“Why didn’t you say something?”
He dropped his hand, but she could still feel his fingertips digging into her skin.
“What am I supposed to say that doesn’t turn me into a selfish prick?” With a gentler touch, he brushed the stray hair from her ponytail away from her cheek. “I admire you so much for doing what you’re doing. For the time, the discomfort, the health risks. To give your sister and her husband what they’ve tried so hard for years to make for themselves. I can’t imagine how hard Jack has had it, trying to be strong for Stacy. He wanted a family just as much as Stacy does but he couldn’t say one thing because he wanted all his energy to be there for his wife. There was no way I was going to stop that.”
“I would have preferred not doing this at all had I known what it would do to us,” she said. “My marriage is important to me. You are important to me.”
“I didn’t know how I would feel, and even if I had, I’m not in the habit of speaking up, of communicating my needs to other people. Liz taught me that what I wanted, what I needed, didn’t matter, and I’m still learning that it’s okay to say something. To disagree. That it won’t be the end of the world if you want to do something and I don’t want you to do it or vice versa. Compromise is a foreign concept to me because I’ve never been in a relationship where I had it.”
“This is a nice talk, but it’s six months too late.” She struggled to her feet. “I think we need a break. I’m going to live with Stacy until the babies are born. When I come back, you can tell me if you want to give this another shot, or if I should find my own place.”
“I’m not letting you go.”
“You can’t tell me what to do.” She lifted her chin.
He sagged into the sofa and her heart hitched.
“What if I asked you not to go?”
“Tell me why you were talking to Holly. Do you want her back?”
Dane sprang to his feet. “No! The only reason I called her—” With his hands on his hips, he paced in a small circle. “I saw Liz, too. I confronted her about Overland’s offer. She said she didn’t have anything to do with that.”
“That doesn’t have anything to do with us, or Stacy’s babies. If you’re going to take me on a ride—”
“I’m trying to explain and doing a crappy job. I don’t want you to go. Will you wait until I get it all out?”
Nikki sucked in a breath. The air conditioning was working, and the cool air washed over her. He was trying to explain. It’s more than he’d done in a while, and she owed it to him to listen.
Running never solved anything, and she couldn’t let it be her go-to defense mechanism whenever he made her unhappy. She had to remember she loved this man, knew the baggage he carried and loved him anyway.
“Okay. I promise to hear you out.” She sat on the couch, pulled a throw blanket into her lap, and scratched at Princess Snowflake’s fur as she listened.
Dane
Thank God. He hadn’t lost her . . . yet. He died a million times watching her pack. Driving her away because he was a cowardly asshole. If he would have opened his mouth from the beginning, none of this would have happened.
He stayed on his feet, too nervous and anxious to sit.
“I went to see Liz and I asked her why she married me.”
“I’m guessing because she loved you,” Nikki said, her fingers twisted in her lap.
“She said she did, but we went to shit so fast.”
“I feel her there,” she mumbled.
“She said she lost respect for me because I turned into a doormat. All I wanted was to make her happy. I don’t know how that could have been wrong, but it was.”
“Because when you do what someone tells you to do and you don’t want to do it, you lose respect for yourself. You hated yourself for giving in just as much as she hated you. I saw that when we met.”
“You’re right. And I called Holly. I asked her why we didn’t have that kind of relationship. I could see it starting with you. Barely a year in, and already our marriage is turning into what I had with Liz. Do you know what she said?”
“No.”
“She said it was because I didn’t love her. And that’s when it clicked for me. I give control to the people I care about so they don’t stop loving me.”
“Dane.”
He sniffled, huffed a laugh. “Good thing Holly’s a sociology expert. I may never have figured it out on my own, but she’s right. I gave Liz whatever she wanted because I loved her. When you said you wanted to surrogate for Stacy, I agreed. I didn’t want to disappoint you, Nik. I love you so much and we’d only been married six months. I wanted to make you happy, and it did. But as the babies grew, I became so miserable.”
