“Hi, Adam,” she purrs.
Roxanne turns in my arms to see who it is.
“Jessica.” I nod politely. “How are you?”
“Better now that I realized you’re here. Want to grab a drink with me?” she asks. Is she clueless or is she purposely ignoring Roxanne?
“No, thanks. This is my girlfriend, Roxanne. Roxanne this is Jessica. She’s a friend of one of my cousins.”
“Hi, Jessica.” Roxanne is polite.
“Oh, come on. We know each other better than that.” Jessica ignores Roxanne. Shit. She’s bound and determined to reveal that we fucked.
“It was a onetime thing,” I reply, putting it out there for Roxanne so there will be no concern on her part.
“It didn’t have to be only once.”
“Yes, it did. If you’ll excuse us, I want to spend time alone with my girl.” Jessica’s gaze swings to Roxanne, as if she’s just noticing her. Her black eyes narrow before widening.
“Wait a minute. You’re the one who runs Manfax.”
I caress Roxanne’s shoulder and realize how tense she’s gone.
“I am.” Roxanne ticks her head in a brisk nod.
“Well, isn’t this interesting.” Jessica’s eyes wander back and forth between Roxanne and me. What’s her deal? “So, let me get this straight,” Jessica continues, “you two are in a relationship?”
“We are,” I confirm, squeezing Roxanne to my side.
Jessica cackles like a witch. “Oh, this is rich. The owner of Manfax is involved with one of the guys her company has investigated. How is that not a conflict of interest?”
“What did you say?” I question. Roxanne goes completely rigid.
“Wait a minute. Don’t tell me you didn’t know about the Manfax report I had run on you.”
I look down at Roxanne. “What’s she talking about?”
Roxanne stares up at me pleadingly. “I was going to tell you. I was waiting for the right time.”
“The right fucking time was when we met,” I grit out. I turn to Jessica. “Enjoy your night.” Gripping Roxanne’s arm, I steer her through the crowd and out into the hallway. We walk along until I find an exit and we step outside. Releasing my hold on her, I take a step away, putting distance between us. I’m stunned by what I’ve learned. Why wouldn’t she tell me? And how embarrassing to know that she was aware of my history before we even met.
“Adam, I’m so sorry.” Roxanne touches my shoulder, and I shrug her hand away. “Please don’t be like that.”
I whirl around, outraged at her dismissal of my anger. “Be like what—hurt? How can I not be? You knew all about my history and didn’t tell me.”
She holds her palms up. “Adam, it’s my job.”
“Don’t give me that bullshit. I’m not your job. For someone who claims to care so much for me, you couldn’t even be upfront with me about something so important.”
“I didn’t read the details of your report.”
“Right.” I’m a little salty.
“No, really. The only reason I looked at it is because that report was the fourth one we’d done on you. I took a quick peek to see what the big draw was. I saw your picture, name, age, and height. That’s all.”
“You did four investigations on me and didn’t think to tell me about any of them?”
“Please don’t yell.”
“I’ll goddamn yell if I want to. I’m upset. I’m hurt. I’m disappointed. I’m fucking devastated. If you can’t understand why I’m feeling all of these emotions, then you’re not the person I thought you were.” She sniffs, and I know she’s crying.
What does she have to cry about?
Getting caught in her lies by omission?
The more I ponder on the facts of this situation, the more I feel my levels of anger and hurt rising. I need to get out of here. Being around her is only making it worse, and I’m reaching my breaking point.
“I’m leaving. Do you need a ride?” Asking the question, I resist looking at her face. Her tears could be my undoing, and I can’t have that. This is a huge deal and too important to let go. I’m not wrong to be upset.
My chest is tight, and my gut feels as though she’s twisting a knife in it from side to side.
“I’ll have Vi bring me home.” I hear the tears in her voice.
Steeling my resolve, I grit out, “Bye.”
