She finally turns to me. “I can’t lift my arms anymore.”
“That means we’re done.” I pull her in close, finally giving in to the need to show everyone here who she belongs to. I wrap one arm around her waist and hold her face with the other hand as I cover her mouth with mine. I don’t do what I really want, instead keeping things sweet and soft.
But enough to make my point.
“Proud of you, Sweetheart.”
She smiles. “I did good, huh?”
She already knows. That’s good. I want my girl to be proud of what she can do. “Let’s just say I won’t be making you angry anytime soon.”
Her smile drops.
And so does my stomach.
She knows.
I take a slow breath, reigning in my anger.
Fear.
Both.
I tuck Shelly under my arm. “Come on. Let’s go.”
Tracker steps in front of our path. “You guys up for dinner?”
“Sure.” Shelly answers before I can turn him down. I don’t want to be around him right now considering he’s the most likely source for the information I’m positive Shelly has. Maybe not directly, but Kerri has to be the one who told her, and there’s only one way Kerri would know about the past that haunts me every second of my life.
Him.
And now I have to look at him and pretend everything’s okay.
Pretend that I will be the one who gets to explain the evil chasing me to Shelly. Have the chance to make her believe I’m not going to repeat the sins of my father. I was always going to do it.
But I needed time to make myself believe it first.
Now I don’t have that.
Any of it.
Because of him.
When we get in my car Shelly’s quiet. She reaches across the console to slide her hand on my thigh.
I want it to relax me, calm the anger like her touch always does.
But tonight it doesn’t.
I feel like I’ve been pushed over an edge I’ve been standing on for so long I don’t remember feeling safe.
Because I always knew I’d fall.
And if I can’t get it together, Shelly’s going to watch it happen. See me drop into the darkness that took my parents.
She’ll see that I am exactly what I wanted the chance to prove I wasn’t.
We park in the lot of a chain restaurant and I start to get out. Before I can get beyond opening my door, Shelly grabs me by the front of my shirt and pulls me face to face. Her eyes are warm but the lift of her brow says something I’m too worked-up to decipher.
I lean in and press a soft kiss to her lips. “Let’s go.”
I pull out of her grip and stand from the car. Tracker looks me up and down as he ambles our way with Kerri at his side. “What’s wrong?”
We’ve known each other too long. Been through too many things. I should have known he would see the rage I’m trying so hard to control.
He just doesn’t know it’s directed at him.
Tracker could have cost me the first thing I’ve let myself care about. The first woman who made me think I could be different.
And he’s proving I can’t.
“You fucking told her.”
His eyes widen but understanding fills them immediately. “Wasn’t me.”
“Had to be you.” I step closer and he doesn’t back up. “How the fuck else would she know?”
Kerri’s eyes move from me to Tracker for a second. Then she’s between us, her chin tipped high. “You need to calm down.”
“Get out of the way, Ker. This doesn’t involve you.” I don’t blame her. Shelly’s her best friend. She should have told her.
But I thought Tracker was one of mine. Thought he had my back. The betrayal burns through me.
Kerri shakes her head. “You now I won’t move.” She lays a hand on my chest. “For him and for you.”
I can’t stop myself from looking down at her. I expect her to be angry. Pissed I’m going after Tracker.
But she’s not. Kerri doesn’t look angry at all.
“I won’t let you do this.” Her tone is calm and soft, just like her brown eyes as they look up at me.
Suddenly another body shoves between us, cutting off my view of Kerri. Shelly pushes against me hard, the force taking me by surprise and knocking me back a few steps. She stays on me, both her hands fisted in my shirt as her body keeps pressing into mine, taking me back until I hit the side of my Mustang. “Tracker didn’t tell anyone anything.” Her expression softens. “And why would it matter if he did?”
“It just would.”
She shakes her head. “It shouldn’t.” She smoothes one hand down the center of my chest and across the lines pressed into the cotton of my t-shirt by her grip. “You wanna skip dinner tonight?”
I nod, keeping my eyes on her. It’s all that’s keeping me sane right now. Proof that she isn’t running.
Yet.
Shelly turns to Tracker and Kerri. “I think we might head home.”
I don’t hear what they say. I don’t care.
All I care about is the last word she said.
Home.
“Come on big guy.” Shelly pushes me along toward the passenger side of my Mustang and opens the door, nodding for me to get in. When I don’t immediately comply she gives me a little push, knocking me down into the seat.
When the door shuts she’s muttering under her breath.
And she’s still going when she climbs behind the wheel.
She’s calling me stubborn.
A pain in the ass.
Dense.
Finally she stops and takes a deep breath before turning to face me with her hand out. “Keys, please.”
“I can drive.”
She doesn’t look amused. “Keys. Please.”
I fish them out and dangle them over her hand. “You won’t get very far though, Sweetheart.”
She snags them from me with a smile. “And why’s that?”
Shelly shoves the key in the ignition.
“It’s a stick.”
