How to Drive a Dragon Crazy

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How to Drive a Dragon Crazy Page 30

by G. A. Aiken


  “Aye. I would.”

  “It began a few months back. The conversions.”

  “Conversions?”

  “To the Cult of Chramnesind.”

  Izzy and Éibhear looked at each other, back at Heru, and said together, “The Cult of Who?”

  “The Cult of Chramnesind is a blood cult. We don’t know where they came from or why they’re here, but it’s not just those from the Desert Lands who have joined their ranks.”

  “You say blood cult,” Izzy noted, “so you mean sacrifices.”

  “Many young ones. Human and otherwise. The true zealots, the priests of this cult, are blinded, their eyes usually removed completely during some kind of ritual.”

  “They willingly allow their eyes to be removed?”

  “In honor of their god.”

  “Chramnesind,” Éibhear said.

  “Yes.”

  “Is he a dragon god? I’ve never heard of him.”

  “No. He’s among the human pantheon of gods.”

  Izzy glanced at Éibhear. “No offense, King Heru, but you’re saying that dragons are joining a human cult?”

  “I am.”

  Izzy didn’t understand. From what she’d always heard, not only from her kin but from Rhydderch Hael himself, dragon gods could barely get dragons to do their bidding. How, then, could a human god get dragons to join a cult that insisted on self-mutilation and the killing of young ones? Even the most barbaric of dragon tribes didn’t believe in the harming of youngsters.

  “Why?” Éibhear asked. “What could possibly be the benefit of joining a cult like this?”

  “That I don’t know. My soldiers have captured exactly two of their loyalists this past year. They both ended their own lives before we were able to question them.”

  Éibhear leaned back in his chair. “They killed themselves? Dragons took their own lives?”

  “What?” Izzy asked.

  “Dragons don’t kill themselves,” Éibhear explained.

  “Why not?”

  “We’re too arrogant,” he said simply. “Why would we destroy perfection?”

  “You’re serious, aren’t you?”

  “Yes,” every dragon at the table replied.

  “And that’s the power we’re dealing with,” Heru went on.

  “If Chramnesind is a human god,” Izzy asked Heru, “what is the point of having dragons worshipping him?”

  “Other than maybe having them as part of the cult’s growing army, I really don’t know.”

  “But perhaps, Princess Iseabail,” the king’s head magi, Kafele, finally offered, “you could find out for us.”

  Izzy blinked. “Find out for you? Do you mean ask my grandmother and Aunt Morfyd?”

  “No. I mean ask Rhydderch Hael yourself. You are his chosen champion, are you not?”

  Izzy stared at the magi for several seconds before she slowly moved her gaze to the king. “Is that what this is about? Is that why you took me?”

  “We had to do something. It’s believed this cult has infiltrated our ranks.”

  “Is that why you came for Izzy yourself?” Éibhear asked. “Because there was no one else you could trust?”

  “They went there for Iseabail. They knew she was there. I had to move quickly and without concern that there’d be a betrayal.”

  “Were they coming to take me . . . or kill me?”

  “I don’t know, but it doesn’t really matter, does it?”

  “You’re right. It doesn’t.” Izzy pushed her chair back and stood. “Thank you for your help. Of course, my grandmother will hear about all you’ve done for me.”

  The king stood as well. “Of course, you’ll stay for a bit.”

  “I can’t. I have to get to the city of Sefu.”

  “Then let me provide you and Prince Éibhear with an escort.”

  “I need no escort, King Heru. But I truly do appreciate all you’ve done.” She stepped away from the table. “And if I discover any further information, I will get it to you.”

  “Thank you. And just a word of caution. The suns burn much hotter here in my beautiful land than in your Dark Plains. You may want to travel at night; there are small caves throughout the territory where you can sleep during the day. If that’s not possible, sleep under Prince Éibhear’s wings for protection.”

  With a nod, Izzy headed out of the chamber and back to where she’d left her travel bag and Macsen.