Long strides carry me to my truck. Once I’m inside, I just sit there. I don’t have the energy to drive home. All the happiness and excitement for the future has been sucked from me in one fell swoop.
Feelings that I thought were long forgotten from when my ex-girlfriend cheated on me, have been stirred up. I realize infidelity is worse than what Roxanne did, but I still feel betrayed. And I don’t know how I’m going to move forward with her.
27
Roxanne
I watch Adam until he’s out of sight. I kept hoping he’d turn around and come back, but that wasn’t what happened.
Swiping the tears from my cheeks, I head back inside. If I’m going to cry, I may as well do it someplace where I won’t be seen.
Keeping my eyes averted, I hurry to the ladies’ room, hoping no one will take notice of me.
Slipping inside, I lean against the sink. I study my tear and makeup stained face in the mirror. I’m a mess. What a difference a few minutes can make in your life. I came to this party thrilled with my relationship with Adam and hopeful for what the future had in store for us. And now, I’m not sure there is an us or ever will be again.
The door swings open, my two friends crashing through it like they’re about to kick ass. “What’s going on?” Danika asks, concern filling her eyes.
“Nothing that can’t wait. Get back to your party.”
“I’ve had enough of this party. My cheeks actually hurt from fake smiling. It’s a wonderful gesture from Rex’s parents, but I think we all know that this party isn’t something I would’ve wanted.”
“I guess that means you’re not off the hook. Now tell us what’s going on,” Violet orders.
“One of Adam’s flings is here.”
Dani places her hand on my shoulder. “Oh, Rox, I’m sorry, but you know how he is.”
“I’ve been busy and haven’t filled you guys in on a lot of things that have happened. Adam and I are a couple now.”
“Couple? As in a relationship?” Vi asks.
“Yes. And it’s serious. Or at least it was.” I drag my fingers across the top of my cheek, wiping tears away. I fill my best friends in on all the latest developments with Adam and me, including Jessica, the woman who hired my company.
Once I’m done explaining, Dani puffs her cheeks and blows out the air. “Wow. You’ve been a busy lady.”
“You could say that,” I agree. “I don’t know what to do now.”
The bathroom door opens inward as Jessica steps inside. Her dark eyes look me over and glitter with amusement at what they find. “Oh, honey, he’s not worth your tears.”
“Was he worth paying for a Manfax?” Dani chimes in.
“Money’s not an object for me. Easy come, easy go. I’d rather know what I’m getting into. It beats this.” She draws a circle in the air gesturing at my tear-streaked visage. She takes a step closer. “I think you should be more concerned about your business. How does it look when the owner of a company that investigates men turns around and becomes involved with one of them? It’s not a good look. It would be a shame if people found out. Who knows what kind of effect it could have on your business. And you know how easy it is to trash someone on social media. I’m sure people would go rabid over this unethical tidbit.”
Dani steps forward. “Listen here, bitch.”
I block her with my arm. “Don’t waste your anger on her.” Dani doesn’t need to get involved. This chick is liable to claim she threatened her, and I don’t want anything coming back on my friend. I’m a big girl and can handle this.
“Jessica, I don’t care what you do with this i
nformation. I could lose customers over it, but that means nothing compared to losing Adam.” I wave my hand like she’s an annoying bug. “You can leave now.”
She smirks and turns, her heels drag against the tile like nails on a chalkboard. Opening the door, she offers a parting shot, “It’s your business’ funeral, not mine.”
Dani throws up a double bird salute. When the door closes, the three of us fall into laughter.
“What you said about Adam being more important than your business, did you mean that?” Dani inquires.
“Absolutely. I didn’t realize what I was missing out on. He wore away at my resistance and assuaged every one of my doubts. We just found each other. I can't lose him. But if I do, it’s my own fault. I should’ve mentioned the Manfax reports immediately.”
“You had good intentions for not telling him,” Vi reassures me.
I push my hair back from my face and look at my friends. “What should I do?”
“What do you want to do?” Dani asks.
