The bafflement on Stephanie’s face mirrored Cee-cee’s own feelings, but the confusion was quickly followed by a quick rush of anger.
“What kind of game are you playing at?” Cee-cee snapped. “I don’t know if you’re here to cause trouble or for some inheritance or something, but you’re here now, so the least you could do is be honest.”
Cee-cee had no doubt that Nikki was connected to their family. Now that she had seen the resemblance, she couldn’t unsee it.
“I don’t want money, I swear.” Nikki’s voice was soft. “I just wanted to meet my sister.”
Cee-cee and Stephanie looked at each other in confusion, and then back to Nikki.
“Sister?”
Nikki swallowed hard, and then continued. “Anna.”
Cee-cee and Stephane stood, rooted in shock, as the implications of what Nikki had said slowly dawned on them.
Everything they thought they knew about their parents came crumbling down. Stephanie clapped a hand over her mouth, her eyes wide. Cee-cee felt as though the room were tipping around her, and she reached blindly for the countertop to steady herself.
If only Anna was Nikki’s sister, that could only mean one thing. Cee-cee’s jaw worked silently for a moment as she struggled to process what she now knew to be true. When she spoke, her voice sounded very far away to her own ears.
“It wasn’t Pop who cheated….it was Mom. Anna is the love child of Rose Sullivan and Eric Merrill.”
15
Max
“Wait…so back up a hot second here. You’re telling me my sweet, shy grandmother had an affair?” Max said, dropping the book she’d been about to place on its shelf right back onto the cart.
“I’m still in shock over it all, too,” Cee-cee said, shaking her head and blinking in disbelief, as if the bombshell was hitting her all over again.
Stephanie rubbed absently at her temple. “I know Pop wasn’t always the easiest to get along with, but I still can’t get my head around it. I just can’t believe she would do that.”
“Anna is going to lose it,” Cee-cee said, exhaling sharply.
Max took a deep breath then exhaled, thinking about how alike her favorite aunt and Pop were.
This was going to be bad. Really bad.
“I should probably close the shop for this because I need the rest of the story, stat.” It was getting close to closing time, anyway. She walked over to the front door, flipping the sign, then spun to look back at the other two. “So how did Nikki find out? Did she know her whole life?”
“She said that her father only told her and her siblings the truth about two years back, after her mother passed,” Cee-cee explained, leading the other two over to the wine bar section of the bookstore and taking a seat on one of the chairs. She uncorked a bottle of Chianti and poured herself a glass, gesturing to the others, but they declined. “I guess he told his wife about the affair before Anna was even born. She agreed to stay with him, but she made him swear that he wouldn’t have anything to do with the baby or our mom going forward.”
“Nikki said her father didn’t want to dishonor his wife more than he already had, so he agreed,” Stephanie said, shrugging as she and Max took seats of their own. “And apparently, that was fine with Mom because she made a similar agreement with Pop.”
Max leaned closer, blinking. “Wait, what do you mean?”
“I know it sounds crazy, but according to Nikki, Pop knew the whole time,” Cee-cee said, rubbing her forehead. “Mom came clean at the same time Eric Merrill did. Pop forgave her, and vowed to love Anna as his own, so long as Mom agreed not to see Eric again.”
“I still just don’t know what to make of it,” Stephanie said. “Pop was so stubborn, I wouldn’t take him as a man who would put up with infidelity.”
Max nodded in agreement, thoughtful. “Grandma Rose put up with a lot from him. Maybe he felt like he owed her.” They sat in thoughtful silence for a moment before Max spoke again, “What made Nikki decide to track her down now?”
“She’d been planning to do it since she found out, but her other siblings kept putting her off. For whatever reason, they refuse to acknowledge Anna as their half-sister. They told her it’d be wrong to dredge up old wounds while Pop was still alive,” Cee-cee explained. “But Nikki has kept an eye on all of our Facebook pages and found out that he’d passed away, so she decided it was finally time to meet her lost sister.”
“And how’d she figure out it was Anna and not one of you two? Are we even sure?” Max asked.