Nikki struggled to her feet, and he helped her, taking her hand. She rested her head on his shoulder and he wrapped his arms around her, the babies between them the way they’ve been since the infertility specialist implanted them into her uterus.
“Tell me how you really feel about these babies. No lies, no qualifiers. I want to know the truth.”
“The truth is, I’m proud of you. I’m proud that you would do this for your family. I don’t have brothers or sisters so I don’t understand that bond, but I am a man and watching Jack struggle because he wanted to be a father—I can relate to that. I want kids, someday. I really do,” he said when she looked at him with her huge blue eyes shining with tears.
“I want these babies to be ours. I was disappointed when you said you wanted to do this, that the first baby you would carry wouldn’t belong to us. But I love you for your courage and your strength. Stacy is lucky to have you for a sister, and I’m very fortunate you’re my wife.”
A sense of déjà vu washed over him, and he shivered. Eighteen months ago he’d vowed in this very room to never give her another reason to run away from him. Yet he had, and he’d almost lost her again.
“I’m sorry, too. When I thought of it, I got so excited. I didn’t give us much of a chance to talk about it. We should have taken time to have those discussions, and I’m sorry for my part in this.”
“You didn’t have to say that, but I appreciate it. The way I handle things affects not just you. We lost the bar because Ian thought I didn’t want to run it without Brett. I let Ian do what he wanted, and he sold it. I don’t tell people anything because I’m used to being ignored. Liz never listened, my parents never listened when I tried to explain what happened between me and Liz. I learned to keep my mouth shut.”
“And I didn’t listen because having Stacy’s babies was something I wanted to do.” She rested her hands on his.
His hands had found their way to her belly, the twins moving under his palms. One day they would share this, and the baby moving would belong to them.
“You’re worried about having to give them up?” she asked.
“A little. Yeah. I’ve been trying to not get attached and I’m worried for you.”
“I get it. Maybe it’s different somehow, but they don’t feel like mine. Maybe I’ve been able to distance myself. I’m not sure.”
“I’ve been talking to my therapist—”
“You’ve been doing a lot of talking,” she said, a small smile turning up the corners of her mouth.
He traced one of her lips with is fingertip.
“I have been. There are surrogate support groups. Would you like to join one? Talk to other couples, compare notes? It might help me to have other people to relate to.”
“That would be great.” She paused. “I’m proud of you, too. For putting in the work. For going back and trying to figure out what went wrong. It paid off, and now we can adjust, move forward.”
“Holly did say one more thing.”
Nikki stilled in his arms.
“It’s not bad, but probably the most truthful thing anyone has said. I need to let Liz go. She didn’t ask her husband to buy the bar, and even if she had, it shouldn’t have mattered. I need to forget about her, or I’m going to lose you. She’s take
n enough away from me.”
“I agree, but she was your first wife, and you loved her. It’s okay to feel a sense of loss, or maybe failure. It’s important to learn from it and move on. What are we going to do now?”
“I’ve been thinking about that, too.”
“Really? Do you know what you want to do now that The Finish Line is gone?”
“You said Stacy wants you to live with her so she can experience the last month of your pregnancy with you, right?”
“Yeah, but I knew I couldn’t do that.”
“What if we moved?”
She blinked. “To Chicago?”
When he’d first thought of it, he’d felt a spark. A fizz in his blood. New beginnings. Leave the past behind.
“Exactly. I think it’s fate I didn’t say anything to Ian. I’m glad he sold the bar, but I would have been equally happy if he wouldn’t have and I left it up to him. I didn’t think he’d draw the conclusions he did about our friendship, but that’s a different conversation that I’ll need to have with him one day. Anyway, now that we’re free—”
Nikki laughed. “I think you forgot about the store.”
Dane grinned. “Oh, ye of little faith. I have it all worked out. But let’s get off our feet. You need to rest.”