“I want to go to Adam and work this out.” I’ve already wasted precious time having a pity party for myself. I should’ve run after him and forced him to listen. I could’ve climbed into his truck and gone with him. Anything would’ve been better than the choice I made to stay here.
“What are you waiting for?” Vi asks
I glance at Dani. “I feel horrible about skipping out on your party. Are you sure it’s okay?”
“Don’t be ridiculous. You’re leaving early to go get your man, not skipping out on it. Now get your ass out of here,” Dani urges.
I dive into their arms for a round of hugs and then I scurry to the door. I slap a hand against my forehead. “Oh, shit. Vi can you give me a ride?”
* * *
It was difficult convincing Vi to leave me alone when she dropped me off. She wanted to drive me to Adam’s but I prefer to be alone. I’ve tried to collect my thoughts and organize them on the drive to Adam’s. When I pull into his driveway, I notice his truck is absent and no lights are on in the house. Fuck me. Where else would he go?
Instead of wasting precious minutes, I call his cell number. He doesn’t answer, so I leave a message for him to please call me. I also send him a text to which I get no reply. Not that I expected one—he’s hurt and angry. Both of those emotions are totally justified. I fucked up.
I drive back to my house, crying the entire way. I’m surprised I made it safely. I haven’t cried this much since my father left. That was the last time I allowed myself to feel so deeply.
Ever since then, I’ve carefully cultivated and maintained all the relationships in my life so they fit into the box I wanted them in. I’m not only speaking of romantic relationships. I mean all of them. From coworkers to employers to friends, it doesn’t matter who. I’m careful with my emotions and who I share them with.
Once I’m home, I change into my oldest t-shirt, wash my face, and brush my teeth. I climb under the covers with a defeated sigh. I wish life came with a reset button so I could go back one day. If I had told Adam about the reports yesterday, he’d be lying here with me. I’d be in his arms and all would be right with the world.
* * *
My stomach clenches as I get closer to the bathroom. I don’t hear the sound of any tools. Reaching the doorway, I peer inside. There’s no sign of Adam at all, not that I thought there would be. His tools aren’t even here. He finished the renovation, but I wish he hadn’t. Then he’d be forced to see me. Fuck. I feel horrible. Knowing that he’s hurting is painful for me. I really wanted to talk things through this morning, but that’s obviously not happening. He wouldn’t answer his phone when I called and texted. I even tried emailing him as a last resort.
Coming in here was my way of feeling closer to him. I can see him working on the various parts of this bathroom. I picture him smiling his special smile at me. I’d give anything to see it aimed at me right now.
Pinching the bridge of my nose, I try to stop the tears that want to come. I head toward the stairs. Maybe stomping up the flights will work out some of my sadness.
“Hey, hey, boss lady. How was the party?” Lisa asks when I enter Manfax. “You’re later than usual, so I take it you imbibed a little too much?” She arches her brow.
I keep moving, and she follows me into my office. “It was horrible, and I don’t want to talk about it.” I’m shutting this conversation down. I’m not interested in rehashing the details again. As it is, I lay awake most of the night winding myself up until my stomach was fastened into an anxious knot.
“Okay. I put that report you wanted on your desk. You’ve got appointments for most of the afternoon. Give me a shout if you need anything else.” She exits quickly. Smart lady. No one should have to be around me today. I don’t even want to spend time with me.
I fall into my chair with a grunt. Crossing my arms on my desk, I lower my head to them with a groan. My day is just beginning and I already want it to be over. Climbing back into my bed in a dark room sounds better than facing this day and admitting my relationship has been annihilated by my own hand.
Busting myself, I work for a couple of hours before picking up my phone. I dial Adam’s number and pray he’ll answer. Unfortunately, my prayers go unanswered, but I leave another message for him to call me. I also send a text asking for the same. Are you noticing a pattern here? Me too.