Stephanie nodded. “We’re sure. She had a rough timeline from her father and it all adds up. But honestly, Max, you’d only have to look at her to know.”
“When are you going to tell Aunt Anna?” Max asked, looking up and shaking her head in amazement. This was huge news and it would take time to process, even for her. She could hardly imagine what Mom and Stephanie must be feeling.
But Aunt Anna? Her world was going to be rocked down to the very foundation.
“We’re still trying to figure that out. Obviously, we don’t want to ruin her vacation, but I hate keeping it from her.”
“How do you think she’ll take it?” Max asked.
“Not well,” Cee-cee answered, shaking her head. “She won’t be happy to hear about Mom cheating, but Pop not being her real father? That’s going to kill her.”
“Then you should wait,” Max said. “It’s not time sensitive so there’s no point in ruining her trip over it.”
Cee-cee nodded. “I was thinking the same.”
“And Nikki?” Max asked. “She’s not just going to contact her on her own, right?”
“We told her to leave it to us to break the news,” Cee-cee said, “and she promised she would.”
Max’s eyes unfocused as she stared through the window of her bookstore, considering the revelation. “What’s she like? Does she have mannerisms like Aunt Anna?”
“Hard to say. She was obviously a bit nervous, given her covert reasons for coming to town,” Cee-cee said. “The first time I met her, I had the strangest sense of déjà vu. They share those hazel eyes with the golden flecks, and she has wild curls like Anna’s, only darker.” Cee-cee worried her bottom lip and then shrugged. “It’s more that they feel alike, though, if that makes sense? A vibe…the way she carries herself. I get the sense that she’s creative like Anna, too. The food pictures on her social media pages are very artsy. Even the pot roast she made at Mo’s had a flare.”
“And she did just uproot her life and rent an apartment here for three months while her daughter went off to school,” Stephanie added. “They must’ve gotten that shared nomadic trait from their father.”
“Remember when she sent that asparagus dish with Eva to our family dinner? I guess she was still watching us and building up the courage to say something,” Cee-cee said. “Crazy that she went so far without more of a plan.”
“She even said she almost left Bluebird Bay when Eva told her how close we all were. Apparently, her family relationships are more… combative,” Stephanie elaborated. “She only decided to stay because she knew she’d spend the rest of her life wondering about her if she didn’t.”
Max nodded, her mind shifting to Gabe. What would her reaction be if Gabe was in her mother’s shoes and she was in Anna’s? It was hard to even imagine but she certainly wouldn’t feel good about it. Even if things were a little rocky right now, she and her brother shared a close bond, similar to the Sullivan sisters. It’d feel awful to find something like this out. Like her whole life was a lie.
“I’m worried this is going to wreck Aunt Anna.”
Cee-cee pursed her lips together and shook her head slowly. “She’s strong, but I’m worried, too. She’s a passionate person and she had a close bond with Pop that’s going to make it hard to forgive our mother for what she did to him. I like Nikki but, if I’m being honest, I can’t help but wonder if this was a can of worms that should’ve remained closed.”
“She’s not going to
like it at first,” Stephanie agreed, “but maybe there’s a chance she finds some good in it, as well. Maybe Nikki will turn out to be a blessing to her.”
Sure…there was a chance of that. But there was an even bigger chance her poor aunt was in for one of the most brutal shocks of her life.
16
Sasha
The waiting room of the therapist’s office was quiet, aside from the quiet gurgle of the serenity fountain in the corner of the lobby. Despite her nerves, Sasha couldn’t help but appreciate the design of the office—soft green walls, lots of plants, the fountain, and cushy tan leather couches all came together in a professional and calming way.
Still, the décor could do only so much to assuage the fears that were eating away at her. Gabe was supposed to meet her after work, and since they hadn’t driven together, she couldn’t keep the worry out of her mind that he might just skip the appointment. Things had been tense at home for weeks now, but especially since the aftermath of Anna’s dinner party. This morning he had merely nodded when she’d reminded him about their appointment, but he hadn’t spoken a word.
