by G. S. Carr
"Asa! Deena! Lovely seeing the two of you again so soon," Alice greeted them. She was crouched next to a dressmaker's model draped in a periwinkle-blue gown, with a needle and thread in one hand, and the hem of the dress in her the other.
"Afternoon, Alice." Asa lifted his hat. "How are you doing?"
"I'm breathing, so I have nothing to complain about. What can I do for you today?"
"I was hoping you could help Deena get a few items. Dresses, nightgowns, and lady underthings." Asa blushed, his cheeks and neck turning a light shade of red. "Whatever she needs, I'll pay for."
Alice stood. Hands on her hips and a wide grin on her face, she eyed Deena from head to toe. "Of course, I can help with that."
"Thank you so much. I need to run over and talk with the missionary. I'm hoping he can marry us within the week." Asa turned to Deena. "I'll be back to pick you up in a few."
She nodded. "If I get done before you, I'll come to find you."
"Sounds good. Alice, take real good care of my lady," he said in a teasing tone.
"I will, don't you worry."
Asa winked at Deena, then left. She blinked several times, watching his retreating figure. He wanted her to have everything she needed down to her “under things”. Not that she would accept all of it, but it still left her bewildered by the way he so freely gave what was his.
Shaking her head, Deena looked at Alice. "I know he said I could get whatever I want, but I don't feel right taking that much from him."
Alice tilted her head, studying Deena. "Why not? He'll be your husband soon. Part of his job is taking care of you."
"I know, I know. He keeps saying the same thing." Deena dug the toe of her shoe into the ground. "But I still don't feel right about taking so much so soon."
"I hear you." Alice's features softened with understanding. She rubbed a gentle hand up Deena's arm. "It's hard being able to let yourself need someone else. Being vulnerable takes time and practice."
Deena gave her an appreciative smile. "Thank you."
"How about we start you with two day dresses, some drawers, a nightgown, nightcap, and... oh, and a nice dress for your wedding day."
“No dress for my wedding.”
“Why not? You have to have something nice for your special day.”
“I just…”
“Accept it. I’m not letting you walk out of here without one.”
"Fine. Since you’re twisting my arm I’ll accept it. Just make sure the dress isn't too nice."
"Hogwash. I am going to make you the prettiest dress anyone's ever seen this side of the Mississippi. Now step up here, so I can get your measurements." Alice pointed to the platform in front of the mirror.
Deena took sluggish steps in protest but did as Alice said. She kept her expression that of someone being coerced into a task they’d much rather avoid, although secretly excitement bubbled inside her. The dresses in the shop were gorgeous. She couldn't wait to see what lacy confection Alice created for her.
Alice removed the measuring tape from around her neck and tapped on Deena's arms, indicating she needed to lift them. Again, Deena did as instructed. Alice went to work sliding the tape across her body, never writing the measurements down.
"So, do you own this shop?"
"Yes, ma'am, I do. After Jonathan proved up our land, and it started turning a profit, we saved up our money and invested in this shop."
"How long have you been a seamstress?"
"For long as I can remember. When I was little, I used to take the extra cloth from my mama's dresses and stitch together little rag dolls for myself. My mama and grandmama were both seamstresses. The best in the state of Georgia. Guess it runs in our blood."
"You have a talent, no doubt about that. Those dresses are beautiful," Deena said, pointing at the two gowns next to the dressing room.
"Thank you. I love what I do, and I think that's what makes the difference."
"I wish I had a gift like that. I can barely stitch a shirt without poking myself or sewing a finger into the garment."
"Getting a bunch of children to behave and listen while you teach is a real gift. One I wish I had." They both laughed. "If I could get my children to do their chores the first time I asked, I would have much fewer gray hairs." Alice pointed to the patch of gray hair at her temple.
"Working with children does have its challenges," Deena replied. Not that she would know.
"If you ever want to learn to sew, let me know. I'd be more than happy to teach you."
