Maybe both.
But I don’t want Shelly to hate me. Not like this.
I want to tell her I’m sorry. That I shouldn’t have left like I did.
But she doesn’t give me the chance.
Shelly grabs my hair and pulls my face to hers, the hot press of her lips against mine almost brings me to my knees. She slams into me, the surprise move sending me back against the door so hard it rattles in the frame. Her fist is tight in my hair, hurting enough that I know she hasn’t even come close to forgiving me for what I did.
But this seems like a step in the right direction.
She drags me down the hall toward her room, pulling me down on top of her onto the pink pile of bed where I spent my first night sleeping with a woman.
And I can’t help but hope tonight is my second. I don’t want to leave her alone.
Not that I ever intended to. Not really.
I tried. Wanted to think I was stronger than my old man. That I could walk away from any woman. Especially one that made me weak.
But I don’t know that I can.
Shelly shoves at my shirt, pushing it up my chest, making room for her hands to pass over my body, nails scraping against my skin. She has my pants undone a second later, my dick squeezed just tight enough in her fist. “Do you think about fucking me, Hawk?” She pumps my cock as much as she can given my jeans are still on.
But it’s still enough to make me groan. “You know I do.”
She wiggles the straps of her dress down, pulling it free of her tits, then grabs me by the hair again. I don’t make her work for what she wants. I want it more than she does at this point. I’m sure of it.
I can make what I did up to her. I can make her forget I left her bed and beg me back into it.
And I’m going to.
Because I can’t stand the thought of not being here.
I pull her nipple into my mouth as she continues to work my dick. She arches against me, her fingers digging into my scalp as I suck and lick at the tiny barbell that drives me crazy. Reminds me what she is.
What she could be.
Crazy enough to put up with me.
I shove my pants down and her dress up. I don’t let myself think about the tiny slip of panty that was all that stood between her and a group of men who would have done unfucking thinkable shit to her if they knew who she was.
And they did. I could see it in their faces.
But she’s safe now. No one touches her again but me.
And I’m going to make her okay with that new fact tonight.
I yank hard on the scrap of fabric keeping her pussy from me, ripping away the last thing that’s stopping me from giving her what she wants.
In a perfect world this would be sweet. Soft.
But that’s not something I have to give right now.
Maybe not ever.
I barely have the condom on before I shove deep inside her, out of control in a way I’ve never been before. The need to have her is overwhelming. To complete the connection that’s always been there between us.
To prove it is real.
Her head drops back. “Yes.”
I brace my hand under her jaw and tip her face toward mine. “Eyes open.”
Shelly immediately snaps her eyes onto mine. “Happy?”
I brush my lips over hers, keeping my gaze fixed on hers the whole time. “Very.”
It’s an admission I shouldn’t give myself, let alone her. Not when she already has so much power over me. But I can’t stop myself from giving it to her any more than I could have stopped myself from going for her tonight, taking what’s mine from men who could already use her against me in ways I don’t want to imagine.
“Your pussy fits me perfect, you know that?” I press into her then pull back in long rough strokes. “Like a fucking glove.”
I suck her lips, my eyes never leaving hers. I won’t miss a second of this. Won’t let her either.
I want to remember it. Every sound. Every taste. Every smell.
I want it all.
I reach down to play with her clit. “Have you touched yourself this week, Kitten?”
She gasps a little when I give her a little pinch. Her eyes narrow. “Every night.”
I grind against her, adding more friction between our bodies. “I told you only I was allowed to make you come.”
“And then you fucking left.” Her pussy clenches tight around my dick making me growl out a groan as I try to keep my shit together. She grabs my face hard with one hand under my chin. “I fingered myself the second you walked out.”
The thought of Shelly propped up in her pretty pink bed sinking her fingers into her pretty pink pussy is almost too much. I break my own rule and drop my head to suck the barbell of one of her tits between my teeth, working her clit with my fingers for all I’m worth.
“Liar.” I force myself to slow down. Make sure she feels every inch of me as I slide in and out of her. “You were too pissed to get off.”
She’s coming on my dick tonight. Whatever it takes, it’s going to happen.
“I’m never too pissed to get off.” Her legs lock around my waist as she grabs at me, her cunt clenching in time with the shake of her thighs. She’s right on the edge.
I slam into her, shoving her over hard and fast. Taking what I want, grunting as I fight to stall a few seconds longer, watching her face as she comes for me. Punching it into my brain so I won’t ever forget it.
But then she says my name.
Shaun.
“Fuck, Kitten.” My balls pull up tight and I shove in deep, groaning as my cum fills the rubber between us.
I don’t want it there.
I want to mark her. Prove she wants all of me the way I want all of her.
I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to smother out the crazy shit Shelly makes me want.
Makes me willing to do desperate things to get.
Like walk into a place where there’s a target on my back without thinking the consequences through.
There was only one that mattered.
“Shaun?” Her voice is hesitant. So different from a few minutes ago.