What if he doesn’t come? What if he wants out of the marriage? Those questions ran over and over through her mind in a maddening loop, and she realized she was clenching her fingers together tightly around her purse. Making a conscious effort, she unclenched them and took a deep, calming breath. Gabe was a good man. She had to trust and hope that he wanted to work things out, too, and that therapy could help them.
“Sasha?”
She looked up to see an elegant older woman standing a few feet away. Her dark hair, streaked liberally with gray, was pulled into a French twist, and kindly green eyes watched her attentively from behind wire-rimmed glasses.
“I’m Dr. Leslie Sheppard, but please call me Leslie,” she said, smiling. She exuded warmth and competence, and Sasha felt a bit of her nerves dissipate. She extended a hand toward her waiting office. “Would you like to come in? I know we’re waiting for your husband still, but please come in and make yourself comfortable.”
Sasha stood and followed Leslie into her office and lowered herself onto the sofa across from the armchair where Leslie was settling herself and shuffling her notepad and papers. She glanced at the clock—Gabe was late. True, it was only a couple of minutes past the start of the appointment, but the fears that he would skip the appointment, and by extension be through with her, mounted with each tick of the second hand.
A minute later, hurried footsteps sounded down the hallway moments before Gabe appeared in the doorway, slightly flushed and out of breath. “Sorry I’m late,” he said, closing the office door behind him. He glanced at Sasha before addressing himself to Leslie. “A client took a fall on the dock and I couldn’t leave without making sure she was alright.”
Relief flooded over Sasha upon hearing his explanation. He hadn’t abandoned her without a backward glance. He had come to the appointment like he said he would. He hadn’t yet decided to give up on their marriage. Why was it so hard for her to trust? Well, trust or no trust, he was here, and she allowed herself a moment to breathe gratefully while Leslie introduced herself and shook hands with Gabe, inviting him to sit beside his wife.
Gabe sat next to Sasha, but there was a gap between them, and Sasha felt the sting that always came from his determination to keep her distant. Biting her lip to stem the tide of tears that already wanted to rise, she looked expectantly at Leslie, waiting to begin.
“Why don’t you two tell me a little about yourselves. How long have you been together?”
Gabe and Sasha glanced at each other, trying to see who would speak first, before Gabe eventually answered for them. “It’s been four years now, although we were broken up for a few months a year ago. That was before we got married.”
Leslie nodded and jotted a note down. “Do you want to tell me more about what happened there?” She asked it calmly, with no judgment, and Sasha noticed Gabe’s shoulders seeming to relax the tiniest bit.
“I was trying to provide a good life for Sasha, for the both of us. I just got too wrapped up in work,” he responded.
Leslie looked at Sasha probingly. “Sasha, how did that make you feel?”
Sasha wasn’t afraid to answer; she and Gabe had resolved these issues before they got married.
“I felt alone and unheard, so it was difficult. We’ve worked through that in counseling, though, and Gabe’s been wonderful about work-life balance since then. Lately, though…it just feels like we’re so distant.”
“Hmm…why do you think that is?” Leslie asked gently.
Sasha looked down. She didn’t want to admit aloud what she’d done to Gabe, to bring to the forefront again all the shame at her betrayal, but it was the whole reason they were there.
She took a deep breath and began haltingly, “I got pregnant before Gabe and I got married.” She paused, gathering her courage, desperately wishing that she didn’t have to continue.
After a moment, Leslie finally asked another question to help Sasha along. “And you two didn’t want to have a baby?”
“Well, no, not exactly,” Sasha faltered. “I mean, we had planned to wait a while before starting a family. I’m still in school and Gabe’s business is getting busier, and we just thought it would be smart to wait and save for a while, and…” She realized she was babbling, and took another calming breath. “When I missed my cycle, I had my suspicions that I might be pregnant, but I didn’t tell Gabe. I told myself it wasn’t a lie because I didn’t even know for sure. But when I took some pregnancy tests and they all came back positive, I still…just didn’t tell him. I couldn’t.”
“When did you finally tell him?” Leslie asked.
