The Door

by Nelly Asher

  ***

  Evanford was walking along the corridor, looking around attentively. Suddenly, he caught a glimpse of Selena sitting in a room behind one of the windows. Kevin froze, trying to understand if his eyes are lying to him or not. Glass here was dark not even because of the dirt, but because it was so tinted it turned almost opaque. Silver was sitting on the floor of an empty room, her back leaning against the wall. She was completely still, and even from behind the glass Kevin could see that her eyes are vacant.

  “Selena?” Evanford knocked on the glass, but his companion didn't react. Kevin took Any Key out of his pocket and put it into the keyhole, hoping that the girl will still be there when the door opens. He turned the key and tried to pull it out, but it was stuck. Kevin tugged at the key a few more times, but it seemed like it was soldered into the hole. After some hesitation, he let go of it and walked in.

  Because of the tinted glass, it seemed from the outside that it was dark in the room, but it turned out to be more illuminated than the corridor. Now Kevin realized why the glass was tinted – instead of the usual window there was a huge mirror on the wall. When he entered, Silver didn't move, but when young man made a couple of steps in her direction, she threw the gun up.

  “Don't approach! Or your brains will paint this door,” she was looking aside absent-mindedly, but pointed H-32 with a steady hand at Evanford's head.

  “Selena, it's me, Kevin. Do you recognize me?” he was trying to talk as soft as possible.

  “Yes. Leave!” the girl waved the revolver impatiently.

  “I won't leave this room without you,” Evanford replied, inching towards her. “I need you, Selena. Try to understand that.”

  “What?! Get out!” Silver finally glanced at him, piercing him with her eyes. “Who the hell are you, what do you want? Real Kevin would've never said something like that!”

  “My words are quite logical,” the visitor objected. “Now I can compare, and see that when we were going through this together, everything wasn't all that awful. Of course, the situation was dreadful before, but after we separated, it abruptly went downhill. I don't know what happened to you. But, in my subjective experience, when I started walking the Pocket alone, everything became much worse,” Kevin paid no attention to the revolver barrel that was already way too close to his forehead. He only looked into the girl's eyes. “I realized that we have to stick together. It's not just a whim. It's a matter of survival.”

  Selena's look cleared up a bit. Her lips were trembling slightly, her finger on the trigger was also quivering. Evanford moved the hand that was squeezing H-32 aside from his head, sat on the floor near his friend and put his hand on Silver's shoulder. He wanted to add something, but Selena didn't wait for the explanations. She threw her arms around Kevin's neck, squeezing so hard that it was almost asphyxiating. Selena sobbed quietly, thought there were no tears in her eyes. Evanford leaned against the wall and, after a few moments of pondering, hugged the girl.

  Silver also took a more comfortable position, curling up on his chest, and took Kevin's hand with her left hand, still holding the gun with the right one. Slowly coming to her senses, she was trying to figure out what happened. She was falling and saw the floor... And then... She was sitting and looking at the floor. Evanford entered... Did she want to shoot his face? Selena realized that she actually could pull the trigger if Kevin have said anything wrong, dragged the conversation out for too long or just made the wrong move. But she didn't take him down, that's something. Then he sat beside her, and... Did she really cling to him like that? Only at this point did it dawn on Silver that she still lies on her friend's flat chest, his skinny arms wrapped around her body. So that's what “clinging to a straw” means... She must've been pretty desperate half a minute ago. Seeking protection in his arms is like trying to cover up with some tree branches to protect yourself from a hurricane. And yet... It's still better than being completely alone. Squeezing Kevin's arm on an impulse, the girl asked:

  “Really? Did you come here for me?”

  “Yes. I've already explained – there was no other option,” Evanford replied in his usual even voice.

  “Your logic is sound as usual, hero,” she smiled wryly. “Anyway, it doesn't matter what brought you here... I'm glad that you came. Thank you,” Silver raised her gaze, looking into his face. “Really, thank you,” she sighed and laid her head on his shoulder.

  Evanford thought that even if there wasn't any logical reason to go after her, he still wouldn't have abandoned Selena in this situation. He already recalled how unpleasant it is when everybody leaves you alone in a dreadful place like that, and didn't want to act like that towards others. Besides, after all they've been through together, Selena indeed began meaning something to him...

  The door opened, and Gelia ran in. She was back in her regular baggy yellow dress.