It’s what makes me realize I’m holding her face in my hands, covering her skin with soft passes of my mouth.
I freeze, opening my eyes.
She stares up at me and our gazes lock. Neither of us says anything.
I can’t.
Maybe she won’t.
Finally her eyes drop. “I should get up and go to the bathroom.”
I pull my still half-hard dick free and let her scoot away. Shelly doesn’t look back as she leaves.
I fall to my side on her bed, covering my face with one arm.
What the fuck did I just do? Again.
I just wanted to give her a reason to let me back in her fucking pink as hell bed again. Wanted to make up a little for walking out last weekend.
Maybe wanted to make myself feel better after what could have happened tonight.
I hear the pad of her feet as she comes back down the hall. When I look up she’s standing in the center of the room, eyes on me.
I can’t tell what she’s thinking. Probably don’t want to know right now.
I reach one hand out. “Come here.”
Her eyes fall to my palm before moving back to my face. Her feet don’t budge.
She’s going to kick me out. Do to me what I did to her.
Pretend this is nothing.
Try to.
The room is quiet enough I can hear her breathe.
I wait. If she wants me out she’s going to have to say it.
Slowly her body comes closer. My heart kicks with each tentative step she takes toward me and the bed I want to share with her tonight.
Her knee rests on the mattress. “Why’d you come get me?”
I lower my hand to the bed.
I shouldn’t be surprised she’s calling me out on my shit. That’s what this is. She’s just smart enough to take the scenic way there.
/>
“Because you were going to get hurt.”
One brow lifts. “How did you know where I was?”
“Your friend was posting pictures. Tagged you. Kerri saw it.”
All damn night I had to see pictures of her in that dress, knowing there was a good chance she was going home with someone who wasn’t me. And who would blame her?
She’s fucking exquisite. Any man in his right mind would gnaw off an appendage to be in this bed right now.
And that’s exactly why I did what I did. Tried to get out before I chewed off a hand to have her.
A lot of good it did me.
Because the second that skinny friend of hers checked them into The Stable I was ready to lose my mind. I couldn’t get to her fast enough. If I’d lost a limb in the process, so be it.
As long as Shelly was safe.
“You could have just left me there.” She slowly eases onto the bed like a lioness creeping up on her prey. “The Horsemen don’t give a shit about me. I’m nobody to them.”
I can practically hear her purring beside me. Shelly knows what she’s doing and that alone should make me want to get the fuck out of here. But I’ve tried that.
It made shit worse.
So I’ve gotta sit here and take it like a man. Try to keep a grip on my sanity.
My self-control.
I let her creep a little closer. “You are somebody to them though, Kitten.”
She barely pauses. “How’s that?”
I grab her before she can blink and roll her under me. I need her again. One more reason I should never have started this.
But it’s too late now.
“You’re somebody to them because you’re somebody to me.”
9
FOR THE SECOND Sunday in a row I wake up pinned to the bed.
With a full bladder.
I try to wiggle out from under the heavy weight trapping me in place. How can an arm weigh this damn much?
“Where you goin’, Kitten?” Shaun’s voice is groggy in my ear as he pulls me tighter against the wall of his chest. “Nobody leaves today.”
My stomach clenches a little at the reminder of all that happened last night.
Not the sex. The other part.
The part where he took what might have been an anger-fueled fuck session and made it something else.
Something more.
Something I should probably try to pretend didn’t happen. Especially if I don’t want to spend another week like the last one.
Pissed at him and myself.
“I have to pee.” I shove at his arm, trying to get it loose from around me. I don’t want to get used to the feeling of waking up like this.
Probably shouldn’t.
Because chances are I misread what happened last night. Saw something I wanted to see.
Hot lips press against the back of my neck. “Then you come right back here, understand?”
I can’t stop the shiver his voice sends rippling across my skin. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
My voice is surprisingly strong considering how I’m feeling. I want to climb back into bed with him. Curl up against the heat of his body and pretend I can do this.
Pretend I don’t already have my strings out, wishing I could attach them to him.
“You owe me, Kitten.” His teeth nip at the skin of my neck.
“How do you figure?”
His arm flexes around my waist. “The way I count it you came on my dick four times last night.”
My skin heats but not from embarrassment.
He’s not wrong.
Also currently holds the record for most sexes in one night. In my Guinness Book anyway.
Probably not his.
And there’s the jealousy I shouldn’t be feeling, twisting into an ugly knot in my stomach.
I grab his arm and shove it hard, managing to get away so I can go to the bathroom for a pee and some much needed space from the situation.
My feet slap against the floor as I walk.
I’m fucking stomping.
Jesus.
I swear I hear him chuckle under his breath behind me.
Gloating.
I plop down onto the toilet and let my head fall to my hands.
What the fuck am I doing? Setting myself up for failure, that’s what.
No way can I keep this man at arm’s length. I thought I could. Still would love to convince myself I can.