Sasha could sense tension radiating from Gabe’s stiff shoulders. She looked away and whispered, “I didn’t tell him until after we were already married. And I deceived him about it. A lot, along the way.”
Her statement hung in the air for a moment, and Sasha was afraid to look up and see the anger on Gabe’s face and judgment on Leslie’s.
“Sasha,” Leslie said gently, and Sasha slowly met her eyes. Leslie’s face held nothing but compassion. “It seems like this decision not to tell Gabe has weighed on you very heavily. Why do you think you kept the truth from him?”
Though he wasn’t looking at her, Sasha could sense that Gabe was listening very intently for her answer. His jaw was clenched tight.
“I don’t know,” Sasha said desperately.
Leslie waited without responding, and Sasha knew she would have to dig deeper into her hidden pain and allow herself to be honest.
“I was afraid,” she said finally. “I was afraid he would leave me.”
Gabe opened his mouth to protest, but Leslie held up a hand kindly. “Gabe, let’s let Sasha finish explaining her side of things. I’m sensing that there’s more to this fear. Sasha, who else has left you?”
“No one,” said Sasha automatically.
“All right. Can you tell me a little about your childhood? Maybe about your family life growing up? How you became the woman you are today?”
Sasha closed her eyes for a second and let herself think back to a time she often tried to forget.
She felt her eyes well with tears and suddenly, the words seemed to pour out of her.
“I had a good childhood…until I was eight. That’s when my parents died in a car accident and I went to live with my gran. She was diagnosed with MS in her twenties and, by that point, she was in chronic pain. She had a lot of physical limitations and I had a lot of energy. It wasn’t her fault, but she was unable to keep me. The only other family member who would take me was my Aunt Sara. She was already a single mother with a daughter of her own—my cousin Clarissa. They didn’t have a lot of money, there were issues with her ex…she had enough of her own problems without adding another kid to the mix.” She let out a shuddering sigh and shrugged. “It wasn’t her fault, but I know she saw me as a burden. She threw me a surprise 18th birthday slash going away
party, and after that, we’ve rarely spoken.”
Leslie cocked her head and studied her with sympathetic eyes. “That must’ve been very painful for you.”
The lump in Sasha’s throat seemed to grow and she swallowed hard.
“Well, at least she bought me some suitcases to pack my stuff in as a birthday gift.” She had intended for that little reveal to add some levity to the conversation. She didn’t need to see Leslie’s sad little smile to let her know she’d failed miserably.
“Um…anyway, so after that, I would visit my gran sometimes, when she wanted to see me, but I was basically on my own,” Sasha continued. “I didn’t really have any reason to stay in town, so I moved away for a few years. Then, I came back to Bluebird Bay when her condition grew more serious and she asked for my help. I met Gabe, and the rest is history.”
She folded her arms tightly around herself as she finished her story, and she realized she was trembling slightly. Speaking about her past was painful and she felt as though she had been laid bare.
“I really appreciate you sharing all that, Sasha. I know it’s difficult to admit that others have abandoned us and let us down. Abandonment can come in so many forms—the death of a loved one, neglect from those who should be the ones to care for us most, an absent caregiver. Look at me, though. If someone hurt you, it is not your fault. I hear you doing an awful lot of excuse-making for others. Others who were adults at the time.”
“My gran did leave me her cottage when she passed away,” Sasha added, only realizing how sad it sounded after she spoke.
Leslie was right. She was making excuses for her relatives. She’d been doing it for so long, she didn’t know how to stop.
“And that’s a wonderful gift, but it doesn’t make up for the trauma you suffered at the time. Losing one’s parents is tragic, Sasha,” Leslie continued quietly. “But to lose one’s parents and then to be cast aside by the only people you have left must have been devastating. Your parents did nothing wrong. And your grandmother had health issues…even your aunt had her reasons, to some degree. I’m not saying you should be angry at them. I’m just saying that, whatever the catalyst, the result was the same. You felt alone and abandoned by the people you loved. Anyone would if they were in your shoes. Make no mistake; Speaking about it now is an act of bravery.”
Finding Forgiveness: A Bluebird Bay Novel Page 10