He urged her down the hall and they crawled onto the bed, lay face to face.
“You really want to move to Chicago?” she asked after he laid out his entire plan.
“My mom and dad might be a little disappointed, but we have to do what’s best for us. I like Stacy and Jack and I know you would love to live near them.”
“Is this about the babies?” she asked as he caressed her skin under her maternity blouse.
“Partly. I know I’m only their uncle, but I would like to watch them grow up. Live nearby when Stacy and Jack need a sitter. I love them, your body is growing them, and they share your DNA. That makes them mine, too. A part of our family.”
“Stacy will faint. She’s wanted me to move for years.”
“It’ll be good for us, Nik.”
“Won’t you miss Brett and Ian?”
“They’ve moved on to wives and kids, and they’ll be looking at different career opportunities. I don’t want to say there’s no room in their lives for us, but friendships are secondary to family.”
“Alyssa and I haven’t felt very close, either. I blamed her for not telling me about you talking to Holly.”
“Don’t be mad at her for that, but you’re right. Her loyalty lies with Brett, and it should, shouldn’t it?”
“Yeah, I guess so.”
“We have time to talk more about it. We both learned not to jump into anything, and we’ll take a look at our budget, where we would live, that kind of thing, before we say anything to anyone.”
She scrubbed her fingers through his whiskers. “I like it.”
“Good. Now, I think a nap is in order, some pizza, and a little Flix Roulette. What do you think?”
“I think I love you.”
He rested his forehead against hers. She forgave so easily. “I’m sorry I was stupid.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t take the time to listen.”
He scooted closer, tangling his legs with hers, pushing his arm under her pillow. She looked so beautiful with her hair in fluffy curls around her head, and love without doubt shining in her eyes.
“Is this okay?” he whispered, leaning in, his lips feathering against hers.
“Definitely.”
He nudged her mouth open and slipped his tongue inside. He loved the taste of her, the way she wrapped her arms around his neck.
She had such a big heart, and she loved him.
He pulled away and pressed a kiss to the babies.
His niece and nephew.
Adjusting a blanket around them, he tucked her into his side. “Get some sleep. You need it.”
“Don’t go anywhere,” she said, her eyelids already drooping in exhaustion.
“I won’t. You have me forever. I promise.”
Brett
“Dane wants to go for a run,” Brett said, looking up from his phone.
He grimaced. Sitting on the floor with Drew, they’d been building with blocks while Alyssa puttered around in the kitchen. It was the kind of evening he’d dreamed about when he and Alyssa planned their family.
“You don’t want to talk to him?”
“It’s the running part that sucks.”
Alyssa laughed. “Maybe a taste of your own medicine would be good for you.”
“Gee, thanks.”
“You should go. Nikki’s still pissed at me, and I’ll need to talk to her, too. There’s nothing worse than having a friend mad at you.”
“Dane’s been off the rails. I hope he’s not going to tell me he and Nikki are getting a divorce.”
She twisted her mouth. “I’d like to think I know Nikki better than that. She’s not one to give up so easily.”
“If anyone needs someone with grit, it’s Dane. He doesn’t know his head from his ass most days.”
“Go talk to him. Drew and I will hang out. What can it hurt?”
“Like I said, the talking isn’t what I’m worried about.”
“Pussy.”
“Funny, that’s what he said.”
Alyssa sat next to him on the floor and took a block Drew held out to her.
He nuzzled her temple with his nose. “Thank you.”
“Save that for later. You might want to take it back when you can’t walk tomorrow.”
Ain’t that the truth, Brett thought as he laced up his shoes and bounded outside.
Dane walked toward him on the path, his long strides eating up the pavement.
Jesus Christ.
Dane was going to kick his ass.
“Take it easy on me,” he said when Dane stepped into earshot.
“When have I ever?” He grinned.
“Fuck.”
Dane laughed, slapping him on the stomach. “Come on.”