A refusal danced on the tip of Deena's tongue. She'd taken enough from these people. She didn't want to impose any more than she already had. Although learning to be a seamstress could prove valuable when she moved on.
"I think I might take you up on that offer."
"Anytime you're ready. You can bring SaraGrace with you when you come. Susan and J.J. would love to play with her."
"I'll let you know."
Alice gently squeezed Deena's arm. "I've got your measurements. I will get the dress for your wedding done first. Everything else should be done in a few weeks."
Deena gave her a wobbly smile. "Much appreciated."
Another pang of guilt sliced through her. If all went well, she'd be gone in a few weeks. Which meant she was now adding to Alice's workload and making Asa pay for clothing she'd never wear. Unless she decided to wait until the dresses were done. Then she could take them with her.
Yeah, but then you'd be stealing from Asa.
It wasn’t stealing if he gave them to her as as a gift. But that was splitting hairs. Something she seemed to be doing a lot of lately. Deena tried to remember Pearl's figure. The other woman was a little wider and much better endowed in her bosom. The dresses wouldn't fit if Deena left them for her. Either way, there was no way she could come out of this situation without more dirt on her hands.
Unless you tell the truth.
"This may sound like a strange question," Deena said, her tone hesitant. She twisted her skirt around her finger. "Have you ever told a lie so big it started to weigh on you? And you wanted to tell the truth but doing so might have put you in a worse situation."
"I have."
"What did you do?"
"I told the truth," Alice said matter-of-factly, her hands on her hips.
"Oh." Deena dipped her head, shame setting her face aflame.
Alice let her hands fall to her sides, her shoulders slouching. "Now, that was a simple answer, but the reality is a lot more complicated. It took me a while before I got to the place where I could tell the truth. I had to realize that nothing I do is beyond forgiveness if I am truly repentant. And even if the person I wronged didn't forgive me, the Lord did. That is enough for me."
"Those are wise words and very good advice. You know, I feel like we could be good friends. I haven't had one of those in a very long time."
Alice drew her into a tight embrace. "I would like that very much."
They held each other for a moment, each taking and giving support, in the promise of a budding friendship. Deena gave Alice one last squeeze before pulling apart.
"Well, I better get going. Since we're done, I'll go find Asa."
"Make sure to tell me the specific date you two settle on the for the wedding. I'll have your dress finished by then."
"I will. Thank you again."
"Take care now."
"You too."
Alice walked Deena to the door. She left the dress shop feeling both lighter and heavier. Alice was right. She needed to tell the truth. But she couldn't. Not yet.
***
"All done," Asa said as he finished tying a ribbon around the braid he'd put in SaraGrace's hair. Two on each side of her head, the way she liked it. He handed her the nightcap, which she quickly put on, stuffing the braids beneath it.
"Thank you, Papa."
"You're welcome, my lovebug. Are you ready to say your prayers?"
"Not yet." SaraGrace ran out of her bedroom without further explanation.
"You're gonna be my new mama, right?" SaraGrace asked Deena before Asa could stop her.
He peeked through the entryway and found his daughter gazing up at Deena, patiently waiting for an answer. Deena regarded SaraGrace, her jaw slack, as shocked by the question as he was. Water dripped down from her motionless hands, hovering over the washbasin where she'd been cleaning the dishes from supper.
"Um. Yes, I suppose I am," Deena finally said.
"Then, you should come to say your prayers with me and Papa."
"I don't want to intrude on your time with your father."
"You're going to be my mama, which makes you family. Papa says that families have to say their prayers together before they go to bed. So that means you have to come pray with us."
Deena smiled affectionately at SaraGrace. "That makes perfect sense."
Deena dried her hands on her apron and SaraGrace held out her hand. Deena hesitated, then took it and allowed the little girl to drag her along. Asa headed back to the room before either of them noticed him observing their exchange. He sat on the bed and folded his hands in his lap as if he'd been sitting there the entire time, waiting for them to return.
