by Jayne Blue
We visited the grocery store first. It was small, and clearly not a chain like the kind I was used to shopping in. We filled the cart with things that Hammer said we needed. I needed hair bleach and chocolate, and he needed to explain to me how that wasn’t food. Whatever. We bought some household supplies and then headed to the hardware store.
“I owe it to Sawyer, and the family, to fix some stuff up around the old place,” he told me.
“Yeah, well you owe it to the home décor gods to buy me a bunch of white interior paint. That place needs brightening up on the inside.”
“Oh yeah, okay. Well, go pick some out.” I relished the idea of doing a little work in the cottage. It was so pretty. It just needed to be brightened up. It would be fun turning it into something cute like you see in VRBO. I’d never rented a beach house or cottage, but I browsed them online all the time. I knew what I liked. To my delight, they also had a nice little selection of yarn. I could crochet! This made me happy and I selected a few colors that would look adorable on the couch in the family room area. This was all so fun I could almost forget what brought us here.
We loaded the hardware store stuff. I thought we were done, but then Hammer said we had one more stop.
We pulled into the parking lot of a little boutique.
“What’s this?”
“You have the clothes on your back and what, one change of clothes in my bag? Yeah, go on in there and buy what you need. Summer stuff or whatever.”
“You’re kidding, right? I thought I was supposed to be incognito.”
“Hmm. Well, keep your hair covered, and buy stuff that you want. Make sure it’s easy for me to get off you, that’s the requirement.”
“Hammer McCall, your mind is always on sin, isn’t it?”
“Only when I look at you, doll. Now here, take this.” I looked down and he’d given me money.
“I can’t keep letting you take care of me, financial or otherwise.”
“This is a loan then, so you don’t look like you ran out of Petoskey with only the clothes on your back.”
“I’m serious about not taking your money.”
“You’re not. I’m buying you a present because you’re my baby.” He lifted my hand to his lips and kissed my knuckles.
There it was again. Baby, this time. It was old-fashioned, and sweet, even though sweet was not what Hammer did when we were in bed together.
“Do you want to come in with me?”
“No, I don’t want to crowd you. I’ve got a call to make anyway. Let Sawyer know we’re good.”
“Okay.” I adjusted the ball cap and walked into the little store.
It was adorable, and I had to admit, a change of clothes, some fresh undies, and maybe a bathing suit might be nice to have at the cottage.
I walked through the store and I pretended I was on vacation.
I almost forgot that I wasn’t.
Seventeen
HAMMER
I watched her sweet little ass as she sashayed into the store. Man, she was so fucking gorgeous, and saucy, and I had a hard time believing how lucky I was that Daniella Moore was with me, that she was mine.
I hoped we were okay here in Manistique. I hadn’t been here since before my tours overseas. It had to have been ten years. I thought I looked different, changed, older. But I didn’t want to take chances. I’d be careful if we were in town.
I did call Sawyer while I kept one eye on Daniella through the store window as she browsed the store.
“So, does everyone think I’m out?” I asked as his familiar voice answered the phone.
“I tried to sell that, yeah, but your brothers, well, they keep questioning me.”
“Lie.”
“I am, told them you disobeyed my orders and put us all at risk. Which you did, but I’m proud of you for it, dammit.”
“Yeah, I’ve caused a lot of shit, I know that.”
“You wouldn’t be the man you are if you let that little lady go back to Lynch. I see that now.”
“How’s the club? The Hellz Rebels making themselves known in any other ways?”
“Hammer, I know what you’re doing is right. But you’re not here, and that means I don’t have you to help us with the shit that we’re going to be facing. And I want to keep you in the loop, but it’s, well… forget it. We got it covered. Just stay out of sight.” Sawyer wasn’t telling me the details of what was going down in Grand City. It killed me not to know what he was dealing with.
