Hopeless Sacrifice

by A. K. Koonce

  A beat passes and no one knows what to say.

  No one but Dax it seems.

  “And you think right now is a special occasion?”

  My jaw clenches as my head turns slowly at his awful timing.

  We’ve really got to talk about his empath abilities being canceled out by his awkward timing.

  “Well, considering my niece is about to risk her life tomorrow, yes. Now or never is the perfect time.” She stands and smiles at the four of us.

  “You,” she points at Ryder. “I like you. Follow me.”

  His brows raise and he looks at me.

  “Should I be worried?” A smirk pulls at the corner of his lips.

  “You should be fucking terrified.” It’s a serious statement but it only makes him smile more. He brushes his palm down my arm before striding after my aunt into the other room. His steps are sure, and I may or may not watch him walk away for a bit too long.

  Several minutes pass and dread starts to sink through my stomach.

  Gods above I hope she’s not giving him pointers on how to go down on me. Or worse, putting thoughts into his head. If she tries to tell him what a ‘spit roast’ is, I might die of mortification before the war even starts.

  Dax’s curiosity is pooling right into me as he listens intently to the whispering voices in the other room.

  Ryder’s wide smile sets me on edge when he returns. He takes his seat on the small couch, his thigh brushing against mine.

  “What’d she say?” I hiss at him.

  His arm slips against the back of the couch before wrapping warmly around me. He leans into me, his chest pushing against my shoulder as his lips skim over my ear.

  “I’ll tell you later.” His breath against my neck sends a shiver down my back.

  “Will you finish this off for me, Kara?” She places the unopened bottle of wine on the table in front of me.

  Finish it off for her? It’s a whole bottle.

  She’s trying to get me relaxed. For whatever it is she just spoke to Ryder about.

  My eyes narrow on her.

  “Sure.” Secretly, I’m still trying to figure out her angle.

  Her gaze trails across my face.

  “You haven’t been happy in a long time. I want you to stay happy.” Her voice drops soft and low. “I want you to stay this way forever.” Her eyes, so similar to mine, shift across my wary smile.

  I stand and quickly hug her before I lose the enthusiasm to show her affection.

  “They love you,” she whispers. “I love you.”

  “I know.” A pause drifts through my words. “I love you too.” My voice sounds like an echo of hers.

  Her palm pushes down my long hair just like my father used to do.

  She squeezes tightly before pulling back to look at me.

  She’s always been like a sister to me. And in this peaceful moment I feel that now more than ever.

  Her gaze shifts back to the men behind me as she starts to walk upstairs.

  “Good night, Ryder.” She winks at him in a secretive way that makes me spin on my heels.

  Once she’s out of sight, I storm back to him and he stands to meet my playful confrontation.

  “What. Did. She. Say. To. You?”

  His gaze darts to Dax’s as his smile widens.

  “I said I’d tell you later.” His lips skim my jaw for only an instant.

  A popping sound signals the cork coming out from the bottle. He starts to pour me a large glass of wine, but still all I can think about is the plethora of dirty knowledge my aunt has.

  “Did she say something weird about a spit roast? Because she has a kind of weird personality, and I don’t want whatever it is that she said to make things weird between us.”

  Daxdyn’s laughter starts out quiet but the moment the other two men join him, it turns into this sound of happiness that makes me smile despite myself.

  I shouldn’t be this happy but I am. I actually don’t remember the last time I was ever this happy.

  “The words ‘spit roast’ never came up, I promise.” He kisses my lips slowly as he hands me the glass. I lean into the affection as his palm settles low on my hip. It’s only a second. Just a brushing of our lips that steals my breath away.

  The red color stains the glass, and before I can even hold it for longer than a second, Daxdyn’s pulling the much-needed drink away from me.

  My brows pinch together. His lips part but he doesn’t say anything.

  It’s like he doesn’t even know what to say. So we only stare in confusion at one another for a moment.

  He tips the glass to his lips and downs the whole thing in a single drink.