  “Making love, not war?” she asked with a smirk, pointing the gunhand at them. “Don't you know?! If there is a gun, it must fire! At somebody!”

  “If you're asking for trouble, you'll get it!” Silver shouted, jumping to her feet and drawing the revolver at her twin.

  “Come on, was it so hard?” Gelia rolled up her eyes. She didn't move, Selena also stood still. “You could've shot him, using the last cartridge...And that would've been a great “Game Over” for both of you! Each of you would've started on their own Endless Cycle... For you, it's the eternal helplessness of free falling, for him – those equations that he has to get right, or else... Ugh... Selena, you're always spoiling everything! Words can't describe how much I hate you! I can't shoot you, I'm not that into self-harm... But I know how to cause you pain,” smile beamed over her face. “Don't take this bullet to heart,” Gold pointed the gunhand at Kevin.

  Selena acted before she could realize what she's doing. A guess flashed in her mind, instincts worked immediately, and she smashed her right hand against the wall. Gelia's hand jerked, and a cherry stone knocked down a piece of dried paint a few santimeters away from Evanford's head.

  Hissing from a sudden pain, Gold grabbed her wrist with left hand and aimed at Kevin's stomach. Selena covered him, jumping into the line of fire, ran up to her double and grabbed Gelia by her right wrist, trying to twist the girl's arm behind her back. But Selena was still weak, so Gold easily broke free and jumped away, pointing the gun at Kevin again. Evanford rose to his feet as quick as he could, though he realized that there's no way for him to avoid the next bullet. Pulsating flash on the tip of gunhand's barrel moved, but cherry stone didn't fly out of the opening. Gelia glanced at her cherry bag and cursed, realizing that she forgot to load. Furious, Selena was about to attack her double again, but suddenly the door opened, and a voice said:

  “That's enough, Gelia,” Haurot Sputkee entered the room.

  “What are you doing here?” Gold wrinkled her nose in displeasure.

  “You had an opportunity to destroy their lives, and you've used it... And wasted it. The game must end, and it's me who sets the conditions on which it happens,” Haurot shifted his gaze from Evanford to Selena. “You've passed the test successfully.”

  “Really?!” Silver exhaled. “But which one? There were a lot...”

  “You didn't slip into Endless Cycle. Of course, if you'll spend some more time here you'll have many more chances to get stuck in Endless Cycle, but testing you forever is not in my best interest either.”

  The moment he said it, Pervert entered the room. Girls stared at him in surprise. Finkey lifted the corners of his lips in a semblance of a smile and stepped towards Gelia.

  “What the?..” she gasped, backing away. “What are you do...”

  She was interrupted by Jeremy Lace walking into the room. Once he closed the door, the handle turned again, letting in Henry Evanford and his former test subject. The door closed, only to open a second later before a man that Kevin and Selena recognized as Proggod. He was squinting in the light, even covering his eyes with his hand.

  “It's gettng too damn cr
owdy,” Gold muttered, trying to get a cherry out of her bag before anyone could notice. But Silver never took eyes off her twin, so she immediately jumped at Gelia, tearing the bag off and throwing it to the opposite side of the room.

  “Don't you try anything funny,” she snarled, stepping back.

  “The game will end soon, so we'll watch the final cutscene together,” just as Haurot said that, the big mirror on the wall turned transparent, revealing Jeremy Lace's office behind it.

  Kevin glanced at the clock – it was half past two, plus a few more minutes. There were some empty chairs standing in a circle in the middle of the room. Henry Evanford was sitting behind his desk, writing something down. In a few moments someone knocked on the door, and a boy appeared on the screen.

  “Hello,” Evanford stood up to greet him. “You're right on time. Take a seat, others will come soon.”

  Just as he said it, Proggod entered. He looked tense, as if thinking hard about something. Henry, young Kevin and Proggod took seats next to each other. Silence didn't last long – a female said outside the screen:

  “Hey, watch your step, idiot!”

  “Watch your tongue, missy,” a man replied. Mary Wesson walked in, followed by Haurot Sputkee. They've obviously bumped into each other at the door. Looking at Mary, Selena realized that it must be her in the past, but still couldn't bring herself to believe it. It wasn't even about the face – that girl didn't give a damn about the way she looks! She was wearing worn-out sneakers, t-shirt with some old stains, loose jeans a couple of sizes too big. Mary's short hair was already dyed black, like on that picture with Tenko. The haircut was actually nice, but there were no traces of make-up on her face, so black hair was weirdly contrasting the dark blond brows and eyelashes.