  Éibhear caught up to her, his stride matching hers. “Are you sure about this?” he asked.

  “We have to keep moving. We have to get this settled.”

  Éibhear didn’t reply until they arrived back in their chamber. Then, once there, he caught hold of her arm and walked her back until she was against the wall.

  “What is it, Izzy?” he asked, keeping his voice low. “I know you, Izzy. A cult is after you. Normally, you’d be heading toward them, not away.”

  And Éibhear was right. She would be. Annwyl had always taught Izzy to face her battles head-on unless there was a tactical advantage not to. Yet this particular decision wasn’t about Izzy. Not at all.

  “When Rhi was young, she told me she had lots of friends. She talked to them all the time. Sometimes Talan and Talwyn didn’t mind about her friends, but sometimes her cousins chased those friends off.”

  “They were gods.”

  “When I asked her to describe her friends, she told me some were bright like the sun, blinding her. Others were made of earth and shit, but they were ever so nice.”

  Éibhear chuckled at that.

  “My sister and young cousins talk to gods. Now, a god that none of us has ever heard of and has nothing to do with dragons, suddenly starts a cult.”

  “A cult that’s trying to stop you from getting across the desert plains to the Nolwenns.”

  “My mum was right. Rhi needs to learn how to control her power. She can’t be used if she has control of it.”

  “And saying no to Heru’s escort?”

  “I don’t trust him. Do you?”

  “Not particularly. But I assumed that was mostly because I didn’t like the way he looked at you.”

  “You don’t like the way any male looks at me. Because you’re a very good unc—”

  Éibhear’s hand went over her mouth, cutting off her words.

  “We go alone,” he said. “First we get to the Nolwenns and then we take it from there. Yes?”

  Izzy pulled his hand away. “No. I’m going alone.”

  Éibhear laughed. Rather loudly, too. It was rude!

  “What is so funny?” Izzy demanded.

  “That you think for even a bloody second I’d let you travel into the Desert Lands on your own.”

  “I’m not asking your permission, Éibhear.”

  “Nor am I asking yours.”

  Izzy pushed away from him. “I knew you’d act this way. Don’t you see? With all that’s going on, I can’t afford to spend time watching out for you.”

  Slowly Éibhear turned from the wall and faced her. “Excuse me?”

  “Éibhear, you haven’t spent that much time with gods. I have.”

  “And?”

  “And I know how they think. Rhydderch Hael may have interest in you, but he doesn’t care about you. He won’t protect you.”

  “And?”

  “Which means I’ll have to do it instead.”

  “Because I can’t protect myself?”

  When Izzy took a moment to think about that, it was Éibhear’s turn to push past her, storming over to his travel bag.

  “I’m not trying to hurt your feelings, Éibhear. I just know what the gods can do and now it doesn’t seem like we’re dealing with one god but two. And getting between two gods—”

  “Shut up.” He opened his bag and quickly checked it to see what he’d need for his travels.

  “Excuse me?”

  “I said shut up.” They’d need water and some dried beef before they were on their way. Something he was sure the Sand Eaters
would provide if he asked.

  “What are you telling me to shut up for?”

  “Because you’re pissing me off.”

  “And how did I do that? Because I bother to care enough to protect you?”

  “No, Izzy. Because you’re being a snobby bitch.”

  “What?”

  “Were my words not clear?” He stood, leaned down a bit so he could look her straight in the eyes. “I said you’re being a snobby bitch.”

  “You son of a—”

  “Yes, only the great Izzy knows about the gods.”

  “Éibhear!”

  “Only the great Izzy knows how to fight against evil and battle zealots!”

  “I never said—”

  “Only the great Izzy knows how to kill enemy dragons and manage my brothers.”

  “I did not say—”

  “Only the great Izzy—”

  “Stop calling me that!”

  “—knows how to be the best warrior in the universe! Anyone else is just someone she has to protect like her little sister or the squirrels around Garbhán Isle.”