  “Wow, that—that was kind of rude.” I take it back from him and pour myself another as I try to ignore his weird behavior.

  I fill it to the rim and I can almost feel Daxdyn’s apprehension pushing into me. Once again, he steals the drink away, sloshing a little over my knuckles before downing it.

  “Dax,” I try to control the tremble of irrational anger in my voice, “if you fucking touch this next glass of wine, so help me gods—”

  Fury shakes through me as he steals away the whole damn bottle and starts to chug.

  “Stop being an asshole. You’re supposed to be the sweet one! I don’t know what your fucking problem’s been lately, but I physically need that wine to sleep tonight.”

  He lowers the bottle and I stare up at his intense, stormy eyes. The aggression pushing against my chest reflects in his gaze. His emotions match mine in this instant and neither of us are budging.

  My hands rise slightly and I don’t think I’ve ever been this annoyed with anyone in my life.

  In a single step, he crowds my body with his. His jaw tics as if there’s something he wants to say but he refuses to open his mouth to let the words come out.

  “Why are you being like this?” It’s a small, uncontrollable shriek that’s tearing at my voice.

  “Because it’s not good for our fucking baby,” he yells back.

  The breath in my lungs is forgotten. My lips part with a thousand unspoken words and all I can do is stare up at him and his fuming anger.

  Protectively, my palm brushes over my flat stomach as fear begins to trickle in until it’s flooding my body. My body that not even I understand apparently.

  But this fae does.

  I’m … pregnant?

  The weird way he’s been acting for the last few weeks skims through my mind. All the way back to when he asked me if I wanted kids when we stayed at his sister’s house.

  “You knew. You knew for weeks and you didn’t tell me?” It’s a quiet but rasping question that I have to force from my throat.

  He fucking let me walk around here recklessly. He fucking watched me fight Druw. He fucking let me plan a war. He fucking knew and he didn’t tell me.

  The darkness in his gray eyes fades away. “Kara, I’m sorry.” The gentle touch of his palm against my knuckles is shaken off.

  “Don’t touch me.”

  In a rush of angry steps, I push past him. Darrio sidesteps me, looking wide eyed. His gaze trails down my body, settling on my stomach for a long few seconds that make my emotions twist inside.

  Until I shove past him as well.

  And that’s my problem; I’ve never needed anyone. I don’t know how to tell someone that I need them the most right now.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Ours

  Every decision I’ve ever made flies through my mind as my stomach turns, threatening to vomit up every ounce of anxiety that’s building within me.

  “I just don’t know,” I whisper.

  Ryder nods, his sky-blue eyes wide as he assesses the lavender colored curtains of the bedroom I’ve shut myself away in. He trailed in after me and didn’t say a word. His presence is nice, but his silence is even nicer right now. He seems lost in a trance of his own fearful thoughts.

  Is he as terrified as I am? Is he terrified of bringing the most innocent of life int
o this most awful world?

  “I just …” A heavy exhale leaves my lips. “I don’t even know how this happened.”

  A line creases his brow and ever so slowly he pins me with a stunned look. The worry in his face turns to ridicule as he stares at me as if to ask if Are you fucking serious right now?

  Every delicious, drawn out minute I’ve ever spent with Ryder buried deep inside of me flashes through my mind, making me shift slightly with the memories.

  All the times I’ve gotten caught up with Daxdyn and lost myself with Darrio skim through my thoughts on repeat.

  “Okay, I know exactly how it happened.” I roll my eyes at him before falling back on the bed. The mattress is soft beneath me. Without thinking, my palm settles over the smooth span of my stomach as if I’m attempting to protect the little life that’s growing helplessly inside of me.

  A mixture of worry and fear twirls through me as I study the texture of the white ceiling above.

  The mattress dips, pulling me closer to Ryder as he takes a seat at the edge of the bed.