  “Hey there, little snot,” Wesson crashed onto a chair next to Kevin and put her artificial leather bag on her lap. The boy gave her a cold look and turned away.

  “Why are you so harsh?” professor said mildly. “He's almost as tall as you, and not much younger.”

  “Oh come on, he's no more than eleven,” it was obvious that she says that just to argue.

  “He's actually twelve and a half. And you?”

  “Didn't you read my file? I turned sixteen a couple of days ago,” Mary grinned like he recalled something curious.

  In a crowded room, Kevin frowned. If his young version is of that age in 1996, that tallies with the date on a family photo – he must've turned one in 1985. That means that he's not 20 now, just 17? And Selena is 21 already? Judging by the look on her face, Silver was also thinking about that. Suddenly, her eyes opened wide as it dawned on her that he got a few years older in a matter of seconds. Silver glanced at Kevin in shock – he nodded, confirming that her calculations are correct. The girl looked at her hands, as if being terrified that her skin will suddenly cover in wrinkles.

  “I'm fifty-three,” professor smiled too. “What about you, Lewis?”

  “I'm thirty-seven,” Proggod replied, still deep in his thoughts.

  “And you, Haurot?”

  “Don't you remember what my file says?” Sputkee retorted.

  “I see that you're quick to pick the habits of others,” Evanford turned his eyes to Mary. The latter exchanged glances with Haurot and twitched the edge of her mouth in a conspirational half-smile.

  “So, now what?” Wesson asked. “Will we share some stories from our lives? What we did, or who?”

  “You can tell about that either, if you so choose,” porfessor replied calmly. “But we will start when everyone's here.”

  “And who's missing?” the girl impatiently glanced at an empty chair between Haurot and Proggod.

  “You'll see. He's about to be here, he's a couple of minutes late. By the way, I appreciate you all coming on time,” Henry said with respect. “Deborah, you could put your bag on the floor, the cleaning lady washed it today.”

  “Thanks, I'm good,” Mary Wesson clung to the bag, giving Evanford a sullen look. She obviously didn't like being called by her real name.

  A few moments later Pervert entered the room, gently carrying a sex-shop doll in his arms. It was a cheap, roughly made one, with dishevelled hair the color of dirty straw, vacant look of painted-on eyes and an ugly open mouth. The doll was in baggy yellow dress, with some worn heel-strap sandals on her feet.

  “This one surely has a story to tell,” Mary said, leaning to Haurot.

  Selena glanced at her twin with widened eyes. The revelation was so grand that she couldn't even find the words to jibe at Gelia.

  “There were six people indeed,” she finally uttered. Silver realized how lame her remark was, but couldn't come up with anything better and didn't want to miss the moment. Kevin turned his eyes from the doll to Gelia, simply recording the new information. Gold furiously hissed something incomprehensive, trying not to look at her double.

  Finkey clumsily sat on the last free chair and tried to seat his rubber girlfriend on his lap. But her legs wouldn't bend, so he just leaned her against his side, wrapping his arm around her waist.

  “See, he also holds on to his stuff,” Deborah muttered, turning to professor. Judging by the look that flashed on his face, the Henry was also surprised by the doll. But he spoke as if nothing happened:

  “So, everyone's here now. Today we'll play a little game. It'll help you understand yourself, your inner difficulties, along with the ways of solving them...”

  “So, by the end of the game we'll be completely cured?” Haurot inquired.

  “You'll make some steps in that direction,” Evanford replied evasively.

  “I'm here for so long already... I'm sick and tired of walking in circles... Everything must have an end,” Sputkee muttered under his breath.

  “What do you mean by 'cured'? I don't consider myself ill,” Proggod suddenly proclaimed. Mary immediately hopped in on the argument:

  “Yes, me neither! Who do you think we are?!” she was always ready to fight, no matter what the subject was.

  “I'm not calling anyone sick,” professor said calmly. “But everyone has their difficulties... I've already discussed this with each of you. You've agreed to share with other people in a group. And now, please, take each other's hands and try not to let go.”

  With puzzled looks, his patients fulfilled his request. Pervert obedietly reached his hand to Proggod, but his right one remaind wrapped around the doll's waist. Haurot grabbed the rubber limb instead.

