the princess as his own, and then I’d have a love story like in the movies?
What a naïve fool. If I tell people, they’ll probably think I’ve lost my marbles.
Tapping my hand on the railing of the balcony, I rub the bracelet on my wrist and close my eyes, lifting my face to the harsh wind, welcoming the frigid air sticking in my lungs and allowing the cold to freeze me and block away all emotions.
Zach.
You ended up being one more person who left me. You never promised me anything, and I built you up in my head… all on my own.
With one last look at the magnificent view, I finally will my legs to move to the elevator that will take me downstairs and don’t pay attention to my surroundings, casting my gaze down so no one will see the single tear sliding down my cheek.
I press on the elevator button, not knowing one monumental thing.
One minute.
If I just waited one more minute…
I would have seen how he dashed inside from the stairs holding a bouquet of orchids, my favorite flowers, while his coat flapped open behind him, because he was in such a hurry to see me.
I would have seen how he frantically searched among countless people, trying to figure out which of the women reminded him of the girl he saw twice in his life.
I would have seen how he cursed at his phone, because the battery died a long time ago, and how he laced his fingers through his hair, pulling at it, oddly furious with himself for missing this meeting, even though his own emotions confused him.
I would have seen and experienced a lot of things.
But I didn’t wait.
And in this, our fates went their separate ways until they clashed in the most unexpected event.
Phoenix
“What are you doing here?” I ask, looking around for James, as he promised to circle the hospital a few times and wait for me at the side of the front door so not to block the exit for ambulances.
I’m not sure how he planned to accomplish that, but I wouldn’t be surprised if Zachary didn’t install some device or app on this phone to track my every moment, the fucking control freak!
“James had to go.” He pushes off the car, coming closer to me when I stop abruptly. I meet his stare as the tips of his leather shoes kick against mine, his masculine scent twitching my nostrils with a blast of wind.
His closeness sends awareness through me, goose bumps breaking on my skin while my body remembers how just hours ago this man held me in his arms, bringing me the pleasure it was deprived of for so long.
A headache starts in the back of my head, and I massage the spot, wincing a little, or maybe that’s what true self-loathing feels like?
As if from a distance, I hear him continue, “Besides, I wanted to check on you anyway. Since you apparently made it your mission to avoid my phone calls.” He doesn’t sound pleased I never picked up the phone whenever his name flashed on the display. What did he expect?
That I’d be singing serenades to him after last night and worship the ground he walks on?
Anger boils up inside me, and I snap at him. “I don’t need a babysitter.” But I wince again when the throbbing intensifies, and then his fingers trap my chin, lifting it up, his emerald eyes drilling into me as if searching for clues to what is making me so uncomfortable.
To find an answer, all he has to do is look in the mirror. “Are you all right?” His thumb slides over my skin before he cups my cheek, tilting my head back to examine my face. “You’re—”
“Fine,” I say, slapping his hand away and stepping back from the embrace he is about to force on us. “I’m fine. Besides, the headache always starts when you’re present. Go figure.”
The corner of his mouth twitches. “You know they say we get headaches when we experience extreme anger or rage and don’t let it out. So the body starts attacking itself.” He leans closer and removes the lock of hair from my face and places it behind my ear. “So who inspired such emotions?”
Leaning back, I huff in exasperation. “And what’s this theory? Some oriental or psychological medicine?” Sarcasm laces my voice, even though I agree with him to a point. As the study of the mind has shown me, sometimes our physical pain can be a result of the experienced stress in life that affects us so much we don’t know how to deal with it.
“Oh no,” Zachary whispers dramatically, putting his splayed palm above his heart, and sighs. “You’re one of those doctors who denies any other studies and looks down on everyone else.”
“Yeah, alert the media,” I throw at him and wince again when pain settles on my scalp, sending prickles of hurt all over my skin as if thousands of needles are injected into me all at once. “What do you want? Let’s cut it short, shall we?” Thankfully, I’ve managed to put some of the tips from yesterday in my pocket so I have enough cash to catch a cab back home, but I don’t know if it’s a wise idea.
I hate staying with Zachary at his mansion, giving my tormentor power in my life again and essentially sending a message to the unsub that I’m a coward who will hide behind anyone and anything to stay away from him. His ego will take a hit; of that, I’m sure.
On the other hand, what if Zach is right, and he might attack me, or worse kidnap me, to use in some agenda involving Emmaline?
At the thought of the precious little girl being hurt, my heart pangs painfully and consumes my mind, almost making it seem like Zachary’s idea to stick together doesn’t sound so bad.
In fact, it has a lot of merit and advantages.
But I hate it.
Didn’t stop you from fucking him last night.
The tiny voice in my head is ruthless, not letting me hide from what transpired between us, and that’s the problem.
I’m not sure that if we stay in close proximity to each other the wild sex won’t happen again. Unfortunately for me, the pull between us exists on an animalistic level that has nothing to do with emotions and, in this, makes me almost hopeless against it.
“Phoenix!” Leiken shouts from behind me, and Zachary looks over my shoulder, his brows furrowing before recognition settles on his features, which doesn’t surprise me.
The man probably knows everything about my life, down to my shoe size or what I had for breakfast.
“So that’s why you have a headache,” he whispers and then opens the car door, ordering, “Get inside. If you don’t want
to talk to your ex-friend who is running toward us right now, I suggest you listen to me.”
I love all these choices life gives me, each one crappier than the other, and without saying another word, I hop inside as Zachary closes the door and walks around it to take his own seat, locking the doors with the click of the button just as Leiken catches up with us, banging on the window and shouting, “Phoenix, please listen to me!”
My hands fist on my lap and I scrunch my eyes, not wanting to hear her voice that brings me back to the lowest time of my life. “Drive,” I whisper to Zachary, and he does, the car instantly roaring to life and driving off with such speed it’s probably illegal.
As we get farther and farther away from the hospital, tension slips from me, and I rest my head on the window, thinking about how my life has gotten really complicated.
Because whatever trouble I encounter… the devil always comes to the rescue.
And somehow in such moments, his hell seems like a good place to be. At least there, everyone is honest.
Compared to the saints—the people who wear their beautiful masks, only to show their true nature the minute you screw up.
They say saints are always attracted to sinners, craving to step over the line to the dark side and feed their curiosity about sinners who enjoy every pleasure this world has to offer.
But what do you do when you are a sinner yourself?
Zachary
The minute we step inside the restaurant, I see several heads turning in our direction with their jaws hanging open. There are scattered murmurs echoing in the luxurious space rising above the classical music coming from the speakers in the ceiling.
Phoenix looks around, her eyes widening slightly as she studies the environment, and I wonder if Sebastian ever brought her to places like this.
He was never wealthy by my standard, but he has money, so the doors to all the exclusive joints must have been open for them.