The sound of his voice sends me sitting up straight and rushing to finish my business. I wash my hands and crack open the door so I can hear better.
“The fuck?”
I shiver at the tone. I thought I’d heard Shaun pissed before. Did my best to make him as angry as he makes me.
Obviously I wasn’t as successful as I thought.
Because the sound coming from him now is nothing like I’ve ever heard before.
If I had any doubts what the man in my bed was capable of, they are all gone now.
The voice thundering down my hall could only come from a man who has done terrible things.
Was threatening to do them right now actually.
“I will fucking bury him. Cut him into pieces no one will ever find.”
My heart rate picks up a little. Am I scared? Am I turned on?
Holy fuck.
It’s both.
I creep down the hall so I can hear a little better. Partly because I want to know what’s going on.
Partly because of the turned on thing.
Hawk is sitting naked in the center of my bed, back to the door, phone pressed tight to his ear. It’s an odd sight. Giant man in the middle of all that pink fluff, describing how he’s going to disembowel someone.
I stop.
I knew Hawk was a bad boy. Kinda. Sorta.
I figured he’d roughed other guys up. Stole shit. Sold drugs.
But maybe not homicide.
I figured he was like Evan. A good person who was only where he was because of circumstance.
But right now I’m not so sure.
He finally stops talking and immediately pulls the phone back like he’s going to throw it against the wall. I hold my breath, waiting for the impact.
But he doesn’t throw it. Slowly his hand lowers. His shoulders are moving with every breath ripping in and out of his lungs.
He’s trying to calm down.
I can’t help but feel proud.
And relieved.
And like I want to help him.
I move in close, taking careful steps.
He stops breathing and his whole body tenses up even more.
I don’t stop moving. He knows I’m here and I almost think he’s bracing himself for my reaction.
I climb onto the bed, carefully letting the tips of my fingers rest against his shoulders as I scoot in behind him. I feel like I should say something but I’m not sure what, so I just slide my legs to each side of his and rest my front against his back, pressing my cheek between his shoulder blades.
His heart is pounding hard and fast. I stroke my hands down his arms, soft and slow before sliding back up.
“I’m sorry, Kitten.”
The regret in his voice is unmistakable. Is he sorry for the things he said?
Or sorry I heard them?
“What happened?”
He shakes his head.
“Was it about last night?”
He takes a long, slow breath. “Kind of.”
I suddenly feel guilty. “I’m sorry.”
He spins to face me, his big body easing me back to the mattress. His eyes are serious but not even a little bit angry. “None of this is your fault. Understand?”
This.
There was a this.
I’m guessing it’s not a good this either.
The fear from before creeps in. “What’s going on?”
“I will handle it.” He brushes my lips with one of the soft kisses that confuses everything in my brain. “Nothing will ever happen to you.”<
br />
My stomach bottoms out.
“What about my friends?”
That right there makes how scared I am clear. I called Felicity my friend.
“They’re safe too.” He’s still kissing me. Soft and sweet. Shaun’s lips move over my cheeks to my neck.
“I shouldn’t have gone there last night.” I swallow around a lump in my throat. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m scared or because of how sweet he’s being right now.
I know I need a special kind of man to deal with my...
Temperment.
Maybe that’s why I was so upset when he walked out on me.
Because it didn’t take long to see Shaun might have that kind of special.
“You didn’t know.” The voice that was so lethal sounding a minute ago is now low and soft. He takes a deep breath close to my skin, the draw of his inhale pulling away the heat before his exhale brings the warmth back. “I shouldn’t have left the way I did last week, Kitten. If I hadn’t left you wouldn’t have gone out last night.”
“What in the hell do you mean I couldn’t have gone out last night?” Shaun might be wiggling his way back under my skin, but that doesn’t mean he gets to tell me what I can and can’t do.
“Didn’t say couldn’t. Said wouldn’t.” His mouth makes its way down my neck and over my collarbone. “Wouldn’t have wanted to.” Lips lock around my nipple, drawing it in hard and fast.
“Shaun.” His name slides out so easy. I don’t even realize I’m doing it until I hear the needy way it sounds in my ears.
He can put a condom on faster than any man I’ve met before. A second later the wide head of his dick notches against me, barely probing. Just enough to make me a little crazy.
Which is good. I try to always be only a little crazy.
“Want to do this with nothing between us, Kitten. Want to feel your pussy on my skin.” He slides inside me. “Gonna bring you proof I’m clean and then I’m gonna have you the way I want you.”
The thought is stupidly exciting.
“Don’t you want to know about me?” I gasp as he seats himself all the way and stays there.
Shaun leans up on his elbows to look me right in the eye. “Should I?”
“No.” I try to ignore the slow glide of his cock as Shaun pulls out.
He pushes back inside just as slow. “You ever been fucked bareback, Kitten?”
It sounds so dirty. Bareback.
Hawk Wild (Lost Boys MC Book 2) Page 8