I slug through the rest of the day, barely hanging on until my final appointment with potential clients is complete. Once the clients leave, I grab my purse and phone. Many nights I work late, but this will not be one of them. It’s time to get out of here.
I pause in front of Lisa’s desk. “I’m sorry for my shit mood today. I don’t want you to think it has anything to do with you.”
She shakes her head, bouncing her corkscrew curls. “I didn’t think it did. You love me.”
“I do.” I smile genuinely for the first time today. “I’m leaving. Why don’t you close up and do the same.”
“I want to finish this up”—she points to some papers on her desk—“then I’ll head home. Don’t worry. Tomorrow will be a better day.”
“Goodnight.”
On the way out, I check the bathroom again to see if Adam’s around. He’s not. And there’s no sign that he was here at all.
On the way home, I decide to take a shortcut and head to Adam’s. The shortcut adds twenty minutes onto my ride and is all for nothing. His truck’s not in the driveway, and there are no lights on. Where could he be?
Picking up my phone, I send Dani a text.
Me: Hey, I’m trying to get a hold of Adam and I can’t find him. He hasn’t answered any of my texts or calls and I’m worried about him. Do you know where he is?
I send the message, remaining in my car in case I can go see him. Dani instantly replies.
Dani: I asked Rex and he said Adam is at the cabin. He’ll be there for a few days.
He’s at the cabin. No wonder I couldn’t find him. I hope he’s okay. At least I know where he is now.
Me: Thank you.
Dani: What are you going to do?
Me: I’m driving up there in the morning, and I’m going to get my man back. Wish me luck.
Dani: You don't need any. You’ve got this.
I read her last message and hope swells inside my chest. I hope she’s right.
28
Adam
My eyes barely open, I stumble from my bed and down the stairs in my boxer briefs. The smell of freshly brewed coffee is the only thing propelling me nose- first toward the kitchen. I’m glad I had the foresight to set the timer last night. Otherwise, I may never have left my bed.
Now if only there was a way to wake up to freshly fried bacon. Someone needs to make this happen.
Grabbing a large mug from the cabinet, I set it down on the granite counter.
Raising both my arms in the air, I stretch and grunt at the resisting tension. It feels like my muscles are having a tug of war. Rolling my head from side to side, I win
ce. My neck and shoulders are tighter than a virgin on her wedding night.
I fill my cup with the heavenly dark brew and walk to the large windows on the front of the house. The breeze ruffles the still green leaves on the trees. If I look closely, I can find hints of them changing. Any day now they’ll be turning to their vivid fall colors before falling to the ground. I wish the transition took longer and that the leaves would remain on the trees until at least November.
Winter doesn’t officially start until right before Christmas, but unofficially it begins in November. And with the way time flies, November will be here before I’m ready.
While I love winter, there’s something decidedly depressing about the trees shedding their colorful leaves. It’s a sad reminder that we’re about to enter a long and extremely gray period in New England.
But still, I wouldn’t want to live anywhere else. And standing here looking out these windows reminds me of all I have to be grateful for. Yes, my heart may have been blown to smithereens, but I’ve still got my health. I love my job and find it fulfilling. My family might be crazy, but they’re awesome. Hanging out with Randy is a blast. I give up on formulating my list and sip my coffee.
Leaning my forehead against the cold glass, I let my eyes slowly take in all of nature’s beauty surrounding me. My brothers and I are like kings on a throne up here in the White Mountains. I sure am a lucky fucker. So, why do I still want the one thing I can’t have?
Roxanne.
Her name whispers through my mind, and my chest pangs. I realize I didn’t give Roxanne much of a chance to explain, but in my defense, I got taken out at the knees. And if I recall correctly, she didn’t offer much in the way of explanation. I was so hurt and angry, leaving was the best option. When was she going to tell me? When we’re eighty?
I sip from the mug, letting the strength of the coffee flow into me. I might need an extra cup today. I’m pissed off and sluggish, like I have a hangover. But I don’t.
MANFAX: Winter Brothers #2 Page 18