“Wouldn’t it make sense to snag him on the way to the party?” Ryu asked.
“Nuh-uh. With so many dignitaries attending, no one’s going to want to shoot if it’s clear we don't intend to hurt anyone else. They’ll let him go with us.” Tabitha grinned. “That’s if they even notice he’s gone. He’s not Dev. He’s not going to have women falling all over him.”
“How do you know? Etoy Walce might be a prime specimen of male beauty by the standards of the other females at the ball.”
Tabitha shuddered. “He looks like a rat. Anyway, I figured we’d go in, do some dancing, wait for him to show up—it might be a while, or we might just be able to grab him and go—and then we take the roof out of there.”
“Hold on. I believe I feel a responsibility to remind you that roofs have not been our friend on this mission.” Ryu snorted. “Last time, you forgot to use your harness and wound up with a broken leg, and got disoriented, so we went to the wrong building.”
“No, last time I got us into Kenet’s compound, and we went out the same way without me falling even once.”
“Hmm.” Ryu had to admit she was correct on that point. “The time before last, though—”
“I got knocked off the roof and cleverly used my situational awareness to find a gargoyle to hold onto while I healed.”
“And what did you learn from getting knocked off the roof?”
“To plan the assault with you.” Tabitha rolled her eyes, but Ryu knew she was actually chastened. “You made good points. We would probably have avoided a lot of trouble if I had let you sneak up on him first. I don’t know how many times on this mission I would have benefited from listening to you.”
“Three come to mind immediately,” Achronyx chimed in. “If we are counting me as a member of the team. We do not seem to be doing that all the time.”
“It’s hard to remember you when you aren’t visible,” Tabitha explained, waving her hand in a circle. “Don’t get all…you know…about it.” She finished lamely.
“I do not know.”
Tabitha covered her mouth. “Achronyx, it’s not important right now. Planning the mission is important. Mostly because we’ve just gotten to the best part.” She clapped her hands. “What we get to wear! Achronyx, what do we get to wear?”
“I have done research and reviewed holos from last year’s ball compared to current fashion trends, and I am pleased to report that we have suitable clothing already aboard the ship, except for some small accents I have taken the liberty of ordering. Karkat follows Torcellan fashion trends since many of the nobles are Torcellan. Your outfits are waiting for you in your respective rooms.”
“Do we have any further details to—” Ryu began, but Tabitha was already gone.
“I’m going to get dressed up!” she yelled as she ran toward her rooms.
Ryu sighed and spoke aloud. “I hope there was nothing more we needed to plan.”
“I hope so as well,” Achronyx replied. “Next time, I will be careful to ascertain that before mentioning clothes.”
Ryu strolled out of his rooms an hour later, dressed in a suit of rich blue with gold filigree epaulets on the shoulders. Similar accents adorned the lapels of the suit, the pocket, and his cuffs.
“This is quite the outfit,” he commented to Achronyx. “However, I have doubts about my hair.”
In Torcellan fashion, his hair had been dressed very elaborately, after having been dyed a silvery blond. In Ryu’s opinion, even though his skin had been painted a cooler tone to match, none of it went very well with his features.
“I thought it was important that your appearance not arouse suspicion,” Achronyx replied. “I will make a show of blasting off a few hours before the party so that our target will not think we are still here. No one who looks closely at you will confuse you for a Torcellan, but Etoy Walce will not know to run as soon as you come into the room.”
“I don’t understand how he would pick us out of the crowd if it’s filled with many different types of aliens,” Tabitha chimed in. She was still in her rooms getting ready, but she was paying attention to the discussion. “And I’m with Ryu, Achronyx—I have a beef with what you picked out for me.”
“I assure you, Ranger Tabitha, all of this was done with much care.”
“I’ve seen how you do things. You like to be sneaky! What are people going to think when they look at us?”
Ryu had to admit this was a good question.
Achronyx sounded a bit too smug when he replied, “They will think you are a visiting Torcellan nobleman and his wife.”