I hear her foot hit the clutch. “No shit?” She starts the engine. “I hadn’t noticed that weird little stick thing in between the seats.” She glares at me and shifts the car into reverse, whipping out of the parking spot fast enough to make the tires squeak against the blacktop when she stops. “Is that something only a person with a penis can drive?” She’s in first and taking the back way out of the parking lot, picking up speed fast and smooth.
My girl can drive a fucking stick.
And she might be better at it than I am.
Shelly whips the Mustang out onto the road and heads for the interstate, scooting up the on-ramp like the devil’s chasing her. Once she’s on the highway she opens it up, grinning as the engine roars.
I shift around in my seat. “I’m happy you’re having a nice time but I need you to remember you’re in a car that belongs to someone the law has met a time or two, with a trunkful of guns.”
She snaps me a glance.
Shelly blows out a breath as her foot eases off the gas.
“I expected you to be more wild than this, you know that?”
15
I LOVE THIS car.
But I can’t enjoy driving it.
Which is a shame.
I push it as much as I can, loving the rumble of the engine as it picks up speed at a crazy fast pace.
So much better than my little sedan. Why didn’t I buy one of these?
Oh. That’s right.
Because back when I bought it I was still trying to be a good girl. Keep the devil inside me in his cage. Show my parents I could be nice.
Then I met Kerri and saw a woman could be wild and sweet at the same time. Realized I could be that too.
And now I have a man who appreciates both sides of me.
A man who owns a badass car that I’ve been itching to drive.
But right now he needs sweet me.
I blow out
a breath as I pull into his driveway. Shaun hasn’t said a word since he warned me to slow down what with all the weapons in the trunk.
And him in the passenger seat. “Have you been arrested?”
He shrugs.
So that’s a yes. “Have you been to prison?”
The scowl he’s been wearing digs deeper in to his brow. “Couldn’t own a gun if I had.”
Good point.
Not legally anyway and it’s turning out these men that I expected to be bad and wild and crazy...
Aren’t. Not really.
I park the car and turn to face him. “I know about your parents.”
I don’t know why I’m telling him this. He obviously already figured it out.
That didn’t go over well. At all.
His jaw clamps tight.
Jesus lord. I want to be careful with him. Sweet and kind and understanding.
But I sort of want to yell at him.
Instead I take a deep breath. He isn’t like me. He’s never studied human behavior. Never looked into the deeper reasons people do the things they do. “I’m sorry for what your father did.”
His chin barely lifts.
And it pisses me off just enough to make me forget all about the sweetness I wanted to give him. “Why in the hell are you mad at me?” I shove out of the low-riding car and stomp my way to the door.
He is the most stubborn, difficult, frustrating—
I spin and face him as he shuts his own car door. “This is why I drugged you. Because you’re a pain in the ass.” I glare at him as he walks toward me. Still silent.
I wish I had more of that fucking Sparkle shit. Sure opened him up last time.
Maybe he’s not talking because he doesn’t want to talk about this with me. Maybe he never intended to. “Do you not trust me enough to want me to know?”
Shaun stops walking and looks a little like I hit him. “Of course I trust you.”
“Then why are you so upset that I know? Why does it matter? It’s not like you—”
Oh shit.
This isn’t about Shaun’s dad. Never has been.
This is about him.
All the devil runs right out of me, making room for the sweet girl this huge man needs more than I realized. I close the gap between us with quick steps.
“You aren’t your father, Shaun.”
He won’t look at me. I know he doesn’t believe me.
But I do.
I grab his face and I’m not gentle about it. I force him to look at me. Make sure he can see the truth in my eyes. “You are not your father.”
The pain and anger in his eyes makes my throat ache. Makes me burn with the rage I always tried to fight against. No one has ever protected this man.
Not from his parents mistakes.
Not from King’s control.
Not from his own fucked-up beliefs.
And that changes now.
“You are not your father.” I’ll say it as many times as it takes for Shaun to believe it. “You would never ever hurt me. I would put my life on it.”
I mean it. Shaun isn’t that kind of man. It’s in everything he does. The way he treats Jill. The way he worries about Kerri.
About me.
“You are too strong to let someone else decide what kind of man you will be.” I grab his shirt, needing to hang onto him. Make sure he has to stay close to me. Hear all I have to say. “I fucking drugged you the first time we met and you didn’t get mad. Didn’t scream at or threaten me.”
Of course at the time I thought he hated me for it, but that was all wrong.
For some reason he liked me anyway. Swore everyone else off me.
“Why didn’t you get upset about that?”
He takes a long breath, his eyes never leaving mine. “Liked that you were ballsy enough to do it. Most people don’t fuck with me.”
It’s kind of funny now that I think about it. There probably aren’t too many people who don’t find Hawk terrifying when they first meet him.
And for a while after that.
“It’s only because they don’t realize you’re just a big teddy bear.”
He growls a little. “I’m not a fucking stuffed animal, Sweetheart.”
I nod. “You are. You’re all bluster.”
He shakes his head slow and serious. “Only with you.”