  The warmth of his rough palm pushes slowly across my navel. My eyes meet his in an intensity of clashing emotions. A look of marvel is in his gaze, washing out the dreaded anxiety he previously held.

  “Do …” He swallows hard as his thumb begins to skim back and forth against my skin. “Do you know whose it is?”

  There’s something intimate and exponentially extraordinary about the way he’s looking at me.

  He’s scared. Just like me. He’s not afraid of what our future holds, but what this child’s future holds.

  And I understand that entirely.

  This beautiful fae baby will be perfect. Every part of it will be entirely perfect. But this world will take that perfection away.

  So quickly.

  And it scares the shit out of me.

  I take a minute to consider the first time Dax and I had sex. And then Ryder. And then … both.

  What the fuck is happening in my life for me to be this confused about every single thing?

  “It’s … not Darrio’s.” He can’t have kids. I don’t say it out loud. I might never.

  I don’t know why that strikes a piercing pain through my chest.

  Darrio would be a good dad. Even if he pretends not to care about the topic at all. I know he does.

  Ryder’s large hand spans my abdomen as he skims his palm across my skin in a gentle way. His touch sends waves of tingles all through me.

  I can’t believe I was so careless. So reckless. There was just all this other stuff clouding over our lives recently, a child didn’t cross my mind.

  Until now.

  “You know it doesn’t matter, right?” He lies on his side, his body curling into mine as he holds me. Warm breath fans against my jaw as I let the worry that’s tightening my chest consume me until I can’t even breathe. “It doesn’t matter, beautiful.” His lips skim across my cheek. “We’re a family. We always have been.” For some reason, the comment pushes out some of the rising anxiety. “We’re a family now. You’re ours. This baby will be ours.”

  Again, his mouth skims against my cheek, pressing to the corner of my lips as a steady breath fills my lungs.

  “You’re ours. And so is this baby.” He repeats in a quiet tone.

  His head leans against mine as my eyes slowly close just as my throat tightens with too much emotion.

  Because he’s right. I know he is. It just feels nice to hear him say it.

  I realize then, that I’ve never told him how much I love him. I love him so much. My lips part but I can’t think of the perfect words.

  Only a few moments pass when a gentle knock taps against the door. It’s a quiet sound filled with uncertainty.

  I know who it is before the door even opens.

  Dax doesn’t peek in or wait for my approval to enter. He steps in and shuts the door behind him. He leans against it, letting it support him as he stares down at me.

  His attention is held on the way Ryder’s hand is caressing my flat stomach.

  “I’m sorry, Dax.” My voice comes out weak and regretful.

  I hate that I do everything wrong. I wish like hell I could treat him the way he treats me. But every time I start to get the hang of being a civilized girlfriend, the crazy in me sneaks back out before I can even stop it. I don’t know why I’m like that.

  It’s a mystery, I tell you.

  “Don’t be sorry. I wanted to tell you. I just wanted you to tell me first, I guess. I wanted you to figure it out. You should know first, it’s your body. I’m just the weird intrusive thing that knows everything about you before you even do.” He’s rambling. The disorderly locks of his hair fall into his tired eyes. It’s then that I notice the darkness shadowing his eyes.

  He’s exhausted.

  But he’ll never show it. This beautiful man would die trying to make me happy.

  “How do you feel?”

  His question reminds me of every weird thing he’s done over the last couple of weeks. He’s been walking around, passing out caution signs for anyone that gets too close to me.

  Maybe I’m not the only one who lets out the crazy sometimes.

  “I’m fine.” A warm feeling spreads through me as I sit up. Ryder’s palm slips away from me. “Come here.” It’s a whispered demand that has him stalking toward me in an instant.

  My hands settle around his lean hips and his fingers skim down the length of my arms.

  “Lie down.”

  An unsure smile tilts his lips.

  “Really? Right now?” His gaze drifts to Ryder as if he’s calculating the setting.

  Sex. He’s thinking about sex right now.

  “I think you should sleep, Dax.” Laughter shakes through me. Sleep was the furthest thing from his mind, I swear it.

