She put her hands on his chest, a gesture of affection that he would never get used to. “What was that about?”
He looked down at the phone in his hand and marveled at how much his life had changed. Had he not met Ember, would he have taken the opportunity presented before him? He would have needed Gale to go with him, but Gale had Baylee now.
Maybe the record label belonged to a version of Cash that didn’t exist in this timeline. He sucked in a breath and smiled. This Cash already had what he wanted. He didn’t have to go to Colorado and find it with the help of complete strangers.
All he needed was the concerned woman now resting her cheek against his chest.
“Nothing important,” Cash said, and he meant it.
16
Ember’s father wanted to win her back. He’d gone to the bar and begged them to re-hire her. She’d almost turned it down out of spite, but it felt good to be back. At least the line cook didn’t look at her anymore. Any time she stepped into the kitchen, he quickly excused himself.
Perhaps seeing her father and her boyfriend duke it out and destroy the bar had finally frightened the guy off.
Was Cash her boyfriend, though? At this point, they’d slept together and discussed marriage, but they hadn’t defined this as anything else. She didn’t know what to call him other than her mate. That didn’t help her figure out what direction this was heading in.
She couldn’t shake the feeling that they were heading toward doom. Cash had assured her that nothing was wrong, but that wasn’t evident in his eyes. She had seen the light of his beast, lurking nearby after that phone call. The night had begun so well, too.
The lights in the bar dimmed. A spotlight centered on the stage, where Cash sat with his guitar in his lap. It was the one Baylee had painted. He looked up, and across the dark room, he locked eyes with her.
The melody he played wasn’t one she was familiar with. Her lips twisted to the side as she tried to place this new song. Cash just grinned. The song picked up pace. The lyrics wove a tale of unexpected love. Her heart stuttered, a smile taking over her face. She leaned against the bar and savored the tale of their romance—edited for human consumption, of course.
Whatever they were, it was real. Ember knew that much, at least. She craved more, but this knowledge kept her happy. No matter what they decided to call this, he loved her. And she loved him.
She wasn’t going to let him go. His dragon had tried to assume control of him before, and she’d managed to call him back. She would do it time and time again if it meant having Cash for the rest of her life.
She’d done it before. She’d done her best to keep her family together. That had given her a lot of practice.
Cash’s grin faltered. She reached up and felt the tears that had fallen down her cheek. Despite her determination, an exhaustion had risen up inside her. The dread that she’d encountered while caring for her family would come back. She knew it. There was no avoiding it.
There would come a day when she lost all will to keep fighting. A relationship wasn’t one where they had to struggle to make it work. Constantly trying to be better for the other was something to work towards, but constantly trying to keep the other from floundering would wear anyone out.
She didn’t want to do this forever. As much as she wanted Cash and the love they could have together, Ember also wanted someone to care for her too. He wasn’t fighting hard enough. She watched him give in to the impending exchange, and it broke her heart.
Fight for me, damn it. Fight to show me that you want to be here!
She thought she could hear that sentiment echoed in this song, a song for the woman he loved, but maybe she’d imagined it. There was a chance she heard what she wanted to hear. The thought weighed her down.
When someone approached the bar and signaled for service, she didn’t move. Not right away. Her heavy heart kept her rooted where she was.
“Lady,” the guy snapped.
She sighed, shoulders falling, and went back to work. As she popped the cap on a glass bottle, she glanced up and saw a familiar face. Her father leaned against the far wall with a scowl etched onto his face. Ember stiffened. But Callum didn’t move. He didn’t throw a chair or leap over the tables.
He just…glowered.
Ember kept one eye on Cash and the other on her father. If Cash noticed Callum’s presence, he didn’t show it.
After Cash’s set was over, he slunk back to the stock room that functioned as his dressing room. Ember looked to the far wall, but her father was gone. She slipped out from behind the bar and walked the same path that she’d walked not long ago, when she confessed to writing the letters. This time, anxiety crackled in her chest for another reason.
She pushed the door open, expecting to see Cash.
Instead, there was an envelope with her name written across it sitting atop a box. She didn’t grab it right away. Betrayal stung. It paralyzed her. She didn’t know what she’d done for him to leave her like this.
But she didn’t know what was in the letter, either. She reasoned he could have written her a quick note before slipping out to avoid her father. That made sense, but it didn’t explain how he’d found the time to write a letter and stick it in an envelope. A quick note would have been scratched onto a slip of paper, like the back of a receipt.
This felt…premeditated.
She claimed the envelope and ran her thumb under the flap. It hadn’t been sealed. Her heart hammered as she touched the folded letter inside.
“I see that he wizened up,” Callum said behind her.
Ember let her eyes close. She sighed, not yet ready to turn and face her father’s haughty victory.
“He’s not gone,” she said. Though, she wasn’t sure she believed her own words.
“I don’t see him around.”