My point exactly. I wrap my arms around his neck. “Told you.”
His eyes narrow for a second. I know he might not completely believe me right now. Shaun’s spent almost thirty years thinking one day he would suddenly morph into the kind of man who hurts those he loves if they wrong him. Can’t expect him to believe that’s not the person he is just because I say so.
He huffs out a breath but his big bad wolf act doesn’t scare me.
Never has.
“Let’s go inside.” I pull on him.
He doesn’t budge.
Fine.
I know what will make me feel better about all this shit we’ve had thrown our way and I’m not above fighting dirty to get it. I give him one more chance to come easy, tugging on his neck again. “Please?”
Shaun still doesn’t move.
I’m not sure what his plan is. Stand out here all night being mad about who the fuck knows what?
Probably.
Not going to happen.
I grab at the waistband of his pants, popping the button free. “Please come inside, Shaun.”
He underestimates me, I know he does.
Doesn’t think I will go to the lengths I’m willing to go to for him to believe I trust him.
I pull the fly of his pants open. “This is your last chance.”
“Or what?” He’s still acting like he’s pissed but I see the heat in his eyes. He’s just pretending now.
Wants to see how far I’ll take what I started.
“Or your neighbors are going to get to watch me suck your dick in the front yard.” I smile at him. Sweet Shelly’s still running the show, only it turns out sweet Shelly has a naughty streak too. “You want them to watch what I do to you?”
He does.
But doesn’t.
Shaun grabs me hard and fast, one arm pinning me to his chest as he practically drags me up the few steps to his porch. He pulls me into the corner where a large evergreen tree blocks all but one side. “Get on your knees.”
My stomach flips at the rough sound of his voice and my pussy clenches at the ragged demand.
Anyone could see us. Come up the steps. Peek out a window and squint into the falling darkness at two figures on a porch. I keep my eyes on him as I slowly lower to the ground.
My heart is racing, a combination of fear and excitement sending my arousal into overdrive.
Shaun’s eyes are dark as they stare down into mine, one fist stroking his rigid cock. “Open your mouth.” His words are soft and strong at the same time.
I do as he says.
One big hand cups my cheek as the other guides his dick between my lips. The smooth skin of his shaft slides along my tongue while his hand moves back to cradle my head. I can taste the cum already weeping from him. He’s as turned on by this as I am and that only makes me love it more.
I moan around his cock as Shaun does all the work, sliding in and out in slow, careful thrusts, never going too deep.
He’s all that stands between me and the rest of the world. Blocking out everything but what is happening between us in the shadows of his porch. His arm is braced against the side of the house, propping him in place as his movements become jerky. He tries to pull free but I grab his pants and hold him close, working my lips down his length as it swells in my mouth.
“Sweetheart, I’m—” He tries to get away again but I’m not letting him.
I want to taste him the way he tastes me.
I sink down on him one more time and a groan drags from his chest as he comes in hot, pulsing waves.
The second it’s over Shaun yanks free of my mouth and pulls me to my feet
, pressing my body into the corner with his. His mouth is hot on mine and I know he has to taste himself on my tongue.
And that turns me on too.
Because apparently I’m one kinky bitch.
Shaun has my pants undone and his fingers on my clit before I can catch my breath. “You’re so fuckin’ wet, Sweetheart. Did you like sucking my dick where anyone could see you?”
That was a little bit of an exaggeration but I’ll let him have it.
I nod. “I loved it.”
He growls low in my ear. “My girl’s a voyeur.”
My girl.
“Next time I’m going to fuck you right here.” His lips slide along my neck. “Nothing between us.”
The thought makes my pussy clench around his fingers.
“You want that, Sweetheart? You want to feel when I come inside you?”
Why is the thought so damn appealing? “Yes.”
“Good, ‘cause I got papers say I’m clean as a fuckin’ whistle.” He leans back to stare down at me. “I want you tonight. Want to watch your face while you take what I give you.” His thumb is right on my clit and the dirty talk pouring from his mouth takes me over the edge.
“Fuck, Shaun.” I grab at him as my legs wobble under me.
“I got you, Sweetheart. Never gonna let anything happen to you.” He’s kissing me like that first time and every time since then. Soft and sweet.
Shaun might be dirty when it comes to the deed but the minute it’s over he’s back to the teddy bear he claims not to be.
“You’re so fuckin’ perfect for me.” He cuffs my neck with one hand in a possessive move that makes my already weak knees turn to Jell-O. His face is serious as he studies me. “Never thought someone like you would come along to trip me up.”
I smile. “Lucky you.”
“Sweetheart, I don’t plan to forget it.” He leans in to brush a soft kiss across my lips. “You done making sure the neighbors know my name?”
I shake my head. “Nope.”
“Good.” He pulls me into his side and unlocks the front door, leading me in just as his phone starts to ring.
Shaun pulls it out and glances at the screen. I can see who it is from where I stand. Tracker must be calling to make sure he’s okay.
Hawk Wild (Lost Boys MC Book 2) Page 14