  His fingers thread through my hair, caressing but controlling, and suddenly I don’t care at all if he sleeps. His gaze holds mine as he bends closer to me. A shaking breath is held in my lungs as he presses his lips to my temple before flopping down at my side.

  I jostle a little, thrown off balance by the switch in his emotions and the weight of his body.

  We were almost all on the same page.

  Damn it.

  Daxdyn’s long lashes fall closed as he pushes his hands beneath his head. His dark shirt rides up slightly, revealing the hard panes of his abdomen. For once, he looks peaceful, youthful and, of course, beautiful.

  I peek over at Ryder to find him smirking at his friend.

  The three of us lie like that, horizontal on the little twin bed meant for one. Our legs hang off the side and it shouldn’t be the most comfortable position, but with them surrounding me it is. I’m more relaxed than ever between them.

  I’m faintly aware of Ryder standing to turn off the light. The bed dips once more and his warmth is right there in place again at my side.

  My lashes fall heavily closed just as he speaks.

  “We should … wake him up.”

  My eyes barely open, already prepared for sleep.

  Ryder’s wide awake, staring at me intently.

  “What?” I mumble.

  He turns to me, his palm skimming my neck. His warm touch pushes down my collarbone, pushing down my chest before he rubs his thumb back and forth against my nipple.

  “I said, you should wake him up.” His lips brush against the column of my throat slowly.

  My lashes flutter closed with a heavy breath.

  “I think he needs sleep.”

  His head dips and his teeth rake across my nipple through my thin shirt and a quiet gasp tears from my lips.

  “If that’s what you want.” Warm palms push against my shirt until his tongue is sweeping across my stomach. The bed shifts as he kisses a path down my torso.

  “Do whatever you want, but I’m sleeping, Ryder.” It’s a breathy statement that doesn’t hold much conviction, but I cling to that careless demeanor.

  “Mmm, you’re probably going to have the sw
eetest dreams.” His breath fans against my navel as he jerks my jeans down my hips. He shoves them down my legs. I do my best not to help him, to try to pretend I have no interest in what he’s doing.

  I try, really I do.

  Until I kick hastily at the clothing preventing his hands from being on my body.

  My boots and jeans land on the hardwood floor with a quiet thud.

  I don’t open my eyes. It causes a swirling sense of anticipation to build in my chest as I listen to him shift from the bed.

  Big palms push up my thighs. The feel of his hands on my hips sends a shiver all through me.

  Warm kisses skim over the inside of my thigh. I spread my legs for him wider.

  With strong hands, he grips my hips and jerks me closer to the edge of the bed. A small gasp shakes across my lips.

  My heart pounds just waiting.

  Nothing’s even happened and my nerves are strumming all through my body.

  A breath kisses my skin, right where I want him.

  My leg bends as he places my foot on his shoulder. His palms settle beneath my ass, gripping me tightly.

  Soft lips press over my entrance in a torturously slow movement. I almost moan with need.

  He’s trying to kill me, I know it.

  This is what I get for saying I’d rather sleep.

  Finally, the flat of his tongue parts my folds. With one long stroke he licks up before swirling his tongue hard against my clit.

  He groans against me, humming his pleasure over my sex. His tongue slips in, filling me and making me gasp for air.

  Deeper he delves in before bringing his mouth back up. He sucks hard against my clit until I cry out. My hips grind shamelessly against him and he holds me tightly in place. His nails sink into my skin as he sucks before rolling his wide tongue caressingly against me. The alternating sensation has the energy in my core bundling so tightly I can’t even think.

  Soft hair meets my fingertips and I fist it in both hands, holding him to me.

  His tongue rolls up my sex once more. His teeth rake lightly across my clit before sucking and I come against the caressing pain of it all.

  My moan is a crying sound that only becomes more ragged as he strokes his tongue against my shaking orgasm. He laps it up, almost licking harder the more I cry out.