Ember had to fight to keep from fisting her hands. With the letter in her grasp, she would crumple it, and she didn’t dare ruin this tether to Cash in case…in case…
She couldn’t bring herself to finish that thought. Why couldn’t she be enough to save him? As she turned to face her father, she knew she had enough experience with troubled dragons. She had never been afraid of Cash or her father. Only the loneliness that they’d left her with.
“Be my father. Just this one time, be my father and help me find my happy ending.”
Callum’s I-told-you-so expression faded. He sighed and ran a hand over his beard. His gaze dropped to the letter in her hand. She held it to her chest to keep its secrets from slipping out, even though she hadn’t even pulled the letter from the envelope yet.
Silence filled the space between them, stretching and stretching until it became uncomfortable. Then, her father finally caved.
“I don’t know if there’s anything I can do to help.” Callum moved his weight from one foot to the other. “I can tell you that it’s damn hard to pull a man back from the beast’s cage. There isn’t a damn thing in this world that can change a beast’s mind once it’s made up.”
That wasn’t true, though. Ember had pulled Cash back once before. She could do it again.
She could.
All Ember wanted in return was a promise that they would never go through this again. She wanted to know that this would be the last time.
While Callum was here, there was something else she wanted to know. “If…If I have a wedding, will you ruin it?”
The pain that crossed his face told her that his heart had broken. She didn’t know what the final straw had been, though. Was it the fact that she wanted to marry Cash? Or was it the insinuation that he would crash her wedding?
Ember hoped it was the second, but she had no way of knowing. Putting any faith in her father had always bitten her in the ass.
“I should have known you would follow in Baylee’s footsteps,” Callum said. “You always pushed her to do dumb shit like she was your damn guinea pig. You watched Baylee fall on her face and used her failure to correct your trajectory.”
&n
bsp; Ember laughed.
“I don’t like what either of you are doing, but I can’t stop you. You’re an adult. You’ve been a grown up since Teagan’s mother walked out on us. I know I didn’t have a damn thing to do with your upbringing, either. You raised yourself all on your own.” Callum looked her in the eye.
This was the first time Callum had ever admitted his failure with her. She clenched her jaw. The words were grim but gratifying all at the same time.
“Damn right, you can’t stop me,” she said, though her voice was small and wavered with tears.
Callum watched her. “Are you sure that’s what you want? This isn’t just to get back at me?”
“This has always been about me. If I could choose to stop loving a man who fights with his beast, then I would have already.” Ember never would have chosen this life for herself if she’d had any say in it.
Callum seemed defeated, like he’d hoped that her affection had been a misplaced rebellion and not a bond that only mates could forge. Her father had never loved a mate before, though. So few dragons in the Barnes family had ever found mates. It was as if Elliana’s death had cursed them to a loveless fate.
Until now. Ember wondered if the curse had evolved somehow. Instead of being loveless, Ember had to endure the most painful kind of love. She faced the kind of pain that had ripped her father apart.
Callum nodded, though his smile was grim. “I don’t think I can walk you down the aisle. That sounds mean as hell, but I don’t know if I can keep it together in an event like that. But if you need money, you let me know.”
“Oh, uh, alright then.” Ember didn’t know what else to say.
The letter burned her fingertips. She needed to open it, but she didn’t want to read it in front of her father. His peace offering would only last so long. She didn’t know what would break this tenuous treaty, so she didn’t dare make a move while her father was still standing in front of her.
Had he been a different kind of father, she could have asked him for help. He could have hunted Cash down and dragged him back to her, but she doubted Callum would do anything like that. Though his words had seemed kind, she knew he had washed his hands of this union. He would give her money and nothing else.
“Well, I have to go back to work,” she said as she side-stepped around him.
Ember didn’t wait for a reply. She scurried down the hall, back towards the bar.
Where are you, Cash?
His whole being hurt.
Cash wanted to lay down, to give in. He couldn’t muster the strength to hold the beast back any longer. It battered him every day and left him hurting all over.
He didn’t deserve the path he walked. The taste of blood always coated his tongue. Everything he ate was nothing more than ash. He couldn’t bring himself to tell anyone. What was he supposed to do?
They couldn’t help him.
Only Ember could, but he wasn’t going to put that weight on her.
Music had held back the beast for a little while, but Cash had felt its presence the entire time. He had done his best not to run off the stage while the monster growled inside his head. He hadn’t even spared a look back at Ember, who’d been watching him the entire set.
Instead of sticking around and waiting for her, he left the letter he’d written before the show and snuck out the back door. Lurching into the parking lot, Cash sucked down mouthfuls of cool air. It did nothing to settle the raging beast still thrashing inside his body.
Cash told himself that it was better this way. He didn’t need to be around her when he was like this. The beast stole his fingers. It curled them and shaped them into claws. He shook his hands, trying to get them back, but to no avail.
Scales unfurled along his skin, dark and unwelcome. He cursed and covered them, but they wouldn’t disappear.
Stop running. Stop fighting.
“No,” Cash croaked.