  “I only protected the squirrels because Daddy kept setting them aflame while laughing!”

  “What you, great Izzy, my brothers, and father fail to realize isn’t that I don’t need anyone’s protection. Or that I don’t want anyone’s protection. What you all fail to realize is that I’ve had to learn to protect myself because I was the only one I could rely on.”

  “What are you talking about? You have two thousand first cousins alone to watch your back.”

  “It is not two thousand. At least not the first cousins.”

  “What about a mother who would destroy the world to protect you?”

  “My mother would destroy the world for any reason.”

  “One sister who’s been known to poison anyone who hurt your feelings.”

  “She hasn’t done that in years. Not since I turned seventy winters.”

  “Another sister who made one of your warrior uncles cry when he suggested that you were getting chubby.”

  “Those were hurtful words. I didn’t eat for hours after he said that to me.”

  “Brothers who have always had your back in combat. And a father who loved you enough to teach you to kill without compunction or care.”

  “And your point?”

  “My point is that you’ve been protected all your life. I don’t hold it against you. You grew up with a family that loved you and cared for you and ensured your safety while I, when barely born, was ruthlessly ripped from my mother’s arms and held captive until taken by three rough-and-ready soldiers and forced to travel from town to town, city to city, until I could be reunited with my mother years and years later—all that is not something I’d ever hold against you.”

  “Yes. I see you not holding it against me. And by the way, you’ve mastered your mother’s guilting skills brilliantly.”

  “I am not trying to guilt—”

  “Guilt!”

  “I’m done with this conversation.”

  “Good.” Éibhear pulled his travel bag over his shoulders. “Let’s go then.”

  “Éibhear, you’re not listening to me.”

  “I often don’t, but it’s nothing personal.” He shrugged. “So . . . you ready to go?”

  Izzy looked around the room. What she was looking for, he didn’t know. “All right,” she said, grabbing her own travel bag. “Let’s go!”

  Éibhear’s eyes narrowed. She’d given up way too easily for Izzy, but she was already walking out of the chamber, so he had to follow.

  They asked for and received extra food and water for their travels and a more accurate map of the lands. Once back topside, Éibhear said, “We’ll only have a few hours of travel before the suns come up, but that’s better than nothing.”

  “Okay.”

  Éibhear stripped off his clothes and shifted to his natural form. Once he shook out his wings, he lowered his body down and said, “Get on.”

  Instead of coming to him, though, Izzy just stood there, staring. And staring. Until Éibhear knew exactly what she was trying to tell him without saying a word.

  Éibhear shook his head, adamant. “No.”

  “Then we should begin walking now.”

  “That will take forever.”

  “I won’t leave him. He was there when we needed him.”

  “I’m not a horse, Izzy.”

  “I know. I would never have asked Dai to carry Macsen.”

  Gods, she was horrible. Just downright horrible. But some days she couldn’t help herself.

  The dragon turned his head away. “I’ll not do it. I’ll not bring that dog anywhere.”

  “All right.” Izzy picked up her travel bag, slinging it over her shoulder. “Come on, Macsen.” She started to walk. “We’ll meet you at Sefu in a few weeks or so, Éibhear.”

  “You’ll never last out here if you can’t find a cave to stay in during the day. The suns will burn the skin from your back.”

  “My people are from here.”

  “They also travel by horse.”

  “I’m sure I have some natural defense. But you can go.”

  “You know I won’t leave you, Izzy.”

  “Then you won’t leave us.”

  “You can’t seriously expect me to bring that bloody dog.”

  “I’ll not leave him, Éibhear. I’ll not leave my Macsen.”

  “Your Mac—” He gritted his fangs together. “Fine.”

  Izzy stopped. “Fine what?”

  “I’ll bring . . . that.”

  She faced him. “You promise not to throw him off your back when we’re in flight?”

  “Off my back?”

  “Well, you’re not bringing him in your claw.”