  Looking at the screen, Silver felt something touching her hands. Sensations that surfaced from the depths of memory were almost real. Thin and cold Kevin's hand was barely holding hers – the boy obviously didn't like this idea. But Sputkee's touch was soothing for some reason. She didn't want to run, didn't want to argue. There was only one wish left – to lie down, relax and watch the stars that shine in the infinity of space. She's just a peck of dust in vast weightlessness... For a moment, the feeling was even stronger than it was back then. Selena rubbed her hand, trying to concentrate on the screen.

  “Well, collect your thoughts,” professor spoke. “I can start first. My name is Jeremy Lace. I'm working here for about half a year...”

  This time, even professor's nephew looked perplexed. Kevin and Selena looked at Henry Evanford and Jeremy Lace, but they didn't say a word.

  “What?” Selena exhaled. “Umm... What the?..” it seemed like she completely lost the ability to say anything coherent. “Dammit, can anyone pause this video?!” she finally blurted out.

  “No,” Lace replied coolly. “We'll watch it till the end, and then you'll be asking questons.”

  The girl clenched her teeth in rage, realizing that there's no time and no point to argue. She glanced at professor, but he didn't seem to pay any attention to what was happenning around him in the room. Henry cocked his head, watching with interest as his younger version spoke:

  “I was transferred here by the order of my superiors – nobody was asking my opinion. But I've grown to like this center, I appreciate workin
g here,” Henry-Jeremy paused for a few seconds. “And now, let's go clockwise,” he looked at the boy on his left. Adult Kevin checked the clock again – 13:37. “Please, tell us about yourself – what's your name, how you ended up here, what you're doing, what's bothering you... Whatever you feel like sharing.”

  “My name is Kevin Silver,” the boy started. His last name was no news to anyone already. “I used to be scared of something, but now I'm not. I just don't like hospitals. But I have to spend all my time in them, because I'm mortally ill. The disease is rare, so doctors want to examine me better while I'm still around. I have no problem with that,” young Kevin was staring blankly into the window.

  The mathematician also looked at the bright autumn trees behind the glass, and it suddenly seemed to him like he's in the room himself. Everyone's silent, he's talking. He says the truth, because he sees no point in lying. He doesn't care. He's indifferent to what happens now, and to what will happen later. He'd spend much better time solving equations. But it's impossible right now, so he just counts the red leaves on the maple tree behind the window. He recalls counting to about seventy-four that day... Kevin shook his head, shrugging the vision off. A glass of Memory Screen and a few years of life were separating him from the office again.

  Silence fell for a while. Mary gave Kevin a look that reflected sympathy and even remorse – it seemed like she somewhat regretted teasing him. But Wesson immediately turned away, and a smirk appeared on her unattractive face again:

  “What, is it my turn now? Oka-ay... Papers say that I'm Deborah Cunningham, but anybody who gives a damn knows that I'm actually Mary Wesson. I'm here because someone had problems with my personality and self-expression. And also... Well yes, sometimes I take other people's stuff... But I don't want that, I don't like it myself!” she said with irritation. It was obvious that it's hard for the girl to talk about all of this, but it seemed like that habit was really spoiling her life. Deborah looked at Haurot impatiently, waiting for him to talk, so that everyone would stop looking at her.

  “I'm Haurot Sputkee, and I'm here for what you would call quite a long time,” the man said. “Among my own kind I'm worthy of nothing but disdain, because I can't create anything original. I want to create, but I can't make anything fundamentlally new, I'm only capable of mixing and rehashing the things that already exist. I've seen many worlds, but yours has suddenly captivated me. Especially people – primitive, and yet concerned with the matters of creation... They could even produce something themselves, albeit within the limits of what they've seen before. No, you didn't get me completely right,” he remarked, though everyone was silent. “By creating, I don't just mean making something physically, but also coming up with things in your mind – it's still hard for me to separate those concepts. Being here was very interesting, I even adopted an image in your world. But I got too involved, got too much into a character that I am here. It is not right. This way, there's not a slightest hope for creating something new. I realized that I have to leave this world and never to return again. But I need a little push from the outside.”

  Faces of Kevin, Finkey and Lewis didn't express anything. Evanford's interest was piqued – it looked like he was hearing the patient's story for the first time. Mary was grinning.

  “I'm not a nutcase,” Sputkee turned to the girl.