The beast would win. There was no doubt about that. He’d already lost the deciding battle. Cash was just holding the line before all hell broke loose.
This wasn’t how it should have gone. He’d found a mate. She was waiting for him inside. He could stop and turn around now, but he didn’t want her to see him like this. She didn’t need to know just how much of a failure he’d become in the past few days.
He didn’t want to make her play the role of the savior. She’d been doing it for years. Ember had carried the weight of her father’s failures since she was a teenager. Cash refused to add to that burden. He wouldn’t force her to be his crutch when she could be free and happy.
She deserved better than him.
The beast agreed. I should have taken over when our father died.
Cash gnashed his teeth. What a cruel and unfeeling thing to say. The creature inside him had grown colder and colder since that night. Cash had no idea how to turn back the clock. He couldn’t heal the wounds tearing him apart.
He stumbled to the edge of the lot and dropped his guitar case. He wouldn’t need it much longer. As of right now, his fingers would shred the strings. Once the beast finally took over, he wouldn’t even be able to hold an instrument let alone play it.
He didn’t know how much longer that would be. Did he have a day? An hour? The beast chuckled with cruel delight. It hated him. It despised him. It reveled in his pain.
“Fuck you,” Cash said. “We could have had it all.”
But you turned your back on everything good.
That wasn’t true. Cash opened his mouth to argue, but fire filled his throat. Words were consumed by the heat. He snapped his mouth closed and swallowed the fire. It seared his insides, but he endured the pain.
His end would come soon. In that moment, his thoughts turned to Ember. He closed his eyes and saw her stubborn face in front of him. He could even hear the stomp of her boot. She would have told him to turn around and march back inside. He wished he could.
He so wished he could.
It’s your fault we can’t have anything good, the beast snarled.
“Knock it off,” Cash said as he stepped into the trees.
The beast blamed him. He blamed the beast. The cycle twisted in on itself. The truth was, Cash had never deserved any of the good things in his life. He had been a monster hiding in plain sight. Ember’s love and Baylee’s kindness and Gale’s dedication were more than Cash should have ever received.
The best he could do for them all was disappear.
Give me the reins.
Cash hesitated. More scales grew across his skin. His teeth elongated and pierced his tongue. But he fought, still. He pushed back though the line he’d been trying to hold kept failing.
He should have told her how much he loved her. He loved her stubbornness and her compassion. He loved how she could find the right tune to soothe him. He loved how she felt in his hands.
But he would never be able to tell her any of that because the beast kept pushing. It fought Cash and wore him down until he felt small and brittle. He knew he wasn’t far away from destruction. One more shove, and he would disappear.
In the letter, he told Ember to move on with her life. She didn’t need to come looking for him. He would not become another burden for her to bear. He asked her to honor his last wishes. Maybe she would never love again, but at least he would not make her every moment a living misery.
He would not make her question when he would lose control again. He wouldn’t make her wonder if something she said or did would push him over the edge. Cash refused to play that role in her life because she deserved so much better.
17
Ember cried over the letter. She hadn’t even gotten all the way through it before it fluttered from her fingers and the tears started falling. She couldn’t believe what she’d read. It couldn’t be true.
Someone had forged this letter.
Cash hadn’t written it.
He couldn’t have, she told herself desperately.
The first letter she got back from him and it was just to tel
l her that he’d given up. The words hurt too much to read. Each one had been like a knife in her heart. If she kept going, she was afraid she might bleed out over the bar.
“You okay?” Baylee asked.
She’d stopped by to listen to Cash play and stuck around when he’d disappeared. Baylee’s brows were arched with serious concern now. She hesitantly reached across the bar and pulled the letter closer.
Ember couldn’t answer. She was afraid how she might sound if she spoke now. Tears made her throat tight. She was about a moment away from a very ugly crying session and all she wanted to do was hide behind the counter.
But her coworkers were still cleaning up for the night. They would see her if she had a break-down behind the bar. Ember had to hold on for a little while longer. If she held herself together, then she could go looking for Cash and tell him that he was an idiot for thinking he could walk out on her like that.
Baylee solemnly regarded the letter before her. “I used to think that mate bonds were the solution to every problem. But my problems didn’t go away just because I’d fallen in love.”
Ember was going to go out and drag Cash’s ass home. She was going to pin him down and tell him all the ways they could do this together, because she didn’t want a life without him. She’d been afraid of a life with him, but now that she faced losing him to his beast forever, she knew which would be harder.
Baylee got up from her seat and came around the bar. “Show me how to close up. That way you can go find him.”
Ember sucked in a ragged breath. She glanced to her co-workers still cleaning up the kitchen. Would they hate her for going?
Her boss stepped out of the kitchen, a towel in his hands. “I’ll show her what needs to be done. Don’t worry about the register. I can count it tonight.”
Ember’s breath caught. Her eyes burned with more unshed tears. “Are you sure?”
A Song of Destiny (Great Plains Dragon Feud Book 2) Page 12