“Sawyer, if you need me...” And then I let it hang there. He knew, and I knew, that if I was going to protect Daniella, I had to stay away. I’d made a choice to save Daniella, to go against what was best for the club. I knew it sounded hollow now, to say that I’d be there if they needed me. Though I hoped, maybe someday, I could be.
I had to focus now. I had to focus on what was in front of me, keeping Daniella safe.
“Just lay low and see if you can get that screen door patched up.”
“Got it, Sawyer.” It was good to talk to Sawyer, but I felt like actual shit. I had left them there, hanging, in the middle of two clubs trying to take over our turf. Was I allowed to call it “our” turf? Had I relinquished that right too, when I’d run with Daniella?
Sawyer didn’t say very much, but I imagined what Steel, Ryder, Ridge, and my other brothers thought of what I’d done. I felt sick to my stomach now, like a traitor, or someone who’d run right before a battle.
It was fucking awful.
And then Daniella returned. She popped into the truck with three giant bags and a smile on her face. This. This was why I’d done what I’d done. I knew it was the right thing to save her. I knew it was the right thing to have her in my life. I’d have to learn to live with what I’d done to the club because of my love for her. And I would learn. I had to. Daniella deserved a man who was willing to give up everything for her, and I knew that man was me.
I drove out of Manistique and back to our hideaway.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“You’ve been so quiet since I got out of the store.” I kept my eyes on the road. I didn’t want her to deal with my shit.
“I’m fine.”
“Everything okay with your cousin?”
“Yep, it’s all good. What did you buy?” I needed her to get off this subject. I didn’t want to talk about it. I didn’t want to think of the club anymore today. It only made me feel bad when I thought they might be facing shit that I should be there to handle too.
“Shorts, a sundress, a blouse, a bathing suit, and some underwear. Because you’re right. A couple pairs isn’t exactly the best scenario if we’re going to be here a while. I’m thinking about crocheting a chunky sweater for the cold evenings. That’s my jam, crocheting.”
“Good,” I replied, but I was half listening and half working to suppress the guilt I was feeling.
“It cost me over one-hundred bucks, here.” She got out cash from her purse.
“I told you I was buying.”
“You b,ought groceries, the stuff at the hardware store. I’m not having you buy the clothes.”
As we drove toward the cottage, I was getting annoyed with her. She wouldn’t let up on what I’d bought and what she seemed to think she owed.
“It’s my family’s cottage, you’re not here to buy shit to fix it up.”
“Food?”
“Look, we have to eat. I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”
“Oh really? You bought the right to tell me what we’re going to talk about too? Take this, you ass! I’m buying my own damn underwear.” She threw the cash in my direction and it scattered all over the front seat.
“That’s mature,” I snapped at her. I was tired of this argument. We were close to the cottage now and I wanted us to just forget this shit.
“Fuck you.” She opened the door to the truck and I slammed on the brakes.
“What the hell?”
“I’m not in the mood to sit w
ith you in this truck. I’m walking.”
“Get in.”
“No, I’m walking. See you when I see you.”
She slammed the truck door behind her and started walking on the side of the road.
I looked behind us and in front of us. There wasn’t a car to be seen. She ignored me and kept walking.
I had one option here, and that was to follow, slowly, behind her.
So, I did. She turned around and flipped me the bird. I was about as mad as I could be at her but didn’t know how to get her in the truck.
We were about a half-mile from the cottage. I was surprised to see she knew exactly where the driveway was. She turned in. At that point, I did pass her and pulled the truck up to the garage. She could walk the rest of the way safely.
When she got to the cottage, I tried one more time.
“Look, the money isn’t a thing.”
“I don’t want to talk to you right now,” she said and walked inside. I decided to unload the stuff we’d bought.
Daniella stomped around, and I did the same.
“You’re being unreasonable,” I said to her and grabbed her arm as she tried to leave the kitchen.
“Let me the fuck alone. I’m not going to have you, or Lynch, run my life.”
“What?”