  “I didn't say anything,” Deborah looked at him with surprise.

  “I know,” he replied without batting an eye.

  “Thank you for sharing this with us, Haurot. And what will you tell?” Henry looked at Pervert, and he spoke:

  “My name is Biddick Finkerl. Women were always pushing me away... I know, I'm dumb and ugly... But I just wanted to be with somebody, to love,” Finkey's infantile voice made him sound like a child who is never allowed candy. “But now I have Sunny, and I don't need anyone else,” Pervert pressed his cheek to the doll's chest. “People never get it... But the doctor said that here I could tell everything without fear. So, I decided to introduce her to you – who knows, maybe you will understand? I don't want them to take her away from me... To be with her, I have to kill her and blow her again and again... Today I was late because I was inflating her in the bathroom,” Finkey lowered his guilty gaze.

  “Yeah, because after inflating her it took some time to deal with the plug,” Mary whispered, choking with laughter.

  Pervert finished talking, but Proggod, deep in his thoughts, didn't notice that it's his turn.

  “Lewis?” Evanford called.

  “Oh, right,” he started talking, though it still felt like he wasn't quite there. “My name is Lewis Trow, I'm a programmer. I don't have any problems. I successfully work for a certain company, and in my free time, I'm thinking about creating a perfect game and a perfect computer to play it on. I like my work, and I spend there as much time as possible. Yes, sometimes I forget to eat, sometimes I don't care about sleeping. It's probably because of this that I started losing consciousness from time to time, but nothing too serious. However, my superiors aren't content with that. They were trying to convince me to change my way of life, they were even threatening, trying to send me home earlier or to suspend from work – but that was to noone's advantage, so they stopped doing that. Then they've sent me here for treatment... Though I'm not sick,” Lewis said it all monotonously, without pausing, like he was playing a tape in the recorder. Upon finishing this monologue, he returned to his thoughts.

  After a small pause, Evanford was about to say something, but Haurot was the first to speak:

  “So, Henry, aren't you going to finish your story? We still haven't heard about your problem. If I understood correctly, we have to share our problems to get rid of them, right? And this game must help us, not just indulge into your fantasies that are considered twisted in this world?”

  “W-what are you talking about?” he replied with a stammer, as if caught off guard.

  “Hey, what's the matter?” Mary asked, alerted. “Is he hiding something from us?”

  “You weren't all that honest either,” Haurot remarked. “You didn't say anything about your ill temper or about your appearance that you hate.”

  “Do you think I'm a freak?” she yanked her hand out of his. Sputkee didn't reply anything, turning to Henry again:

  “From your point of view, everyone who gathered here are useless, and our disappearance will either go unnoticed, or will even be a relief to some. This is true for everyone but him,” Haurot nodded at the boy. “We're the suitable candidates for the 'Trap labyrinth' that you'd like to walk us through under the premise of a game. Maybe not right away, but our conversation would lead to it at some point. Are you certain that this way any of us will make at least one step towards solving their problems?”

  Mary's face got more and more sombre, especially after Sputkee told about their uselessness. Wesson's narrowed eyes were darting from Haurot to Evanford, her fists nervously clenching. She didn't notice how hard she squeezes the boy's hand. Kevin looked at her askew and pulled his hand out of the living vice.

  It had an effect of safety pin being yanked out of a grenade. Mary dug into her bag with a now free hand, took out a revolver and jumped to her feet.

  “All of you are out of your mind!” she yelled, brandishing the gun. “I'm so sick of this crap that I'm about to puke! What's going on here?!” she pointed H-32 at Evanford. Stunned, the psychologist couldn't say anything. “What? I'm asking you!” Deborah said with an even more threatening voice, now aiming at Haurot.

  “You're an ambiguous person,” the man said calmly, looking her in the eye. “Contradictions that tear your soul apart won't let you live in peace. But I came up with a solution. With the help of this game, we will actually be able to get rid of whatever wouldn't let each of us live our lives...”

  Finkey, Proggod and Henry-Jeremy were looking at Mary tensely, but young Kevin was looking outside the window without moving a muscle. He counted to seventy-four. Suddenly, a red leaf fell off the branch and slowly whirled to the
ground. Seventy-three, then...

  “I also know a solution,” Mary's voice quavered for a moment. Pressing the gun to her temple, the girl pulled the trigger.