His heart expanded, crowing its excitement. For the first time in a long time, he was hopeful. It would take more time for Deena and SaraGrace to bond fully, but so far, they were doing great together. At first, he'd only wanted someone to take care of SaraGrace. Now he envisioned a true mother-daughter relationship, filled with love between them.
Thank you, Lord.
"My new mama is gonna pray with us," SaraGrace announced, marching into the room with Deena in tow.
"That sounds like a great idea."
SaraGrace released Deena's hand, bounced over to her small bed, and crouched onto her knees. Deena did the same. Asa struggled into a kneeling position next to SaraGrace. They rested their elbows on the bed, folded their hands, and bowed their heads. Deena glanced at the two of them, something akin to uncertainty in her expression. Asa gave her a reassuring smile, raising his folded hands in a silent invitation to mimic him. Deena matched his posture and bowed her head.
"SaraGrace, would you like to go first?" he asked.
"Yes, Papa. Dear Lord, thank you for sending me a new mama. I've wanted one for a long time. I hope she stays. She seems like a nice lady. Maybe Papa can teach her how to do my hair. Thank you for loving me and thank you for Papa loving me too. Amen."
"Amen," Asa said, uplifted by his daughter’s prayer. "Deena, would you like to go next?"
"Um... I'm a little out of practice. What am I supposed to do?"
That was odd. In her letters, she'd mentioned going to church every Sunday. Maybe she didn't pray much on her own outside of church service. It wasn't his place to judge. At least she was willing to learn and participate with them.
"All you have to do is talk about whatever is on your heart. What you're grateful for. What you're worried about. Anything."
"Very well." Deena bowed her head, but kept her eyes open. "Dear Lord, thank you for bringing me to Asa and SaraGrace. They have treated me better than I deserve. I'm sorry for the lies I've told. Please forgive me. Amen."
The lies she’s told? Odd, but then again everyone has lied about something at some point. Perhaps she was making a sweeping prayer to cover her general daily transgressions.
"Amen. My turn. Dear Lord, you are such a wonderful provider. You've given me so much and continue to bless me. Please continue to watch after Pe... Deena and SaraGrace. Protect them when I can't. And dear Lord, please help put an end to the attacks against the farmers. Amen."
"Amen," SaraGrace and Deena repeated.
SaraGrace scuttled into her bed and lay on her side, her folded hands placed beneath her head. Asa pulled the blanket up to her neck and tucked it around her. Deena stood beside him, holding her middle as if protecting herself.
SaraGrace smiled up at them. "Goodnight, Papa. Goodnight, New Mama."
"Goodnight," they replied in unison.
Asa closed the curtain over the window, blocking out the late evening sun. He left the room, and Deena followed behind.
"Mrs. Paty should be here soon to get you. Would you like to sit on the porch while we wait?"
"Sure."
Asa had no complaints about today. Mr. Thompson, the missionary, had said he could marry them at the end of next week. Alice was making a special gown for Deena for their wedding. They'd had a wonderful family supper. And now the day was ending with him sitting on the porch talking to Deena.
He could get used to this very easily.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Deena walked next to Asa toward the front porch, stealing glances at the uninjured side of his face. Per usual, he made sure to walk on her left to hide his scars. From this angle, he looked much younger and daintier like Rob. She understood the desire to want to hide part of oneself from others.
Asa stopped in front of one of the two rocking chairs and waited for her to sit before doing the same. He descended into his chair with a gangly stiffness, and Deena patiently waited for him to get comfortable. He stretched out his leg and massaged up and down his thigh and calf.
His leg must be hurting real bad today because every time he tried to bend his knee, he winced, sucking in a sharp breath. Deena closed her eyes, rocking back and forth, giving him some semblance of privacy. The cool breeze on her face felt wonderful.
"It's beautiful, isn't it? Asa asked.