“He thought he could control me, buy me, boss me, and that’s exactly what this feels like all of a sudden.”
“Because I bought a few groceries? You’re fucking ridiculous.”
“Yeah, well, fine. I’m ridiculous and you’re acting exactly like every other biker I ever met.”
“Fuck a lot of ‘em did you?” I knew I shouldn’t have said it the second it came out of my mouth. My anger at myself over letting my club down had turned me into an ugly asshole. The look on Daniella’s face was worse than a slap. I’d hurt her. I’d lashed out. And I was immediately sorry when I realized how harsh I’d been.
“I’ve only been with three men in my life. And I can see two were the worst mistakes I ever made.” She turned and ran out the back of the cottage to the deck. I watched her run down the stairs. I may very well have fucked up the best thing that had ever happened to me.
I’d given up the club for her and now I’d probably driven her to hate me.
Eighteen
DANIELLA
I ran down the steps to the water. Tears were streaming down my cheeks, and the feeling in my chest was pain mixed with panic.
What if it was me? What if my ability to pick men was awful? Did wearing leather and riding a bike mean I’d fuck you and that then you’d be an asshole? Did they issue possessive and controlling licenses along with bike licenses?
I made it down to the water. The waves were crashing against the small sandy spot. They were slamming into the rocks. The wind mimicked my stormy mood.
Hammer was angry the moment I’d gotten in the truck. I felt that. But I pushed it. I was serious about not having him pay my way. The reaction he gave me was so exactly the way Lynch had behaved when I questioned him or did something he didn’t want me to do. The anger and hostility I felt from Hammer should have been a warning.
But then, screw that. I shouldn’t have to tiptoe or be someone I’m not.
I’d run from Lynch for these exact reasons. Well, that and his violence. I knew he was going to hurt me. Bunchie had said as much. He’d warned me no woman had ever left Rex Lynch.
I had no one to ask if Hammer was like this all the time. What made me think Hammer would be any different than Lynch?
Except he wasn’t. He was sweet to me, tender, loving, and I knew my feelings for him were stronger than anything I’d ever felt for Rex Lynch. I knew it was different between Hammer and me. But was Hammer different than any other M.C. member?
Then there was the thing. That awful thing he said.
Did he think I’d fucked the Devil’s Hawks club? Was that how it worked? I knew they probably did pass women around. But I was different. I was. Except Hammer didn’t think so.
The realization that I’d made the same mistake opening myself up to Hammer as I did with Lynch was eating at my gut. I wiped away my tears and tried to figure out what to do next. I sat down on the bottom step and watched the water crash onto the rocks.
Lake Michigan didn’t look beautiful right now. It looked angry, and like it wanted to grab me and swallow me up. It felt like the universe wanted to do that to me, claw me, and drag me down.
I didn’t notice Hammer’s footsteps. I was so engrossed in my own doubt.
“Daniella.” I heard his voice and I stood up quickly. Fear was my first reaction. I’d learned it well with Rex.
“Please, if you get out of my way, I’ll pack up my stuff. I’d like to borrow the truck. I have money left I can pay you for it. After I get a bus ticket, you can come to get it.” A plan had formed in my mind. It was crystal clear. The wind whipped my hair around and the next steps of my life were ready to be taken.
“What?”
“I’m leaving. You clearly have the wrong impression of me. But I’m not here to defend myself. You can fuck off for what you said to me. I appreciate that you helped me run away from Dirt. But we’re done. I can’t be with someone who thinks that low of me, who shuts me out, and who treats me like less than a partner.”
“I don’t,” Hammer said, and I decided to bluster my way through this. I brushed passed him. He tried to grab my arm, and I yanked it free. I didn’t look back. I just kept going back up the stairs. I didn’t think Hammer was a violent man, or at least he hadn’t ever tried to hurt me. I didn’t think he would try to physically stop me.
I would run from Hammer and he wouldn’t chase me. I had to refocus on the one who was chasing me and would hurt me: Lynch. I tried to leave all of it behind as I climbed the million steps back up to the cottage.