They started out, letting other runners pass who were getting in a last long run before the race. Once Brett had stopped directing the marathon, he’d stopped running it, too. It had never occurred to him to register to race, more content to spend time with Drew and Alyssa than log his miles on the trails.
Mile after mile went by, and he wondered if Dane had intended to talk to him at all, or if this had been a ploy to kill him and leave his body in the middle of the park to be ravaged by deadly squirrels.
As another mile went by, he was sure Dane had plotted his demise by heart attack.
“How long we going?” he asked, panting after mile five.
Dane slowed to a walk. “Sorry. I got caught up.”
“You sound good.”
“I feel good. Nik and I, we’re solid. We had a good talk a couple days ago. Would have saved us some hurt if we would have done it sooner, but I wasn’t in a place where I could have. I think on some level she understands that too. I’m lucky she puts up with me.”
“Good. I never got behind you talking to Holly.”
“I know, and Nikki didn’t either. I needed it, and I explained what Holly made me realize about my part in my divorce and my dead-end relationship with her. Nikki understood, and now that part’s done. I want to talk to you about something.”
He walked alongside his best friend since high school. They’d gone through so much shit together, but he felt their lives shifting. Things change, seasons drew to a close and new opportunities came their way. People grew apart, new relationships formed.
Dane was moving on. He could tell in his friend’s tone, by the way he carried himself.
And as much as Brett hated it, he expected it. He could only hope it didn’t hurt too much.
“Okay.”
A family of four rode their bikes past them, and Dane waited to speak until they were out of range.
“Nikki and I are moving to Chicago.”
The spit in his mouth dried up leaving him fumbling for
words. “What?”
“To be closer to Stacy and Jack, before the babies are born. We don’t want to see our niece and nephew once or twice a year. Nikki wants time with her sister, and Jack’s become a good friend of mine. Liz chewed me up and spit me out, and a change of scenery will help me forget the whole thing.”
“But . . .” He struggled for something to say that didn’t make him sound like a pansy picked last in gym class. “But what about Ian and Marta?”
What about me? he wanted to ask.
“We’ll still be friends. Chicago’s only six hours away. We’ll take road trips and spend weekends here. My parents will still be here. We’ve talked about it. A lot. Made sure it’s what we both want.”
“Then I’m happy for you. What will you do for work?”
“I’m not sure yet. This past year took a lot out of me, you know? I need to regroup, help Nikki recover after the babies are born. She’ll probably have a cesarean section, and she might need a few weeks to heal.”
“Alyssa needed months.”
“I remember, and I want to be there for Nikki if she needs the same. I can find a nine-to-five somewhere. I’m not as worried about it as I used to be.”
Brett agreed. There was a calm about Dane that hadn’t been there before. A peace. He’d gotten something out of talking to Holly and Liz and if he and Nikki were stronger than ever, all he could do was be happy for them.
“What about your store?”
“That’s why I wanted to talk to you. I don’t want to sell it if I don’t have to, but it’s going to need a manager. I want to offer you the job. I can pay you what I pay Nikki, maybe a little more. I have a solid staff, thanks to the time Nikki’s put in, but I can’t say you won’t have to work some evenings and weekends every once in a while. It won’t be as grueling as The Finish Line, though.”
“What will you do if I say no?”
Dane shrugged. “Not sure. I could offer the position to Margie again, maybe she would take it now. Or if it came to that, I’d see if Overland wanted it. Even if he didn’t keep it as a running shoe store, the area is prime, and he might want the building for something else. Like I said, I’m not worried about it. For the first time in a long time, I don’t care about trivial stuff. Nikki almost left me. If I would have come back to the apartment fifteen minutes later, ten, she would have been gone, and I don’t know what would have happened. She listened to me, she believed me, and she loves me. Seriously, when you look at Alyssa, you know that’s the only thing that matters.”
The Finish Line Page 8