Deena looked at him. He lounged in his chair, the usual lines of strain around his eyes easing. Deena followed the direction of his gaze. Miles of green grass stretched into the horizon. A burst of yellow faded into a swathe of red that stretched into the blue of the evening sky.
"Yes. The sunset is quite stunning. It's so quiet and peaceful out here. I could get used to evenings like this."
Asa's chest rumbled with his laughter. "Good, because you will have to."
"You're right." Deena did her best to imitate his laughter, hoping he didn't notice the nervousness in it.
Thank goodness he didn't think much of her slip. She'd have to be more careful in the future.
They quieted, sitting next to each other, enjoying the scenery. She really could get used to nights like this. Family meals, easy conversation, and radiant sunsets.
Asa jerked. He reached down and held his leg, gritting his teeth, his face scrunched in pain. The strain eventually ebbed, then once again left him.
"I don't mean to pry, but would you mind telling me how you got injured?"
He was silent for a moment before continuing, "I fought for the Union in the war. There was a young man in my regiment named Joseph. He couldn't have been much past his seventeenth birthday, although he’d lied and said he'd turned twenty. He had no business fighting. He thought war was all about glory and honor. One day during a battle, I saw him curled up on the ground behind a tree, his hands on his head. He’d left his gun lying on the ground, leaving himself defenseless. A Reb saw him and started charging at him on his horse. I ran to him as fast as I could. I knocked Joseph out of the way before the Reb trampled him, but the horse collided with my side. Either slamming into the horse, or the fall, or both, busted up my leg and cut up my face."
"I'm sorry to hear that."
Asa waved off her sympathy. "It's all right. I'd do it again if I could. Joseph went home to his mother, unlike many young men. I'm happy to have played my part in making that happen."
"You're a brave man. Probably one of the finest I've ever met."
"That's high praise." Asa rubbed the back of his neck. "I'm just trying to spend my time living the best life I can. Some days are better than others, like everybody else’s. I'm sure you've done your share of good deeds, as well."
It was Deena's turn to be abashed. "Some days, I don't know if I'll ever do enough good to outwei
gh all the bad that I've done."
Asa shook his head. He looked at her full-on for the first time, not caring about his scars. "It don't work like that." He covered her hand with his own, his expression gentle. "You can't earn your way into good graces. It's a gift. All the Lord wants is for you to turn to him and love him. He'll give you a clean start every day. No strings attached."
Deena sat silently, absorbing that revolutionary concept. It flew in the face of everything life had taught her. Everyone wanted something. No one ever gave you a clean start without expecting something in return. And the clean start they did give you still had a little dirt on it. Why would some all-powerful god be any different?
"Why?"
"Because he loves us. With a love that we can't understand."
"I agree with the not understanding part. I can’t fathom how I’m supposed to forgive myself, let alone how He does."
He squeezed her hand, then let it go. "It gets easier with time."
Asa settled in his chair and continued to watch the sunset. She couldn't fully accept what he’d said, but she respected how he believed so strongly. Maybe one day she could too.
Off in the distance, a small dot on the horizon grew larger as someone approached. The wagon came closer until Deena spotted Mrs. Paty bobbing side to side in her seat.
She brought the horses to a stop in front of the house. "Buena noches."
Asa stood and hobbled down the porch steps. "Good evening, Mrs. Paty. Thank you for coming to pick Deena up."
"My pleasure. Did you have a good day?
"Yes, ma'am. We got our wedding date set for next Thursday. We'll do it here at the house."
"Wonderful. I will fry up some chicken and whip up some mud apples. Let me know if you need anything else. I'll make sure all the ladies in town coordinate what they're going to bring."
"You don't have to do all that, Mrs. Paty," Deena said. The last thing she wanted as for this sham wedding to end up a large, public affair.
"Nonsense. This town loves Asa, and not a single person would think of missing his wedding. We're all more than happy to chip in."