I walked in and started looking for the bag I had. I was going to pack it and hope I could use that truck. If Hammer said no to that, well, I wondered about how long I’d have to walk before someone picked me up. I could hitchhike. The odds of that being more dangerous than the fix I was in were low. Though, with my luck, I’d hitch a ride with a homicidal maniac.
I decided the makeup and bleach was also a good idea. I’d use it soon after I got away from Hammer. Then even he wouldn’t be able to recognize me. I pushed out the hurt and the heartbreak I was feeling and started throwing things in the bag. I didn’t need the stupid sundresses, but I did need the practical stuff. And screw him. I’d take a little food too.
“Daniella, please stop.”
“Hammer, I don’t want to hear it. You’ve done enough. Go back to your club. Tell them I ran from you too. Let ‘em know you were fooled by me. I may be a whore but I’m a smart one!” I spit the words out. I kept moving around the cottage, from the bedroom to the bags of stuff we’d bought.
“I’m taking these crackers,” I said and kept moving. But he stopped following me. Somehow the air shifted
“Daniella. I love you. Stop. I’m sorry.” I wanted to block out his words. I wanted to not hear the emotion in his voice. But I did. I did, dammit. I walked from the bedroom back into the kitchen. Hammer was standing there, his arms were at his sides, and on his face was a look of torture, pain. I’d caused that pain.
I stopped my frantic packing, and the anger that fueled it evaporated in that instant.
I took a slow step forward, toward him. He didn’t move.
“Are you the same as he is? Are you Rex Lynch, in a beautiful package, but the same?”
“No. Or maybe yes. Maybe I’m just as possessive. Maybe I do have an evil temper. I don’t know. All I know is I love you. And I’d die to protect you.”
“I – that thing you said.” I broke off. I couldn’t say the words.
“I didn’t mean that. It was awful. I’m sorry. I don’t believe that. I am an idiot.” I searched my heart for what was true. Thoughts raced around my brain faster than I’d been racing through this house trying to run away.
“I r
an from Lynch because he was possessive, controlling, scary, and then you acted the same. You hurt me.” This time Hammer took a step forward. I put up a hand to stop him from getting closer. He did.
“I shouldn’t have said that. I don’t think it. But you can’t leave. It isn’t safe. You need protection because of Lynch. But if you don’t want me to touch you, or you need to be out of this, so be it. But don’t run. He will hurt you. And I can’t take that. I gave up my club to stop it.”
I let that sink in.
“What do you mean you gave up your club?”
“I left the Great Wolves. My assignment was to get you to Lynch. I told them they could take my cut, but I wasn’t going to give you to Lynch. They took my cut.”
I didn’t know everything there was to know about being in an M.C., but I did know that was the same as excommunication or being banished.
“You chose me over them?” The enormity of that sank in. He wasn’t just here to fuck around, or to thumb his nose at The Devil’s Hawks.
“Yes. I’d do it a thousand times over. If I can’t make you happy, at least I can make you safe.” I took the next step and another, and then one more.
We were an inch apart. I reached out and put my hand on his beautiful face. He leaned into my hand and squeezed his eyes shut for a moment.
“Thank you.” He opened his eyes and shook his head, no.
“Don’t.” I stretched up on my tiptoes and kissed his lips.
He stood there. Still, his body was shaking. He was terrified of me, or of me leaving him.
He kissed me, slowly, tentatively, and did not reach out for me.
I had no more words or questions.
“I trust you. I forgive you. I love you.” I stepped back.
Hammer waited for a beat. His eyes searched mine. I felt, to my core, what I said. Screw it. He wasn’t Rex Lynch. Hammer McCall was like no one else on the planet and I wanted him, now, and for as long as I could make this work.
He swept me up in his strong arms. My feet dangled as he held me in a squeeze so tight that breathing wasn’t really an option.