“What?” Ryu looked up.
“Hey!” Tabitha yelled at the same time. “Listen, Achronyx, Dev might be there, and I am not going to sabotage my chances of getting a date with him!”
“I believe extramarital affairs are common within the Torcellan nobility. Furthermore, to answer your questions about looks, even though Karkat is technically a Flexxent city, the Torcellans make up the bulk of the nobility and control almost all of the government. Kenet Aljun’ra was an anomaly in that regard. There will be only one or two token non-Torcellans at the ball tonight. Unless you disguise yourselves, you have no hope of blending in.”
Ryu grimaced, but he had to accept that Achronyx’s reasoning was sound. He sat in the copilot’s chair on the bridge as he waited for Tabitha. “Are there any customs we should follow as a married couple?”
“Yes,” Achronyx told them. “In Torcellan culture, the woman is the primary. The man is considered an accessory.”
Ryu looked up sharply, and Tabitha chuckled, her eyes dancing with mischief.
She jerked a thumb in his direction. “He’s an accessory? Ryu, did you hear that? You’re an accessory! I hope you’re in fashion this year. I’d hate to show up with last year’s trends.”
“I hope you understand what you have subjected me to,” Ryu murmured to Achronyx.
“I do. Unfortunately, it was unavoidable.”
“You had better be right about that.”
Tabitha was still shaking her head. “So, how should Ryu behave as an accessory?”
“Perhaps ‘ornament’ would be a better word,” Achronyx suggested.
“Achronyx, you are not making this better,” Ryu told him.
“Ah. My regrets. You will likely not enjoy the rest of this explanation, either. As the secondary partner, the male Torcellan is expected to make the female happy in every way.”
“Happy wife, happy life!” Tabitha called. “Even Torcellans know that, Ryu.”
Ryu was sitting in his chair with an expression of resignation.
“And remember, we’re Rangers. We have to give our efforts our all.” Tabitha swept onto the bridge. Her hair and skin had also been changed to Torcellan coloring. “You have to make me happy, Ryu,” she repeated as she twirled around. “You have to do everything to make sure Etoy Walce doesn’t know we aren’t really Torcellan until we nab him. Oh, this is going to be so fun. You have to make me—”
She broke off, staring at Ryu. She had finally caught sight of him.
“Hey!” Her voice was furious. “That is not fair!”
Ryu finally looked up—and choked on his laughter.
Tabitha’s dress was beige. Just beige. No ornamentation. It was not particularly well fitted, either.
“As the primary,” Achronyx explained, sounding very smug, “the female is expected to manage business concerns. The male is expected to be ornamental.”
“You know, Achronyx,” Ryu mused, “I think I might just enjoy this ball after all.” He stood up with a flourish and bowed to Tabitha. “Shall we go? I believe both of us look…appropriate to our roles.”
“Listen.” Tabitha glared at him and all of the pretty aspects of his clothes. “You are not making me very happy right now, secondary partner.”
Ryu snorted.
“I still say this is bullshit,” Tabitha muttered a little while later as they made their way into the packed ballroom arm in arm. “My dress i
s so bland that mud looks good in comparison.”
“You’re not wrong,” Ryu agreed. “At least mud has some color to it. Did they even put dye on that dress?”
“Keep your chin up and smile, honey.” Tabitha clenched his hand as hard as she could.
“Ow! I’m sorry…sweetie.” Ryu tried not to wince as Tabitha crushed his hand. “Cupcake? Snookums? Light of my life?”
Tabitha looked to her right. “Ornamentation doesn’t talk, Ryu.”
Be careful to keep your expression calm, Ranger Tabitha, Achronyx cautioned. Torcellan women, especially here, are expected to stay calm, cool, and collected.
“If we’re the primary partners, why don’t we get to do any of the fun stuff?” Tabitha complained.
Achronyx replied. “I believe the ‘fun stuff,’ as you call it, is reserved for the males.”
Ryu gave a sleek, self-satisfied smile.