  “Izzy—”

  “We’re walking.” She started off again.

  “All right! All right!” She heard him sigh. It did really take all the strength she’d built up over the years to stop herself from rolling on the ground with laughter. “I’ll take him.”

  “And you promise not to throw him off your back?”

  “I promise.”

  “Or just leave him anywhere because that will really—”

  “I’ll guard the little bastard with my life. Now can we just go? Please?”

  “All right.” She headed back toward him, gesturing to her dog. “Take a break, Macsen.”

  The dog took off and began to circle around Éibhear. While he did, Izzy grabbed hold of Éibhear’s hair and pulled herself onto his back. Once she was settled, she noticed that Macsen had slowed down until he was right by Éibhear’s back leg, his own leg lifted. She didn’t think the dragon had noticed until his long neck suddenly stretched down, his snout pushing into Macsen’s. “Piss on my leg and that’ll be the last thing you ever do with that penis.”

  Slowly, Macsen lowered his leg, walked a few feet away, and pissed in the sand. When he was done, he came back and, with a mighty sigh, Éibhear used his tail to place the dog on his back right in front of Izzy.

  With her hands holding onto Macsen’s hips, she got him to lie down. “We’re ready.”

  Éibhear’s wings unfurled, but before he took off he said, “If you tell anyone about this—”

  “Not a word. To anyone. Promise.”

  “And does he promise?”

  Izzy blinked. “You want the dog to promise?”

  “You say he’s a dog. I don’t know what he is.”

  “He’s a dog!”

  “Promise!”

  Because she knew Éibhear wouldn’t let this go, she tapped Macsen on his right side so that he barked. Once. It was something she’d taught him long ago for amusement. Who knew it would actually come in handy at some point?

  “Thank you,” Éibhear muttered.

  “You just thanked a dog.”

  “So you say!” he accused.

  Deciding this wasn’t the time to attempt to rationalize with a dragon, Izzy kept silent—for once—petted he
r dog, and enjoyed flying.

  Chapter 31

  Just before the two suns rose, Éibhear caught sight of a cave. It was half out and half buried in the sand near a dune. It seemed like the perfect place, especially since he didn’t know if they’d find another one before the suns were high in the sky.

  He landed right outside the cave, lowering his body so Izzy could slip off and take that stupid dog with her.

  “Wait here,” he told her. “I’ll check out the cave, make sure it’s safe.”

  She didn’t reply and he didn’t wait for her to. She’d been completely uncommunicative since they’d left Heru’s court and Éibhear doubted that would change in the span of a few hours.

  He made his way into the cave, worried it was as small as it seemed from the outside. But, thankfully, it was more of an underground cave and moving down a bit, he found some roomy caverns that would be perfect to sleep the day in. He was about to set off to explore a little more when he realized that Izzy was behind him, holding a lit torch.

  “I thought I told you to wait.”

  Izzy gave a light, carefree laugh. “I simply adore how you think I’d take your orders at any time or for any reason in this known universe. That just amuses me so much. Such a sense of humor you’ve gotten.”

  “You couldn’t have simply said, ‘I don’t take orders from you.’”

  “I could have.”

  Sighing, Éibhear headed off in one direction and Izzy the other with her sword out. After about fifteen minutes, they met up back in the cavern.

  “All clear,” she said, dropping her travel pack and stretching out her shoulders. “Not even a rat.”

  “If dragons use these to rest in, vermin of any kind would be foolish to stay here. For some of us, rats are like little warm treats.”

  “For some, but not for you?”

  He couldn’t help but pull back his lips over his fangs. “No. There are some things I simply will not eat.”

  Izzy got out her bedroll, spread it out on the ground, and sat down. She dug into her travel bag and took out some dried beef and her canteen of water.

  Éibhear shifted to human and followed her example by pulling out his bedroll and spreading it out. By the time he sat down on it, he got a view of Izzy sharing her food with that damn dog.

 

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