“I didn’t even know there were this many Torcellans on the planet. Why didn’t we see more than one or two in the city?” Tabitha asked.
As the ruling class, they rarely emerge from the gated district.
“Someone’s gunning for a revolution,” Tabitha muttered.
“Yeah, well, talk it out with your boy toy,” Ryu suggested. “He helped install the current regime.”
“I should talk to him about it!” Tabitha agreed excitedly.
“I regret bringing it up.”
“No, it was a good idea. Especially coming from the secondary partner.” She patted his arm. “Take a few minutes to recover from the exertion.”
Ryu glowered.
“Excuse me, Lady Yerev?” A butler bowed in front of Tabitha. “The trade delegation to Karkat 5c has asked to speak with you.”
“Of course,” Tabitha responded. She swept along, bringing Ryu with her until the butler stopped her with wide eyes.
“My lady, it would be entirely inappropriate for Lord Yerev to hear such things.”
Male Torcellans would not be involved in a business discussion, Achronyx chimed in.
“I beg your pardon, of course. I’m known to be quite eccentric.” Tabitha smiled brilliantly.
That is one way of describing it, Ryu said internally.
Shut up, Ryu. “Go and dance, sweetie.” Tabitha sent him off with a pat on the arm. Achronyx? Want to explain what’s going on?
I have told the nobility that you are Weda Yerev, a trade dignitary from Karkat 5c, Achronyx explained as Tabitha made her way across the room.
This person actually exists? Tabitha fought the urge to send an annoyed glance at Achronyx. She wasn’t sure exactly where Achronyx was, so she would have to settle for “up.” What if someone knows her and exposes me? Did you think of that?
I chose someone who is a known eccentric, as you told the butler. I assumed from that statement that you had read the brief I prepared.
Gott Verdammt briefs! “Well, I didn’t.”
Achronyx gave a mechanical sigh. I see. That must have been a lucky guess. Yerev, whose name interested me because it is an old Torcellan word for night, and thus reminded me of Nacht, never emerges from her estates outside the city. She is always sent invitations but always declines them. I did not secure you an invitation—I took hers.
You realize I now have to carry on a conversation about trade between the various parts of Karkat. What is Karkat 5c?
The third moon on the fifth planet. The system is also known as Karkat.
In addition to the city? This is ridiculous.
I could not agree more. Now, remember to act very proper and without much emotion.
It’s not enough that Ryu is Hirotoshi now, I have to be Hirotoshi as well?
It might be good for you.
Eat shit and have a CPU heat meltdown. Tabitha smiled at the EI’s confused silence and glided up to the group of dignitaries, all of whom bowed.
Put your left hand on your left shoulder and bow your head, Achronyx instructed.
Are we going to do this for the whole discussion?
Yes, you’ll have to pay attention for once.
“Lady Yerev,” said a Torcellan female. Tabitha was pleased to see that she was wearing an equally bland dress. If anything, it was less well fitted. It resembled a potato sack, but with no logo to give it any sort of pattern.
Call her “counselor.”
“Counselor,” Tabitha replied. She tried to use the tone she imagined Hirotoshi would use. I sound like a prat.
You sound like a well-bred noble lady.
With a stick up my ass.
“We wanted to discuss the regrettable trade situation on 5c,” another lady said. She had—scandalously, Tabitha imagined—worn a black bracelet to go along with her dress.
The mines on 5c have run out of ore. Tell them that you have survey teams coming close to another rich vein.
“I understand your concerns,” Tabitha improvised, “but I’m pleased to report that I have survey teams presently coming close to another rich vein.”
The ladies murmured appreciatively.
“We didn’t realize that,” one of them exclaimed. “Lady Yerev, why didn’t you say so as soon as the news broke?”
“I knew the trade delegation would not be swayed by mere rumors,” Tabitha explained airily. “The only sensible thing to do was find new locations for ore, of course. You would assume that was what I was doing. Why worry about such a thing?”
The ladies looked at one another, but none of them wanted to admit that they had been anxious instead of assuming that things would proceed according to a sensible plan.
“Of course, Lady Yerev,” the first one agreed finally.
Tabitha smiled beatifically, as she had often seen Hirotoshi do.
They’re eating it up.
Yes, good job. Achronyx sounded long-suffering. Now compliment them on the punch and say you’re so glad other people have discovered the jori fruit at long last.
You had better not be paying a practical joke on me. Tabitha looked at the refreshments table. “May I say, I am so glad other people have discovered the jori fruit at last. I thought I was the only one! But the punch is absolutely divine.”
The ladies stared at her with their mouths hanging open.
Excuse yourself to look after Ryu. No normal noblewoman would do that, but you have an eccentric reputation to uphold.
“If you’ll excuse me now,” Tabitha said, giving the same gesture of respect she had before, “I’m going to go watch my husband dance.”
Torcellan women do not watch the men dance while they’re doing business, Achronyx explained to her as she walked away. They don’t usually dance at all during balls. And regarding the juice, the jori fruit was just found on an uninhabited planet three months ago. You were hinting at having known the location of the planet for years and drinking the juice without even bothering to sell it.
I like that!
Tabitha pushed her way through the crowd and eventually found the knot of dancers. There, she could only shake her head.
Ryu was dancing once again.
Ryu flashed her a smile. Achronyx had instructed him to behave like a pampered nobleman indulged by Tabitha. When a group of other noblemen had begun dancing, Achronyx had suggested joining in—and getting everyone’s attention by being a fantastic dancer and adding flourishes to the otherwise stately measures.
So Ryu was now doing a solo in the middle of what was supposed to be a circle dance.
With his years of training in combat he had picked out the footwork effortlessly, and now he was riffing on the patterns he’d seen in the nightclub as well as the circle dance itself.
People seemed to like it. They were swaying in time to the music, and Ryu gave a last twirl and finished with an extravagant bow.
You know, he said privately to Tabitha and Achronyx, I could get used to this.
Just let me be there to see Bethany Anne’s face when you tell her you’re quitting the team to be a Torcellan dancer, Tabitha said wickedly. Ryu, let’s be
extra-scandalous and leave the main room. I want to do a scan of the area and find our guy.
Chapter 17
Tabitha
“Well, that was a disaster,” Tabitha grumbled in English as they swept across the floor. Everyone was watching them, and she fought the urge to swish her hips. “Torcellan females never get to do anything fun.”
“Don’t worry, I’m doing all the badonkadonk-swaying for both of us,” Ryu replied.
Tabitha pressed her lips together and tried not to howl with laughter. “I am trying to channel Hirotoshi, and you say shit like that.”
“He has to be that way when you say things like that.” Ryu countered.
“Good point,” Tabitha conceded. “I only got away with that meeting because those ladies knew I was eccentric.”
She did very well, Achronyx chimed in.
Tabitha’s eyes widened. Was that praise, Achronyx? With a complete lack of snark?
I believe in giving credit where credit is due. You “channeled Hirotoshi,” as you put it, and were very convincing.
“Will wonders never cease!” Ryu exclaimed, wide-eyed. “Meanwhile, I channeled you,” he told her.
“And got to do all the fun stuff. I’m going to be bitter about that for ages. We get to go to a ball, you get this amazing suit, and I have to dress in what looks like a rice bag.”
Ryu chose to look her up and down. “A washed-out rice bag.”
Tabitha resisted the urge to glare at him. They were circling the outside of the room, and she still had to look serene and calm. Eccentricity would only go so far.
Etoy Walce is close to the fountains on the other side of the room, Achronyx reported. I’ve found him on the security cameras. He is drinking punch and hoping that the minister of commerce will come to talk to him.
Why doesn’t he go talk to him?
Her. Because it is a ball, and he is an unaccompanied male. He cannot initiate the discussion.
But I could?
Yes. I would advise getting him to run if you can, however. Then you cannot be charged with abduction.
Deuces Wild Boxed Set Page 36